Hello all! It's been a long while since I've written, mainly because college just didn't allow for that sort of thing for me. Hopefully, though, I'll be able to put a couple things up every now and then.
Here's the beginning of a cathartic little piece for me. I hope to have the rest up within the next few days. Enjoy!
- J
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It was a calm evening in Jump City. The sun was well into its westward journey across the fall sky as the sounds of traffic slowly tailed off at the end of rush hour. Children halted their park time play to answer parents calls for dinner. Everyone was ready for a peaceful evening, an occurrence guaranteed by the inhabitants of the uniquely shaped tower just off the bay.
The Titans' Tower, which suddenly spit a small, green body off of its rooftop in a blast of black energy, while another form flew in the opposite direction toward the bay park.
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"You know, BB, your health might benefit from learning when to stop," Cyborg commented disinterestedly, eyes never leaving the TV screen as Beast Boy entered the common room, sopping wet from his quick fall into the ocean.
"How'd you know it was me?" Beast Boy muttered, dripping a trail over to the dining table. Cyborg spared him an amused chuckle.
"I saw you on the way down, bro. That, and thermosensors read the incoming body heat as much lower than normal, which matches that temperature of someone who just had a can-o-whoop opened up on him and was tossed into the ocean."
"You suck, dude," he responded, quickly turning into a large, fluffy St. Bernard before shaking himself, spraying Cyborg with a fair share of the salty water he'd brought it.
"Argh! Dawg, can't you do that in a bathroom or somethin'?" The only response he got was what must have amounted to a cocky grin on the damp dog's face, complete with lolling tongue and wagging tail. "You'd better git before I shave your nasty green hide." Beast Boy merely stood a while longer, seeming to laugh. When Cyborg started to move however, he calmly turned and trotted out of the common room. Cyborg grumbled to himself before returning his attention to the tech program that he'd been watching.
Beast Boy, returning to his normal form, lost the playful expression as he entered his room. Flopping onto his bed with an aggrieved sigh, he started tossing a tennis ball up into the air, catching it, tossing it, catching it…
"Why can't she just let me in?" he asked no one in particular, keeping up his repetitive motions. "Trigon's gone, she's all whole and whatever, you'd think she'd cut me some slack and just…gah!" he grunted. In his building frustration, he'd been throwing the ball harder and harder until, hitting the ceiling, it bounced down faster than he'd counted on, landing on his forehead.
"Good thing I got rid of the stupid bunk," he mumbled as he rubbed his forehead, looking for something else to keep him focused. Realizing nothing short of cleaning his room would yield anything useful to him, opened up his window and hopped out, taking flight as a simple barn swallow.
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"Stupid, annoying, thick-headed, insolent," Raven growled, a continuing string of less than happy adjectives as she landed gently on a grassy cliff overlooking the bay. "Why can't he just let me be?" She turned, looking out at the horizon as the sun neared it, beginning to paint the cloud-speckled sky with a variety of colors.
"Why does he keep trying?" she asked no one in particular as she took up her meditation pose. She began to hover, but didn't begin chanting. Her eyes, however, took on a glossy quality as she simply watched the changing sky, the silence of the evening being relaxant enough for her frazzled nerves.
He's just wasting his time, she thought to herself, relaxing, her muscles loosening as her heartbeat slowed. Sure, I may no longer be constantly fighting Trigon's demonic influence…but that doesn't change who I am. Her face slowly drooped, expression becoming evident despite her fixed gaze on the slowly setting sun. I'm not worth his effort, or anyone else's. There's nothing there to find…so why does he keep digging? My original purpose is no more, thank Azar. My purpose now is…
My purpose…is…
"Penny for your thoughts?"
Raven's eyes shot open, her pulse instantly picking up as she was sure that even here, Beast Boy had managed to disrupt her quiet reflection. Turning her head quickly, near-rage evident on her face, she opened her mouth to rebuke her persistent teammate.
