Choices

by castlefan6

This is my AU version of events during the summer of Kate's time in the cabin. NOTE this is AU. Perhaps it's not only Kate that needs some time. This also reflects back on how lives are changed by the choices made by various characters. "WE are bound by our choices, BUT we are more than our mistakes. -Kate Beckett" THIS IS NOT CASKETT

Choices

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: Thisis my AU version of events during the summer of Kate's time in the cabin. NOTE this is AU. Perhaps it's not only Kate that needs some time. This also reflects back on how lives are changed by the choices made by various characters. "WE are bound by our choices, BUT we are more than our mistakes. -Kate Beckett" Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

THIS IS NOT A CASKETT HAPPY EVER AFTER STORY-YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

Introduction:

As stated above this is NOT a Caskett Shipper Story. During my sabbatical from the site, I was asked by more than one, including a few fellow writers to make the next story where Kate doesn't get Rick, this story tries to fulfill that. It doesn't follow Canon completely, although tries to keep most of the events somewhat true to Marlowe's story with my additions or deletions from what you watched on the TV.

Also different is the fact this story is complete when I post it, I wrote for me while I stayed away from the nay Sayers, and it became fun again. The story started out from a prompt given to me by Cece, AKA Dreamwriter08 but I couldn't end it with Caskett, some lines had been crossed that could not go back, at least in my opinion. I'm Sorry Cece probably not what you wanted, but this is how I saw it.

This story is not to bash Kate, so put your pitchforks, and save the hateful messages that will only be deleted, nor is it to praise Rick, both were humans with faults. I got the idea of the NON CASKETT when I read the quote listed above, "We are bound by our choices, yet we are more than our mistakes" Kate Beckett.

I tried to point out a series of choices for various characters, and the subsequent actions that were predicated on those choices. I hope you can read it with these caveats in mind, but I'm realistic enough to know Haters will Hate. FINAL WARNING NOT A CASKETT ENDING AND CHARACTER DEATH LAST CHAPTER

Thanks

Tim

Chapter 1

Previously

I keep seeing his face, Castle. Every time I close my eyes, I see Montgomery lying on the hangar floor. You should have let me go in there.

They would have killed you.

Oh, you don't know that.

Kate …

Castle, I'm really tired right now.

Of course. (he moves to leave) Of course. We'll talk tomorrow.

I'll call you, okay?

Sure.

Castles Loft

4 weeks Later.

Rick is in his office, typing away, as Alexis slips into his room,

"No Word Dad? I mean she's still pretty weak maybe she couldn't charge her cell phone,"

Rick looks up at his daughter, and tries to smile, "No Pumpkin, she left the hospital two days ago to go somewhere, I'm sure she has Josh to take care of her."

"Are you really not going back to the precinct Dad? I know how happy that made you, I worry about you, but I hate seeing you so unhappy."

"No Baby, I'm done with the precinct, the new Captain has given orders to arrest me on sight, so there's no reason to go back."

"What about Detectives Ryan and Esposito? They were your friends, I mean they have to miss working with you, have you heard from them."

"Ryan called the afternoon that Gates kicked me out to tell me Kate was being discharged, I guess Lanie let it slip to Javi, and you know how*"

"Tell Javi, Tell the world" Alexis laughs trying to cheer her Dad up without success. "You could call Uncle Bob, he could get you back there if you really want Dad, I mean if that will make you happy."

"Sweetie, it's my job to worry about you, not the other way around, and no I didn't call Bob, to be honest I think I really do need to stay away. I don't want anything I do to disrupt their investigation, I'm not a cop as I've been told so often by everyone."

"What's your plans then Dad? You have to get out of your office, I mean you've been in here for the last 2 weeks almost 24 hours a day."

A sad smile comes across his lips, "But, you haven't heard one call from Gina have you, in fact I just sent her the last chapters of the book"

"Really Dad? You were holed away finishing the book? I'm proud of you."

"Yeah, well Gina is going to go nuts with the ending, I had my lawyers work with Black Pawn Legal team and buy my contract out, this is the last Heat Book, no matter what."

"Dad, you know what happened wasn't your fault, about Montgomery, or Beckett, it doesn't matter what that Jackass Motorcycle Boy said."

"Wasn't it Alexis? I pushed her to pursue it, Montgomery had it under wraps and then I stirred it all up and now he's dead and Kate is, well she was shot because of me."

"Dad, she would have looked into it eventually, she already said that, and besides what about those three families that needed justice as well, this isn't all about Kate, Dad. Those people would have been fed the same lie and never known the truth if you hadn't investigated."

"I know pumpkin, but I still feel responsible, so I'm ending the series. By the time Gina hears about it, it will be done, and nothing she can do about it."

"Did you tell Paula Dad? She was worried about you, and I know you think she's nosy and butts into your life Dad, but she was at the Hospital to watch you, no one else. She didn't talk, she came here got your laptop, change of clothes and all the supplies the days you kept vigil over Kate, she kept vigil over you.

I never asked, but seeing her I didn't have to, she loves you like you love Kate, if this is what I have to look forward to as an adult, I'll stay a teenager."

"It's difficult with Paula," boy talk about twisted fate he thinks as he continues to explain to his daughter, "I know she cares about me, but Sweetie, we could never take it anywhere. The last time I dated someone I worked with was*"

"Gina, which Dad, you blew that one. Gina loved you and us, she really wanted to be part of my life, but you kept shutting her out. She was hurt since I was the only child she was ever going to have, her dreams were crushed, and in some ways so were mine.

I always wanted a Mom, and Gina couldn't have kids, so she wanted to be my Mother. I just wish you would have gone to counseling with her, she cried for months after she divorced you."

"How do you know so much, especially the intimate details, you were 11 years old playing with dolls then"

"Grams and I went to lunch every week before she moved in, remember? Some days Gina would join us, and I overheard a lot, probably not meant for me, but I heard enough to know that Gina still loves you too."

Ricks face turns red, he never thought he would be having this conversation with his teenage daughter,

"Well Alexis there's more than one kind of love, I mean I love Grams and You but*"

"Dad, I know the difference, I've been in love already, and Gina and Paula love you like you love Kate, now that is a mess, I'm glad I don't have to straighten out. You have to, well you should tell Gina exactly why you didn't want to share me with her, she thought you didn't trust her.

Dad, I was already old enough to say something if anything was wrong, you held me too close, were over protective and shut her out. That cheated Gina out of being a Mom, it also cheated me out of having one"

"Pumpkin, I'm sorry, I guess I never thought of anyone else but myself, you were all I had when I left California, using money borrowed from Grams to get back to New York. The advance check came just in time for me to put a down payment on the Loft and have a little money to live off of. The only thing that mattered when I divorced Meredith was, I got custody of you, she took everything else."

"Dad, I'm just a kid, but I hear things, I know Meredith cheated on you, more than once. I know you got mad as hell when someone wanted you to have a paternity test done to see if you're my real father."

"Alexis, I don't need a test to tell me what I already know, no matter what that test would have said, you're my little girl, always were and always will be"

"I know Daddy, but it bothered me, so I had a DNA test run on us both, and you're stuck with me, 99.97% match." As she handed him an envelope with a post mark dated 4 years earlier.

Ricks face turns ash, and in shock, When, How, you were just a little girl.

"Alexis how did you manage to do that, I mean that would involve collecting a DNA Sample of you and I, and then sending or taking it to a lab, and then paying for it. Those tests aren't cheap, and they don't do them without some reason. How did you pull that off?"

"Daddy, you know we have this deal to never lie, right? Well I'm not telling you or I'm not going to tell you a lie. You're not the only one who knows a Guy or Girl. This was important to me Dad.

I thought you would understand, you say not knowing your Dad doesn't bother you, but really, if you had the chance to find him, would you choose to?"

Rick paused, stunned by the mature argument his daughter has just made,

"OK Sweetie, I understand, but just for the record, there was never a doubt in my mind, the moment they handed you too me, I was hit with a jolt. It was love, the type of love that you can only have for your child, I hope you get to feel that someday pumpkin, just not too soon, OK?"

"DAD !" as she blushes and hugs him, "You're stuck with me for a lot longer, and Daddy, I love you and just want you to be happy. If there's a dream you aren't chasing because you think I need you here, please chase it Daddy. I want to be happy and the only way I will be is if you are, OK?"

"When did you grow up so fast? You're right about a lot of things, pumpkin. I'm sorry I cheated you out of a Mom, Gina would have been a good mother, she still loves you too you know."

"I know Dad, and we don't discuss you, but I see her for lunch at least once a week, she was so down I was worried about her when I called her to tell her I loved her. One thing led to another, and somehow weekly lunches came about.

She is great, she never asks about your work, just if you're happy, and if you're taking care of yourself. Dad, I can see why you married her, she is really a loving person, and nothing like the Hard Ass she plays when she deals with you as the writer. She still loves you no matter how much you both deny it, you should call her at least."

"Yeah, your right pumpkin, Thanks I will" as he reaches for his cell phone from the charging stand.

"Thanks Daddy, I think you both will feel better if you talk, she's feeling down now because she can't stop you from hurting. Maybe she could just come over for pizza and beer and you too just talk like you should have, I've got plans tonight, Bye"

Rick hits the speed dial and in two rings hears, "Gina Cowell's office, Melanie speaking,"

"Hi Melanie, Rick Castle, is Gina in her office, and can I speak to her please?"

"Hang on Rick, I'll put you right through."

A moment later Rick heard Gina's voice come on the line, sounding panicked,

"Rick, is Alexis OK? It's not Martha is it, Are you OK?" with pure fear in her voice,

"No Gina, everyone is OK, well as OK as I can be, I just had a talk with Alexis, and I need to make some things right with you. Can you come over for pizza and beer tonight, I mean if you have plans, we can do it some other time"

"Rick, are you sure you're OK, I mean you're actually inviting me to the Loft for pizza and beer, and you want to make some things right with me? Are you dying, or what's going on, something's wrong."

"You're right Gina, there's a lot wrong, but I can't fix what other people cause, but I can try to make right some bad choices I made and apologize to those I hurt. No strings attached, we used to talk for hours, and I would really like to have you as my friend again. I'm sure you'll want to know what's go*"

"Rick, I talked to Legal, and I understand, I don't give a damn about the book, are you OK? I mean it, are you really serious, if you are, I'll pick up two pizza's the way I used to do."

"That's great Gina, still got your brand of beer on ice, so it'll be nice to sit and talk without a bunch of suits and lawyers in the room."

"I'll see you tonight, say 7:00 PM"

"Can't wait, see you then, and Gina, (long pause) Thanks and I am sorry."

"I know Rick, I know, see you tonight"

Chapter 2

Rick showers, and dresses in his jeans and shirt that Gina gave him for his last Birthday, he wanted to show her he was serious in his apology and never meant to hurt her, Alexis, or frankly anyone.

Seven o'clock the buzzer sounded, Rick opened the door to see Gina, with two large pizza boxes, looking positively beautiful.

"Here, let me get those, make yourself at home while I put these in the warmer. Are you ready to eat or would you rather sit, unwind and have a beer first, like you used to."

Gina blushed, "A beer would be great Rick, Thank You"

Rick smiled as he pulled her brand from behind his back,

"Here, let's sit over here, you used to like this place to sit and talk for hours, I hope you know how sorry I am for screwing everything up. It was never you Gina, that's why I never wanted to go to counseling, because then it would be real, it was my fault. I hurt you, more than I ever knew and I want to apologize to you."

Gina first had a look of shock on her face, then a tear came to her eye,

"Rick, are you sure you're OK, I mean you're not dying and making your penances with everyone are you, please tell me that's not it."

Rick smiles, it's a sad smile but at least it broke the ice,

"No Gina, I'm not dying, at least no one has told me if I am, but Alexis and I had a talk earlier, I didn't know you were still such a big part in her life"

Gina looks uncomfortable and then starts to speak,

"Hey, it's OK, you don't owe me an explanation or a reason to talk to your step-daughter. I was just surprised at how close she is to you, especially after how I treated you during the divorce, it wasn't right, and I want you to know just how sorry I really am. If I could go back in time, I'd change a lot of things, especially the way I treated you."

Gina moved from the big chair across from Rick to sit beside him on the sofa, and in some ways, they were right back to the happy days a few years ago.

"Rick, I heard you say you'd change a lot of things, would I be one of them, did I bring you that much pain?" As she picks his hand up and placed it in her small petite fingers.

"No Gina, you didn't cause me pain, and if you're asking would I marry you if we could go back, Absolutely, it was never you that broke us, it was me and I needed you to know that. Alexis told me, she called you because she was worried and wanted you to know she loved you, she also said I cheated you both out of being and having a Mother.

She's right I did. I was so insecure that I was afraid that if she loved you then she would have to take some of that love from me, I screwed up, and I'm sorry Gina, Forgive me please."

Gina is crying now as she reached up and pulled Rick into a hug, like she had done so many times before sitting on the same sofa, in the same Loft, she finally is able to speak,

"It's OK Rick, All forgiven, you see I knew how much Alexis meant to you, she's all you had that you truly loved. Maybe if I hadn't pushed so hard, wanted to be a mother so bad, we would still be together. Then maybe it's better it ended when it did, I know how much you're hurting over Kate, and Rick, IF I can do anything at all, please tell me. I never want you to hurt like" as she suddenly stopped.

"Hey, it's OK, you can say it, you don't want anyone to hurt the way I hurt you and made you feel. I have to live with that, and how you can be so forgiving I'm not sure I could be like that."

Softly, almost out of hearing range she whispered, "You'll do anything for the man that you love more than life itself, even forgiving when your heart is in pieces. You have the choice, forgive and take what part of their life you can, or remain hurt and never see them again, I chose to forgive."

She's still hugging Rick when she pulls back and kisses him sweetly,

"I guess it's pretty plain that I never stopped loving you, regardless of the Super Bitch Role I play at the office,"

"Well it took my teenage daughter to explain it to me, but yes, I know now, I want you to be happy Gina, you're someone that I do Love, deeply, it's just that I'm not in*"

"I know Rick, you love me, but you're not in love with me, took me a while to understand that as well. Could I ask you a question and Rick, please be open and honest with me, OK?"

"I'll be as honest as I can, if I say I don't know, please know that it's true. Hell, I don't know how I function these days"

"What does Kate give you that I didn't, I know you love her enough to die for jumping in front of her and the gun shot at the funeral."

"I know Alexis really was upset and hurt, she said I put her above everyone even her,"

"Well she wasn't the only one, I was so pissed at you, I wanted to scream every time they showed the tape on the news, I think I even yelled No Rick, I love you once at work, but Melanie covered for me."

Rick looked shocked, but gently rubbed her back as she held tighter, it seemed he had done more damage than he could ever imagine.

"That wasn't an answer but, I really don't know if I have one. What I can tell you is IF we were married at the time I met her, I would have never gone past the first night of questioning, I would never hurt you, well if I could help it, but I never did nor would I cheat on you. I know that pain too well"

"Oh, Rick I'm sorry, I forgot about Meredith," as she kissed him once again,

"I know I've hurt you as well, so please forgive me as well, and for what it's worth, the happiest days of my life where when I was Gina Castle, just wanted you to know, hey the pizza, let's eat. She dabs her eyes to fight back more tears,

They spend the next 4 hours just talking, eating pizza, having a little food fight with the crusts that Gina doesn't eat, but won't give to Rick because of his cholesterol levels. They laughed, and snuggled, and at one point they both cried, when they relived the days of the divorce,

"Rick, look at me, please. I had a choice, stick it out and wait you out, or cut and run, and hope you followed. I made the wrong choice, so stop beating yourself up, please. I forgive you, I love you, and I want you to be happy, no matter if that's with me or someone else."

Rick hugs her as she takes a deep breath before asking,

"So how did things wind up with you and Kate Rick, you never said"

"She was discharged from the hospital 2 days ago, she had promised to call when she was ready, that was 3 ½ weeks ago, so I guess her, and Doctor Motorcycle Boy are off somewhere recuperating"

"I'm sorry, Who?"

"Dr. Josh Davidson, he's her boyfriend for the last several months."

"You knew she had a boyfriend, and you still put your life in the line of fire?"

"Yeah, pretty pathetic isn't it."

"Yeah it is, Don't ever do that to me and Alexis again," as she pounds on his shoulder, you don't know what that would do to either of us, it's bad enough we worried sick about you with every case you worked with her. I know I would die if anything ever happened to you, Alexis is just a kid, Rick, don't put her through that, please."

"Gina, I never knew you cared that much, and you're right, it isn't fair to Alexis, that's why I'm not going back to the precinct."

"What are you going to do Rick, I mean you need a break from writing, that's for sure, is there something you've wanted to do and never took the time to? Think about it, and if there is, PLEASE call me, I'd like to go with Alexis if we can, for old times sake, no promises I swear."

"That would be great, really great, Thanks Gina, let me think on it" as a smile comes out for the first time in forever.

Rick insisted on taking the car service with Gina to her penthouse, and walked her to her door, without hesitation Gina, pulled him in and kissed him sweet and long. Thank You Rick, I wish we could have more nights like this, I really had a great time, and I'm going to get Alexis something special. Don't argue, please?"

Rick smiled and returned her kiss, "Would it do me any good anyway"

Chapter 3

Rick's ride home in the car service gave him time to reflect, he moved his arm and caught a whiff of Gina's perfume, What did Kate offer him that Gina didn't? Heartache and treatment like something she was trying to get off the bottom of her shoe. No matter how hard he tried, in fact the greater the effort, the resistance was increased twice as much.

As he rubbed his shoulder where Gina hit him, remembering her words, "I know I would die if anything ever happened to you, Alexis is just a kid, Rick, don't put her through that, please." That surprised him, even when they had briefly reconnected last summer, they never got to this point, what was it, oh Honest Conversation, and Owning what you had done.

Gina was right, he needed to do something, and writing at this pace had taken a lot of the desire, the ideas, and frankly the will to sit in a room alone and pound the keys on a PC or iPad. Really, after reading some of the critics he wondered why he bothered at all. It wasn't about the money anymore. Alexis was set, if she never worked a day in her life, it was all in structured trusts so that she had no idea what her net worth was.

One choice that he didn't have to make was whether or not to return to the 12th precinct, that had been made for him, and Beckett, well if he was being honest, 4 weeks was long enough to wait for a call, especially since she left, not telling anyone where she had gone. She was probably with Josh, being doctored in more ways, stop, that's her business, her choice he chided himself.

Kyra Blaine had almost broken him as a man, and he swore he would never allow himself to feel as helpless, and low as he did that night. The only way he had gotten over her was years of staying busy, so that was what he had to do now. Sitting in his office, at the Haunt, or anywhere would only make him remember Kate. He arrived home and continued his search for Skiing Vacations he knew that Gina and Alexis both loved.

He walked into the Loft, thinking that Alexis would be asleep, it was a school night, but from the couch he heard a sleepy,

"So, Dad, How'd it go? Gina wasn't upset with me I hope."

"It was a good night pumpkin, why would Gina be upset with you?"

"Really Dad, I knew you would throw me under the bus, telling her what I told you but really was she OK?

"She was more than OK, Baby bird now to bed with you, tomorrow we have to look into a Snow Ski vacation, for the three of us"

"Three of us Dad? What Three?"

"Gina thought it would be a good idea if I took a break from writing, and sitting around waiting and suggested we go do something and would like to come, if that's OK with you"

"Are you kidding me, I think it's great, check with Gina, and I'll work around her schedule, and Dad, I'm proud of you. I know it wasn't easy to dig up old memories"

"Actually Sweetie, I think it was the best medicine for both Gina and me, even when we reconnected last year, we still didn't know how to talk to each other. The divorce was still the elephant in the room.

"I'm glad Dad, I know it's none of my business, but all I ask is don't lead her on, she loves you and just be sure you set and keep boundaries so you both know where you stand"

"Wow, you been listening to some Couples Therapy tapes, or something?"

'" Dr. Phil and Maury Show reruns, "she yawns as she kisses her Dad goodnight,

"Good Night Pumpkin, Love you, and just so you know, I'll be open and honest with Gina, I know now how much I hurt her, and it won't happen again, well at least if I can help it."

