Kitti here with her first How I Met Your Mother story. Now i'm absolutely addicted to this show and I just adore the character of Barney. He is just awesome! Anyway i'm going to stop rambling and say enjoy the story. I will be updating this freqently.
Figured You Out – Chapter 1 – Starting Something.
Well kids, your Uncle Barney is definitely a one of a kind guy; always getting himself, Uncle Marshall and I in trouble. He is one of my closest friends-
-AHEM
Sorry Barney, he is one of my best friends. There are so many crazy stories about our adventures I can tell you, but the one in particular is special. It's the story of how he met Auntie Mac. Now I never though Uncle Barney would settle down, get married, the whole package.
Yeah I gave her the whole package, yeah, I went there. Can I get-
-Anyway it all started with….
Barney groaned and rolled over in the bed. He didn't quite remember the night; he blamed having a drinking match with Ted, which he won of course. The figure under the covers indicated the woman he seduced was still asleep; he could sneak out and avoid all that touchy feeling morning stuff. He stretched and swung his legs over the side of the bed, unfortunately he took the covers with him.
Barney screamed and jumped away from the bed. There wasn't a woman in the bed; in fact it wasn't even a human in the bed. It was a dog, not just any dog; a big, obviously angry Rottweiler. The dog growled at Barney and jumped up onto all fours. Barney backed up until his back hits the wall. What the hell had happened last night and where was he? It must've been a prank. Yeah, it must have been Ted and Marshall. He began to frantically glance around the room for his clothes when a woman ran in and began to stroke the dog. She was pretty, and by the slight sway in her walk, obviously as hung over as he was. Once the dog had stopped growling and curled up again the woman looked to him.
"Sorry about Zane, he likes to sleep in my bed. I didn't think he would jump up there with a stranger in it." She chuckled slightly and stood up. "I'll leave you to get dressed." She went to walk out the room and paused, glancing back at him. "And yes, No dog involved." She laughed and walked out the room. A look of relief crossed Barney's face. He was twisted, but not that twisted. He quickly grabbed his clothes that were thrown about the room and got dressed, being very careful of the sleeping dog.
Barney poked his head out of the bedroom to look around for the woman and grinned when she wasn't in sight. He then began to quickly move to the door when she walked out the kitchen with a pot of coffee in her hand. She raised an eyebrow slightly and the corners of her mouth tilted up into a small smile.
"Dude, there is no need to rush off like I'm a psychotic woman who wants to force you in a relationship. Sit down, have a coffee and let me make you breakfast, then you can run off and never call me again." She paused, and set the coffee down on the table. "Just think of it as a thank you for one of the best nights in my life." Barney eyed her cautiously before walking over to the table and sitting down, might as well not turn up a free breakfast. She walked back into the kitchen and could be heard moving about. Barney poured himself a cup of coffee and took a long sip and grinned to himself.
Not long after that the most delicious smell came wafting in from the kitchen followed by the woman walking in with two plates and set them on the table, sitting down afterwards. Eggs, bacon, tomatoes, toast; it was a very nice fry up. The woman ate in silence; Barney took this chance to eye her up. She was slightly shorter than him with brown hair that was in loose curls, it framed her face and fell to her middle back. When she looked up at him he noticed she had grey eyes. A pretty good rack too. Not too big, not too small, just the perfect handful she had several hickys down her neck. She smiled slightly and Barney quickly began to eat. This was slightly awkward.
The food was good; it was actually rather nice waking up to a breakfast and coffee of course if he wanted that at home he could always hire a maid, actually that was a good idea. She could cook for him, clean for him. No no what was he thinking; no woman would be a regular in his apartment, not after Lily. He finished his food and drained his coffee just as she did. He stood up and nodded to her.
"Thank you for breakfast…Miss….?" He forgot her name; did she even tell him her name? She didn't look all that offended.
"Roxy. My name is Roxy." She paused and sipped her coffee. "And if you ever wanted to hook up again, I believe my number is written on your arm."
Barney rolled up his sleeve and sure enough, in blue ink was her name and phone number. He chuckled slightly before heading out the door. That was certainly one of the weirdest mornings he had woken up to. Still he did write her number down on a piece of paper before washing it off.
He never did call her back. But fate has a funny way of making people bump into each other.