Warning: Contains spoilers for people who only watch the English version of the anime, as well as spoilers for only those who watch the fansubs. Basically whoever only watches the anime. Of course if you're like me and read fan fics that spoil the story every day of the year you prolly don't care but I thought I should let you know. This a crack fic meant to amuse myself. If you find any intelligence you must be looking real hard with a stretch of imagination. I should be writing on my other crack fic of the same pairing. I feel lazy.

Many thanks and grateful praises to Angel, my nurse friend who is kindly now and continuing to give me necessary information with which I can logically explain how male pregnancy could be pretend possible because if left to my own devices I would just say a magical fairy did it.

Disclaimer: I owned Naruto but lost the rights to Kishimoto in a hand of Go Fish. I didn't know how to play Poker.

Prologue: The Evil Scheme

Akatsuki. Deadly ninja organization full of the most frighteningly strong and talented killers man kind could ever hope to annihilate. In recent months since the nine-tail fox went into hiding and everyone member turned their focus to their own tailed beasts two members took on many missions to earn more money for their organization. Missions at times so tediously under their capabilities it was a wonder why they joined the evil diabolical organization at all. If you forget one massacred his family while the other was ostracized as a hideous killing monster from his village, not a whole lot of job openings after those blunders.

It was on a summons that Itachi and Kisame appeared before the mysterious man known only as Leader, though he asked only that Itachi be present it wasn't as if the shark-man had anything else to do and came along for-the-ride' is put. So in a secret meeting chamber with an astral projected form of the proclaimed Leader the Uchiha bred ninja stood on a rock before him. Though one could be anywhere for this particular jutsu to work for some reason Leader felt it important Itachi come to the cave where the tail beasts were being held to have such a meeting. Maybe it was because it was unknown location unknown to anyone outside of their members and the safest place to be to speak of classified matters or maybe it was the spooky evil atmosphere that made conversation seem that much more dramatic. One could only guess the motives but the young man did not question it, that would be a show of disrespect. He was taught manners unlike many of the other hooligan members.

Itachi did not speak and waste words needlessly so his greeting was a slight tilt of his head, to this leader jumped right to the heart of the matter knowing this one wasn't much of a conversationalist. Honestly he could speak in long winded sentences, in great length and the sharingan user would answer with one curt vague sentence. Over time the man known only as Leader did pick up on what was referred as 'Itachi language' but he would not admit to needing help from many other analysts deciphering the one man language. No one needed to know about that tidbit.

"Itachi I've requested you here for one reason." To this he paused and waited for any sign of word or otherwise from his present company. Once again Leader's dramatic pause turned awkward since the red eyed brunette just waited patiently for him to continue. No doubt the overseer could wait for hours and the other man would still stand there with a blank expression. Damn that silent, broody and cool attitude of his.

"I want you to revive your clan and have babies." This was followed by a long pause as well though it was clearly not just because Itachi was waiting for leader to finish but was trying to tie together his response in the shortest curt answer he could form.

"I'm gay." The Uchiha's tone was neutral and calm like even though he was just asked to restore the clan that he himself killed single handedly, it was perfectly acceptable to him that someone would make such a request. Leader was sure he'd at least get some sort of refusal at first or be questioned on the motive of why he'd want more sharingan ninja in the world or anything. It was too much to expect Itachi to have some sort emotional response and he cut right to the point. A point that for a moment had Leader himself trying to hide his surprise and also some concern as to how Itachi discovered his sexuality. Somehow sex and Itachi didn't go hand and hand.

"Well... then artificial insemination would suffice." There was another pause only long enough so Itachi didn't appear to dismiss his idea so rudely.

"Improbable. To form a competent Uchiha heir Uchiha blood is required in both parents. Outside blood inference dilutes the strength and increases the chance no sharingan will appear. In many cases even ones of pure Uchiha blood did not gain their sharigan in their lifetime. That is to assume you wish to have my bloodline carry on sir." He obediently and politely answered so much so it was irritating to the evil lord who was thinking for a while now he wanted more subordinates talented like Itachi but could be shaped to be less obediently disobedient. To this Leader quickly had to reconfigure his plans to make this work. Then he wondered why Itachi didn't mention this from the start and keep the portion of being homosexual to himself. He would not ask lest he seemed affected by the knowledge in some way.

Homosexual, sharingan parents, two living Uchiha...