Jim Beckett's Cabin

Upstate New York

Same Time Frame

As Kate napped on the couch, Jim fed the fire in the fireplace, and began dinner. He would have to wake her soon and argue with her once again to take the pain pills that the doctors all said would speed the healing. She needed rest, food and walking according to one of her doctors, as Jim remembered his words.

"Mr. Beckett, you have your work cut out for you. I strongly disagree with your daughter's choices for a recovery plan, but she is of sound mind and can do as she pleases. IF you want to get her back to herself, the minimum requirements are, Eat, she will fight you all the way since the pills and pain kill her appetite. You have to overcome that.

Next Pain Pills, she thinks she's being strong by not taking them, when she's slowing her recovery, and lastly, the ONLY exercise she is to do until she sees the therapist is walking. The more she walks the better chance of minimal long-term effects. Mr. Beckett, I'm normally not a very religious man, but even I will say a prayer for you, God knows you're going to need it with her."

Jim smiled, apparently the entire staff, nurses, doctors and especially her now ex-boyfriend had felt Katie's wrath. It seemed there was only one person that could reach her, but she had sent him away, and he had obeyed her wishes for no contact.

Damn Fool picked a hell of a time to start listening, but he couldn't blame Rick. He remembered how Johanna had treated him somewhat the same, but at least it didn't take her getting shot to give him a chance at her heart.

He knew it, Katie knew it, Hell the entire city of New York knew that Rick loved her, that declaration at the cemetery wasn't something anyone ever dared bring up, or Rick's name for that matter. Maybe she would re-think the decision to come up here all alone before the end of next week when he had to return to the city for his job. He hears rustling behind him and knows she is awake,

"What time is it Dad, Why did you let me sleep so long?"

"It's only a little after 5:00 and you need all the rest you can get. I was going to get you up in a few minutes, time for your pill, and I wanted you to be awake a little while before the lasagna is done so you'd feel like eating."

"Dad, no pills, I mean how many damn times do I have to te*

"Fine Katie as he tossed the bottle of pills to her on the couch, take them or don't, up to you. You know the doctor explained why you needed them to speed up your healing, but if you know better, have at it."

Kate is a little shocked, not only by her Dad's action but also his tone and words.

"What's with you, I mean I only want a say in my healing. Everyone is telling me what I have to do. It's bad enough I need help to get to the Bathroom and have my dad change my bandages, but I'm not a little girl."

"No, No, you're not, you're a grown woman with enough sense to know what you want, as opposed to what you have to do. Katie you have screamed at Doctors, nurses, you even sent Rick away, and don't interrupt me, let me finish then you can say any damn thing you want.

Everyone who you have alienated only wanted to help you, even me. I know this is hard for you, it's even harder for me to see my girl, my only link to the greatest love of my life, almost die, then act like an ass when we try to help her recover.

I don't know when you changed, and I don't have the right to ask, you lost 4 years on me, but you didn't give up and neither am I. If you recall you said some pretty tough things to wake me up enough to crawl out of the bottle. Well what ever has a grip on you, be it quest for your mother's killer for justice, or revenge, only you know, that is your bottle. Katie it's time for you to crawl out of it and live again.

What price? What price is it going to take for you to see it's not worth it. Do you think your Mother would approve of how you've lived your life, chasing the phantom killer? Do you think for one moment that Rick is ALWAYS going to be standing bye just waiting for YOU to decide it's the right time? For all I know you may have lost him already, and if you have it's because of the choices you have made.

Katie, your mother and I played the game you and Rick have played but it only took us a few months to realize where our hearts were and what we wanted. IF your mother had done to me what you had done to Rick, well let's just say you wouldn't be talking to me as your Father. Every man has a breaking point, I hope you haven't found Ricks."

Jim Beckett is angry and walks out the door letting it slam behind him, headed to the boat dock. It's late but the only thing that would calm him now would be a visit to his sacred spot, the place he proposed to Johanna when they were young.

Every year they made it a point to always visit and remember just how special each were to the other, and how stupid they both acted at first. He even had to get a variance when he built the cabin, to save the trees, around it. He paid twice what it was worth, but he bought all the acreage around it, to insure it stayed pristine.

Kate was shocked, as well as in pain, reluctantly opened the pill bottle, which was a challenge in itself and swallowed the prescribed dosage of two pills. She hated to be helpless, but her Dad was right, she had been a bitch to everyone, especially him.

She rose to her feet, a great deal more difficult without her Dad's gentle assistance, and shuffled to the bathroom, using the walls as support. The trip she had made in a few short steps a few months ago now seemed like running a 5K race, but she kept moving. She paused at the small kitchen looking out the window toward the boat, or where the boat should have been tied up, it was gone.

Damn it she thought, now Dad's out there and it's going to be dark soon, he can't drive at night, how the hell was he going to make it back to the cabin. She checked, he had turned the oven off, and the lasagna was sitting on the cooling rack, and for the first time, she actually felt a twinge of appetite. It was completely wiped out of her mind as the worst-case scenarios about her Dad began to take over.

She struggled back to the sofa to reach her cell phone, what seemed like an hour later, she reached it, and dialed her Dad's number. God, she hoped he had it on him, and could hear it ring, often her voicemails went days before he checked. On the second ring,

"I'm OK Katie, coming around the bend now, I can see the kitchen light on, I'll be there shortly."

"Dad, I'm so s*"

"Are you OK Katie, you didn't fall or hurt yourself, did you?"

"No Dad, I'm Fine but*"

"OK see you in a few minutes" and the line went dead.

Well now she had done it, her father had the patience of a Saint, even growing up it was him that would intercede on her behalf with her mother, and now she had pissed him off as well, get a grip Kate she thought to herself.

Jim entered the cabin, washed up, plated his and Kate's dinner, and took it to her, all without saying a word.

"Dad, I know you're pissed off at me, and I'm sorry, you're right, I have been acting like a bitch. You don't understand about Mom's killer, we're close, and getting closer, that's why they tried to stop me."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better, you're close enough for someone to shoot you at a funeral for your Captain, who was involved somehow regardless of what you say, that's no coincidence Katie, even I can see that.

What's next, they succeed, and your detectives catch the SOB who killed you and years later they find out who was behind this? What good is that? My wife is already gone, My daughter's life is no more than chasing a killer, shutting out all that want to love her, is that a life Katie? Is that what your Mom would want for you? You'll have a hard time convincing me of that"

"Dad, please, don't be like all the rest, hell Rick even came to my apartment to get me to stop a few nights before, I threw him out and told him we were done, but he, well he doesn't take no easy and he was there to save me at the Hangar."

"Do you know why Rick came to your apartment to plead with you?"

"He's nosy like that, always sticking his nose in my business and thinking he knows best."

"You're wrong Katie, so wrong. I went to Rick's Loft and begged him to talk you out of pursuing these killers. He told me you wouldn't listen to anyone when it came to your Mother, then God Forbid, I shamed him, I told him he was the only one who could get through to you, and if something happened to you, your blood would be on his hands"

Kate falls back into the sofa, mouth open in shock, tears forming in her eyes as she replayed the scene in her head, ending in telling him they were over and to get out.

"DAD, WHY? You should have told me."

"Would you have listened? I feel bad for Rick, I caused him to go to your place and face the abuse. If it was anything like that of late, I owe that boy a great deal. He came to me in the hospital, right after your Boyfriend Doctor assaulted him and said he was sorry he failed, Damn Fool even tried to take a bullet for you in front of his daughter and mother, and apologized again because he couldn't get to you on time."

"Wait, you said my boyfriend assaulted him, when how?"

"He came barreling into the surgical waiting room, and Rick tried to tell him he had tried to get to you, he yelled and cursed as he shoved Rick into the wall, very hard, Rick hit his head pretty hard, and your boyfriend told him it was his fault you were shot, and also he was the reason Montgomery was dead. The other detectives got him under control and had him in cuffs, but Rick wouldn't press charges.

Lanie wanted him to get an X-ray, he failed her concussion protocol and she worried about him, but he wouldn't budge till you were out of surgery. When you were in recovery, she finally enlisted his daughter and between the two of them got him to get checked out, he had a concussion and two cracked ribs where Joe pushed him so hard,"

"His name was Josh Dad, and why didn't anyone tell me this before, I mean that's flat out assault and he had no right putting his hands on Rick, much less blaming him for things he knew nothing about."

"Why tell you Katie, the next day he came to see you, I don't think the boy was there 5 minutes till you told him you were tired, and would call him, and here we are 4 weeks later and I haven't heard you mention him once. It's none of my business but I seem to recall a certain time when a boy promised to call a girl and when he didn't, she didn't give him a day before she dumped him."

"Dad, that was different that was first year of college and*"

"How Katie, how is it different? A promise is a promise, and a lie is a lie. It seems your scorecard has enough of both to deal with. I'm going to bed, I'm tired"

Kate reals in embarrassment, shock, and just hangs her head, she knew her Dad was right. She did have enough broken promises to fill a room, and don't even start on the lies, God she fucked this up royal, and now she had to wait to recover before she could make it right.

Chapter 4

12th Precinct

NYPD Same Time Frame

4 Weeks from Shooting

"Ryan, Esposito, My office now", barked the new Captain, Victoria Gate, also know as Iron Gates who had replaced Roy as Captain of the 12th coming over from Internal Affairs.

"Oh Great, Now what the hell did you do Javi?"

"Me, what did you do, Honey milk?" as they entered the office,

"Sir, you wanted to see us," Ryan who appears to be more liked, make that less dis-liked than Esposito at the time took the lead.

"Close the door and take a seat Detectives. Where are you at on Beckett's shooter? Have you made any progress since we last talked?"

"Sir we're chasing some leads but*"

"Cut the crap Detective, it's a huge deal to lie to your commanding officer, so you may want to take another stab at your answer,"

"Sir, we are seeing some promising things that may turn into leads, but concrete leads are the same as we last talked."

Gates removes her glasses, folds her hands and looks directly at Esposito,

"What I'm about to say is going to piss you both off, hell it pisses me off, yet I have to think of the total case load on my people. During the time you've been dedicated to Beckett's case, Karpowski' s team has handled all new cases, Roz hasn't said a word, but her mother is in failing health and she's torn between taking time to go see her, or continuing to back Kate up by supporting your team.

As much as it bothers me, you're both are back on rotation, taking over the current case from Karpowski so she can fly home. You can continue to investigate Beckett's case, BUT only when all other active cases are closed are moved to Cold Case by me. In all honesty Detectives it's been 4 weeks, far longer than we normally hold open a case without progress, and I'm not marking it Cold. I need to make choices, sometimes they aren't popular, but I can live with that, what I can't live with is not doing my duty to the citizens who have as much right for justice as you, me or any cop. Is that understood?"

Ryan is white and about to lose his breakfast, Javi is seething with anger,

Both get out "Sir, yes Sir, one through gritted teeth, one with sure disbelief of what just happened.

"Dismissed, now get out of my office, and Detectives, don't make the mistake of disobeying a direct order, the results are not what you want to think about nor I."

Javi looked up at Ryan and since it was already 11:40 they decided to mark themselves out for lunch as they headed down the stairs, not even waiting for the elevators.

"I don't believe it, after all Beckett has given this Department, Iron Gates is pulling us? It isn't right man, it just isn't right"

"I know Javi, but look, I don't like this anymore than you do, but at least she didn't make us mark it a cold case. I mean we can still work on it between cases."

"Kevin get real, Karpowski' s team has been running 7 days a week 12-14 hours a day, there are no breaks, it was just a nice way to tell us it's cold."

"Well, we have to keep sharp, solve some of these quick so we can work on it, man we could sure use Castle about now. Have you heard anything from him?"

"Ryan you know he wouldn't call me, the last I heard was the day Kate was discharged from the hospital. I'm not even sure if he's in town, and even if he were, why would he help when she blew him off, with less than a 5-minute visit. I heard she was supposed to call him and never did."

"I bet he doesn't know that she kicked Motorcycle Boy to the curb, too bad she didn't know about the assault he had pulled on Castle, I wanted to arrest his ass."

"I know Kev, but he wouldn't budge on pressing charges, we did the only thing we could by furnishing the tapes of him assaulting Rick to the Board of Directors, which the Jackass had no clue how much money Rick has given to. The wing in Pediatrics is named after him, disguised of course, but Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, come on Rick Rogers."

"I heard they fired him, and revoked his license here in New York, last I heard he was headed back to that Doctors without Borders gig he loved so much." Kevin just shook his head at the latest development.

"Javi, you hungry Bro, or just want to grab a beer?"

"I don't know about you, but I lost my appetite in the Captains office, Beer sounds good to me Kev."

Castle's Loft

4 Days Later

6:30 PM

"I don't know Alexis, I'm not sure a surprise is the right move, I hope you're right pumpkin."

"Trust me Dad, I know she says she hates them, but deep down inside no one has ever gone this far to surprise her, besides, I had Melanie clear her calendar so if she doesn't like it, we can just shop for 4 days" she laughs

"What time did you tell her to be her Alexis?"

"Dad, calm down, and no you don't have time to take another shower, she'll be here any minute, and we have the food in the warmer, her order from Mr. Chou's just as she likes it."

"I'm calm I mean, what's there to be nervous about, I'm just about to launch a surprise on your Step-Mother and my ex-wife that we're going to Vail Colorado for four days in a secluded cabin, just the three of us, yeah no need to think she may kill me."

"Dad, you know she loves you, and deep inside you love her too, just let yourself go, and FORGET about things here. She deserves to be first in your thoughts when she's with you, not an afterthought."

Rick smiles, "Your something you know that?"

"Yeah but it's nice to hear once in a while Daddy, I love you too."

"How do I look, I mean, She'll be here any minute, does this shirt look OK?"

"Dad, Relax this is your ex-wife, she's seen you at your worse, you look fine, well, I gotta go, Lindsey just texted me she's here,"

"Wait, I thought you would be here, you're just going to leave me alone, I mean what if she doesn't like the surprise, what do I do?"

"Text me Dad, but I'm sure she will" as she kisses Rick on the cheek and opens the door to see Gina just raising her hand to knock.

"Hi Gina, Good to see you, hope you have a good night, I have someone waiting so sorry I have to run" as she hugged her tightly,

"Hey that's OK Alexis, you have a good night as well."

Gina steps through the door looking as beautiful as ever, her eyes seemed to sparkle as Rick greeted her with her a Mojito, her drink of choice as he took her hand and guided her to the dining room.

"Hey Rick, boy this is quite the greeting, you made the drink just the way I like it, Thank You, that was sweet."

"Well, I do remember, a lot more than you probably think and there were a hell of a lot more good times than bad," as he smiles at her.

She leans in and kissed him sweetly, not longing just enough to say thank you and I'm glad I'm with you,

"So do I Rick, I really do. I couldn't sleep the other night after you left, and God this is going to make me sound so desperate, but I took out our Wedding Album and looked at our day and cried. I know I told you I burned it but I couldn't Rick, and the way things were going I didn't want anything to happen to it, so I lied, I'm sorry."

"You know Gina, I had two copies made, look here as he took her by the hand and led her into his office. There in the bottom drawer, with a small package of printer paper on top was their wedding album. I couldn't destroy those memories either"

She smiled as she looked into his eyes, "Oh Rick, I'm so sorry for driving us apart, I really am. You treated me like a Queen and I knew Alexis loved me, I should have backed off, and not pushed you,"

"Hey, Hey, It's OK, I think I remember it was me being the stubborn Ass, not you, and I'm so sorry to," drying the tears in her eyes with his thumb.

As they were talking, they had inched closer and closer to finally their lips came together almost like a hand into a glove. This kiss was different, different from any that both had ever felt from the other. Tender, sweet, almost love trying to escape their souls and enter the other, as they broke after what seemed like an eternity,

"God Rick, I've missed that, but that kiss felt so different so special. I don't ever think you kissed me that way before, or am I imaging things, I'm sorry going on and on, I*"

Rick repeats the kiss, and strangely, it was the same sweet kiss as they had just experienced. As they pull apart, he whispered, "I'm sorry Gina, smack me if you wish but I couldn't stop at one, and you're right, those were the sweetest kisses I've felt since we met."

She reached down, took his hand into her two, "I'm glad it wasn't just me acting crazy then, and Rick, feel free to kiss me whenever you want."

They continued to hold hands as they headed for the dining area,

"I hope you like this still" as he pulls out her order from Mr. Chou's, she pulls his hand to her lips and kisses his fingers.

"I haven't had this since the divorce, I tried once but when it was delivered I threw it in the trash and cried for over an hour, OH God that makes me sound like the desperate ex-wife, I'm sorry Rick."

He just smiled, "Hey, promise me you won't hate me, but we got a surprise for you, I know you don't like them, but this is from Alexis and I both, so please don't be mad, please?" his little boy looks of pleading his case, makes Gina break out in a smile,

"Rick, I'm not mad, I really never was, it was just I didn't want the gold digger wife label. It's ironic I wound up with it after the divorce, but all the time we were married I never felt like your kept woman. You always gave from the heart."

"Well, it wasn't me, but Alexis talked Melanie into clearing your calendar next week for four days,"

Gina has a puzzled look on her face, "But Why Rick, I mean what will I do for those days"

Rick pulled out the pamphlets and information for the prestigious Ski Resort and Hotel in Vail Colorado.

"Well, I, I mean We want you to accompany us on our 4-day ski trip, you need to get away as well. I know I want you there, and boy did I get a lecture from Alexis not to come on too strong and blow this."

Gina's eyes just gleam and as Rick looks closer, he sees the tears pooled in them,

"I'm sorry Gina, if this is too much too fast, it was a dumb idea I didn*"

Gina pulled him into a kiss, and pulled him on the couch, for the first time in almost two years Rick had completely forgotten the Detective that had consumed his every waking moment, and most of his dreams. It wasn't his ex-wife sitting next to him, it was Gina, a beautiful lady who was willing to pour out her love with every kiss. The session went on for quite a while, till Gina gasping for air,

"Rick, did I overdo it, again"

"No way, I loved every minute, just need to clarify one thing,"

Concern grows on Gina's face, "sure Rick what is it?"

"Was that a yes you'd go with us?"

She crushed her lips against his, pulled back and said, "Hell Yes",

The food was re-heated three times before finally consumed, Alexis decided she was sleeping over at a friend, and Martha was out of town, so the two just enjoyed each other the remainder of the day, evening and most of the night.

Chapter 5

Jim Beckett's Cabin

Upstate New York

3 Days Later

It had been a week since Kate had received what she considered the worst tongue lashing from her Dad she had ever received, even during her rebel Becks days. They hadn't talked about that night, but she had not fought the pills, or food, making a valiant effort to eat as much as she could. Her Father's words haunted her day and night,

"I don't know when you changed, and I don't have the right to ask, you lost 4 years on me, but you didn't give up and neither am I. If you recall you said some pretty tough things to wake me up enough to crawl out of the bottle. Well whatever has a grip on you, be it quest for your mother's killer for justice or revenge, only you know, that is your bottle. Katie it's time for you to crawl out of it and live again.

What price? What price is it going to take for you to see it's not worth it. Do you think your Mother would approve of how you've lived your life, chasing the phantom killer? Do you think for one moment that Rick is ALWAYS going to be standing bye just waiting for YOU to decide it's the right time? For all I know you may have lost him already, if you have it's because of the choices you have made.

Katie, your mother and I played the game you and Rick have played but it only took us a few months to realize where our hearts were and what we wanted. IF your mother had done to me what you had done to Rick, well let's just say you wouldn't be talking to me as your Father. Every man has a breaking point, I hope you haven't found Ricks."

Rick understood her, I mean he was Always there when the others had left her, he was her rock whether he knew it or not, he had to know it, then she thought how? Have you ever put him first in your life for ANYTHING. She felt worse than awful as she recalled Rick coming to try to talk her into standing down, he was honoring a request from her Dad, how did she act? Like a bitch calling him names, and throwing him out, only to see him in the hangar with Roy shouting to get her out. Once again, she fought him, but he made sure she was safe,

When she asked him afterward, his reply hurt,

"I owed Roy and others that and much more, I'm sorry Kate, but when a friend asks me to do something and I agree, I have to do it, sorry to mess up your plans" as he walked away from her.

Could the others refer to her Dad? God she had really laid it on him, and then at the funeral, he looked so crushed, the only spark at all was when she looked directly at him when she recited IF you're lucky you'll find someone to stand with you, then HE was the first to look away, was it his way of saying not anymore, enough, I've had enough.

