A/N: OK, so I'm sorry I haven't come up with an update for DEATH yet, but I'm trying! This is the first time in the last few days I've actually gotten any down time, so I had to use most of it to actually watch the episode I missed! I've had a few one shot ideas over the past few weeks, so I'll try to write a couple of those up. This last episode actually gave me the perfect scenario for one! And when I'm done here, I'm going to go take a nap because I definitely haven't been getting enough sleep in these dorm rooms. They're very uncomfortable…
Disclaimer: Rookie Blue isn't mine, or Luke would have jumped off a cliff by now! (don't worry, he'd survive… but he'd have some kind of amnesia and he'd forget Andy and she'd be free to go for Sam!)
Painting Over
He knows she wants him to trust her again, but there's something there that prevents him from giving in. Well, it's not really a something so much as a someone. He can see the way he looks at her, anyone with half a brain can see the way he looks at her, and it bothers him. Sure, she said she shut him down, but if he's perfectly honest, he doesn't really believe that. Every fibre of his being wants her to have been telling the truth, and so he looks past the obvious attraction between his girlfriend and her partner, and tells himself that she shut him down. Because if he doesn't, he'll have to consider the alternative; the alternative that maybe she's lying all over again and she isn't as trustworthy as she says she is.
Until today, he was perfectly fine deluding himself into believing that she felt nothing toward Swarek at all. He felt like he could trust her to work with the guy, knowing that she'd come back to him at the end of the day. Of course, he felt like he still needed to remind her of himself before she left, and he tries to look past that little blip in their relationship. He ignores all the little blips, like when he asks her how her day was and she only replies with 'Great!' when he suspects she's been paired with Swarek, settling for 'fine' after hours spent with anyone else. He's taken to checking the roster, just to be sure his theory is correct; it is.
All in all, he's content to go about his day pretending not to notice the silent conversations and sly looks they throw at each other, because it's not like anything is acted upon, so he can't really call her on it. When she's with him, he can almost forget that Sam Swarek even exists. He can almost believe he can trust her again.
Until today, he could look at himself in the mirror and tell his reflection that everything was great. He could plaster a smile on his face and kiss his girlfriend and pretend that she wasn't in love with another guy.
Until today, he didn't think she was in love with him; it's hard to tell. She goes back and forth so much that he hasn't been able to make up his mind. But, right this second, he knows for sure that his girlfriend loves another man.
He's been with Andy long enough to know all about her trust issues. Sure, she believes people when they tell her things, but it's not the same as really trusting them. He knows it takes a while for her to really let anyone in, but when she does, it's because she trusts them not only with her life, but with her heart. He knows, and he can't fathom how it takes Sam Swarek no time flat to achieve this, while Luke's still waiting on the outside. That should have been his first clue, but he was too wrapped up in his delusions to pay much attention.
His second clue came in the form of her early departure this morning. Looking back, he realizes that they've gone back to square one. They'd gotten to a point in their relationship where she stayed the majority of the night, and then that one fight brought it all crashing down. He woke up to an empty bed, and he should have known this whole Swarek thing had something to do with it. But of course, his delusions kept him from thinking about it too much. So he plastered a smile on his face and kissed her in the interview room, letting himself freshen up the fading picture of the perfect relationship he's been painting.
Until today, those frequent repaintings had been seen as necessary, even as maintenance. He knows that no good thing comes without a little work, but he should have realized that it was a losing effort, because she trusts Swarek more.
She shut down when he asked about getting her father's help, but looked relieved when Swarek suggested they go over there instead. Andy had been hesitant about introducing her father to him, but she showed no qualms about taking Swarek for a casual talk. Next thing he knew, Andy was chin deep in some murky water, and who had she chosen to drag in with her? Swarek. Instead of coming to him, her boyfriend, she chose to confide in her training officer. As soon as the words left her mouth, he got it. Or, at least he thought he did. In that moment, he realized that she trusted Swarek more than she trusted him. If there was a problem, he knew she would rather go to Swarek with it, and that wasn't something he was okay with. There wasn't room for three people in this relationship, and if she was going to insist upon it, then he couldn't trust her. It was simple really: you don't trust me, I don't trust you. Really juvenile, playground stuff, if he thinks about it long enough.
Instead of trusting his gut, he tells himself that it's really the fact that she kept stuff from him while she was asking for trust that's bothering him. It isn't that she was keeping stuff from him with Swarek. No, it's simply the betrayal that hurt. Because, when it matters, she calls him, not Swarek, to come meet her at the midnight meeting. She comes to him after the difficult night she had, and he can almost convince himself that's enough. As he looks into her eyes, he can almost believe that she isn't in love with another man, but it takes far more effort this time. When she asks him to trust her, he smiles but says nothing, because he's still not sure if he can. If anything, today only proved how much he can't.
But none of that matters, of course, because as he wraps his arm around her and she leans into his side, Luke finds himself able once more to pretend that Sam Swarek doesn't exist. And as they turn and walk to his car after her father enters the building, he can once again paint over the almost washed out picture of their relationship, deluding himself once again.
A/N: Wow. It's ACTUALLY short! I'm quite excited. I know I said above that I don't like Luke, and then wrote something from his perspective, but I feel a little bad for the guy. I mean, he's staying in a relationship when he's obviously going to LOSE! But anyways, if you would like, you can press that nice button below to leave me a review… I would adore it!