"There is another living Uchiha aside from you correct? How about that one?"

"Impossible, he is my kin, a brother, direct inbreeding increases chances of birth defects if its shared in our genetics. As Uchihas we have a different function of brain activity and though to 'outsiders' it was not widely known, Uchihas were commonly conditioned with psychological abnormalities."

"I see, understood." The Uchihas were a bunch of head cases and he got the king of the bunch. It created a problem though since Itachi killed all other relatives. He himself never cared for his family but its not like he would bother to go through the trouble to kill them all. Though maybe Itachi impregnate a bunch of women and see which ones would work out for the best. That could take years since the sharingan doesn't form until their teens Itachi being a notable exception. A gay exception. He stopped from acknowledging that thought farther.

"There is one person..." The teen super killer said letting the other man digest the piece of information and peek his interest. This was Itachi's chance and he wanted to take it. Leader hid all emotion but his eagerness made his eyes widen a fraction.

"Hurry and explain." He tone was authoritative and the black hair male knew he had him where he wanted him.

"He is not Uchiha born but carries the sharingan. He is not a perfect subject but as genius ninja and capable to using my bloodline without the aid of Uchiha blood he proves to be more beneficial than any other specimen." His tone was level giving the pros and cons of such a merger so it appeared to just be a conversation over any other experiment. It was almost eerie to the head of Akatsuki, almost but then their whole organization was filled with wackos. Itachi was just a drop in a bucket.

"You speak of 'The Copy Ninja' yes? You encountered him not long ago in battle, you had beaten him." For a moment the man sounded dismissive to the idea, his subordinate had felled that one. Though the sharingan heir was one of the strongest of Akatsuki it would be best to find a mate more of a match to his strengths.

"Indeed, but I used my best genjutsu and he lived."

"The Mangekyo? I see." Itachi gave a rather concrete argument though as to why he was so adamant made Leader think that maybe this had something to do with the teenager being gay with an infatuation. Ludicrous. He really wished his subordinate didn't share that earlier bit of information with him.

"Very well we'll get started right away on preparations for making childbirth possible from two males." Leader said resolutely, confident it was but a small obstacle to reach their goals.

"Yes sir but won't this take time and effort? Can we afford this?" Itachi thought to ask (though his questions sounded more like statements) sure that even if he was actually agreeable to the plan its end would take longer to get to then he had time left. His brother was suppose to come kill him soon.

"You forget our resources, I am certain we can come to an agreeable solution very soon."

Three years later

"Well that took longer than expected." Once again Leader and Itachi had met secretly in the room with a giant statue with large hands and eyes thingy. Though they had not touched on the conversation much in three years time they had long been preparing a proper method of implanting an artificial fetus in a male's body. The male was decidedly Itachi as he would host the child. Or rather the Uchiha volunteered and upon refusal drove Leader into a debate to the whys of how forcing the target, 'the other parent' would be a risk if said person was able to break from forced mind control or had a lucid moment in which would endanger the fetus. The damn brat always gave an influential argument. "You've been taking the necessary shots?"

"Yes sir." Itachi while he prepared his mind for the coming changes to carrying a baby the downfalls were many and taking estrogen shots every week for this last year did mildly effect him. Most namely his hair was glossier and skin practically glowed with effeminately in which had many more men mistaken him for a woman than before. The most detestable was his nipples were most definitely larger and sensitive to the elements. A strong breeze would make the damn things harden. Also in recent months his butt looked decidedly huge and unappealing in his eyes to which he wasn't certain if it was a result of the hormones or that he just never notice before.

Another annoying hurdle the procedure to extract and egg from him several months prior was also humiliating and painful. The nine-tail fox boy did not know how useful his 'Sexy no Jutsu' was in performing that task. (Akatsuki found and documented all old and new jutsu no matter how seemingly useless.) Through testing and modifying they were able to get an egg from a female form of Itachi. It would have made everything easier if Itachi could hold the jutsu for nine months to have the baby but alas it doesn't hold up when one sleeps. He knew the doctor staring at his nether regions with more than professionalism in mind. The amount of time spent feeling around the Uchiha's female insides was grossly inappropriate. Which is why a few days later the surgeon had accidentally met his end with falling on a sword's blade. The man was easily replaced the next day with little investigation on their part as to why he was killed.