She'll never forget the look in his eyes as he cradled her head, fear, sadness, hurt, anger and love, more than anything else she saw and felt love. Even if he hadn't said it, she would have known, but she clung to his words, through the pain, the horrible dreams, and the frustration, all she needed was to close her eyes and she could hear those words.

God she never knew just how important he had become to her. If she were honest, she did know but wouldn't admit it, well she Loves him, and as soon as she can she is going to show him. For the first time since she saw him what seemed like a lifetime ago, a shudder of fear ran up her spine, her Dad's words ringing in her ears, Do you think for one moment that Rick is ALWAYS going to be standing bye just waiting for YOU to decide it's the right time?

God, she pushed that thought out quickly. Rick would understand, he loves me, I know he does, but she wasn't sure if she could even convince herself.

"What do you feel like for dinner, I'm betting you're getting tired of fish and salads, so what is your request?"

"Dad, I know you've got better things to do, I'll just have some vegetables and a bowl of soup," she knew as soon as she finished her statement it was not going to fly, facing a stern look of disapproval from her Dad, "or if you let me I could help you make Mom's Lasagna again?"

"That sounds better Katie, are you sure I mean we had it last week, we can make something else,"

"No Dad, you had it, I could hardly taste anything then, and I was so pissed off, it smelled so good and tasted like cardboard because of the damn pills, but I'm stronger now."

"How far are you walking now Katie, I thought you were going to stop at the second clearing, change your mind?"

Blush runs up her neck as once again, she is busted, just like when she was a kid, her Dad had caught her, "Well I was feeling stronger, so I pushed it a bit, "

"Uh, OK, you know I won't be here after Wednesday, I'll bring supplies back up Saturday and spend the weekend with you, but I have to get back to the case, Unless you need me to stay."

"No Dad, you go, I'll be OK, you know what I mean. You can't spend your life up here, with me. I have food, the bandages are all prepped and now I've found the shortcuts to how to put them on, I'll manage nicely, Thanks Dad."

"Well the Colson's are the next cabin over, I've left their phone numbers here in case of emergency, or if you need anything. They were very nice, and said to call them for anything, they'll be right over."

"Thanks Dad, but I think I'll be OK, we'll package up the meals so all I have to do is heat them up, and if you could would you bring back some new books to read, when you come back?"

"Anything specific, isn't Rick's new book due out any day now, or do you want me to leave that at home?"

"No, if it's out, I'm not sure when it was supposed to be released" she lied, she knew it was out, there had been a two week delay according to the website, blaming production problems but the chat boards pointed to a re-write of the ending. She only hoped a rewrite to the end of the book hadn't meant the end of them, whatever little was them.

"Have you given any consideration to contacting any of your friends, the Doctor Lady, she was quite worried, and I'm sure would love to hear that you're OK, but that's just me."

"I know Dad, I should text Lanie, and I will just when I get the strength, if you don't mind, I'm going to lay down for an hour, call me when it's time to start dinner"

"Sure Katie, I'll call you." Stubborn as Jo was, and a master of changing the subject when she didn't want to talk about something, well, I raised her right, my job's done he thought.

Four Season Resort and Residence

Vail Colorado

Next Day

Gina, Alexis and Rick had arrived the previous evening late, but in time to enjoy the hot totties, well chocolate for Alexis, around the beautiful fire place in the main lodge hall. Even with the time change, it was still a good distance to travel nonstop. Rick didn't trust Commercial Air Carriers for this vacation, so they had flown on his newest purchase, a 32-seater Embraer Jet, and really enjoyed the attention that came from the flight staff.

Gina was concerned that he had gone to the extra expense for her, since she had a phobia for travel, always worried she would get stranded.

"Gina, relax, Dad hate's layovers and connections so if there aren't any direct flights on airlines that offer First Class, he always uses the jet. He told me I was set for life, but he was still going to try to put a dent into it before he got too old to enjoy."

"Alexis, I remember how sweet he was on our honeymoon, he always had three alternate means of transportation all mapped out for me so I could relax. It took awhile but I did and it was a fantastic month."

"Well Dad's always been sweet like that, too many times he doesn't get credit for the nice things he does, always overshadowed by something that page six has published."

"You're right Alexis, I talked to Paula before we left, Rick doesn't need that image anymore, and to be honest, I'm running out of hot ladies I can bribe or threaten to keep away from him,"

Alexis started laughing, "Gina are you serious, you bribed or threatened the women that escorted Dad to those events that wound up on page six?"

A blush begins at the back of her neck and runs up and across her face, "Guilty Alexis, I never stopped loving him and I'll be damned if I am going to furnish him with some bimbo for 24 hour gratification, ooh I'm sorry"

Alexis laughs harder now, "Gina, I know what goes on with those bimbos and Dad always made it a point to be home before I went to bed. We used to bet which paper would publish the worst article.

The only thing I didn't know was you had threatened or paid them off to leave Dad alone. For the record, I don't think he would have anyway but it's sweet you loved him that much."

"Well when we get back the only one who will be with him on those dates is myself, and in the rare occasion I can't Paula will. I know, honey, the look on your face tells me you do too. Paula loves him to death, but he had opportunities when we first split, she was so pissed when he told her he couldn't, he still felt married to me."

"Gina, it's really none of my business, and you can say that if you wish, but Why did you and Dad split? You both still love each other a great deal, I mean it's so obvious. He has chapters done and won't send them until you call and scream, I think it's because he wants to hear from you."

"Alexis, I can give you my side, Really, that asshole really holds back chapters to make me call him?" then she laughs as a tear comes to her eye. "Just one of the little boy things that made me fall in love with him, God he can drive you crazy some days."

"I know, I didn't do as good a job as I should have in raising him, I'm sorry" as they both burst out in belly laughs, Gina reached over and pulled the young woman to her.

"This is my side, so take it for that OK? Your Dad and I had been married about 6 months, I guess they consider that the playing house period, where I was doing things to drive him crazy and vice versa but neither of us talked about it, it was all kissy face, and I love you' s.

I wanted children, and since I wasn't a spring chicken your Dad and I decided to try as soon as we got back from out honeymoon. He wanted to wait till it happened to tell you Alexis, just in case, and in this case it was smart.

We tried, honey I mean we tried for almost a year with Doctor's visits, pills, teas, shots, and you name it without revealing all things sacred to our marriage. Alexis, your Dad was so patient with me, I mean he never raised his voice, re-arranged his schedule over and over to be with me at EVERY Doctor visit. Looking back, what man does that or even comes close, No One.

Finally, we got pregnant, and I was so excited, your Dad so protective and he wouldn't let me leave the bed, BUT I lost it anyway, 7 weeks along. It would have destroyed me had your Dad not been there. That's when we went to see Dr. Malcom, remember when we were in Virginia for those three weeks, well that was to undergo complete treatment, not only for me, but your Dad also.

He never complained, but at the end of three weeks, the Doctor called us in and told me, that he was deeply sorry but I would never be able to carry a child, I MIGHT get pregnant , but they would end up as the first, I was crushed. The second part of his message was even more devastating, he wanted me to have my tubes tied to prevent me having to go through possible tubular pregnancy or another miscarriage, of course I said no and screamed all kinds of things.

Your Dad finally talked some sense into me and I had the surgery, it was outpatient and I was released the same day. Somehow I felt like part of me had died, and God Forgive me I took it all out on your Dad. We stayed a week, then we flew home but he was hurt, deeply hurt, and I ignored it and buried myself in my work, so Alexis he didn't block me from you, it was I who couldn't take being called Mom if I would never have my own.

Rick wouldn't let you in on it because you were too young, I should have been more protective of you, but I think when I accused him of never wanting kids, it was just his way of appeasing me, those words cut his heart strings for me.

Things got colder and colder, we didn't fight, it was worse, we didn't talk at all. Two strangers living in the same house till I finally told him I wanted a divorce. He looked up at me with tears in his eyes and handed me the papers he had already had our attorney make out, all I had to do was sign them.

He asked that I wait for a few days, but no, I grabbed the pen and killed my marriage" the tears had been pooling in her eyes and by now they fell freely as Alexis pulled her into a hug.

"Hey, it'll be all right, we'll get through this, we're here to have a good time. I'm sorry I brought up something so hurtful to you, I didn't want to make you cry."

"I'm sorry, and I'm sorry you believed the divorce was your Dad's fault or idea, it was my fault. He tried, Alexis, he tried so very hard to make it work and I threw it away, I'm so sorry," as the tears continue to flow,

Gina doesn't realize that Rick had returned from the bar, set the drinks down, and heard her last words, and saw her cry. He slipped beside Alexis and took over the hug,

"Hey, I thought we had this talk, right, we're here for some fun, not blame and certainly not the water works. We both messed up Gina, you weren't alone, so tell you what, let's enjoy these drinks, hit the slopes a bit, and I promise I won't try to show off and hurt myself,"

Gina begins to laugh, through her tears, as Rick, ever the gentleman dabs her eyes dry gently with his hankie, as she hold his hand and seems lost in his eyes. God those blue eyes of his, he still gets her every time, he locks on hers, and wonders, had they made a mistake, well time to figure that out soon enough.

Alexis was the first to conquer the first slope and move on to the advanced, she really wanted Gina to spend some quality time with her Dad, she never knew some of the things that Gina had shared. It seemed her Dad took a lot of blame, without defending himself, she had to stop accepting things at face value, especially knowing what she knew now.

"Well did Alexis do this on purpose Rick?"

"Knowing our daughter, is there any doubt, she hates to see people hurt, and she really never got over you leaving us. I guess I didn't tell her the right thing, even if it was technically the truth."

"What did you tell her, bet I know, you told her you messed up and hurt me so much you killed the marriage, and I had to leave, right?"

Rick's face blushes, "Gina, it really doesn't matter, I mean*"

Her lips are on his with a sweet salty kiss from all of her tears,

"Rick, you big, kind, wonderful man, Sweetie, we both know I was the Bitch with the Capital B, and how you stood me as long as you did I'll never know"

"Because I loved you, more than I could ever tell you, I Loved you Gina, and when you left, a big part of my heart went with you, "he whispered so low that Gina needed to lean in to hear him.

Their eyes lock once again, Rick texted Alexis they were headed for the Suite, not too stay out too long,

His phone chirped with a reply almost instantly.

"Take care of her Dad, I'll be up in about an hour.

Rick held her as they relaxed on the couch in front of the fire, as she leaned against him her head on his shoulder, one of his hands in two of hers, his other arm wrapped tightly around her holding her close. She missed this, the feeling of love, of safety, of someone to take care of her,

They both must have dozed off, Alexis entered the suite and found them in the same position, napping against each other. This was a picture of Gina she thought she would never see, but if any woman had loved her Dad, it had to be her, God being an Adult is going to put me into therapy for sure.

Chapter 6

Jim Beckett's Cabin

Upstate New York

2 Weeks Later

Jim had made three runs back and forth to the city to re-supply the cabin, pay bills, and take care of the business he needed to. He brought back Rick's latest Heat Book but was hesitant to let Kate see it. The ending was more than a cliff hanger, it was almost a goodbye.

Heat's Captain had been killed, Nikki felt she had let him down, and withdrew from everyone but a Doctor she had met at the hospital who treated her for a wound incurred when she lost concentration. Rook and she argued, then she threw him out, of her apartment, and her life.

He hung around just long enough to see the Doctor and Heat become an item, then took an assignment in the Middle East assigned to a Marine Unit headed for combat. The final scene of the book had Rook standing in the shadow as the Doctor kissed Heat goodnight, then proceeded up the stairs to her apartment.

"So much for Always, When will I learn," as he turns, stamps out a cigarette, and walks away into the dark.

The last line in the book, was too close, too personal for her not to know Rick had said goodbye through his book. He had moved on, there it was in black and white. Kate had excuses when he asked her about texting any of her friends, and even snapped at him the last time he asked.

"Katie, they're your friends and are worried about you, I know you're well enough to walk the woods, so don't tell me you're not up to texting at least Lanie, My God, what would you think if the situations were reversed."

"Don't tell me what to do about my friends" she snapped, her eyes burning with anger, knowing that her Dad was correct, and the anger she was feeling was at herself.

Silently Jim turned and walked to the dock, and made his escape, with Kate's voice trailing an apology, as usual, but even he had grown tired of her behavior. As always, he had a discussion with Johanna as he made his way to the clearing, people could think he was crazy, but this was the spot he felt closest to his wife, and easiest to talk to.

"She's different Jo, I mean she's always been headstrong, but she's never been cruel. I don't know what to do anymore, but I think I am going to let her have what she wants. When I was a falling down drunk, yeah, I know I hurt you and all who loved me, I am sorry Love, she, well she walked away because she had to.

When I realized I was alone, and it was up to me, no one was going to be there to wipe my nose, well I got serious and, well it was tough. If she hadn't done that, I would have probably drunk myself to death. She's physically able to survive, and in reality, I'm probably the last person she wants to or will open up to about her feelings. I wish you were here Jo, I know you'd know just what to do, to get her out of whatever it is.

She doesn't listen to me, not that I deserve it, but at least she used to listen to Rick, but she even destroyed that. I messed up and shamed the poor man in trying to talk to her, the disaster I caused, I really messed up and Rick paid the price for it. Jo, I'm going to go back and pack my things, if there's something I need to do first, I know you'll let me know, just like you used to.

Just like I had to learn to live with my choices, Katie is going to have to learn the same lesson. I can't protect her, God and you know I tried, and Love you may want to keep a closer look on her, I'm sorry but I have to make her stand on her choices.

As the frail older Beckett made his way from the clearing to the boat dock, the sun came from behind a cloud, and a gentle breeze blew through his hair. To him that was his acknowledgement from his late wife, he made his way back to the cabin in silence dreading what he had to do.

Kate was sitting on the porch, eyes focused on the lake, and the bend that the boat would come around. The moment she heard the small boat motor, her heart left her throat. She loved her Dad, she did, but he didn't understand, no one understood. She had been shot, and how was she supposed to cope with that. What if she could never be a cop again, what would she do? Who would get justice for her mother? Why didn't anyone understand what she was going through?

Jim secured the boat, almost like he would when he closed the cabin for the end of year, as Kate watched as he meticulously went through the steps she had saw him do countless times at the end of the season., she knew something was up, she could just tell.

"Dad, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you. I know you just want what's best for me, but really, I'm not a little girl anymore, I can handle this."

Jim looked at her through sad eyes, "I know you can, I'm leaving as soon as I pack up. You have choices Katie, only you can decide what direction your life is going to take. I love you, BUT, seriously about now, I'm probably the only one that does because of how you have treated EVERYONE.

Think about it, Call me if you need something, or the Carlson's. I'll be back in three weeks to re-stock the supplies, and you're right, IT's Your Life, Your Decisions. I have no right to tell you what to do, I made a mess of my life, but if you want to throw yours away, go ahead. I can't stop you, BUT I don't have to watch it. Good Bye Katie, I do Love You."

Kate had witnessed her Dad stuff a few things into his travel case, he hadn't even had time to unpack from his trip back with supplies and now he was leaving?

"Wait Dad, that's too much driving to do in one day, Please stay the night and we can talk, I said I'm sorry"

Jim never paused as he headed for the door and turned, "So am I Katie, believe me, I'm sorry for so many things" and then he pulled the door closed behind him.

12th Precinct

NYPD

Same Time Frame

Javi and Kevin were exhausted, it seemed like every nut in New York who wanted to off someone had chosen this time frame to do so. Roz Karpowski was off on family leave, and to make it even worse, one of the more respected detectives, Dale Sorge who had been leading her team resigned. It was no secret that there was no love lost between Gates and he, but no one knew why.

The Detective was leaving to take over the Homicide Division of a smaller force in upstate New York. As he put it, more money, less bullshit, and one less broom to worry about where it was parked. He had referred to Gates as a Witch in passing conversations, but they all thought it was the polite word for the word starting with a B. He enlightened them at his going away party, when he told the story of when Gates investigated him through IA because his TO had been corrupt, 6 years after he had ridden with him.

Sorge had called the investigation a Witch Hunt, and never forgiven her, since the investigation had held him back in rank and promotions in pay over his 12 years with NYPD. After a few drinks began to loosen the lips of many he made many comments about the Captain, and how she was barely able to keep her job in IA and was sent to the 12th as punishment.

Like him or not, Sorge was not the type of guy who spouted off without facts. He also said that She didn't put Beckett's case on hold, someone higher was pulling her strings. She had risen through the ranks because she was Female, Afro-American, and checked two boxes of the diversity profile for additional government funding. In reality, without her bonus points as a minority candidate, she wouldn't have passed the Captains exam.

Javi and Kevin had heard enough and got out of the party before they could hear anything else that could hamper their careers.

"Do you think he's right Javi? I mean it would make sense if the Dragon had high connections within the NYPD."

"All I know is that she came on way too strong, and Sorge really has nothing to gain, he'd never come back to work for her again. Does it make sense that she pulled us from the case when Cop shootings, any Cop shooting gets the best we can do. She treated it like just another case. As for the rest of the crap, I could care less about the politics and who she knew to get where she is."

The next several weeks, saw Javi and Kevin working opposite shifts as Gates combined Karpowski' s team under their leadership. It took several weeks to get a qualified candidate, and finally Javi stormed into Gate's office and told her off.

"Sir with all due respect, it's not you that has been working 80 plus hour weeks and weekends, alternating shifts, and when we finally get a candidate the entire team endorses you nix it, Why?

"Watch your tone Detective?

"You know Captain, I'm filing a complaint against you for maleficence, and dereliction of your duty, your buddies at IA won't be able to help you when the Mayor heads the investigation along with Commissioner Boyle.

Either you promote Ann Hastings, or we file an additional complaint for reverse discrimination, What's it going to be?"

Javi had enough experience in the military to see when she had cracked, and it was true someone higher was pulling her strings.

"Very Well Detective, but her performance reviews will reflect on yours"

"Understood, and Captain, we don't hate you, but you owe us your allegiance, not some suit who has something on you, it's so obvious. When you're ready to ask we'll be here to help"

Javi took a risk, a huge risk, but he accomplished two very important things. They were back to regular shifts, Ann was proving to be a better detective than she was a patrol officer, and he had opened the door to Gates communication and perhaps even a little respect.

Lanie called with the results of the latest victim, and asked Javi

"Hey, have you guys heard anything from Kate? She called me the day she left for the Cabin but nothing since then,"

"At least you heard from her, we haven't received an email, text, call or even go to hell since we last saw her in the hospital. She shut Castle out after only 5 minutes, told him she would call, but never did."

"How do you know that Kevin? Have you talked to Castle, how is he?"

"Well, I called his home phone, Alexis answered, he's not in town. They just got back from a skiing trip, so I guess he's OK. I started to say something about Beckett, but Alexis told me she didn't want to hear anything, and she wouldn't give me her Dad's new cell number, said he was adjusting."

"Kevin, want to break that down a little more, I'm sure there was more than just one rushed sentence in your conversation, and what do you mean NEW cell number" Lanie rolled her eyes,

"OK, apparently a few weeks ago, Alexis, Rick, and Gina went to Vail for a four-day retreat in some fancy lodge. When they got back, Alexis returned to school, and Gina accompanied Rick to some other location, Alexis wouldn't say where.

I called his cell phone number before I called the house, and it had been disconnected, no forward number. I asked Alexis if she could give me his new cell number, she replied, Dad asked me not to give it to anyone, so no I'm sorry. He said those that he wanted to have it already did, so No Detective Ryan, you'll have to get that from him."

"Wow, doesn't sound like our writer boy of old, I mean he was here everyday till Gates kicked him out, and now, he's disappeared in plain sight? And with Gina? Something is definitely wrong"

"I'll tell you what's wrong Chica, he went to see Kate, she gave him 5 minutes, then sent him away claiming she was tired, promising to call, four weeks later he finds out by accident that she had been discharged two days earlier, and headed somewhere no one knew, never called texted or even acknowledged she was alive. Hell, Rick probably thinks she went away with Josh, how would he know anything differently.

Look I love her too, and I know she's your girl, but she blew it with Rick, and frankly I really am tired of hearing the I'm sorry' s, from Poor Kate. I don't blame Rick, I mean four freekin weeks Lanie not even a one-line text? What would you think and do? Yeah, just like he is, moving on and no one can blame him, it wasn't his choice but Kate's."

