Break the Fall
Brought to you by: TheBoyWhoCriedQuetzalcoatol
X/X/X/X/X/X/X
Summary: Kenshin has found his reason to live in Kenji, after he is robbed of the one thing that gave his life purpose. KKK (Kaoru and Kenji) also (Kenshin and Kaoru) not incest
Rating: K
Disclaimer: Does not own. This story is based solely upon the Rurouni Kenshin Manga, as I have made no secret of my disdain for the anime.
X/X/X/X/X/X/X
(Kenji)
She had come for me.
The woman whom I knew nothing about, and yet relied on like a child clutching a lifeline. She had no name that I knew of, her presence was enough for me to trust.
She was the source of the voice in my head, coming and going as it pleased. Over and over I am left with nothing more deep or profound than what I began with, but I cannot bring myself to call her wisdom meaningless.
In the cold of winter, she is a breath of spring that I thank the heavens for. Through the pain and agony clutching at my existence, she is unearthly, sweeping the horror away in one moment.
Every time she comes, her message is the same, although I cannot understand her true meaning.
As the disembodied voice whispers it's sweet story, I can only listen as she repeats herself over and over again.
'I love you.'
o o o o o o o o
The first time I decided to tell my father about her, I was afraid that he would laugh at me. I myself was afraid that I had become delusional, like one of the people my family protects me from.
I asked my father to be serious with me for once, a demand that he was rather shocked to be given. I am only eight years old, although true maturity has nothing to do with age. Regardless, he listened, crouching down to my level with eyes that guaranteed understanding. My story was difficult to tell, as I myself had no idea where to begin.
He didn't laugh.
He never shied away from me.
He never even spoke.
As I looked in to the amethyst eyes of my guardian, I knew that he understood. The purple depths showed me everything I needed to know and his unspoken story came with an underlying feeling of guilt, the same emotion that seems to haunt his every movement.
And then, as I began to think that I could relate to him, my father smiled.
I was stunned. Not because of the strange situation, but because of what I saw in his tearing gaze. Tears were slowly filling his eyes, dripping down in silent mourning.
He clutched me to his chest, clinging to me as if I alone could save him.
Then, in my ear I heard him whisper. His tone was so heart-wrenching that I believed he never meant for me to hear.
"I'm sorry."
O o o o o o o o o o o o
That evening, he told me that he needed to be alone.
Uncertain, I could only grant him silence, and left him to his thoughts.
My family is strange, although I do not think that they realize how transparent they are. They are cheerful and bright, but sadness radiates from their every motion. With the occasional joke or funny comment, they try their best to get a smile out of me, to, which I oblige. It's as if there is something more that is missing from their lives, and no matter how desperately they try, nothing can fill the gap.
I think about them constantly; it's a mystery I fear I will never solve.
My father, the one person whom I find myself relying on more than could be healthy, doesn't even try to hold up the fake smile. He laughs ever so often, but I can see that any true joy in his life only brings him shame.
He is hiding something very painful in his heart; it's the only answer that could explain him. He tortures himself daily and he thinks that I do not notice. Guilt that I could never imagine floods his mind, making it difficult to breath at night.
From what I know about the mystery that is my father, I understand that the hidden sin he thinks he committed is most likely not his fault.
O o o o o o o o o o o o o o
(Kenshin's POV)
I've never broke down like that, at least not where he could see my pain. His innocence combined with strength was too much of a reminder. This is my sin.
I stand in the doujo now, and the sun has long ago disappeared beneath the horizon. My feet are spread apart evenly in the ready stance of a swordsman, although I will never fight with a blade again.
The many bokken and shinai that litter the training hall serve as another unpleasant reminder of what used to be. Standing here now, I don't know how I can manage to maintain my sanity. The memories wash over me like a fierce current, threatening to take me under. Sparkling eyes twinkle back at me as I close my own, and the knife digs itself deeper in to my already broken heart.
