AN: The progression of this story was quite interesting. It started as a sketch in my notebook (2009), developed into a character study, and then turned into an actual story. Post Aliyah but still fits S7 cannon.
"They were going to die. They knew it, and their last words were 'I love you.' Even in their great pain, their last words were of love…people who could have saved themselves and they ran back in to save others instead. If humanity is capable of that, how can I lose hope in humanity?" Elie Wiesel
Tony DiNozzo arrived at his apartment after another long day of pointless work. He was tired and in all honesty ready to give up. His foot hit something that was on the ground and he immediately looked down to see a thick envelope with a plethora of stamps and sharp, angular writing he recognized. He doubted he could ever forget how she wrote. He opened the envelope and three pieces of paper fell out, he started to read the one with the number 'one' inscribed sloppily on the front first:
Dear Tony,
I'm writing this from the airport post office in Tel Aviv. There is no way of knowing whether or not it will reach you. I have been sent on a long term covert operation—in short a suicide mission. I don't really have a reason for writing this letter other than the fact that I want someone else other than my father to know that I'm probably dead, and because I have wanted to show you something for a long time. Caitlin was smart, she knew something was coming. Anyway I've had these for a while and thought it would mean more to you than a dead girl.
Shalom, Tony,
Ziva David
I've never been good at these things, but I figure that at the end I want you to know that you were right. He was using me, and I think that, if thing were different, I could have loved you.
He could see the darker lines where she had confessed her feelings, the way his name was written with a slight loop in the 'y', and a single smudge of long dried salt where a single tear had fallen.
That was what made the decision final. He could feel the anger build in him because he had to add another to the list. His mother, Kate, Paula, Jenny, and now Ziva. He wouldn't let that happen. He wouldn't let Ziva become another person on the list, just another letter from another dead girl. Just another person he couldn't save. He wouldn't let her die, but first he had to see what she'd thought so important.
He opened the next piece of paper and a pang went through his chest.
He recognized this writing too. It was Kate's. Her lettering was the precise and over-loopy cursive of an artist and had been written, no doubt, on a piece of paper from her sketchpad:
For my replacement,
Whoever you are, you must be good to be on Gibbs' team. My only hope is that you treat everyone the way they deserve, in DiNozzo's case this may take loads of patience and in some cases violence, but it's worth it in the end because he really just is a sweet, adorable, overgrown frat boy. Now Gibbs is a different story. He's tough on everyone. That's what makes him Gibbs, but he's also that loving father figure. He points everyone in the right direction, but lets them do the actual figuring out. McGee, well, he's the baby. Tony calls him Probie and any McNicknames he can. Most of us just call him Probie though. He's great with computer but lacks some social skills. We've been trying to help him with that. I've had this nagging feeling lately—Ari all but told me he was going to kill me—but anyway I don't think I'm going to be alive much longer which sounds really morbid but comes with the territory really. I've always accepted the possibility of my own death—it's a legitimate concern in our line of work.
Knowing the guys on my team you will most likely be a female, and you need to be a strong female. They will try to protect you and you need to stand up for yourself. This job is not for the faint of heart, but if it's really for you you'll know. And I almost forgot Ducky and Abby. How could I forget Abby? You've probably met her already though. An enigma wrapped in an oxymoron, the perpetually happy Goth. Abby loves deeply and she loves often and she either loves you or hates you in that instant. Her view of the world is almost childish in its innocence and that is just so refreshing. Ducky is the nicest man you will ever meet. He's kind, courteous, and one of the true gentlemen left. Just remember to be kind if he digresses.
I just have one request. Tell Tony and Gibbs that sorrow knows how to swim. Knowing them they will drink to forget, and I don't want that. I want them to move on and be happy; I want them to find someone special, and I want them to have what I can't if I'm dead.
Sincerely,
Caitlin Todd
He could see the ferocity that some of the words had been inscribed with the way she almost punched through the paper when she crossed the't' in 'forget', the smudge so a-typical of Kate where here precise hand had wavered.
He flipped open the piece of paper marked with a 'three'. This was shorter, and seemed to be written with more haste. Kate's normally careful handwriting was sloppy and large on the sheet of paper. It was also dated, a date he remembered, the day he got back from having the plague, the day she died.
Tony,
Ari's back in town. I realized something when you were sick. I'm not going to live to see the next time you almost die. I love you. There I said it, and I'm not going to let any of you die when it's my fault he's fixated on our team. I am going to die, but I don't regret it, and I hope that you know that whether you ever get this or not.
Kate.
He marveled at the strength it had taken these two women, faced with their own deaths, to write letters, to say what they wanted to say.
AN: The quote was taken from my favorite quote app. Soccer season is here as is school so my level of free time has dropped dramatically, but I will try to crank some stuff out. Reviews make me feel happy especially when I have to run suicides( if you don't know what these are you are so very lucky). And I promise I will reply to everyone (for once. Sorry, I usually don't). Oh and one last thing I actually ship Kibbs but since they were actually developing Tate for the show…yeah.