Lanie had no reply, she just stood there knowing Javi was right, and the only shock was that Rick had actually done it. No fanfare, no long goodbyes, he had just taken his banishment from Gates, and moved on.

The old Rick would have been on the phone with the Mayor, and back in the precinct before Gates had time to finish her coffee. Maybe Javi was right, maybe Kate had made the wrong choice and it was going to cost her big time.

The Woman's Hospital of Texas
7600 Fannin Ave.
Houston, TX 77054

One Week Later.

Rick and Gina had talked, perhaps the first time since they met each other, really talked and listened to each other during the ski trip. Rick knew he needed a break from Storm, Heat and any other fictional characters, real life had done a good enough job kicking his ass, he didn't want to add writers block on top of all he had endured.

Gina was more supportive of him than she had ever been at anytime of their relationship, and she had meant it, she didn't care about the damn book, she was concerned about him. They had called Doctor Malcom about possibly helping out his program, and was shocked when he referred them to Woman's Hospital of Houston,

"Rick, Gina, Don't get me wrong, I would be happy to take your help and checks, but there is a hospital about to close their unit, the only real one in thousands of miles. The Board would fire me if they heard this, but I would rather you visit the facility, and if possible, assist them in keeping their program operational."

They flew to Houston to meet with Doctor Sara Steiner, the Director of Infertility, and also the Neo Natal ward in the hospital. Doctor Steiner was a younger lady to hold such a high position, but was very well respected and loved by patients, doctors, and staff. As they were walking to her office, she was greeted with several "Hey Doctor S, how's the day going, stop by when you get a minute",

Finally, when they were behind closed doors, the doctor had tears in her eyes. She outlined the cost structure, the number of young women without or with poor insurance had drained the reserves the board had approved, and now they were ready to close not only her department but the Children's portion all together and refer patients to a Children's hospital forty miles away.

As she was talking Rick's eyes traveled from the doctor to Gina, who also was fighting back tears, to a wall with photos of the doctor and happy couples. There must be at least fifty all standing with Doctor S, and holding a little infant, all had dates and first names.

"Doctor, I'm sorry but can you show us that wall there, if it's what I think it is, your wall of fame, then let's get serious about the figures you are going to need to steady the ship, plus what long term plans will be needed to keep it afloat. Gina is the genius of that part", as he smiled at her, and leaned in and kissed her, gently wiping her tears from her eyes. She smiled at him, and squeezed his hand a little tighter, then whispered, "You always know what to do, Thank You Love"

Doctor Sara as she wanted to be called proudly went through each case, all difficult pregnancies that other doctors wanted to abort. She proudly displayed the names of the babies, many with the name Sara, to honor her. Many of the boys were named Paul or Emil, and as Rick started to ask,

"Paul Emil Steiner was my Dad, the only reason I'm here is he fought to keep me alive, and when all others had given up, he found the way. He was the founder of this program, and practiced till he was in his 80's.

If you think I am loved, Dad couldn't walk out the door without someone wanting to wash his car, do our housework, anything they could to show appreciation. Once a year Dad held a Birthday party for all the parents and kids, I still do it and it's the best day of the year for me."

Gina had slipped her arm around Rick as Dr. S was talking and it wasn't lost on the good doctor as Rick gently brushed a stray strand of hair from her face, then holding her hand wrapped around him as they talked. She had tears in her eyes, but stood strong, and Rick never let her go.

"May I ask a personal question, please tell me to go away if it's too out of line?"

Gina answered her in a steady, loving voice, "Rick and I were married for almost 4 years, we had trouble conceiving, the miscarriage then the total workup from Dr. Malcom, I couldn't carry full term so I had my tubes tied, and it took a toll on us, I don't know how he stood me as long as he did, but it was me that destroyed it."

"Hey there, you did no such thing, we're good, just some hurdles to jump through right?" Rick had her in a full embrace now, his handkerchief drying the tears.

Doctor Sara had tears in her eyes just watching the two people in front of her, representing thousands of others who had come together in love and let this issue tear them apart.

"Dr. Sara are you OK?" Gina asked concerned,

"I wish I had a dollar for every case I know exactly like yours, truth is we fail more than we succeed, making it a bad investment for a business man, BUT my business is helping couples create and sustain a living, breathing human being."

"Well, I guess we need to figure out how much it's going to take, short term and long term to keep this program open. As I said Gina is our genius in money matters, that's something you really don't want my help in other than raising it." Rick smiles and Gina kissed him briefly on the cheek.

"He's modest, but truth is he's great at it, He just hates that part, so I always take the compliment to do it" she laughs as Rick looks at her surprised,

"You noticed Love?" he asked with a question on his face,

"I've always noticed Rick, I never stopped" locking her eyes on his and those beautiful blue orbits were pooled with tears of his own.

The next few hours the three went over the immediate need, and when a figure was reached, Rick pulled out his cell phone,

"Hey Wally, it's Rick, I need a favor, and I need it today. I want three million dollars wire transferred to The Women's Hospital of Texas, for Doctor Sara Sanders ONLY. Also, I need you to review some contracts Gina and I will be sending over later this week. Wally, I need that money here within in the hour, any problem?" Rick placed the call on speaker, "Wally you're on speaker now,"

"No, No problem Rick is there a particular account number we could lock the money down, I mean I want to ensure that Doctor Sanders gets the funds and it winds up in her budget only."

The details are worked out between Doctor S, and Wally, Rick's lead Investment Broker, as Gina sat with his hand in her lap just looking at him.

"Rick, I know how you feel, but I have to tell you anyway, I'm still in love with you, never more than today. I can just picture the faces of those women who would have been turned away, you are the only one that knows how much that hurts along with me, I love you."

"Gina I a*"

"Stop Sweetie, not now, let me have this minute, for one minute we're back together and nothing in the world can beat us, I promise you we'll talk, and I don't expect anything, I just had to tell you,"

She kisses him, this time sweet, and lovingly as tears come to her and Doctor Sara's eyes, thinking how perfect they are, were and maybe, just maybe could be again.

Chapter 7

The Woman's Hospital of Texas
7600 Fannin Ave.
Houston, TX 77054

Three Hours Later.

Rick and Gina invited Dr. S to an early dinner as they waited the transfer of funds, as the three of them started to leave, both Gina and Rick were engulfed in the petite arms of Dr. S overcome with emotion as it dawned on her, the work would continue.

The cost of operations at worst case scenario would be approximately 1.6 Million dollars, but Rick wanted time for what ever sustaining funds they would be planning to take effect without the risk of impacting services. Doctor Sara sobbed as Gina held her and finally made their way to the ladies room to offer some privacy for the young doctor who had been holding in months of worry, guilt, and fear she had let he late father down.

Rick was investigating the wall of fame, each a miracle in it's own, as the ladies returned, and Gina took his arm.

"Everybody OK? Who wants Italian, I'm in the mood for Italian," he smiled trying to lighten the mood.

Doctor Sara directed them to a small family restaurant near the hospital, when they walked in were greeted with a bear hug by little overweight Grandmotherly type speaking a mile a minute, all in Italian

"Dr. Sara, Oh, dove sei stato, ci siamo persi l'unico responsabile del mio nipotino, per favore prendi questo tavolo Maria sarà proprio fuori"

Gina translated for Rick as he looked on in amazement, "Dr. Sara, Oh where have you been, we missed the one responsible for my little grandson, please take this table Maria will be right out.

"Mama, This is Gina Cowell and Rick Castle, two very good friends I just met, I'm sorry but I've stayed so busy, but Thank You for sending over dinner all those nights," Doctor S smiles and hugs the lady."

"Gina, Rick This is Mama Rose, she opened this restaurant 40 years ago with her late husband, and her Daughter helps her now. Maria is the proud mother of a little girl, Sara Rose, and is one of our biggest supporters. She checks up on me, and when they know I'm working late, I get a special delivery and a note, reminding me that even Doctors must eat. I just love the whole family."

Rick hugs her as she kisses his cheek, and she murmurs, "oooh Sara Derick Storm, nel mio ristorante"

Gina hugged her as she laughed, "You have a fan Rick, she said Derick Storm, in my restaurant"

They met Maria, who could not have been sweeter, and more complimentary about how much Doctor S cared.

"Dr. S any change, I mean any hope at all?" she said sheepishly,

"Actually Maria, we're waiting for the funds to be transferred over, but YES due to an anonymous donor, we have the funds to stay open" as tears came to both ladies eyes, "tell your sister to call me tomorrow to get started OK?"

Rick and Gina had eaten Italian food in Five Star restaurants around the world, nothing compared to this dinner, served with a great bottle of wine, and the most important ingredient, tons of Love from everyone there.

The wine had Gina relaxing against Ricks arm before the after-dinner desert coffee came, and not surprisingly, he pulled her closer as his arm went around her petite frame. "Is this OK?" he whispered,

She smiled up at him, kissed him briefly on the cheek, "It's perfect Rick, everything is just perfect."

Jim Beckett's Cabin

Upstate New York

3 Weeks Later

As promised Jim drove back to the Cabin with supplies to re-stock the staples, and much to his surprise he found Kate packed, ready to go back to the city. He didn't even argue, just let her sit on the porch as he loaded the truck, and shortly they were on the way back to New York.

Neither had said much other than what was needed to complete packing the truck, then as they began the trip, she fell asleep. He enjoyed the trips usually, but the last few had really weighed heavily on him, would things ever be the same, what should he do, was he wrong to play hard ball, all questions that a Dad would need to know to have peace of mind.

He drove on, putting the questions in the back of his mind till he stopped to gas up and get a cold water for them both. She was awake when he returned to the truck,

"Sorry I woke you, but I needed gas, and I was getting pretty thirsty."

"You didn't wake me Dad, I was just thinking of how badly I have screwed things up, and wondering how do I begin to tell you just how sorry I am for hurting you, for disappointing you and for taking you for granted, I'm more than sorry Daddy" the word Daddy caught him as he looked over at his little girl who was crying.

"Hey, it's OK, you know I was rough on you for a reason, I was always the softie and your Mother handled this part, it sucked but I hope you thought about some of the things I said Katie, all I want is for you to be happy.

I would hate to see you blow your chance at that by making the wrong choice, if your Mom were here, she'd tell you, Choose Life, Choose Happiness, don't chase the past. You have to do what you think is right, and I'll be here for you as much as I can, but I was serious, I won't stand by and watch you get yourself killed."

"I know Dad, I know how tough this has been on you, and I'm sorry, sorry that you had to go through this, and worry about me. I know it brought back awful memories for you, and for what it's worth, I'm proud you stayed sober, through no help from me."

"I went to a lot of meetings, and said a lot of prayers, but I made it, this time. That's why I have to know, if you're going back to doing what you were before, I have to do some serious thinking about what I can live with, you getting shot is not one of them."

"Well Dad, there's the requirements I have to pass both a physical, and mental examination by the NYPD, then re qualify, probably stuck in the precinct for a good month before I would even be allowed to go out in the field, so we're at least two months away from me being able to do anything, even if I wanted do. I only heard rumors, but the new Captain is not going to give me the latitude Roy did, so I'm sure I won't have time to go down that hole again."

"Did you call or tex*"

"No Dad, I haven't contacted anyone. I want to see the Department Shrink on Monday to start his evaluation, then I thought I would call Lanie and the boys after I knew something,"

"What about Rick?"

"What about him Dad? Did you read the end of the book, because I can always tell when someone has read my books, I know you did."

"Yeah Katie, I read it, in fact I wasn't sure I should even leave it for you or to tell you a lie that it wasn't out yet, it doesn't look good for Heat and Rook, so what does that mean for you and Rick?"

"Dad you have to know that Rick is Jameson, and I am Heat, except for the sex on page 105, that was fiction, Dad, he might as well as told me to have a great life with Josh, he's gone, I know he is."

"Do you? OR are you afraid to call and find out, as long as you don't call you can hope you're wrong but IF he has moved on then it's something you are going to have to deal with, sooner rather than later."

Kate turns to look out the window, to hide her tears, and to buy her some time before she must admit her father knows her all too well. After a few minutes she turns back and says quietly,

"I survived before Rick Castle, I'm sure I will survive if he has decided to take his enormous talents somewhere else."

"Katie, you don't mean that, you always say things in a very snarky tone when you're trying to get yourself to believe what you're saying to others. And he had never told you and half of New York City He loved you before either, how do you plan to process that. You can't ignore it, either love him back or let him go."

"Oh my God, everyone heard him? I really don't know how to handle it, I care about him, but Love, I don't know"

"Then why do you get jealous every time he appears in the paper with a model or spokesperson, I think you are disputing a bit too strong Katie, BUT, I'm minding my own business" as he pulls the truck in front of her building. He was lucky enough to get a parking spot close to ease unloading the truck, but he wanted to check out the apartment before they went in.

"Dad, don't be foolish, I'm a Cop"

"A cop who was shot at a funeral"

"OK, you win", as she flagged a patrol car from the 54th precinct, "Hi Guys, I Detective Kate*"

"We know Mam, we'll check the apartment now, just to be safe, it never hurts."

They're gone for a while then come back, "Detective, can we speak to you please?"

"Sure, what's up?"

"Well, your apartment has been upgraded to state-of-the-art security system, lead doors, bullet proof glass, and a new key entry system, and the Super said that it was compliments of Rook, you would understand. Here are your key Fob's and the super has put the remainder of the instructions in your apartment.

We did a walk through, and you're clear, I really don't think you'll have anything to worry about. The cameras are already working so you can see all the way down the hall. Good Luck Detective, glad to see you back"

Kate is furious while Jim is thankful, "Do you see, Do you see what I mean, ALWAYS sticking his nose in my business, Damn him."

"Katie, paying to upgrade your apartment isn't something to get angry about, you should be thanking him. I asked him to do his best to keep you safe, guess he knew you weren't going to call so he did this for me as well as you."

Kate thinks, as her anger suddenly turns to what, affection, no it can't be that he was a friend, taking care of her as a friend. Who's she kidding she loves him more since she's been away than ever before, and now she may have just chased away his love.

After a few trips to get the luggage, and a few tries with the new security system it really was quite easy, and very hi-tech she was back home with a stack of mail to look through. She's sure this wasn't cheap, but she would pay him back, the only question was how did he get access to her apartment to have this all done? Lanie had the only spare key.

She bids her Dad one last farewell, once again apologizing for putting him through this, he left her with a kiss on her cheek, and food to think on, keep me posted, "Katie, I'm looking into some things as well." Then he was off.

She opened the refrigerator to find it had been cleaned out, and scrubbed, the only things now were items with perishable dates months into the future. She decided a cup of tea would be nice, so as she made her way to the counter, she saw it and froze, a note in his handwriting. Picking it up she read with trembling hands,

"Dear Kate,

You're in the hospital now, we just found out you're going to make it and I promised your Dad I would do my best to protect you. We both know how I messed that up, I'm sorry I couldn't get to you sooner, sorry I couldn't do what your Dad asked me to do.

I'm your, well I was your Partner, I should have had your back, I should have been better prepared, and I'm sorry, so sorry for all of the hell you've had to go through. I know this is after the fact, but when you do come home, you won't have to worry, your apartment is more secure than the precinct now.

I'm just so sorry it was done without you here to argue with me about it. Yes, Lanie did let me in, but she stayed the entire time, I promise I didn't look at anything. You may hear but the new Captain has banned me from the precinct, and I can't blame her, I don't want anything to cause a screw up with your investigation.

You said you'd call in a couple of days, I'll tell you all about the locksmith who did the work, you know him very well. Well that's a story to tell not write, so get well soon Kate,

I'll talk to you as soon as you feel up to it,

Always,

Rick "

Oh my God, he felt responsible for her getting shot, fucking Josh if she ever saw him again, she was going to kick his ass for what he said and did. Then she thought, I'm even worse, as the tears fell, she reached for her phone to call him, she needed to hear his voice if only for a minute, even on his answering machine.

She hit his speed dial and received the automated message "I'm sorry the number you are trying to reach has been disconnected at the subscribers wish, no forwarding number is available, Good Bye" and her phone disconnects. He changed his phone, why?

She tries to calm herself, remembering when some fan got his number and posted it on Twitter, he had to have it changed then, so maybe he got hacked again. No Problem, she'd just call the Land Line, as she searches her contact information and hits home instead of cell when his picture comes up, this time the message feels like a punch in her gut, while slapping her face,

"I'm sorry, you are trying to reach a subscriber who has blocked your phone number, Please hang up and refrain from calling this number."

She couldn't believe it, then as it all came back, 3 months, had it been 3 months since she told him she would call, God, she had to fix this, as the tears flowed she finally began to realize the hurt he had to have felt, God please let him not be gone forever she whispered, as the tears flowed. She woke hours later, badly in need of a pain pill, and now stiff from sleeping on her floor without a pillow. She stumbled to the kitchen grabbed a glass of water and swallowed three pills then threw herself across her bed and wept.

Chapter 8

Castle's Loft

Same Time Frame

Rick and Gina had flown home from Houston after insuring the funding was in place for Doctor Steiner, and there were no obstacles blocking her work. She was over the moon, and Rick hosted a party a few nights before they left, inviting every one of her clients, those that had been successful as well as those that had felt the disappointment. Gina gave a very emotional and powerful speech, aimed at those who, like she, would never enjoy the arms of a little one wrapped around her and being called Mommy.

Doctor Sara was all over the party, the noise at times deafening, but when she finally took the stage, you could hear a pin drop.

"Friends, thanks for coming tonight, to celebrate our victories but to also honor those whose results were not what were hoped for. I've been blessed to meet two wonderful people this past week, Rick Castle, and Gina Cowell, both who believe in this program so deeply they are going to return to New York to work on Fund Raising activities for long term funding, so we never have to face the fear of this facility closing again.

Please direct your attention to Gina who wants to share some thoughts with you,"

Rick watched as a very nervous Gina walked to the stage, unfolding her notes as she went. He had always been proud of her, but never prouder than he was in this minute. She was displaying the real Gina, the woman who captured his heart, and in reality still owned a big part of it. When Doctor Sara asked her to share her story or any part, she was comfortable with, Rick thought the answer would be a quick no. He was surprised when she replied,

"I'll share then entire story, as long as Rick is comfortable with it. There were two individuals who walked that road into Hell, not just one, and I think it's important that the men understand, it's OK to hurt, to cry, and to just get angry. We didn't share that, I left Rick to mourn on his own, that was the most selfish and hurtful thing I have ever done, and I pray every day, that he can forgive me for that" as tears come to her eyes.

"Hey, Gina, you know you're forgiven, it was a terrible time for us both, and I should have been*"

"Stop, please Rick, Don't take on this when we both know what happened, I love you too much to allow you to continue to own fault that was never yours. You were the most supportive husband, friend, and lover anyone could have had, I'm just sorry that I failed to see it till after the fact" as she reached up and gently kissed his lips.

"Do you mind if I share the story Rick? I mean it's a rough time for you too, and I won't hurt you again for anything in this world.

"If you want to share our story to help someone avoid what we went through, absolutely I'm on board. I just don't want you to take complete ownership of this, it was, is and will forever be a partnership, just like marriage is" she's looking at him with a look he hasn't seen in a very long time,

"That my Love, just gave me the basis to start from, and you're right, it is a partnership, in good and in bad. Thank You Rick, not only for this, but for believing in us when I didn't, I'm just sorry I was so stubborn."

Flashback to the Party in Houston

Gina looks over the podium at hundreds of couples, representing a great cross section of demographics for age, race, and income. She looks first to Doctor Sara, then to Rick, who flashed her that smile, the one she longed for so many nights after she left him and Alexis at the Loft.

"Good Afternoon,

Thank you for taking time to hear another speech, if I'm being honest, I'm not the one who usually does this, so forgive me in advance for any errors. I want to start this by asking all couples to join hands, don't worry, I won't talk for hours, just a few minutes. (As soft laughter is heard)

The reason for the joined hands is to remind you all of something CRITICAL in your quest, and relationship, you are not alone, you have a partner, and it will always be a joint effort. How do I know this, and why is it so important for me to point this out? Rick Castle, who is hosting this event is my former husband, partner, and best humanitarian I know. Yes, we were married for almost four years until I let the anguish of not being able to carry a child destroy our marriage.