Unable to take another moment, I kneel to the floor, bowing like the unworthy peasant I am. Her spirit is too much, and it haunts my every thought, corrupting me with her broken innocence. The years of carefully restrained emotions pile up on me in this moment and I am no longer able to fight the onslaught.
The hard wood floor becomes slick with my tears as I sob.
In the end, I am the only one at fault.
O o o o o o o o o
I almost don't feel the slight tugging at my gi as I bow to her. Small hands clutch at my shoulders, willing me to snap out of my guilt-ridden daze.
Looking up, I find myself staring in to the deep blue eyes of her legacy, and constant reminder of my sins.
As much as the sight of him makes me wan to bury myself in grief, I know that I cannot show the type of weakness that I feel. His eyes do not show fear, confusion, or the blank stare of other children his age.
Sadness and worry are directed toward me as I life myself from the wooden floor. I see that he wishes to ask me something, and my actions have only re-established my son's doubts.
As I stare down at him, I realize something that I had never noticed before.
Concern, worry and mourning are etched on his young face, and I can only applaud him for such understanding.
The child that we had thought could easily be left in the dark has developed in to a man-child with a heart and mind purely his own. From the look in his eyes as he looks up at me, I know that perhaps he is not so ignorant at all. The mystery that surrounds everything must be frustrating, but I cannot bring myself to re-live the story of his creation.
'He has he right to know.'
O o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o
(Kenji's POV)
He is scaring me now. I've never seen my father so broken; so different from the calm and humble man that I have learned to trust. Something inside me is telling me to comfort him, although it really should be him caring for me.
With no other option, I shake him softly, hoping that he will reveal what's going on.
For the second time today, I look in to deep violet eyes, rare tears coursing down his cheeks. He looks so pitiful now; I can think of nothing that would sooth his worries.
His resolve strengthens and the tears stop, although I can see that the pain has not. He picks himself off of the ground slowly, his weathered hands clenching in to fists at his sides. Looking at him now, I can only wonder what kind of strength such a man would posses; an aura of forbidden power surrounds him. The mystery will never end, as I was not there to witness the beginning.
We stand in the training hall, side by side. He tilts his head up and I follow his line of vision to the small wooden name plaques. The doujo, as far as I know, has not been used for a very long time, and only two names remain. The ink kanji on both is severely worn from lack of care, and I cannot decipher any words.
For a while, we stare at them solemnly, although I secretly wonder what possible significance they could have. I steal a quick glance in my father's direction, only to see his eyes well up with emotion. Again, I am left in the dark.
He must have noticed my confusion, and my father looked down at me sadly.
"She was your mother."
O o o o o o o (flashback) o o o o O
The frazzled doctor came out of the patient's room slowly. Her eyes were clenched shut and her head was held low. In one smooth flip, she undid her long raven hair from the scarf and let it settle across her shoulders.
The waiting friends stood at the doctor's entrance, their faces showing hope and complete vulnerability. As Megumi's eyes passed over the anxious crowd, the grief only settled deeper. She did not want to be the one to tell them.
Without meeting the rest of the Kenshingumi's eyes, she made her way towards the hunched figure of Kenshin. His red hair spilled out in front of him as he bowed his head. Still in a sitting position, his hands were held out in front of him, clasped in prayer. Megumi held back a shudder and prepared herself for the message she was to give.
"Ken-san..." She started. At the sound of the doctor's voice, Kenshin's head snapped up, leveling the woman with a inquisitive glare. Megumi's voice caught in her throat at the sight before her. Purple and gold swirled together haphazardly, showing off the confliction of emotion Kenshin felt.
At the rare sight of amber, the woman-doctor's instincts told her to flee, as the man glaring at her was not to be trusted.
However, Megumi was a doctor, and her duty came before emotion. She swallowed.
"She's fading." Her voice came out much firmer than expected, sounding almost as a reprimand.
Any traces of amber faded instantly, and she secretly breathed a sigh of relief. The Battousai in mourning was not something she could ever be ready for.
