Hello people! I'm here to write a story about our favorite vampire and his famous girlfriend.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Twilight Saga.
"Oh, Edward!" I exclaimed with the utmost chagrin. "How could you have left me, all alone in those cold, dark, chilly, ominous, frigid, inky woods of doom? How could you leave me with that perspicacity? We're supposed to be in lust-I mean, love!""You know me, Bella," my sparkling stone Adonis answered. "It was all for your protection."
"Oh, but Edward," I anti-whined, "You're the one who needs protection, not me!" I fell on the dewy, richly myrtle grass. "I should have died, I knew it…""Oh, my Bella, you needn't worry," my marble-skinned boyfriend reassured.
I wiped my moist, aqueous tears from my plain, common eyes. "Why ever not?""Oh, my turtledove," Edward chuckled, "We still have two books and a companion novel to go through.""Oh, but of course, it makes perfect sense!" I exclaimed. "Edward, you're ingenious! You're seraphic! You're paradisiacal! You're perspicacious! You're-""Ah, but I'm not," Edward interrupted with acute melancholy. "I am but a detestable horrendousness, an abhorrent atrocity. You are not truly entitled to my presence in your life, I'm afraid.""Oh, but my Eddiekins!" I cried. "Do not flee!"
But to my chagrin, the incandescent vampire was gone.
Chagrined, I buried my tear-stricken face to the ground. How could I live in this abominable life? How could I survive in this contemptible existence on Earth? How could I muster the courage to sleep soundly without his presence, to see clearly without those golden eyes piercing mine?
After an hour at the least, I slowly but calmly rose upward and loped off to my habitation that most sane humans call a "house."
FIN