Who had either suddenly turned into a woman with a slightly dark yet normal complexion, or wasn't actually there. Alert now, more than angry, Raven warily eyed the stranger who had not turn to look at her despite speaking.
"Can I help you with something?" The young woman shrugged.
"Just curious. This is my normal meditation spot, and I don't often run into many others here."
Raven blushed, the irony of suddenly becoming the intruder on someone else's meditation crashing down on her. She unfolded her legs, floating down gracefully onto her feet.
"My apologies. I'll be going then," she said sincerely, turning to leave.
"Oh I don't mind," the woman responded. Raven stopped, turning to look back at the girl who had yet to take her eyes off the ocean. "It just caught me off guard, that's all. It's a bit of a challenge getting to this spot the…conventional, way. That's why not many others get here."
"How then, pray tell, do you manage?" Raven asked, returning to her spot next to the woman, shifting her gaze back to the horizon. It may have been a bit prideful, but unique as she was and intelligent as the woman seemed, Raven figured she had easily known her identity as well as her own method of reaching this outlook. The woman chuckled in an amused fashion.
"An earthquake a few years back partially separated this portion of the park from the main grounds. There's a sort of path of random stand-alone platforms that crosses the twenty-some-foot gorge that was created as a result. It's rather precarious and near invisible the darker it gets. The more gutsy teens and thrill-seekers cross in the daylight, but no one dares stay this side long if it's close to sunset."
"Then I assume you either have some sort of light source as well as a limited amount of common sense, or a death wish," Raven responded, her monotone somehow still conveying a sense of incredulity and the woman's somewhat brazen attitude. She had, in fact, seen the gorge before; one misstep meant serious injury at the very least. To her surprise, the woman simply laughed softly.
"A little of both, actually." Raven broke, turning toward her in slight shock. "Never met anyone who was seriously looking to die before?"
"Can't say that I have, no," she answered, her monotone shifting a little at being caught in honest, flat-footed shock. "Most human beings seem to have an inborn instinct to avoid injury and death at all costs."
"A testament to the animal in all of us, yes," the woman responded calmly, still watching the horizon. Her eyes occasionally scanned the skyline as colors seemed to explode up from the ocean, pinks and purples seeping across the sky, but it was the only movement short of those required for speaking she was making. "I guess you might call me more of an animal with a human nature than a human with an animal nature."
"Are you saying humans are not inherently afraid of death?" Raven questioned as she studied the sky once more, truly enjoying the intellectual discussion. It wasn't her first choice of distraction, but proved to be a pleasant alternative.
"In a way. Rarely will you find an animal willing to sacrifice itself for another of its kind, unless there is some bond of value between the two. Mates, mother and offspring, in some species father and offspring…rarely is there ever a case of altruistic sacrifice in the animal world. Altruism is something only humans can accomplish."
"Animals have been known to sacrifice themselves to save their owners," Raven countered.
"True," her philosopher friend replied, "but they've established a bond. That, and it's a trained response of sorts. Humans…humans are a different breed all together. Firemen, police, military, they all willingly risk their lives for others."
"But a dog can be trained to retrieve a person from a collapsing building. Who's to say that their responses aren't simply trained as well?"
"They are, I won't deny that. But unlike a dog, people choose those careers. They decide they are willing to enter a lifestyle that places their own lives at risk. Animals don't do that."
They stood in silence for a while as the sun sank lower, Raven digesting the conversation as she let the peace of the evening once again settle her soul, this time in a new and unexpected fashion.
"Myself, I can't say I classify myself as entirely human," the girl stated softly, breaking the silence moments before Raven herself was about to.
"I can empathize with that," Raven responded in somewhat light-hearted self-deprecation. The woman smiled.
"Yes, I'm sure you can," she answered knowingly, leaving Raven with no doubt that the woman did indeed know of her demonic half. "However, I see you as more human than I see myself." Raven tilted her head slightly, though kept her gaze on the half-set sun.