Kenshin stood, wobbling ever so slightly in his valiant efforts to remain calm. Megumi looked as if she was going to protest, but she knew that he had the right.
"I need to see her." She nodded slowly.
The other occupants of the room immediately grew boisterous and frantic. Yahiko made an attempt to join Kenshin in the patient's room, clamoring out of his seat. His samurai glamour had worn off, leaving behind a frightened child. He had every right to be weak during this time, his mother and sister was about to leave him behind.
The young swordsman wanted to say something, although his voice betrayed him and it came out as a pitiful choke.
When he felt a hand on his shoulder, Yahiko turned, prepared to argue his way in to the patient's room.
Before he had the chance to speak, Megumi cut him off.
"This is something he needs to do alone."
Ooooo
This was his wife. The strong, independent woman who was known for her compassion and fiery spirit. The girl who, without a second thought, would dive in to battle and get herself killed if only to save an innocent. She would stare down death without flinching, always ready to fight for her friends, and never considering her own safety.
Now, lying exhausted on the thin mattress of the emergency room, Kenshin could barely recognize the once powerful woman that he had fallen in love with. Beads of sweat coursed down her face, her cheeks flushed and red. Raven hair spilled out over the pillows underneath her, making it seem as if she bore a sinister halo.
The eyes that had captivated him from the first moment now struggled to open, only a small bit of glowing sapphire shining through. She saw his figure from the corner of her eye, and a slow and rueful smile curved its way across her face.
"I did it, Kenshin."
Kenshin wanted to tell her how proud he was, although his vocal chords were not agreeing with him. Kaoru smiled as her husband let out a tearful choke.
He quickly moved to her bedside, eagerly pacing himself on the edge of her thin hospital mattress. The blue-eyed girl looked up at him weakly, eyes sparkling with dying fire. Again, Kenshin choked in agony, droplets slowly cascading down his face.
"I've never seen you cry." She whispered, trying to maintain a cheerful disposition. He remained silent.
Kaoru knew what he was doing. Lifting a feeble hand from underneath the blankets, her peaceful expression hardened in to a scowl of disapproval.
Kenshin, whom wasn't sure what he had done, scooted closer. The limp hand strengthened and flew in his direction.
Ooooooooooo
From outside, the remaining members of the Kenshingumi clustered around the door, trying to decipher the whispered conversation.
Sano and Yahiko had the ears placed on the wooden door, while Megumi failed for the umpteenth time to dissuade them.
"Kenshin no Baka!"
They smiled.
Ooooooooooo
His cheek stung from her surprisingly powerful slap.
Bringing her hand back beneath the covers, Kaoru glared at him with as much venom as she could muster.
Kenshin, whom had always lacked the backbone to return her fiery stares, only looked down with wide; surprised purple eyes. Even now, when she was on what would most likely be her deathbed, Kenshin had managed to evoke his wife's fiery wrath.
He dropped his head in shame.
'Sessha--" He whispered meekly. Kaoru's eye twitched. Clenching her fist, she tried to control herself before her baka rurouni went in to another guilt-ridden lecture of 'sessha wa rurouni, onegai gozaimas.. Sumimasen..'
"Kenshin..." Her voice quivered, the tell tale sign of fury to come.
From experience, said baka rurouni looked up, recognizing the warning in her tone.
"Kenshin.." She repeated, this time softer, "Don't you dare go off thinking this whole thing is your fault.." She tried for a compassionate, loving voice this time.
Kenshin looked away, unable to meet her eye. "Sessha... "
Kaoru cut him off. "You're not unworthy, Kenshin. How many times have I told you that?" She sighed. "I know that this is the end, the least you could do for me is cheer up. I'd rather leave this world without feeling too guilty." She said, using the same motherly tone.
The man flinched at her mention of death, although he looked up, shocked by her words.
"What should Kaoru-dono feel guilty about?" He asked, his rurouni speech pattern grating on Kaoru's nerves, although she made no comment.
