ScrewedBob SquarePanties
Episode Two: The Pity-It Box
This story is based on the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "The Idiot Box" but, sadly, I do not own this episode of SpongeBob, or any episodes, characters, or scenarios. Nick does. If you want actual SpongeBob stuff not written by a nobody high-school kid, go to and their surrounding companies. This is pure fiction, and is for enjoyment and humour purposes. It is rated M for Mature for sexual description, mild depictions of blood and gore, and foul language. Basically put, it's not kids stuff. If you are at risk of throwing up if you read such descriptive media, avoid this please. Don't let your 4-year-old children read this and send me angry letters. I won't care. I'll laugh at your unfortunate circumstance. Review this, it better be good, or I'll go to your house and kick you cat off The Grand Canyon.
SpongeBob and Patrick are happily prancing in front of SpongeBob's house, staring at his mailbox obsessively. "See Anything Patrick?" SpongeBob giggled. "Not yet," Patrick replied, "I need my glasses." Patrick shoved two glasses of Sea-Salt Lemonade on his eyes. "Damn! that's hurts like a bitch!" he screamed. SpongeBob eyed Patrick. "You aren't that stupid Patrick, you're just acting like a Dumb-Ass on purpose." "I might be stupid, but I'm also dumb." Patrick said. SpongeBob cracked and screamed "STARRING AT A PILE OF DOG SHIT IS FUNNIER THAN YOU ARE!!!" Patrick asked SpongeBob "You know what's funnier than Fourty six? Fourty Seven!" SpongeBob yelled "WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEA- hey, my package is here"
Squidward walked outside "I didn't realize it was Annoying Abundant Assholes day." he chuckled to himself. He then saw the huge 67" plasma-screen T.V. SpongeBob got. "Holy shit! That's a huge-ass T.V! How much did it cost you?" SpongeBob announced proudly "One cent on eBay, and it was only Six Thousand dollars shipping! Do you want it?" Squidward was amazed "You spend $6000.01 on a T.V... for ME?" Squidward said, awed. "No, you did! Patrick jacked your credit card when you were asleep. We figured if we bought it, you'd be okay to pay the shipping!" Squidward checked his wallet. "But my credit cards still here!" SpongeBob smiled "Hey Pat, show him the photocopy!" Patrick obeyed. Squidward shouted the "F" word so many times his face turned red. "Uhh... were we NOT supposed to show him that?" SpongeBob asked. Squidward chased him furiously "Patrick! Grab the box!" Squidward dragged the T.V. in his house. "At least I got a new T.V. out of DumbBob being a jackass this time." He chuckled to himself. "DumbBob. Hilarious."
"Might as well masturbate" He turned the channel to the Playboy channel by mistake. "Ew! Disgusting!" He flipped back to Mozart: The Biography and started masturbating, pretending the clarinet player's clarinet was his penis. He heard strange grunting coming from outside . He saw the box shaking, and SpongeBob and Patrick screaming happily. Squidward walked outside. SpongeBob was naked on top of Sandy, and Patrick was naked on top of Mrs. Puff, and the inside of the box was white from sperm. "What the living fu-" "We're using our IMAGINATIONS" SpongeBob said dreamily, "I'm using my - not gonna ask and going to watch T.V." Squidward replyed. "I'm imagining I'm you and Sandy's a clarinet and I'm pretending the clairnet's a vagina to masturbate so I can be JUST LIKE YOU." "How-abada Did-abada IDont-abada Screw-acada Clairie-abasa" Squidward mumbled "Sure you do, we hide in you're bathtub all day and spy on you, we know" SpongeBob said "Yeah, I'm surprised you haven't got us in shit when you found us in there yet" Patrick added. Squidward stared. "So how does imagining work, like masturbating?" Squidward asked curiously. "No - like believing" Patrick explained "I'm imagining I'm a starfish named Patrick having anal sex with Mrs. Puff, and missing, and getting our imagination box all white!!!" "Patrick - you ARE a starfish having anal sex with Mrs. Puff and missing and getting the box all white" Squidward replied, bored. "See, now you're getting it!" Spongebob said, pretending to be masturbating in a Clarinet. "What the hell ever. Go do whatever, SpongeBitch and PatPrick" Patrick chuckled "He called me PatPrick, and my names Patrick!" he laughed insanely.
SpongeBob and Patrick having fun drove the six-legged octopus insane, "I've got to find out what's in that box!!! I've got to have fun!!! I've got to change my name to SixLeggedOctopusWard because the shows creators are stupid enough to think I'm not a squid!!!! Buh muh ha ha!!!" he laughed menacingly that night. He jumped in the sperm-filled box. "I'm driving a car! Vrrrrom! Starting my engine!" he said. the box's engine started. "Sick-ass!!" I'm driving... in reverse!!!" the box drove in reverse. "This is the shit!!!" he yelled happily.
Meanwhile, SpongeBob was having sex with Sandy. Sandy moaned in pleasure than said."Oh, dammit, Squidward is masturbating in our sex-box." "Don't worry, sex-buddy" SpongeBob assured her "I ordered a Sex-Box 360!" Sandy pulled up her space-pants, depressed. "Aw, but those are worse than the originals. The only let us play 30 of original SexBox games." "Hey - why are you always wearing a spacesuit?" SpongeBob asked. "Because you're a faggot." Sandy said "No wonder your ass is out of this world!" SpongeBob said, and laughed his annoying SpongeBob laugh. "Like I haven't heard THAT one before" Sandy sighed.
At that very moment, Squid finally lifted his head out of the SexBox. "So I've been on a garbage truck this whole time?" Squidward sighed. He was then dumped into a garage crusher. "Holy shiiiii-" his voice was cut off by his body being crushed into a tight little box. There was no blood what-so-ever and Squidward never got to finish his final word because if this story had any more profanity, it would be kicked off the internet and I'd have my as - err - butt sued off. And who knows? Maybe Squidward was saying. "Shipments" or "Shiskabob" or "Shiver" or "Shindig" or something.
At Squidward's funeral, SpongeBob got his clarinet. "Yay!" He yelled "Now I don't have to pretend anymore!" The French Announced concluded the story "And that's the best ending the idiot author could think of. What a Oui-ner."