For many of you out there, this story is all too common, try like hell, finally conceive, then only to lose it in a few short weeks later. We sought help from someone closer to our home in New York, and after months of in-home treatments, finally took the three weeks to visit the hospital for a full workup, only to find the worst news in my life. I could never carry a child to full term, I would never have two tiny arms wrap around me, and call me Mommy, and I would never bring an heir to my husband's legacy, in short I was a failure as a wife, or so I thought.

Ladies, if you are or were like I was, you are or have driven your mate crazy with temperatures, days of ovulation, and hundreds of things guys don't talk about at when they're alone. I was past fanatic, and Rick was the most understanding husband in the world, always there for me, never letting me face any crisis without him by my side, so you are wondering, Why? Why am I the former Mrs. Rick Castle rather than the current wife?

Ladies listen to this carefully, it's because I forgot my marriage vows to put my husband before all others, which included the unborn child I wanted so desperately. The more he tried to love the hurt I felt so deeply away, the more I fought it and his love.

In retrospect, I don't know how he ever survived the 14 months of hell I put him through. This is a burden I will bear the rest of my life, but I am fortunate, you see that loving man over there, not only is he handsome, but he also has the greatest capacity for forgiveness on this planet.

IF any of you have gone through something similar, this is a plea for you to PLEASE, take those tiny steps needed to lead you back to each other. Please take it from someone who had all the good things life could offer yet threw it away over a quest for something that wasn't meant to be.

My story doesn't stop here, one point I didn't make was, there is more than just the natural delivery of a child to be a mother. Rick arranged an adoption for us, and thinking back, (she breaks into tears for a moment then regains her composure) thinking back this is the second most regrettable thing I did, the first being the treatment of my husband, then refusing the opportunity to be a Mom, just in a different manner than I had planned. It was selfish, and hurtful to not only Rick, but also to the young mother who was desperate to see her child go to a home where they would be provided for in a safe, loving environment.

Rick and I are pledging to work with the Adoption Authorities of Houston and surrounding areas to find ways to lower the cost, or even perhaps find a way to find funding to subsidize the cost, and second to shorten the time period adoptive parents must wait to receive their child. Our pledge to you is to find a way to make this better,

Gina had to pause as the applause drowned her out for nearly five full minutes,

"Thank you, you're very kind, but as I was saying, to us there are no losers in this room. If you want children bad enough to subject yourselves to these tests, please consider the alternative IF or WHEN Dr. Sara shares the news to you similar to what I received. There are children waiting for good homes, and I am living proof that your child doesn't need to have your blood to make you love them more than anything in the world.

Rick had a daughter by a previous marriage, and Alexis did a great job raising her Dad, (laughter breaks out) But perhaps the greatest thing she did was become my daughter, at a time when I thought no one could love me this young lady made it a point to enter my life and share her love for me. (The big screen behind Gina flashes a picture of Alexis, then a series of her with Gina, shopping, laughing, one of Alexis crying with her head on Gina's lap brought a tear to Rick's eye, he didn't know when it had been taken.)

You see she brought so much to my life, and the day she came to me, not her father who she absolutely idolizes but me, with her first broken heart, I knew then I was her Mom. It was the greatest gift in my life, a gift I almost destroyed.

My parting words, PLEASE, remember to talk to each other, Husbands be patient, wives focus on his pain, yes, he's hurting just as much as you, and work together. You have two winning solutions, one will give you a child the old fashioned way, Option 2 will provide you with the same channel to focus your love, and insure some child will have the opportunity in life they might not have,

Finally, Love Each Other, I wish each of you half the love I have, and am receiving, You have choices in life, choose wisely

God Bless and Thank you for your time,

The applause lasted almost ten minutes after she has completed her speech, with many men and women wiping their eyes. Rick embraced her just as she reached the bottom of the podium, pulled her in for a kiss, long and sweet, then put his arm around her and guided them both back to their seats.

Dr. Sara was back on the podium, and once again complete silence overtakes the room.

"Wow, and I have to follow that?" as laughter breaks out.

"Seriously, my life became a lot brighter over the last several days, and I'm so glad to have Rick and Gina working with us on many fronts for something so precious to us all. The bar will remain open another hour, then last call so enjoy the food and drinks, EXCEPT patients, this is not your Doctor's excuse to drink, follow your regimens. Thanks all and Good Night!"

Present Day

Castle's Loft

"Have I told you how proud I was of your speech, you were so natural no one blinked an eye the whole time you were speaking"

"Rick, you're always so kind, but those words came easily when I thought back I did have choices, but I was so consumed with self-pity I didn't realize it."

"I never knew that Alexis came to you with her broken heart, in the old days I would have been petty and jealous and gotten upset, but seeing you on the screen with her, she needed you and you were there for her, Thank You"

"I was worried that you would resent it, me, but she needed words only a woman could give at that time Love, it was her first heartbreak and only a woman knows how she feels, no matter how fantastic her Dad is." As she leaned in and started to kiss him gently, he had other ideas and it turned into a long make out session, reminiscent of their early days together.

Gina finally had to come up for breath, "Rick, if we don't stop, I don't know if I'll be able to, and I don't want to overstep or assume anything."

His answer was to pick her up bride style and carry her into his bedroom,

"Any objections, or did I read those kisses correct?"

"His answer comes non-verbally, as she kissed him with the passion and left no question of what she wanted, needed now"

Hours later, she lay spent in his arms, happy, for the first time in a long time, she saw light at the end of a very long tunnel. She wasn't foolish enough to think a few romps in the sack, trips or intimate dinners would chase the memories of his Detective from his mind, but she wanted him to know, she loved him, more now than ever. His arm was around her holding her close, as she lay her head on his chest, it felt so good, so right, so much like the hands of time had been turned back somehow.

She finally broke the silence, afraid that he might be thinking of someone else,

"I talked to the Promotions Department, they're full steam ahead with ideas for Dr. S, including reverse raffles, auctioning of some of the early Storm novels, the limited editions we keep, so those should go for some good money.

We might have to make a few trips out there, but with the royalties you donated will keep the operation running for years. I had our investment officer guide Sara on how to make the money grow for them so they could be self-sustaining in less than 5 years."

"Gina, can I ask you a question," Rick seemed like his mind was thousands of miles away, and now she was worried,

"Ask me anything Rick, Like you I'll tell you the truth including I don't know if that's the case."

"Have you ever thought of what's next?"

"I'm sorry Sweetie, but can you expand that just a bit?"

"You're the most powerful woman in publishing in New York, your heart is bigger than the entire Big Apple, yet you can't show it. Have you ever given thought to what you would want to do should Black Pawn end?"

"I hadn't given it much thought until the last few weeks, but honestly I'm afraid to go past our current situation, I don't want you to stop your dreams of happiness, be it with me, or (long pause) someone else."

That seemed to snap Rick back to current time, "Gina, are you afraid I was making love to you thinking about her? If so, God, I'm so sorry, the answer is NO, HELL NO, my heart and other pieces are right here with my very hot wife, "

She couldn't hold back the tears any longer and Rick held her as she wept, hard,

"I'm sorry Rick, I couldn't help it, I'm just so afraid to let go all the way, so afraid she'll appear and just snatch you away from me."

"Gina, I'm sorry if I made you feel that way, but there's no way, let me show you something" as he sits up, and pulls her along with him, still with her head on his chest. He opens his phone to contacts, scrolls down to the name Kate Beckett, surprisingly the only picture is that of the NYPD Detective Shield, opens the contact and she sees in bold letters BLOCKED, he repeats the same for the other members of the 12th, he had blocked Ryan, Espo and Lanie.

"Rick, I never asked you to block contact with any of your friends at the precinct, only to be careful and never dive in front of a bullet again, for anyone."

"I know Gina, they ALL had four weeks to call me, the same as Beckett, if they were my friends they would have called sometime just to see if I was still alive. It's been 3 months now, so safe to think that ship has sailed, and Gina,

"Yes Rick" she says so timidly,

"I've told you I love you, well, it's getting stronger every day love, I'm almost there so thanks for being patient with me, and never, never think for one minute that when I'm with you someone else is on my mind, it's YOU and you alone, please?"

He confirms his pledge in the best way possible, Gina was gaining confidence of his love, God he hadn't lost his touch, oh my God was heard more than once for the next few hours, yes she was totally in love with this man.

Chapter 9

Beckett's Apartment

Later that Day

Kate woke, disorientated, not sure where she was at, till she remembered she was back in her apartment, with all of the new doors and windows Castle had installed while she was still in the hospital. She finally got her bearings, stretched, hearing her stiff muscles and bones crack, and rolled off her bed.

She searched for her phone and found it in the charging station, and sincerely prayed that she had dreamed she had tried to call Rick. That hope was dashed as she reviewed her recent calls, she had tried to call and had been blocked from his land line, and he had changed his cell phone number. She needed to talk to him, she was sure he would understand, she had been shot and 3 months wasn't really that long, who was she kidding, she knew in her heart that she was the reason for the recent phone changes.

She prepared herself for a Royal Ass Chewing as she dialed Lanie's number, and was surprised when Lanie answered it so casually,

"Hi Kate, hope this means you're doing well."

"Lanes, I'm Sorr*"

"Kate stop right there, the boys, I and all the friends you are holding on to by a thread, aren't interesting in hearing the same old song, you're sorry. You have caused a hell of a lot more damage than you even know,"

"Lanes, what do you mean, I came home to find my apartment all Jason Bourned, and a note from Rick that he didn't peek and you were here all the time, how have I caused damage, I've been gone for 3 months Lanie"

"Yeah that's right Kate, make fun. Rick was telling the truth, he felt so bad after you got shot, like it was all on him and he had failed, so yeah, I allowed the workers to come into your apartment to receive the upgrades to your security from Rick. He wanted to keep you safe, something about owing someone that much."

"Have you spoken to him Lanie, I mean is he OK, I should have, *"

"Exactly Kate, you should have done a lot of things, mostly not stringing him along. Do you know he was assaulted by your Boyfriend, and had two broken ribs and a concussion? He waited for your call, till he heard you had been discharged and took off for a secret location, he figured it was with Josh, so I guess he made some changes himself."

"I didn't find out what Josh did till a few weeks ago, I would have kicked his ass if I were able, but you all knew I broke up with Josh, didn't you tell him?"

"Kate after Gates, the new Captain banished him from the precinct, Kevin heard from him once, then last week when he tried to call him got a message that he changed his cell phone number. He called the land line and spoke to Alexis, who refused to give him the new number.

"Kevin said that they had just returned from a Vail skiing vacation, and He and Gina were at a different location, but Alexis wouldn't tell him anything, other than to speak to her father. To quote Kevin I think she said, "My dad said everyone that he wanted to know his new number had it, no one else needed it."

"The new Captain banished him from the precinct, and he didn't call his buddy Mr. Mayor? That's strange Lanes, I mean it's almost like he has something else he's into now, I mean I said I wanted him out of my hair, but*"

"Well it looks like you got your wish, no one has heard from him in over two months, other than Kevin finding out that they vacationed in Vail. I guess Gina, Alexis and he had a great time, from what we've heard. Paula won't release any information about them because as she said, it's nobody's fucking business, let him alone to find happiness. After what he's been through, no one deserves it more than he does."

"Gina?" The name of his ex-wife slash publisher sent quivers of hate up her spine, as she recalled the summer before when she watched him walk away with her. "You mean Gina was on the business trip with them, and they took in some skiing, don't you?"

"No Kate, the three of them were at Vail's most exclusive lodge according to TMZ who had pictures posted till Paula made them take them down. Why do you care, Hell you had Josh and made every attempt to rub him in Rick's face so why the concern now who Rick's with"

"I'm not, it's just a shock, I mean she's an ex for a reason." As she thinks and so am I without ever getting the chance to be a something with him.

"Well the boys chewed my ass out royally when I suggested that we contact you, or try, and after I heard what they had to say, they were right. You've had almost three months to contact any of us, a one-line text, a 2-minute call, anything, but you couldn't be bothered, so don't expect the red carpet rolled out to meet you when you return.

I mean Javi is so pissed, I've never seen him take anyone's side but yours regardless if you were right or wrong, but this time he was hurt, we all were and still are Kate. It was a choice you made, not us, we had no way of contacting you, none of us."

"I know Lanie, but I was dealing with stuff, you guys don't understand I was shot, my whole world flashed in front of me, I didn't know how to deal with anyone without reliving that day."

"Does that include you continuing to lie to Rick about not hearing him say He Loves You, half of New York heard it Kate, so don't go there. He knew you lied during the few minutes you allowed him to visit, his heart was broken when he came to the precinct.

That's the day the Captain threw him out. I was there, and I have never seen the look of hopelessness on his face on anyone before. He left without a word, to anyone, and outside of the few words Kevin spoke to him the day you were discharged, no one has heard a peep."

"Wait, Kevin talked to him the day I was discharged, did he tell Rick that Josh and I broke up? Come on Lanie he had to tell him that,"

"Kate, after seeing you in the hospital, getting chewed out for anything and everything the boys weren't saying crap about you that could come back and bite them."

"You mean Rick thought I left to recuperate with Josh, WHY didn't Kevin tell him we had broken up, I mean Jesus Christ, this is awful, no wonder he hates me."

"Cool your jets Detective, I already explained to you WHY, as far as WHO should have told him, that was your business to tell, and if he hates you, Kate, that's on you. We all can hear your line, "It's my life, and if I want someone told something I will tell them. Stay out of my business" so when they do, you get pissed. Every man has a breaking point, God knows you tested his limits for years and I think this time you succeeded."

"What do you mean Lanie, is there someone else in his life? I mean he's my partner, I just want to be sure he's OK."

"Kate, first off he's not your partner, he's not even a cop like you and so many have reminded him. Next WHY do you care if there is someone in his life, it's not like you love him anyway. Finally, if you wanted to make sure he was OK, you would have texted him, called him done something like you promised, you sent him away and never reached out to him again. He didn't make the choice to leave you Kate, you made it for him."

"I didn't think he would leave, I thought he would be here when I got back, I didn't know Lanes, I'm sorry, Now what do I do."

"What do you want to do? You can't call him, text him, so that leaves you two choices, go to his home or write a letter he may never open or read. Just keeping it real Kate, you broke his heart, worse than Kyra Blaine, and I'm not sure you can come back from this one."

"God Lanes, I have to try, I mean I see the Department Shrink on Monday, then my Physical on Friday, so I only have this week to make things right before I am back on duty,"

"Well I told you your options, so the next move is yours, anything else Kate?"

"Are you that angry at me Lanes, I mean is this what I can expect from everyone?"

"No Kate, I'm being polite, you have a lot of ground to makeup with the entire department, so my advice, listen to the Captain, keep your mouth shut and lay low till you can gain some of your friends back, without them you are a Cop without friends, not a good place to be, Look I gotta go, Laundry is done" as the line goes dead.

Lanie your laundry room is on the 5th floor, nice try, but I guess I really did mess it up, she says to herself.

Castle's Loft

7:00 PM

Rick had scored tickets for a concert being performed by the bands of the era when he and Gina were dating and had surprised her with them. Getting ready proved to be a challenge, they were trying to get out of the shower again, clean, finally third time was the charm. Gina looked beautiful in the dress she wore the night she gave the speech in Houston, it really flattered her figure, which was deceptively curvy in the right spots. She was petite, but she could fill out bikini without any problems.

They were having a beer together waiting for the car service to signal they were there when the door buzzer rang. As they had become accustomed to, both walked to the door, holding hands, when Rick opened it and found a very frazzled looking NYPD Detective Kate Beckett outside.

"I'll leave you two to talk Rick, as she squeezed his hand and returned to the kitchen."

"I'm sorry Rick, I hope this isn't a bad time, I would have called, bu*"

"Actually, it is Detective, we're just on our way out for the evening, sorry." Ricks voice was level, not cold, not angry, not anything hell it sounded like a Damn infomercial, no tone, no inflection.

"Well how can I get a chance to talk to you Rick, I have a lot of things to say."

"Detective, if it has anything to do with the precinct, I'm not interested, if you're pissed because I upgraded your apartment, my apologies, but that was done for your Dad's piece of mind, and as far as I know there's really nothing else we need to discuss.

Rick, Please, I know I*"

Ricks phone buzzed, and he wasted no time, "I'm truly sorry Detective, we must go, Honey the car's here", as Gina appeared, and they waited for Kate to step back from the entry way so they could exit.

She slowly turned and made her way to the elevators, hoping that it would provide her one last chance to talk to Rick, but he and Gina took the stairs, anticipating her move.

She made her way outside just in time to see him assist Gina, looking lovelier than ever into the limo, and then enter next to her, never looking her way although she knew he saw her shadow in the glass. Sadly, she hailed a cab and made her way home, more depressed than she had been in a long while.

"Rick, you could have talked her Sweetie, we could have just come a little late, I mean I did*"

She didn't get her words out before Rick's lips were on hers, sweetly, tenderly then as she returned the kiss, a little more passionately.

"I really didn't want to talk to her, Gina, I was serious anything to do with the Precinct, is off limits per the Captain, I made a promise to her Dad, that was kept, and if anything else was that important, she wouldn't have waited four months to try to contact me."

"I'm sorry she hurt you Rick, I wish I could make it stop, please let me try." She looks into his eyes, the eyes she knows so well and knows the hurt he tries so hard to hide.

She gently turns his face to hers, cups it in both hands, "I love you with all my heart Rick, I truly do, but if she makes you happy, I'll leave now"

Rick looks deep into her eyes, and whispered "you know what Gina, it's time, finally the time has come."

Gina is bracing for the gentle letdown and the sweet goodbye, but instead Rick takes each of her hands, one in each of his,

"What time has finally come Rick? Almost afraid to hear, and bracing herself for the worst,

"Gina Cowell, I'm in Love With You," as he kisses her deeply and passionately.

What, Rick, I mean How?" as she is one flustered mess,

His deep baritone laugh is music to her ears, God she has missed that sound.

"I know this doesn't make a lot of sense to you right now Gina, I'll try to explain it if I can. I've been in love with you, at least I was 99% sure since the night I took you home in the car service and returned home alone. Our time in Houston made it even clearer, I loved you more than I was letting you know.

I think I held back for an instance just like tonight, I wanted to face Kate, and not feel anything but sadness for her, for the loss of her mother, for her misguided passion that is going to cost her life, one way or another unless she answers a wake up call.

Once I could hear her voice, look her in the eye, then that was my inner self saying YES, I told you so. I hurt you so much, I'm sorry it took this to be sure, but I never wanted you to feel hurt from me again. I know that doesn't make sense, bu*"

It's Gina who interrupted the statement with her own kiss, "Rick, it makes perfect sense, and I love you even more for being so careful with my heart. Do you still want to go to the concert, or can we go to the Four Seasons, I don't want any interruptions. I hope that's not too forward."

Rick picked up the phone, and changed the address, he called the Concierge at the Four Seasons, and had his room ready, complete with Strawberries and Champagne.

"Not too forward at all, I'm glad you suggested it, because I don't think I could keep my hands off of you the entire night,"

"Well it's a good thing you won't have too, Thank You Rick, if I had written the book, I would never have picked this scenario for us, I just want to make you happy"

And she did, several times that night, and the entire next day. It was better than it had ever been between the two of them, she knew now that she owned his heart, it was worth the wait, he was worth every minute she waited.

Chapter 10

Kate Beckett's Apartment

Later Same Evening

Kate was still reeling, he had done it, he had sent her away to be with another woman. Even worse that woman was Gina, the same woman who along with him had broken her heart almost two years ago. She barely remembered the cab ride home from his Loft, lost in a million of should have's and what if's. One thing that was clear, her friends and father were correct, he HAD moved on from her and it hurt like hell.

She glanced at the phone and searched her mind for someone she could she call to talk, she had burned almost every bridge of friendship she had. Lanie had been polite but she knew things weren't right between them, and it was her fault. She couldn't call her Dad, he would listen, but she really wasn't ready to hear "I told you so" just yet.

She picked up the book on the end table and quickly threw it to the floor, it was the last in the Heat Series and she was living a break up, well not a break up but her heart felt like it, she sure as hell didn't want to read about her fictional alter ego and how she had hurt Rook.