She cupped his cheek in one frail, dying hand. "You're pain is my pain, Anata. I've told you before. If you dare to go on living your life with the burden of guilt, not only will it affect everyone you care about, but I will never rest. " Kenshin opened his mouth to speak, "No, let me finish. I want you to be happy, Kenshin. Please honor my final wish."
For the first time, tears started to flow from her eyes.
Kenshin's eyes grew damp, and he leaned down to her level.
He placed a kiss on her forehead.
"Aishiteru, Kaoru-do-- Kaoru."
Reaching up with her hand, Kaoru leveled him so that they were eye-to-eye, sapphire staring in to tearful amethyst.
She kissed him.
"Ai---" She struggled for breath, weakness finally catching up with her.
Kenshin placed a finger over her lips. "Don't speak, Koishii... "
She smiled, but shook her head.
Choking, she closed her eyes, fighting off death with any remaining strength. Kenshin's tears dripped on to her face as the agony intensified for both. This was the only thing he could not protect her from, and it killed him, in much the same way as it did Kaoru. Her breathing came in short, desperate gasps, while the red haired man struggled between the need to protect and the feeling of helplessness.
Her eyes fluttered open weakly as her limp hand came up to stroke his scarred cheek.
"Aishi..."
Her hand dropped.
Oooooooooooooooooo
No one had ever seen the rurouni look so pitiful as he did when the door to the patients' room swung shut behind him. Eyes covered by thick, ragged bangs, shoulders slumped, if not for the lack of blood, one would think that the red head had come home from battle.
Yahiko wouldn't have been surprised if Kenshin had dropped dead right then and there. Sano, who's ki-sensing abilities had improved during his stay at the dojo, almost missed the faint pulse of the once-magnificent warrior's spirit. Heartbreak was etched in every movement.
They didn't need to know what had happened to the woman in the room.
Tsubame covered her head in her hands, her small body shaking with the force of her sobs. Tae, whose eyes were red and puffy from crying, wrapped an arm around the eleven year old at her side.
Aoshi and Misao, whom had traveled from Kyoto for the special occasion, stood in a corner, slightly separated from the gathering crowd. Misao said that the distance was because her Okashira guardian didn't like being too close to a huddled mass, while everyone knew that she truly didn't want anyone to see her crying.
Misao was bawling her eyes out; similar to the way she had when her friend was first supposed to be dead. A ninja must never show emotions, and as the tears coursed down her face, the young kunoichi silently cursed herself for not being strong enough. Aoshi's eyes had never been dryer, although the group thought that his expression lacked the indifference it usual carried.
Sanosuke had an arm around Megumi in a rare show of affection. He seemed to be trying to remain stony-faced, to keep up his tough-guy persona, but failed miserably. Tears welled in his dark brown eyes, barely contained. His precious Jou-chan would not be coming home again.
The woman Sano held was one of the only people in the small room with dry eyes. She valiantly fought the tears off, struggling as she did so. Guilt lodged itself deep in her stomach, the shame that she could not save her favorite Tanuki musume bringing a wave of self-doubt. Rationally, Megumi knew that she could not have done any more for the girl. However, in the face of failure, common sense is rarely used.
The Doctor snapped her eyes up from the floor when she felt a gently nudge to her shoulder. Seeing the hunched figure of Kenshin before her, her memory clicked in to place.
"Oh..." She whispered suddenly and removed Sano's arm from across her back. "Follow me." She told Kenshin, who obeyed silently.
They left the rest of their grieving friends behind as Megumi led Kenshin in to another, smaller room. Inside, Dr. Genzai, who had been absent from the waiting room, looked up upon their entry. His old, tired face appeared even more worn with the death of the little girl that had been placed in his care. In his arms, Kenshin spotted what looked to be a tightly wrapped bundle of cloth.
The old man stood, walking slowly to the grieving man. He only hoped that the bundle would be well taken care of, and that it would live without the burden of guilt. For the first time, Kenshin tore his gaze from the floor, to look the aging doctor square in the eye. He was handed the bundle gently and Kenshin wasn't sure how to react.