"How so?"
"You have a purpose."
Raven felt her organs plummit to her feet, an unease settling on her suddenly. "Do I, now?" she whispered, her head and gaze sinking downward.
"Ah, so that's what brought you out here," the woman whispered as Raven had. Raven turned her head, noticing the intense gaze that was suddenly focused on her. "That's why you had that lost look in your eyes. You can't see your purpose."
Raven found herself drawn in. Her defensive instinct screamed for her to look away, to verbally guard against this woman who seemed to be intimately examining her very soul with those warm, chocolate eyes. But there was something about her that made defending against her seem as ridiculous as defending against a newborn kitten. Somehow, there was simply nothing to fear.
"I suppose you can?" was all she responded, intending to sound a little bitter, if not cynical. She winced, though, at the thread of hope that was apparent in the question. The woman smiled sadly.
"I can see a very obvious one, the one that most everyone in the city sees in you and the rest of the Titans. But you're searching for something a little deeper than that, aren't you?" Raven looked away again, but still had her eyes lowered.
"My purpose…was originally pretty horrible. It wasn't something I chose, but it was what I was born for. But now that that's been overcome, now that I'm free of my father…" she trailed off, finding herself back in the spot of thinking she had been in when her guest arrived. "I can't see what there possibly is about me that would mark a need for my continued existence. Yes, I'm a Titan, but so are the others. They are perfectly capable of carrying on without me. I'm in no way like a normal human being; I don't 'have fun,' I don't hang out, I don't…I just…don't fit, anywhere. How could the world possibly need something that doesn't fit?"
Silence settled once more as the woman appeared to digest this new load of information, her gaze never leaving Raven's face. Raven, closing her eyes, simply stood, feeling empty. The tension of carrying such thoughts had left her, but no resolution had taken its place. She listened to the waters below crash diligently against the cliff face, each wave rushing to its end. Was that all she was doing now? Moving along until she hit a blank, nameless end that would effortlessly end her existence? Where was the point in that?
"What does every human want, Raven?" Raven automatically looked up in response to her name, used for the first time this entire conversation. The woman was looking out over the horizon now, the sun finally below the ocean's edge. "There is one common thread throughout all humanity, one thing that every person strives more, no matter how conventional, clichè, twisted or unique a way they do it in. Why do people want money? Why do people turn to alcohol or drugs? Why do they become addicted to sex or pornography, or work, or chocolate? Why do groups of people kill while others save? Why do some give and some take away?" When it became clear that the woman was not going to provide the answer, Raven allowed her brain to hop on to the train of logic the woman had launched.
"They seek happiness," she finally answered after several moments' consideration. The woman nodded, which for some reason brought Raven a faint feeling of pride and accomplishment.
"They seek happiness," the woman repeated. "They pursue whatever they think will make them happy. Happiness is the core purpose of every human being."
"That seems a little selfish," Raven responded skeptically.
"Depends on your point of view. Like I said, people go after what they think will make them happy. When they receive a temporary feeling of power, or fleeting euphoria, or comfort and luxury, they think they are happy. I'm not one for looking to pop culture for great, riveting inspiration, but I believe Morgan Freeman says it quite well in Bruce Almighty: 'Since when do people ever know what they really want?'"
"That's not the most encouraging sentiment." A tired frustration was evident in Raven's voice.
"I know. Trust me, I know. But if there's one thing I've learned about searching for happiness, it comes down to the simplest, most clichè, most difficult and profound truth. Being happy comes with simply being yourself. Your true self, the best that you can. That's everyone's key purpose. Being what they were created to be." Raven's right eyebrow arched high, her open-mindedness starting to take a hike.
"In case we've forgotten, I was created to open up an inter-dimensional portal to allow for the complete domination of Earth." The woman laughed again.