She began to pace, much like she would do in Doctor Burke's office, wait Dr. Burke, someone to listen to me. She quickly called and made an emergency appointment for 7:00 AM the next morning, even though it was outside of normal hours for him, he always made time to see her.

Great now all she had to do was find something to do for the next 11 hours. Lanie's words come rushing back, "go to his home or write a letter he may never open or read", well she had gone to the Loft and that had worked out so well, right! Maybe he was ready to be over them, but she wasn't, at least not yet.

She grabbed her stationary box, containing the pen, and stationary with the light daises interwoven in the fiber, a gift from Rick, of course after she mentioned her love of the flower. It was for a made-up holiday, like National Squirrel Day, or something stupid like that, just an excuse for him to shower her with another gift.

Tears begin to fall as her mind flashes back to the day in the precinct when she opened the package in front of a beaming Castle, and her words come rushing back to her, "What's this Castle, and what the hell am I supposed to do with it?" as she can still remember the look on his face change from a smile to what? God it was Hurt, one of the many times her thoughtless words had cut him to the bone.

On top of the Stationary was a legal pad, and as was her custom, she decided to write the draft, then refine it to send to Rick. When had he become Rick, he had always been Castle, except for a few rare occasions, God what has happened to her. She poured herself a full glass from the last bottle of the "Good Wine" Rick had brought over, now she doesn't even remember when, to celebrate something. Back when times were good, Roy was alive, he was in love with her, and she, well she loved him as well even though she was with Josh. A big sip of the wine for courage and then she began,

"Dear Rick,

First, I would like to apologize to both you and Gina for showing up at your door earlier, uninvited, or announced, if it put a damper in your plans, I am truly sorry, please forgive me. I tried to call your cell, I know, it's been over three months since I told you I would when you saw me in the hospital, again I am truly sorry that I didn't. It like everything with us is complicated, I couldn't call you without reliving the Hell of that day, the pain, the feeling of helplessness, and finally the feeling of your love surrounding me like a blanket.

I'm not writing this letter to tell you about my problems, other than to try to explain to you the why, no matter how irrational they may be to others, they were real to me. I'll start at the beginning, with my truthful memories, yeah, I can see the look on your face with that word, but I promise you I will be as open and honest as I can be. From my vantage point, I have already lost everything, so I have nothing more to lose by being honest.

My Dad confessed he shamed you into coming to my apartment the few nights before, well he told me that you were resistant and knew nothing would come between my Mom's investigation and me. When he told me that his final words of "Her blood will be on your hands" I cried. Rick, I am so sorry. First that Dad placed such a demand on you, second that you came, knowing the reception you would get, and I was crueler I'm sure than you even expected.

I remember every word I said, and please know if I could, I would take them all back. I'm truly sorry for saying for the past three years I've been running around with the school's funniest kid. And it's not enough, you were right. I did crawl into relationships that I knew wouldn't go anywhere, because I was afraid to let my true feelings show. If I did, then I was open to the same hurt I felt when Mom died, or worse.

I am working with a Therapist to try to help me understand WHY I did the things I did, God knows I don't know. I do realize that we are bound by the decisions we make, mine have cost me any chance of a relationship with you, I understand that now.

This is on me, I should have listened to the countless friends screaming at me, that you wouldn't wait for Always, in fact you probably waited far longer than anyone else would have, including me if situations were reversed.

I told you I would be honest, well the summer you invited me to the Hamptons, I refused, and then you found out that I was going away with Tom, it didn't happen. I broke up with him right before your going away party, and when you and I were talking in the hall, I was going to ask if the invite was still open.

Gina showed up, you acted so loving, I changed the subject, and watched you walk out of the precinct and my life in front of friends who took out their hurt for me on you when you did return for the counterfeit case. Again, you paid a price for my lie, forgive me please. That summer I hurt worse than anytime of my life, you would have thought I would have learned how fleeting life and love can be.

I withdrew again, in fact I even had tried to get Roy to throw you out of the precinct, then it happened, Roy was gone, and he had been part of the conspiracy that hid the identity of my Mothers killer. I had to deal not only with the disappointment in the man I admired, who had been my mentor, my hero, but also I had to deal with his death in his futile attempt to make things right for me, for my mother.

Realizing just how fragile life was after Roy was gone, I wanted to express my feelings to you Rick, I truly did, but I did what I always do, ran away from them and pushed them below the surface so we could concentrate on the funeral.

That was the last moment I squandered on the opportunity to give you some sign, any hope of something between us, that I wanted so badly. I'll never forgive myself for the night in LA, on the couch, when we were almost there, and I ran. I'm sorry, but being honest, I did open my door to see yours closing, another chance I will never get again to tell you how I feel, have felt for a very long time.

I know I have written a lot about the time before the last 4 months, simply because those days were a pure living Hell for me, and anyone who had the misfortune of coming in my path. I broke up with Josh latter the same day I last saw you, I never knew what he had done to you during the surgery. I'm so much more than sorry, it was and never will be your fault Rick, if anything you kept me safe, much safer than any time before. You were right, he was just an escape, and he really didn't know me at all, not like you do, or did.

Each day I was away from you and the city, I cried, I worked hard on getting well, I failed, and cried some more. I was a mess Rick, I didn't even want my Father to see me. He finally had enough, and left me to what I thought I wanted, to be alone. I read your works over and over, just trying to hang on to some memory, some moment, some hope that you would understand and be here with open arms when I finally got my act together, well that worked out well didn't it.

I reached for my phone at least five times a day, to call, or text you, but lost my nerve every time. Dad told me, Lanie told me, I even told myself that I had promised to call you, and I never did. I will always regret that, more than you'll ever know, but I wanted you to know that your words to me as I lay on the grass, got me through the surgery, the hospital, and the hell they call recovery. I knew that I was loved, I had to fight to come back to you, but now that I'm looking back, I see you giving your everything, and me giving you nothing.

I know you have moved on, Gina never looked lovelier by the way, and I can tell in your eyes she has made you happy. I was surprised by the tone of your voice when I interrupted your evening earlier, not that it was angry, but it was so empty of emotion. Hell, what I would give to hear some emotion, anger, hate, or even love, a girl can hope.

I am writing this letter for two reasons Rick, first to apologize, and ask forgiveness not only for tonight, but for every time I have hurt you. I know that is a huge ask, it seems looking back that's all I ever did was hurt you, or keep you at arm's length, when I know all you ever wanted to do was help me. I am thankful to you for all you have done, far more than anyone ever has, and even if I didn't show it, I did and still appreciate everything.

The second reason is to wish you and Gina the very best of luck, I know if it can't be me with you, I know Gina loves you more than anyone else. I know the Captain has cut you completely out of the precinct and case work, but I hope should our paths cross somewhere in the future, we can greet each other as friends, or at least friendly.

I never told you, and this will be my last chance, so here goes, I'm in love with you Richard Castle. I know words are hollow, and you have found the love you were searching for. I just read a poem by one of my favorite poets, Stewart Smith, I won't bore you with the entire poem but the words that pierce my heart

I write these words now with tears in my eyes,

for I love him so much; I sit, and I die.

I'm so lost without him, don't want him to go,

not without me saying what I need him to know.

That I've always loved him and miss him each day,

yet the hope that he loves me drifts further away.

I just want him to know how I truly feel,

and to know that my words are nothing but real.

And it doesn't take a special time to make a new start;

it takes only desire and true love from the heart.

Once again Rick, I am sorry, for so many, many things that I did, sorrier for the things I failed to do. I wish you and Gina nothing but Love and Success. I know that I made the choices, which binds not only my actions but yours as well, but I also know that we aren't bound by our mistakes. I will treasure the time we had together, even if your memories are tainted, try to think of me once in a while,"

Always,

Kate

She carefully transposes the letter, correcting the scratched-out words, and writes it ever so carefully on the stationary, one she will probably never use again. As she reads the Legal Pad, the tears fall gently on the stationary forming almost tears in the paper.

Lanie was correct, he may never read it, but at least she knew she finally owned up to what she should have done months ago. If she loved him, as much as he once loved her, she would take his lead and step aside. God, how hurtful that must have been not once but twice, Demming then Josh. She had never given it a second thought when it happened, but now that the situation was reversed, well she found a new appreciation for the term broken heart.

She wanted to do all she could to insure Rick at least was presented the letter, so she had a courier pick it up for delivery tomorrow to Richard Castle only, signature required. Once the letter was gone, she had to let go, the ball was in his court now. What was she expecting? Best Case a call from him, accepting her apology, worst case, total disregard for the letter and the feelings she poured into it. Either was more than she had afforded him, and her Dad was right, Rick didn't leave, she drove him away at Interstate Speeds.

The wine was gone, and she suddenly felt exhausted, perhaps she could get at least a few hours sleep, before the dreams came to haunt her, tomorrow would be the start with Doctor Burke, something told her it would be a long partnership to get where she needed to be, ***

Chapter 11

Kate Beckett's Apartment

5:30 AM

Next Day

Kate hadn't bothered to set an alarm, she knew she would be awake far before she needed to be, and she was correct. After waking to the dream of Rick being the one who was shot, but not making it through surgery, wet from sweat, and thrashing the covers and shaky trying to decipher reality from the dream. She knew from past experience it wouldn't do any good to try to go back to sleep, so she went for an early run, trying to run some of the anxiety out of her.

She was showered and at Doctor Burke's office at 6:45 AM, nursing a coffee that she had picked up. It didn't help her at all that it came from the same shop that Rick brought her daily, well used to bring her coffees. It seemed everywhere she looked there was something to remind her of something about Rick, why hadn't she noticed this before?

Things got worse when the Courier Service texted the letter could not be delivered before day after tomorrow, Mr. Castle had taken a brief vacation with Miss Gina according to Eduardo the chief doorman. Great, now she would have to wait even longer for him to know how sorry she was, how fitting, I keep him waiting for three months, and I'm complaining about three days, You're pitiful Beckett.

Dr. Burke greets her just as she has returned from her thoughts and she gladly accompanies the kind man into his office.

"Well, Kate, this is the emergency time slot I have always reserved, so do you want to tell me what this is all about?"

"Good Morning Doctor Burke, I know our regular sessions aren't scheduled till next week, but I encountered some issues, and frankly I had no one else to talk to them about. I know you have our notes from our visits while I was hospitalized, but I lied.

I heard Rick Castle say he loved me, before things went dark, actually Doctor I remember every second from the pain when the bullet entered my body till, I passed out."

"I see, so Kate has this lie brought about some events that have triggered some issues with you?"

"Well you knew I was upstate New York, I only came in three times for our visits and for follow-ups with the surgeons, BUT I never told any of my friends or co-workers I was going to be here.

In fact I only visited with Rick for about 5 minutes before I sent him away before I was discharged, it was during the first week of my hospitalization , I told him I was tired, needed to rest and told him I would call him."

"How did he take that dismissal Kate?"

"He was hurt, but he agreed without any argument, just asked me how much time I needed, I told him a few days."

"How did the call go when you called him back, what was it 3 days, a week, how long Kate?"

"I never called him back at all, I tried last night, but he had changed his cell phone number, and blocked me on his land line,"

"I see, so you told him you needed a few days, then you would call, You spent almost a month in the hospital, and then you went to the location upstate for 7 weeks, and all this time you never reached out to him at all Kate? "

"Yes, that's what happened. I mean I thought he understood, I thought he would be here when I got back,"

"Kate, weren't you in a relationship with a Doctor when I first met you after your shooting? How does Mr. Castle figure into this, I mean it seems to have upset you that he took steps to avoid contact with you, but the question is why? You were with another man, you promised to call, almost 3 months have passed, and I don't think anyone should be surprised that these defense mechanisms were put into place."

"He's not just anyone, he's, well he's"

"He's what Kate?"

"He's my partner, my friend. He's always had my back, but now"

"Kate, it's obvious that Mr. Castle cared a great deal about you, but unrequited love can cause a person to take self-preservation actions to protect themselves from further hurt. Do you think he is justified in his actions to cut you out of his life, I mean the message you sent was clearly, go away you are bothering me, I'll deal with you when I feel like it. Would that be an accurate assessment from your point of view?"

"I don't know, I mean"

"Kate, the only way I can help you is if you tell the truth, Is the assessment accurate?"

Kate looks down at the floor, then out the window, back to the floor, and finally whispers a soft, "Yes, it's accurate"

"By your reluctance to answer, as well as your body language, I assume your answer is not the same about your feelings at this moment, is that a fair assessment?"

"Yes, I want him back in my life, BUT I'm too late. He's banned from the precinct by the new Captain, and he has moved on to a relationship with his second ex-wife, Gina"

"And you know about Mr. Castle's relationship how?"

"When I couldn't reach him by phone, I went to his Loft last evening before I called you, and she was there, they were all lovey dovey and getting ready to go out for the evening. He didn't even invite me in, we talked from the hall and his doorway.

His car service arrived less than 5 minutes after I arrived, and they so much as told me to go away. I thought I would have an opportunity to talk with him on the elevator, but they took the stairs to avoid me."

"Kate, you must have had some agenda or reason to go to Mr. Castle's home, please share it"

"I thought once he saw me, he would understand that I had been shot, and a lot of the things I did, I never meant to hurt him, but*"

"You did hurt him Kate, you know that from your actions last night on the phone with me, as well as your accounts of what happened this morning. Do you feel he had the right to feel hurt, betrayed and lied to by you, or are your circumstances so great they should change his mind and forget his feelings, if the situation were reversed, how would you react and think carefully before you answer"

"Yeah, you're right, I saw him hurt before but last night, it was different"

"How So Kate?"

"His voice, it wasn't angry, it wasn't hurt, it was like a monotone infomercial. No emotions whatsoever shown, when he saw me, or as I tried to talk to him."

"Was it cruel, or did his words sound cruel to you?"

"No, No in fact it was just like he was telling someone about the weather report, there was no emotion in his voice at all, almost like matter of fact, and this information wasn't important to him at all."

"You said Gina was there, was she cruel, or did she say anything to you?"

"No, she was holding his hand as they answered the door, when they saw it was me, she squeezed his hand said she would leave us to talk and went into the kitchen."

"So, Mr. Castle didn't invite you in, what exactly did he say Kate, as best you can remember"

"He said he was sorry, used my Detective label not calling me by name first or last, and they were heading out for the evening. When I tried to say something, he told me that he had been banned from the precinct, so there was nothing to discuss from there, and he apologized for upgrading my apartment to the state of the art security features, including bullet proof windows, but that he had it done for My Dad's peace of mind, and if I was pissed he was sorry. Other than that, he said we had nothing to talk about."

"What message did that send to you Kate, he wasn't angry, he explained his actions with rational explanations, apologized if he infringed, even adding a very costly security update for your Dad's peace of mind, although I'm not sure of the connection between he and your Father"

"Well Dad came to him a few nights before Captain Montgomery was killed, and pleaded with him to get me to stop, he tried, we had an awful fight, I said terrible things and threw him out but he was there when I needed him at the Hangar, and then at the cemetery. I thought he knew, I mean,"

"Knew what Kate?

"That I cared about him, Hell I loved him, he had to know"

"How Kate? How would he know, did you ever tell him? Did you imply it with your actions, or did you do the opposite, with your gentlemen friends?

Kate began to cry, and then through watery eyes as Dr. Burke silently handed a box of tissues, she got out, "I chased him away, you're right, all he ever saw was me trying to get rid of him, flaunting others in his face, I wonder why he stayed as long as he did."

"Kate we both know the answer to why Mr. Castle stayed so long, but now it seems that he truly has moved on so what are your plans now?"

"I'll step back, I wrote him a letter last night, with a detailed apology, and well wishes for him and Gina, and now, after our talk it just set in, He's gone, and won't be coming back" She's still crying, but fighting to keep control, and it's almost like someone else had to point out, Castle is Gone, not to return to your life.

"I'm very sorry Kate, I would concur. Our time is up for today, but should you need me call before our next appointment, where I will complete the required psychological evaluation for your return to active duty. Good Luck but use this experience to evaluate what's really important in your life, is it the justice or your friends and associates who seemed to have become strained in their relationship with you.

"Thank You Doctor Burke, I appreciate you seeing me on short notice, I'll see you next week for the formal evaluation" she gets out before grabbing a handful of tissues and turning to leave. This was going to be a very long day.

Castle's Penthouse

Four Seasons

New York 9:00 AM Same Day

Gina was awake, just looking at Rick, and pinching herself, had he really said those words last night? Had he truly faced Kate Beckett and not fallen under her spell? She tried hard to relive the moment, and insure it was for real. She kissed him with sweet butterfly kisses, all over his temple, his response was to pull her on top of him, and begin to massage her nipples, he was still asleep, or so she thought.

"Gina don't think so hard Baby, it'll give you wrinkles, as he laughed, kissed her forehead and worked his way down to her cheeks, lips and finally gently kissed each breast."

"My God Rick last night was even better than our honeymoon, I mean I have never felt more loved in my life, Thank You Sweetie, I just hope I was enough for you."

"You're kidding right, Gina, you rocked my world and the only reason it was better than our honeymoon was because we both love, I mean really love each other and try so hard to please the other, thank you Sweetie. What made you say that, you aren't still thinking about Kate's visit last night are you love?"

She blushes, a very shy smile, "Rick, I'm sorry but for two years that was your life, I mean it's all I heard, and I'm still pinching myself I am with you now. I meant what I said, I do love you enough to*"

She never got a chance to finish her statement as Rick engulfed her into a kiss that curled her toes, and as they broke apart for air, "WOW, OK I believe you now Sweetie."

"Well anytime you have doubts, there is more where that came from" as the necking session turns serious, and the coffee and cinnamon buns that Room Service delivered were forgotten for another hour or so, no sex but two people exploring and worshiping their partners proving being in love is a beautiful thing.

"Rick, remember when we returned from Houston, we started to talk about something, I think you asked what was next?

FLASHBACK

"Gina, can I ask you a question," Rick seemed like his mind was thousands of miles away, and now she was worried,

"Ask me anything Rick, Like you I'll tell you the truth including I don't know if that's the case."

"Have you ever thought of what's next?"

"I'm sorry Sweetie, but can you expand that just a bit?"

"You're the most powerful woman in publishing in New York, your heart is bigger than the entire Big Apple, yet you can't show it. Have you ever given thought to what you would want to do should Black Pawn end?"

"I hadn't given it much thought until the last few weeks, but honestly I'm afraid to go past our current situation, I don't want you to stop your dreams of happiness, be it with me, or (long pause) someone else."

PRESENT DAY

"I remember, I think we got sidetracked as I tried to prove I was making love to the woman who was with me, not someone she worried I was thinking about, hopefully she is secure in my love now."

"I'm sorry Rick, you've given me such happiness in the last 24 hours, I still can't believe it, I mean I never stopped loving you, even when I acted like just the opposite. You were my last true love, and if we couldn't be together, then I didn't want anyone else."

"Gina, I really never knew how much I was in love with you till last night, I thought I would be angry or have to fight old feelings when I came face to face with her, Nope, nothing but love for you, and sadness for her."

"Getting back to where you started that conversation Rick, I know you well enough to know you have some thoughts, Sweetie I'm with you, no matter where, when or how, just count me in."

"You sure Gina, because I haven't thought this all out, just a bunch of random thoughts running through my head now."

"I'm sure Rick, I want to be where you are, and I don't care where that is, just as long as we're together. I just got you back and I swear it'll be over my dead body I ever leave you again." As a few tears fall from her eyes.

"Well, and again these are just thoughts, Alexis is graduating and will probably be at Stanford, I can write from anywhere, when I want to return to the market, Have you ever thought about living anywhere but New York?"

"Any Ideas where Sweetie, I mean it's a big country, I go where you go Love, please know that."

"I was thinking about Houston, it has so many of the issues that Dr. Sara works on, I'm not exactly sure, but maybe somehow we could look into starting a foundation to assist with placing babies into qualified homes, I mean the current rate of placement is worse than awful."

Gina's eyes fill with tears, and no matter how hard she fights they begin to fall, Rick is beside her pulling her into his lap in a minute,

"Gina, I'm sorry Baby, I wasn't thinking I know this hurts you," as he hugs her kisses her head ever so gently as he massages her back,

She pulls back, looking at him through those eyes so full of love, "Rick it's not hurt honey, it's just how you can think about so many others and their happiness, It's love, and adoration for my man, my love, my everything who never misses an opportunity to give back. If you want to know would I be open to moving to Houston Texas with you, YES, I don't care about anything but you, I just don't want to ever lose you again."