"He looks just like you." Megumi whispered.
Kenshin choked. "Except the eyes." He murmured as the newborn opened his clear blue orbs. A tuft of feather-soft scarlet hair adorned the top of the infant's round head, and for the first time in a long while, Kenshin smiled.
"Okeri nasai... Kenji."
Kenshin had found his reason to live.
Oooooooooooo
(Kenshin's PoV)
By the time I had finished my story, the tears had come back full force. We hadn't moved from our position in the middle of the doujo, and it seemed that at any one moment, I would lose my resolve and be unable to continue.
Kenji's pure blue eyes look up at me, a further reminder of what I could have missed out on had I given up right then and there. By no means do I say that it has been nothing but happiness raising a son alone, for he shares more than just Kaoru's eyes. The short, adorable red head is just as stubborn and fiery as she was, although I do not mind.
Now, I find myself with tears of regret flooding my eyes, and smiling brightly. I'm quite sure that I have gone completely mad, as Minnie me looks up with some emotion akin to confusion etched on his face.
I start in surprise as the small arms of my son curl around me from the side. His face is buried in my hip, and I feel the heat of his tears through my hakama. With little else to do, I only pat him on the back softly, my form of comfort. There are no more words to be said.
"I'm sorry." I hear him whisper in to my leg and my eyes widen. I kneel down to his level, gently tilting his chin up and forcing him to look me in the eye.
'You shouldn't have told him! He's just a child.' I think regretfully. I should have known that he would blame himself, for unnecessary guilt is something that we seem to share.
"It's not your fault, Kenji-Chan. It's no one's." Pausing, I see little conviction in his eyes, "Your mother would kill me if she thought I had made you cry." Which... Was very true.
He smiles slightly. "Really?" Kenji asks meekly, rubbing the remaining tears from his eyes.
"Oh yes." I chuckle, "She especially liked to hit me with one of those." I say lightly, pointing to a bokken.
He giggles, and I can't help but smile, trying not to think of the pain and bruises that came with angering my wife.
I pat him on the head affectionately and send him to bed. He scampers off; there is no longer any sign of sadness in his ki. I am alone again.
Some how, telling the story has released me of the guilt I felt only minutes before. Focusing my eyes back on her wooden name plaque, my small smile becomes one of mixed feelings: both joy and regret.
She would have wanted more than anything for me to be happy, and I could never deny her anything.
The doujo is empty, but I can still feel her presence surrounding me, much like a summer wind. Even now, eight years since we have parted, she is with me.
"We miss you, Kaoru."
Owari.
Oooooooooooooo
Glossary of Japanese terms and phrases:
-Dono: a very polite honorific, somewhat out dated. Kenshin calls all the women this.
-San: The most common honorific. Like 'sir' or 'Mr.'
Onegai: Please, I beg you.
Sumimasen: I'm sorry, forgive me.
Sessha: literally, this unworthy one. Kenshin's personal name for himself.
Aishiteru: I love you
Anata: Used between a husband and wife. The Japanese equivalent of 'dear'.
Koishii: (pro noun) darling
Okeri nasai: Welcome home
Bokken: Wooden sword used by higher-level kenjutsu students. Kaoru often uses this to fight or to beat Kenshin over the head.
Shinhai: Lower level practice sword. Yahiko uses this.
Doujo: Martial arts training hall. In this case, Kenjutsu.
Kunoichi: Female ninja. (Misao)
Okashira: Ninja master. (Aoshi)
Tanuki: Raccoon spirit. (Kaoru's hated nickname)
Musume: Girl.
Jou-chan: Little missy. Sano's nickname for Kaoru.
Hakama: Samurai pants.
Gi: Short, training Kimono.
Owari: The end.
Ooooo
Okee dokkiieee... There you have it, a random, angsty bit of fluff. I got this idea after becoming rather bored with that all-too popular concept of Kenshin leaving Kaoru to raise Kenji by herself. This story is kind of the reverse.
Hope you like.. r and r...