"Oh Raven…have you ever considered that maybe what your father and even your people taught you your purpose was may not have been your actual purpose, but instead an obstacle to overcome in pursuit of your real purpose?" Raven's eyes widened yet again. Soon they were captured yet again by the woman's crystal clear gaze. "Your time with the Titans has given you four people who see things in you that you were never allowed to see in yourself. Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, these people were given to you to help you be the best Raven you could be? Ridding yourself of Trigon wasn't a way of avoiding your supposed purpose. It was a way of moving closer to your real purpose."
"I…I…never," she stuttered uncharacteristically, her eyes darting around frantically as if clarity would pop up from the grass beneath her feet and settle the storm of thoughts raging in her brain. Eventually, her eyes returned to the safe, steady haven of her impromptu teacher's gaze, and for the first time she studied the woman before her.
She couldn't be much older than Raven herself, maybe mid-twenties at the oldest. Her face was shaped by smooth planes, lean and healthy, much like the rest of her build. There was a motherly softness that offset the obvious strength lying within the easily visible muscles of her arms, left exposed by the loose-fit tank top tucked into equally relaxed-fit jeans. Long, dark brown hair gather in a tight braid draped over her left shoulder, reaching midway down her bicep. She very readily could've passed as a fighter, even a threat to Raven, were it not for the aura of serenity that seemed to permeate her very being.
"Who are you?" Raven finally asked, completely forgetting the intial shock of the woman's original statement. The woman simply smiled, leaving Raven feeling more comfortable than she ever had before.
"That should be the question you ask yourself, yes," the woman gently dodged. It was enough, though. Raven launched into a moment of introspection, a quaint look of determination and confusion painting her features. "Let the others help you, Raven. They see things you can't, but there are things only you can discover. You have to know who you are before you know what can make you happy." With that, she pointedly looked up into the branches of the tree behind them, though Raven was too deep in thought to notice. There was a sudden rustling of leaves, as if an animal were startled, though no other motion accompanied it.
"Why does he keep digging?" Raven quietly asked herself again.
"Beg your pardon?" Raven looked up, forgetting about her cliff-partner.
"Just…thinking. You have many wise words for someone so young."
"Several would say the same of you, my friend." They both smiled. Raven looked up, noticing for the first time that several stars were already dotting the sky.
"I guess it's time to be going," she spoke softly, a new beauty descending upon them now that the sun's light was a mere splashing of violet on the horizon. The woman nodded in reply.
"It surely is. I've enjoyed our time together, Raven. I pray your search bears great fruit, which I'm sure it will." Raven looked back at her companion.
"Are you religious?" she asked, suddenly realizing she knew absolutely nothing about this person, and overcome with a desire to know something, anything, to remember her by.
"You could say that, yes," she answered wistfully, looking up again into the tree. "S'one of the only things keeping me going. You see, I'm searching for purpose, too." Raven was taken by the sudden sadness in her voice. She was about to speak further when a bird exploded from the branches in a flurry of leaves and feathers. They both watched it take off over the bay. The woman squinted briefly before speaking again. "Was that swallow green?" Raven's eyes suddenly narrowed.
"Beast Boy," she muttered, preparing to chase down her friend who seemed to have no concept of privacy. As she reflexively launched herself into flight, she paused, hovering over the ocean a few feet from the cliff's edge. Turning she looked back at the woman, who was standing relaxed, an amused expression on her face.
"Will I see you again?" Raven asked. "I…this was…I enjoyed our talk," she spat out, flushing slightly at her inability to find words to express herself.
"We'll see what time brings. Go, before Beast Boy thinks he's gotten off scot-free." A spark of…was that mischief?…lit in Raven's eyes.
"Oh, he'll only wish he had," she said before taking off once more. She felt a twinge of guilt for not saying more, not learning more about the woman who had opened so many doors for her. There was a sense though, that it would not be the last time they saw each other. Content with that, she renewed her vigor in chasing down a certain green changeling.
Not noticing he had doubled back several feet beneath her.
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Review, por favor, per favore, onegaishimasu, and please in whatever language you frequent.