Rick's Eyes pop open and replies "YOU WOULD?"

"I told you, where you go, I go, and I meant it. Look if I wanted to I could open a Branch Office of Black Pawn and go regional, an idea we've kicked around for a long time, BUT I am not going to be a slave to the office, those days are gone.

Rick, I never touched the generous divorce settlement, it's been invested earning a healthy return, and I almost hate to tell you this, but your Alimony goes into Trust for Alexis and her future children, I wanted to be a small part in their lives, even if I had to do it from the sidelines."

Now it's Rick fighting back tears, "Gina, you did this for Alexis, and her future children, even knowing that she's set for life? Love WHY, didn't you tell me, My God, I'm sorry for all the times I thought*"

"I was the blood sucking ex-wife? Baby, it's OK, I wanted to give you the space you needed to find happiness, I was above the names, hell they called me a gold digger before we even got married, so it's OK."

"No, No it's not, you were my wife, and no one, not even I should have said those things about you, I'm so sorry*" Her lips crush his as she mumbles, "Take me to bed and you're forgiven,"

Forgiveness never felt better or touched so many spots that had not been touched in what seemed forever.

Chapter 12

Castle's Loft

Two Days Later

Rick and Gina are just entering the Loft when Rick see's the message lite blinking.

"You want me to take care of that Rick, I'll call down and see what the message is."

"Thanks Gina, I'll start on a late brunch, after you call change into some comfy clothes, unless you have other plans today, I'd like to talk about Houston some more, just throw some ideas out there like the good old days when were trying to get Storm into bookstores."

"Ah the good old days, remember them well, Love, I enjoyed falling asleep on your shoulder more than you ever knew."

"Hi Eduardo, this is Gina, Rick Castle's message light was blinking as we walked in, can you relay the message please."

"Good Day Ms. Gina, yes, there is a letter sent by courier, which will need to be signed for by Mr. Castle, they took it back and I was instructed to call them when Mr. Rick is ready to receive it. I'm sorry, should I notify them to deliver the letter Ms. Gina?"

"Yes, that would be fine, Rick will be here to sign for it, Thank you very kindly Eduardo,"

"You're welcome Ms. Gina, welcome back, Mr. Castle is having your key Fob's made and I should be able to bring them up when I escort the courier, to your door."

Gina smiles to herself, that rascal another surprise, "Great, Thanks Eduardo, see you then, and Thanks"

"Everything OK Sweetie?" as Rick's head popped up from behind the counter with his apron on and a handful of fresh vegetables."

"I think so, Eduardo said a courier tried to deliver a letter when we were gone, but it required your signature only, he wanted to know if he could have them bring it over now and I said yes. I'm not planning on going anywhere but the bath, and bedroom once we have brunch and you take care of this."

Twenty minutes later the intercom sounded, Ms. Gina, is it OK to bring the courier up now Mam.

"That's fine Eduardo. Rick and I will meet you at the door so Rick may sign for the letter, Thank You."

When the buzzer sounds, they make their normal walk, hand in hand to the door,

"Hi Eduardo, thank you for looking after this. The courier is standing behind him and then steps forward,

"Mr. Castle, may I see some ID please,"

Gina laughs and shows him the covers of the Storm series, "Does this prove he is Rick Castle, or would you like to see his Birth certificate?"

"I'm sorry Mam, I'm just not allowed to release the letter to anyone but the verified Richard Castle, "

Rick is smiling as he stands behind Gina with his Driver's License in his hand, the flustered young man, takes it, marks down some numbers on his delivery sheet, Rick signs, and is handed a copy of the courier sheet and a letter in stationary he recognizes instantly.

"I wonder who it's from Rick, I mean it's unique stationary"

Rick replies in a matter of fact voice, "It's from Kate, I bought this stationary for her two years ago as a gag gift." As he tosses the letter with all of the other mail to be opened.

"Rick, it was sent special courier, with special delivery instructions, what if it's important Hun? Go ahead I'm fine open the letter I'll be right here."

"Sweetie, I can almost guarantee what it's going to say, and I have a better idea, once we finish eating, have our Showers, we'll read it together in Bed, OK?

"Rick, do you really want that, I mean it could be personal information in there, that*"

"That the woman in my life should know about and how none of it matters as long as I have her, oh by the way here are your Key Fobs."

She jumps into his arms, half crying, half laughing, "Does this mean what I think it means Rick, Please I messed up bad before, tell me please."

"Well it means I want you to move back in, be back in my life full time, I need you and I am madly in love with you." She leans back and kisses him deeply as her legs surround his waist, her hands are behind his neck, and her tongue is taking control in a big way.

The meal is hurried, the showers are not, and finally they are in the big bed ready to review the mail, Rick put's Kate's letter on the bottom of the pile, as they catch up on Black Pawn issues, a big thank you letter from Dr. S, Maria and Mama Rose with a picture of Maria pregnant again, Kisses cover the photo and hearts are written everywhere.

"Wow that one family Sweetie, that was worth the trip, I'm so glad they hooked us up with the program out there."

They get through all of the mail and finally the only letter left is Kate's, Gina once again offers to leave Rick for his privacy, and Rick staunchly refused.

"You stay right here my lady, here is where you belong and here is where I want you to stay. No Secrets, No Lies OK Gina, I can't go through those any more.

"Oh Rick, I'll be right here for as long as you want me, I'm sorry I want to know of course, am I jealous, well HELL YES, but I don't want to come off like super bitch, this is all new to us and we're still defining it. I mean I know what I want, but I want you to be sure, really sure before we formalize anything, OK?"

"I like the sound of that, and I love how you give me the space to be sure because I won't hurt you again, Gina, I swear. I have lived with that pain after I really realized what I had done, *"

"Shh it's OK Sweetie, It's OK I understand." As she pulls his head to her chest and cradles him kissing sweetly and gently, all the time telling him, "I love you, it's all going to be OK, you'll see, we got each other, that's all I need."

A few minutes later, a much more composed Rick, sighed,

"Well here we go, I hope it's not full of should haves and what if's I really do but we'll read it OK, Ready?

He opens the envelope and Gina notices the tears that have dried upon the pages, also how neat and organized Kate has written each line. As Rick spreads each page smooth, he counts 11 pages, total, which by far is the longest of anything Beckett has ever sent to him.

The first paragraph started just as Rick thought, an apology then an excuse for her behavior.

I couldn't call you without reliving the Hell of that day, the pain, the feeling of helplessness, and finally the feeling of your love surrounding me like a blanket.

"Well it's original, even for Kate, but I'm not buying it, she needs to own up that she almost got herself killed for nothing."

"Sweetie, could it be this has been her course in life, her escape the safe place she has no where else to go? I'm not defending her, but I don't want any resentment or hate between us all."

"You're right, I should just read it and not try to understand the Why, just follow the how, because frankly, none of it matters anyway to us. It's not going to change the way I feel about you one iota. "

Rick smiled at the comment about beginning, with my truthful memories,

He often wondered, especially as of late if she were capable of sustaining a truthful conversation.

"Rick, is that why you went to her apartment the night we had the big argument about you seeing her, It was to talk to her for her Dad wasn't it." Rick nodded his head, Gina cried softly, "Forgive me Rick, I'm sorry, you were caught in a no-win situation with me, her and her Dad, God I am so sorry. To say her blood would be on your hands, that is really taking it way too far."

"I remember you telling me that she was damned to do just the opposite of what she needed, and I didn't know it included relationships, I know how badly she hurt you, and not being a Bitch, but she needs a good Therapist before she fucks up every man she comes into contact with."

Rick looks over at her with a look, and for a moment she thought she had gone too far,

"Thank You Gina, for picking up the mess of me she left, you made me live, and love again." He gently kissed her and returned to the letter.

I changed the subject, and watched you walk out of the precinct and my life in front of friends who took out their hurt for me on you when you did return for the counterfeit case. Again, you paid a price for my lie, forgive me please.

"Rick, did I mess up your plans to take her to the Hampton's two summers ago? I know you told me you asked someone, but I didn't realize it was Kate. Hun, I cost you a shot at working things out with her"

"Gina, you didn't cost anything, Kate Lied to me, twice, then when she decided she would give the funny kid from the school yard a chance she broke it off with her boyfriend, but you and I were already going. Even if she had told me, I would NOT have broken off our summer. IT wasn't what we both wanted, but I think we grew, and that growth allowed us to finally reconnect for good this time."

"Rick, be careful what you say, I mean please don't say it if you don't mean it,"

"Gina, I do mean it, I just want to let us let this jell, like I know it will, but I want it forever this time." As he pulls her even tighter to his side and kisses her sweetly

I'll never forgive myself for the night in LA, on the couch, when we were almost there, and I ran. I'm sorry, but being honest, I did open my door to see yours closing, another chance I will never get again to tell you how I feel, have felt for a very long time.

"Is this when you went to LA last minute for the Nikki Heat movie to help her catch her Training Officer's murder, I knew you came back from there defeated, hurt and more depressed than I had seen you a long time. Please don't be mad but Alexis told me what happened, and I cried, for me, for you, and strangely even for Kate."

"I'm not angry, Alexis told me she talked to you, she was worried the same as you and even Paula, so Thank You for loving me enough to feel that way, it's really special to know that."

I broke up with Josh latter the same day I last saw you, I never knew what he had done to you during the surgery. I'm so much more than sorry, it was and never will be your fault Rick, if anything you kept me safe, much safer than any time before.

"Again, Rick I'm sorry but I was so worried about you and pissed that you would try to jump in front of a bullet, Alexis and I talked about this at length. She may not have known what he did when she was under, but her fellow cops would have told her if they weren't afraid, she'd get even with them." Gina hadn't lost her anger one bit of almost the possibility he could have been hurt or killed.

"I promise you no more bullet jumping, just books when you throw them at me," he smiles trying to lighten the mood, but he knows this is a topic that is going to stay open not only with Gina but with Alexis as well.

They read the remainder of the letter, and a sadness came over Gina, she had felt the pain that Kate was just beginning to feel, and it was something you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. Tears came to her eyes,

"Hey, did I do something stupid again, Gina, this is the reason I wanted you here to read it the first time I saw it, tell me what I did wrong Sweetie, please?

Gina looked into his eyes, with her eyes full of tears, "You didn't do anything wrong Rick, I just feel sad that Kate has to feel this sadness, even if she brought it on herself, I know that feeling and I just wish it didn't have to be this way."

"You really are an incredible woman, you felt this way, I know you did and now you are sad that Kate has to go through the same emotions, I love you Gina, I don't say that enough, but I am going to show you every day I promise you."

"I love you too Rick, I know, well I am comfortable in your love now, so can I ask you a huge favor from a woman's perspective?"

"You're going to ask me to answer her letter, so she knows where she stands, and what our status is, Right?

"Yes Rick, I want to build the rest of my life with you, whether it be here, Houston Baltimore, I don't care, but I want her to know it's over, no more letters, no more chances, and for her own good, it's time for her to try to find happiness with someone else. Is that being a bitch?"

"Not at all, I'll work on the reply with one condition, you agree to read it before I send it. I am not going to do anything that could remotely upset our relationship, and this is for me, not you, please?

"OK, it's a deal as her hand goes to a place letting Rick serious time is over it's time to have fun. The lights go out, and so does Gina, almost as Rick made a special effort to show her just how special she was, and he did.

.

Chapter 13

Beckett's Apartment

Next Day

Kate has cleaned, re-cleaned and done all of her laundry and now is out of things to do. She's been trying to pass time till she gets clearance to return to work from Doctor Burke next Tuesday. She's practiced the answers, it doesn't matter that they aren't true, she needed to return to work to start rebuilding her relationship with her team, and the new Captain.

Her phone pinged with a new text as she was just going to refill her tea, Coffee is out of the question, too bitter, well too many memories if she were being honest. She opened the simple test from the Courier Company she had used to send the letter to Rick, God that seemed liked a week ago, it had only been a few days, "Letter Delivered, signature scanned and NY Drivers License # attached" She reviewed the attachments and it was indeed Rick's signature, dated yesterday morning.

She sighed, then thought to herself, well good, bad or worse case scenario he at least has the letter. There was no way to know if he read, or would read the contents, so all she could do now is hope.

What was she hoping for, he would come running to her and say all is forgiven, things would go back before Roy's shooting, or he would come and confess his love as he had that day a few months ago?

She quickly dismissed all three as possible outcomes; best case would be for him to even read and hopefully respond. Worse case, he would continue to treat her as someone he used to know, nothing more, nothing less. Either outcome would be the result of her choices, her decisions, and she had no one to blame but herself.

She flashed back quickly to the conversation before she threw him out, "You could be happy Kate, you deserve to be happy" Did She? Doctor Burke would help, but she realized no one can change someone unless they want the desired change. Her Dad and his alcoholism taught her, no matter how bad you want it for them, it won't happen until they want it also.

For now, all she had was the hope that Rick would respond, even if it were hateful and or hurtful, it would be a response, and better than being left to wonder If Only.

Castle's Loft

Same Day

Gina had not left Rick's side since the trip to Houston, she had no desire to be away from him one minute, but she knew there were business matters that both had to take care. She reluctantly left for the office, it took over ten minutes to say goodbye, to finally get out of the loft, apparently Rick didn't want her to leave anymore than she wanted to.

She decided to pick Alexis up from school at lunch and make it a ladies afternoon, Spa, Shopping, and just keeping close to her daughter, well Rick's by law, but she loved her as much as if she had given birth to her. Alexis had accepted her before he father had. When her first boyfriend broke her heart, it was Gina who a teary eyed, Alexis showed up to, and Gina listened, and made it better, after that they grew closer with both worried about Rick.

Rick decided today was the day he would respond to Kate, he promised Gina and he wasn't about to start going back on his promises. He knew in his heart that it was the right thing to do, although he wanted to make her wait, like she had made him, wait, that's petty as he pushed the thought out of his mine.

He decided to use the Word program on his laptop, then he would transfer to stationary, with his own handwriting. He pulled the letter out of the file, and read through it once again, still all he felt was sorrow for Kate, the love he once had was gone, killed by too many lies, broken promises, and being taken for granted.

Well, let's get this over with, he thinks as he opens a blank document,

"Dear Kate,

Thanks for the letter, I'm sure it wasn't easy for you to write, again our apologies but we were honestly on our way out when you showed up. No need for apologies, you didn't put a damper on our evening,

My cellphone was changed a month ago, after waiting to hear something, anything from you, Lanie or even the guys for almost 2 months, it was apparent to everyone, even I finally agreed that my services were truly not needed or wanted, I'm not a cop as everyone knows and I was reminded so often by many. I'm surprised you called the cell, then the land line, we get a list of blocked numbers that have attempted to reach us, and to your complicated comment, it was complicated because you made it that way.

I'll admit it was a surprise to see you at my door, by this time I thought you and Josh had sealed your relationship. This was another reason to cutoff contact, allow you to move on without having to look back, assuming you ever felt anything for me, or my family. I thought you did, but I haven't had the best record in judging people's feelings.

I can understand you feeling your thoughts are valid, regardless of how irrational they may sound to others, no one else lived through what you did. As far as your Dad, let it go it was one Father pleading with another to take care of his little girl, I'm sure I would have resorted to even worse if Alexis were in danger. No Apologies, No Regrets needed.

I'm surprised you recall the words from that night in your apartment, it seemed you tuned everything I said out the moment it came out of my mouth, and it took me a long time to get over some of the hurtful words, but Kate, that's all they were, words.

I had no right, no claim, I was delusional to even think you would consider anything I said or did important enough to walk away, or even slow down the investigation. I am really hopeful the Therapist can do what no one else has been able to do, allow you to be happy.

You're totally correct that we are bound by our choices, sometimes you don't get a voice at the table but you realize, the choices others have made have led you to where you should have been all along. I hope whatever those choices are for you Kate you find what you are looking for, but as for us, there never was an Us, and there never will be.

Although it's in the past, thanks for the honesty about the Deming Debacle, the only thing I really remember is your lie, and then the uncomfortable feelings we all felt. Gina was kind enough to accompany me that summer, we weren't in the place we are now because she knew better than most how I felt about you. She loved me still, enough so to even humble herself to be my second choice.

I have to admit, I was confused, hurt and disappointed by everyone treating me like I had broken your heart when they all knew the entire story. Captain Montgomery sought me out to privately apologize a few weeks later, but I'm sorry even to the day he died, things were never the same between us.

Your "Boys" acted like usual, except when Ryan took a shot at me, since we're being honest, I was within a bat of an eye of returning fire and I wouldn't have missed. Another memory in the wrong column for my time at the precinct. It seemed that the entire force followed your lead, which through your own admission, well we'll just say was less than stellar, fair, or even sometimes just civil.

I think our time in Los Angeles finalized my thoughts into my theory, I could be a work associate, provided I followed your rules, but you would never cross the line to be anything more than that. I'm glad you didn't pull the trigger on Ganz, it would have been contrary to everything that Royce taught you, and if my presence helped that outcome, then the trip was worth the emotional cost. I'm sorry Kate, but based on your history, I really think that if you opening your door to see mine close didn't stir feelings deep enough to act on, nothing would have made you do anything different, so let it go and move on, I did.

Our last fight in your apartment, well I'll just say that some lines were crossed neither of us could ever come back from. I told Roy to go to hell when he called me to take you out of the hangar, once again he played the guilt card that If I didn't you would die, and could I live with that?

No matter how angry, how hurt, or who you were with, Roy knew I couldn't let that happen. He told me that this was his goodbye to make things right, not to ask questions, just to get over hurt feelings that you and the boys would need me for a while. Then the cemetery, your gunshot, the incident with your Boy Friend, and then the lie, I need a couple of days, I'll call you, OK? which brings us here.

There's an old saying Kate that we make time for things we want to do. Also, men face life the way it happens, not the way we would like it to. I had to come to grips that no matter what was going on, how afraid, how much it hurt, if you WANTED to you would have called. You were in the hospital for 3 ½ weeks before you left for some undisclosed location, I found that out by accident.

After the ride to the hospital in the ambulance, losing you twice to be brought back with the paddles, Lanie and I running with the cart with blood on our hands, your blood, then the blame, the shove and a hell of a headache, I waited, we all waited for you to fight, like you always do, and eventually you made it. I got an X-Ray of my ribs and treated for the frustration Josh felt. To the boys credit they did want to arrest him for assault, Espo had him in cuffs. I didn't press charges, because I felt the same frustration, I just channeled it in a different direction.

I worked your case with the boys until the new Captain threw me out, you had told me you would call me when you were ready to talk, so I re-wrote the ending to the last Heat novel. It took a great deal of will power not to visit you, not to go to the Haunt, or even drown my sorrows in the bottle at my home desk, but Alexis was watching. I didn't want her to ever see me anywhere near that state, so the book was completed ahead of schedule.

The weeks went by, ever so slowly, each day I lost a little more hope till I got the call from Ryan the day Gates banished me, he casually mentioned that you had been discharged two day earlier, I decided then, the end of this book would be the end of Heat but I needed to talk to Gina.

Surprisingly enough, She didn't give a damn about the book, she was worried about me. I needed to talk, and the more we talked, the more I realized that she never stopped loving me. She was willing to step aside to get you back in the picture, but we both know there was nothing between us, well the flirtations, but our friendship was more tied to work, than anything personal in our lives.

Thank you for the compliment, Gina has always been beautiful, but I never took the time to really see her true beauty deep inside and her love not only for me, but for so many. She truly does make me happy, as far as the tone in my voice Kate, I have no emotions to inflect into my conversation with you. I have forgiven you, so there's no anger or hurt, I am happy with another, so there's no eternal hope, You're someone I used to love, so there is no love in my voice, it's honest, and I'm sorry if hurtful, I didn't mean it to be.

I mentioned previously, I forgave you a long time ago Kate, so no apologies are needed. I have moved on, I'm Happy, and both Gina and I hope you find your happiness, with someone you meet and truly share your deepest secrets with, it will never work if you don't risk your heart.