"The experiment is in its final stages I've been informed any day now we can perform the surgery. Now is the time to collect the specimen and the necessary bases for fertilization." While he was not a bashful man Leader refused to order his subordinate to 'go screw the come out of Hatake Kakashi' with any means necessary. Whatever Itachi had planned to do to retrieve said bases was up to him. For one diabolically evil overlord looking at the Uchiha was never the same without a fleeting thought of what 'gay thing' Itachi done while away. In Leader's said defense he was a straight male though mostly uninterested in sex to begin with. Even still knowing the Uchiha to be the slayer of his entire clan and the most heartless of them all, for him to be queer was just... queer.

"I'll proceed right away then." Said the now nineteen year old man. Though the Uchiha's voice sounded like same bland flat tone he always spoke with the homophobic Leader couldn't help but hear a note of eagerness in the young male. Maybe it was the words he used, perhaps there was a hidden hint of desire or the sharingan user just gave off strange vibes, the Akatsuki commander couldn't pin point to what it was but it still unsettled him. Hiding all these thoughts he just cut off the connection considering the conversation gratefully over.

Once left alone Itachi jumped off the large rock shaped like a finger and landed gracefully onto the cavern's floor. After the long wait he would soon finally have his goals met. The world would think him strange for basically reviving the people he killed but that was just a secondary effect, unwanted really. This child could prove more useful to him then what Leader had planned. With his and one Hatake Kakashi's mix blood he could prove to make a more perfect ninja than what Sasuke was meant to be. Of course by the time the child grew old enough to be a stronger ninja then it's father hopefully his brat of brother would have already killed him. Perhaps in this strange twist of fate the child would in turn kill it's fathers killer since the boy was foolish in running to that creepy abomination Orochimaru for training. It was a shame to their family really. Enough so that it had Itachi itching to slap Sasuke for his lack of dignity.

As he walked out of the cave the little hidden part of him couldn't help but cheer and rejoice to his plans that would finally come to fruition.

He was going to sleep with Kakashi!

Itachi would like to believe that was just the female hormones talking but he did have that hidden agenda in mind from the start. He wondered breifly if Leader ever caught on. Itachi didn't have an interest in just anyone and would have never pursued the idea of sex if it wasn't for that fateful day he met Kakashi in battle. Something about the other ninja and the way he endure all of Itachi's brutality really spoke of his character. After hours of mental torture of being skewered again and again with blade after blade he took all the punishment the Uchiha gave him and the sharingan user couldn't help but respect him. Kakashi took that abuse like a man and it was so sexy to the Akatsuki member.

"Itachi-san what are we doing now?" A little ways from the Uchiha his partner, Kisame, waited leaning his back against the rock but righting himself just as he spoke to the younger male. As the shark-man came closer Itachi thought briefly if he should bring him along or just send him away while the brunette went to do his 'mission'. For someone other then Itachi they might of thought to change that line to; for his 'mission' to do him, but that would be grossly out of character and not within the young man to think. In the end the Uchiha would most likely need to do some reconnaissance before he could approach the Leaf ninja and his partner might be useful in cutting down the time for that.

"We're going to Konoha." Itachi said not pausing in his steps, sure enough the blue-skinned man was hot on his tail to catch up to him as they walked along the dirt path side by side.

"Is it time to retrieve the nine-tail demon?" Though it was Itachi's mission to do so of course the ex-Mist nin would not leave it for the young man to do it on his own. Not pretty Itachi. Kisame discreetly watched Itachi's long wavy hair sway as he moved having an urge to stroke it even if he would never dare. He liked being alive.

"No. We'll be observing Hatake Kakashi, it will be 'that time' soon." The sharingan user spoke vaguely to this the bigger ninja frowned already aware of what he was talking about. He didn't need analysts translating to him Itachi's language.

Itachi was going to become a mom very soon.

Silence fell between them as one planned out actions and ran through scenarios of possible seduction ideas while the other silently cried on the inside that soon 'his man' was going to get pregnant with another's baby.

End Prologue

This was amazing, it took me all of two days to go through 2500+ words. It's amazing because I usually can't do a sentence a day when writing. So in this chapter you get the gist of it. For those interested, follow along Itachi's journey into pregnancy. Note that I love destroying 'bad ass villain's' images as much as possible and tormenting my beloved Kakashi. Chapters will not be as short as this in the future, I swears.