We're working on plans now that probably will take us out of your radar range, so the possibility of us seeing each other randomly are very slim. I hope the message is clear, and not to be a bastard or hard ass, Please treat any future meetings as friendly, BUT to me you're someone I used to love, but have moved on. I won't treat Gina or have her worry for one moment you hold the same lock on my heart as you did Detective, I love her, and she loves me.

I'm sorry to come off cold, but Kate, no more letters, no more surprise visits, no calls, and really no contact at all. There is nothing we need to say, we have said everything that needed to be said. You asked for a few days, I gave you all the time in the world, now it's me that needs space and time from you as I grow my new relationship. Please honor my request as I did yours, and remember this is a result of your choice, actually series of choices.

We wish you well Detective, Have a good Life,"

Good Bye,

Castle.

Just as Rick finished transferring the response to Kate form the Word Document to his own personal stationary, the door opened, an in came two women talking up a storm. He walked out of this office to see Gina, laughing and brushing Alexis hair out of her face, then he stopped,

"What if Daddy doesn't like this outfit, it is a little shorter than I usually wear but it's so pretty."

"I'll talk to him Alexis, he has to realize, he won't have a vote at all when you're away from home at college, he raised you right, and I know you wouldn't do anything to disappoint him."

"Thanks Gina, he'll listen to you, I mean I never had anyone he trusted like he does you with me, I'm sorry I caused the split years ago,"

"WHAT, Alexis believe me sweetheart, you were not the reason your Dad and I divorced before, I was stupid, I did stupid things, and I treated your Dad awful for a long time but it was me that ended it baby, it had nothing to do with you. How long have you felt this way?"

"Since you left, I mean I just heard bits and pieces about kids, and since I was the only kid here, I thought it was my fault,"

"Oh Alexis, Gina starts to sob, No Baby never, never, it was your Dad and I and that tried to have a brother or sister for you, I couldn't and I took it out on him, oh Honey I'm so sorry you ever thought it was you."

"I told Dad, that he didn't treat you fair, and it was his fault, God I owe him an apology, but Gina why does he do it, why does he take all the blame for everyone? He could have told me, but he just kept quiet."

"Baby, he loves us all so much, he would rather take any blame than put one ounce of blame, guilt or shame on those he loves. I love him so much, but I never wanted you to think it was his, or heaven forbid your fault Alexis, I went a little crazy and I am so sorry."

Rick steps out of the office and lets them know he's there,

"Hey there are my favorite girls, how was shopping buy anything interesting?"

Alexis runs to him and throws her arms around him, "I'm sorry Daddy, I should never have said anything about you and Gina, I'm just a kid and I got it all wrong, forgive me Daddy, Gina told me the truth and I'm so sorry."

Rick looks down at his little girl, leans her hand back and see's her tears,

"Sweetie, You don't have to say you're sorry, Gina wants to take more blame than she should truth is we both were wrong, but it's better now, guess what?"

"What?"

"You tell her Gina, or you could just show her,"

"I'm coming home Alexis, as she holds her key Fob's out to show her it's not a joke.

Alexis flies from her father's arms to Gina and hugs her in a bear hug, squealing with delight.

"Now that made my Day, When are you going to be here to live Gina, can I help you pack anything?

"Well the movers will be here tomorrow to bring in my stuff your Dad and I agreed to move here, the rest is going into storage, for now. I can't wait to be back here, with you, and your Dad", her eyes lock onto Rick's who has a smile that lights up the room, the look of love could be captured with a picture of the three of them. She mouths "I love you Rick" as Alexis has her tied up in a hug.

"Dad, Gina and I had lunch and were just brainstorming, I know you really were touched by the people of Houston, and if you want to go there to help, I'll be fine, I'll keep an eye on Grams to keep the parties down". A big laugh from everyone was heard

"Thanks Pumpkin, I think if I take my booze with me, Grams won't have the party problem, she only has them when I stock the bar," another laugh,

Seriously, Gina and I do need to talk and I'm glad you're open to us going there, Alexis it was so sad, I have to help."

"I know Dad, you know that's where I get mine from, wanting to help everyone, it's your fault Dad, but I'm glad you're that way. I'm so proud of you both, and HAPPY the house is back the way it's supposed to be. I'm meeting friends so I'll see you both later", as she kisses Gina first then her Dad on the cheek and out the door she goes.

"Well, I never knew she thought it was your fault Rick, why did you let her do that, and take the blame, I mean I was a crazy lad*"

She doesn't finish her sentence, his kiss stills her, his passion, love and gratitude all combined into those lips and her toes are curling she is about to grab his clothes and take him to bed when he finally breaks the kiss.

"Because I love you, I'm in love with you Gina, I never want my little girl to feel anything other than the way she does about you right this minute. You love her too much to feel any hurt or disappointment from her."

"WOW, Rick, I was almost ready to drag you to the bedroom as I ripped your clothes from you. You're too sweet, Rick she knows more than you think, and I really think we should just tell her the truth, no matter what. I appreciate you trying to protect me love, but I want her to know that we're human, make mistakes, get upset occasionally with each other, but that never stops us from loving each other more than life."

"You're right Gina, absolutely she can forgive us for almost anything except a lie, she's been a witness to far too many of those"

"Speaking of, Did you finish the letter Sweetie, I know it's a hard job, but I do want her to get an answer."

"I did, and I want you to read it before I arrange the courier service to take it back to her."

"Are you sure Rick, I mean I trust you, and if*"

"We had a deal", he smiled as he kissed her and let her to the office, handing the letter to her.

Rick faced the window looking out, wondering what landscape Houston Texas would hold for him and Gina, would it be a mistake, was he equipped to help these people who needed it so desperately?

He was so lost in thoughts of Houston and what could possibly lay ahead, he hadn't heard Gina call his name twice, finally she walked over behind him, gently wrapped her arms around his waist, whispering "I love you Richard Castle, I'll never let you go again,"

Rick slowly turned to see Gina's eyes full of tears, "Oh No sweetie did I do something to upset you?"

"No, Rick, just the opposite, I love the letter, if there were even a ounce of doubt of who owns your heart, you made it perfectly clear, and love, you are my everything I love you so much." She kissed him sweetly as they locked eyes, and just enjoyed the look of love for a long while.

Rick took the letter, placed it in the envelope and called Eduardo who arrived within a few moments, and it was on it's way back. The beginning of Gina and Rick Act II, and unfortunately for Kate, any ounce of hope was now over, she had to find an alternate path for her life to travel, she would know it when the letter arrived in about 45 minutes,

Chapter 14

Beckett's Apartment

One Hour Later

Kate was just about to order from one of her favorite take out Chinese Restaurants when she hear a tapping on her door, she didn't recognize the person standing in front of her door, she quickly retrieved her service revolver and asked "who's there,"

"It's Special Courier for Detective Kate Beckett, from Mr. Richard Castle mam,"

Kate's heart jumped into her throat, either he replied or just sent her letter back unopened, either way she had to find out, as she cleared the locks, and looked on the courier was scared out of his mind to see her gun in her hand,

"Sign here Detective, as his hands shook,

She signed, and then he handed her the letter, said thanks and was on his way wasting no time to put space between the gun and himself.

Kate stumbled back inside her door, locking the locks and placing the menu's on the counter, she suddenly wasn't hungry.

She glanced to see, it wasn't her letter being sent back, so he did reply but was she really ready for what he had to say. Gathering strength, she made it to her sofa, she first thought of a glass of wine, but decided whatever was said she needed to be completely sober to understand and remember.

Her hands trembled but she finally got the envelope open, and noticed it was from a very expensive stationary she had scene in the higher-class stores, typical Rick. It thrilled her when she read the opening paragraph, he had used her first name, and started it off in typical Rick fashion,

"Dear Kate,

Thanks for the letter, I'm sure it wasn't easy for you to write, again our apologies but we were honestly on our way out when you showed up. No need for apologies, you didn't put a damper on our evening,

Her confidence began to fade reading the next paragraph, as he explained waiting to hear anything and not being a cop, a slam she had used on him far too often. The last line stabbed her like the bullet piercing her once again, in truth he was right, she had made everything complicated

My cellphone was changed a month ago, after waiting to hear something, anything from you, Lanie or even the guys for almost 2 months, it was apparent to everyone, even I finally agreed that my services were truly not needed or wanted, I'm not a cop as everyone knows and I was reminded so often by many. I'm surprised you called the cell, then the land line, we get a list of blocked numbers that have attempted to reach us, and to your complicated comment, it was complicated because you made it that way.

As she suspected, no one told him she had dumped Josh, so he had thought she had left and spent all this time with him

I'll admit it was a surprise to see you at my door, by this time I thought you and Josh had sealed your relationship.

Then in typical Rick style, telling her to forget what her Dad had done, justifying it as something he would have done as well.

. As far as your Dad, let it go it was one Father pleading with another to take care of his little girl, I'm sure I would have resorted to even worse if Alexis were in danger. No Apologies, No Regrets needed.

The next line although completely truthful but still hurt like hell, he wasn't pulling any punches but after what she put him through, it was a wonder he answered at all.

I'm surprised you recall the words from that night in your apartment, it seemed you tuned everything I said out the moment it came out of my mouth, and it took me a long time to get over some of the hurtful words, but Kate, that's all they were, words.

I had no right, no claim, I was delusional to even think you would consider anything I said or did important enough to walk away, or even slow down the investigation. I am really hopeful the Therapist can do what no one else has been able to do, allow you to be happy.

If that line hurt, the next took her to her knees, crying, there was an us Rick, I swear there was you just didn't see it, but even as badly as she wanted to make it so, she knew he was right, and now this choice to keep her feelings hid had cost her the man she loved.

You're totally correct that we are bound by our choices, sometimes you don't get a voice at the table but you realize, the choices others have made have led you to where you should have been all along. I hope whatever those choices are for you Kate you find what you are looking for, but as for us, there never was an us, and never will be.

She was surprised he knew of the Deming Debacle, and also that it had hurt him so deeply. Thinking back, he had touched each and everyone's life, and this was this the thanks he got. She shuddered to think how close Ryan came to getting killed, Rick was serious now, just as he is then.

I have to admit, I was confused, hurt and disappointed by everyone treating me like I had broken your heart when they all knew the entire story. Captain Montgomery sought me out to privately apologize a few weeks later, but I'm sorry even to the day he died, things were never the same between us.

Your "Boys" acted like usual, except when Ryan took a shot at me, since we're being honest, I was within a bat of an eye of returning fire and I wouldn't have missed. Another memory in the wrong column for my time at the precinct. It seemed that the entire force followed your lead, which through your own admission, well we'll just say was less than stellar, fair, or even sometimes just civil.

Los Angeles changed everything that was for sure, Rick never really acted like himself once they returned, except for the fight in her apartment, saving her ass at the hangar and then in the cemetery,

I think our time in Los Angeles finalized my thoughts into my theory, I could be a work associate, provided I followed your rules, but you would never cross the line to be anything more than that. I'm glad you didn't pull the trigger on Ganz, it would have been contrary to everything that Royce taught you, and if my presence helped that outcome, then the trip was worth the emotional cost. I'm sorry Kate, but based on your history, I really think that if you opening your door to see mine close didn't stir feelings deep enough to act on, nothing would have made you do anything different, so let it go and move on, I did.

She had to stop, her tears were flowing so hard she couldn't see the page, and if any more fell, it would smudge the ink where she couldn't read the letter. She found herself in the bathroom, lying on the cold floor, crying, for herself, crying for Rick and all the pain he had endured, and crying for the future that she knew it would be different, she had lost her best friend, her Always and it was because of her choices.

Then the cemetery, your gunshot, the incident with your Boy Friend, and then the lie, I need a couple of days, I'll call you, OK? which brings us here.

There's an old saying Kate that we make time for things we want to do. Also, men face life the way it happens, not the way we would like it to. I had to come to grips that no matter what was going on, how afraid, how much it hurt, if you WANTED to you would have called. You were in the hospital for 3 ½ weeks before you left for some undisclosed location, I found that out by accident.

After the ride to the hospital in the ambulance, losing you twice to be brought back with the paddles, Lanie and I running with the cart with blood on our hands, your blood, then the blame, the shove and a hell of a headache, I waited, we all waited for you to fight, like you always do, and eventually you made it. I got an X-Ray of my ribs and treated for the frustration Josh felt. To the boys credit they did want to arrest him for assault, Espo had him in cuffs. I didn't press charges, because I felt the same frustration, I just channeled it in a different direction.

Once again she felt the stabbing pain in her chest, just reading the words on paper, she could only imagine the Hell that they went through, and he was right, he deserved a hell of a lot better than she gave him. It was a miracle he stayed as long as he did.

She read the next page, describing where he was ending Heat, as well as his association with her or the NYPD. He was courteous enough not to rub Gina in her face, but he probably thought she didn't really care anyway, again what had she given him to give him the slightest hint.

The weeks went by, ever so slowly, each day I lost a little more hope till I got the call from Ryan the day Gates banished me, he casually mentioned that you had been discharged two day earlier, I decided then, the end of this book would be the end of Heat but I needed to talk to Gina.

Surprisingly enough, She didn't give a damn about the book, she was worried about me. I needed to talk, and the more we talked, the more I realized that she never stopped loving me. She was willing to step aside to get you back in the picture, but we both know there was nothing between us, well the flirtations, but our friendship was more tied to work, than anything personal in our lives.

She held it in reading the next paragraph till she came to the line, you're someone I used to love, explaining why his voice showed zero emotion He wasn't that good of an actor to be trying to con her, he really was over her, therefore no emotion would be normal.

Thank you for the compliment, Gina has always been beautiful, but I never took the time to really see her true beauty deep inside and her love not only for me, but for so many. She truly does make me happy, as far as the tone in my voice Kate, I have no emotions to inflect into my conversation with you. I have forgiven you, so there's no anger or hurt, I am happy with another, so there's no eternal hope, You're someone I used to love, so there is no love in my voice, it's honest, and I'm sorry if hurtful, I didn't mean it to be.

She wasn't sure what he meant by take us out of your radar range, was he moving? To where? When? For the first time she saw the fire that she was used to seeing in Richard Castle, but it wasn't coming to her defense, but Gina's.

We're working on plans now that probably will take us out of your radar range, so the possibility of us seeing each other randomly are very slim. I hope the message is clear, and not to be a bastard or hard ass, Please treat any future meetings as friendly, BUT to me you're someone I used to love, but have moved on. I won't treat Gina or have her worry for one moment you hold the same lock on my heart as you once did Detective, I love her, and she loves me.

If there had been any doubt before, it was all cleared now, he specifically told her he never wanted to see or hear from her again. The line I gave you all the time in the world, now it's me that needs space, tore Kate's heart from her body. For the very first time she had some inkling, some measurement of the amount of hurt Rick Castle had been dealt by her choices,

I'm sorry to come off cold, but Kate, no more letters, no more surprise visits, no calls, and really no contact at all. There is nothing we need to say, we have said everything that needed to be said. You asked for a few days, I gave you all the time in the world, now it's me that needs space and time from you as I grow my new relationship. Please honor my request as I did yours, and remember this is a result of your choice, actually series of choices.

We wish you well Detective, Have a good Life,"

Good Bye,

Castle.

Kate read it from the beginning four times, hoping she wasn't reading what was clearly written. The finality of the letter was hammered home in the last line, We wish you well Detective, then sealed with his signature of Good Bye, Castle, not Always, or Regards, or Sincerely, but Fucking Good bye, and it was truly a bitter pill to have the last word read Castle, a word she had thrown around with such disdain so often, and here it was in his final communication to her. Rick would never be anywhere near her again.

She folded the letter, put it in her forever drawer, and cried till her heart hurt so bad she thought she would die, secretly she wished she would, and finally she fell asleep, alone.

Chapter 15

TEN YEARS LATER

A lot of changes have happened in the last 10 years. Gina and Rick quietly re-married at a private villa 4 months after the last letter to the Detective, with only Alexis, Martha, and Bob Weldon as guests. Alexis served as the maid of honor, Mayor Weldon as Rick's best man.

Rick had kept his promise and killed the Heat series, with one more Heat book he wrote from their new home in suburban Houston Texas. Rook had returned from the war, and much to Heat's surprise brought someone home with him, a wife who he met while covering the action. Heat and the Doctor's relationship never even got started, once Rook left, and she had devoted herself to her job till she was killed in the line of duty, having lost focus on driving and suffered a horrible automobile crash.

Gina opened the West Division Office, as Managing Vice President, worked from home most days, with very infrequent trips to the office. Both she and Rick were on the boards of both Women's Hospital of Dallas, as well as Paul Emil Steiner Infertility Center, where Doctor Sara Steiner Rafferty was the Managing Director, assisted by her husband Dr. Hugh Rafferty.

Rick and Gina were frequent visitors to both facilities giving speeches hosting fund raising events, and Rick had even developed a new character and series of books, with all profits going to the Infertility and Neo Natal wards in equal percentage.

The main character was a cocky, Hispanic Private Detective who had served in the Air Force, Special Forces and often showed up at crime scenes, as a paid consultant. His biggest nemesis was a very bright and attractive Medical Examiner who went to great lengths to disprove his theories, making the team a better unit with a high closure rate.

The biggest problem Rick encountered was names of characters and titles, he finally settled on Jose Torres for the PI, and Aretha Green for the ME in a series of For the Record, an Unofficial Police Report.

He had released 5 books ALL reaching NY Times Best Seller list within 2 months of release and were widely popular in Houston and surrounding areas since Gina offered two versions, English and Spanish in one printing. Funding for both facilities were far past expectations, so with approval from Black Pawn, Rick and Gina, $30 Million Dollars was budgeted to streamline the adoption process, including providing neo natal care for young women, housing if necessary, help with Social Workers, and finally assisting finding couples looking to adopt.

Gina had been the public figure leading the fight for better conditions to be provided by the city, and state, and was issued a challenge, "if you think you can do better get elected", so she did, defeating a heavily favored incumbent Mayor by over 40% of the final vote.

Life had been busy for Rick and Gina, Alexis graduated with honors, then met her husband while working on her PhD. Gina was the typical mother of the bride, Alexis chose not to invite Meredith, and Rick was absolutely overjoyed. Alexis and Ron Harper had lived in New York in the Loft, until Martha had to be admitted to an assisted living location, before passing at the age of 79, 5 years ago, and now were planning on joining the family in Houston.

The biggest surprise for everyone came just a year after Rick and Gina were married, she sought treatment from Doctor S and got pregnant, and delivered full term twin boys. It was a miracle, and no one questioned why it happened, they were just too much in love with little Kevin and Kyle.

Rick and Gina had seen Kate Beckett once in the last ten years, while coming out of a coffee shop on one of their trips to New York and Kate was just coming in. A quick polite conversation revealed that Kate was now Deputy Commissioner of Police, Kevin had moved into the Captains spot, Javi had retired after his twenty years and moved to a suburb of Miami where he was Police Chief, and Lanie had 3 children by her husband Dr. Lance Manish, accounting for Javi's departure.

Gates had been forced to retire when Senator Bracken was convicted for the murder of Johanna Beckett. Kate had been engaged for about a year but called it off a few months before she saw Rick and Gina, still married to her job.

Javi and Kate were still single, Kevin was divorced, and seeing his mistress that broke up his marriage, and Kate had lost her Dad about the same time as Martha passed. The conversation was polite, almost like you would talk to you neighbor, and once again Kate reflected on her choices, if only she had the courage to make a decision back then, how different could things be.

Rick was happy, over the moon with his boys just like he was when Alexis was small, and Gina looked younger and prettier than ever. Her approval rating as Mayor was at an all-time high, crime rates fell, unemployment fell, and Houston was once again the place to move to, even without the previous oil boom. When the Oil Market crashed in the 80's Houston suffered a terrible setback and now was just beginning to enjoy it's spot on one of America's top 10 Cities,

Gina was asked to run for re-election and or for Governor, she declined both and spent her time raising her miracle boys with the man she called her husband, which was a miracle in itself that they got a second chance. Both were so thankful that the choices they made had improved the lives of so many people, to say they had it all would put it mildly.

Rick and Gina were married for 47 years when Rick passed in his sleep, he was 89 years old, surrounded by all of his family, and the woman he loved.

A week after Rick's funeral that was carried on Major News outlets, Katherine Beckett passed quietly at the home of the Son of her best friend of 60 years Lanie Manish. She was 81 years old, the last thing anyone heard her say was, "If Only". ******************

The End.