Ok Dragon Age fans! I'm here to present my take on how I feel about some fo the changes made in DA2 and my Origins characters are here to help me YAY!
Let me say first off that I don't hate DA2 or think it's a bad game. So far I like it, but also a lot of things have been bugging me about some of the changes they made. I will first look at how my Dalish Warden will react to the new changes made to elves, the Dalish elves in particular, his Dalish clan even more in…particular…that probably doesn't make grammatical sense but Parodies have a slight learning curve lol.
Dragon Age: Origin-alities
Chapter 1: The Luck of the Dairish.
It had been more than two years since Tallen had been made a grey warden. More than two years since he and his clanmate Tamlen had made a foolish choice and set into motion a series of events that would lead to Tallen being taken from his clan, saw him become a grey warden, and ultimately, made him the Hero of Ferelden, vanquisher of the Archdemon, and one to countless people, even the humans who would have at one time hated and despised him, now called their savior.
Tallen, once the Warden-Commander, had given up his title, having no further need to be the commander after the Darkspawn threat was ultimately defeated in Amaranthine and taken it upon himself to search for other dalish clans to home to the new land King Alistair had provided for then in return for his people's service against the Blight. In all this time he had managed to track down quite a few clans and eventually brought then down to their new home, which they had all been wandering and searching for so long. Then, Tallen received word that his own clan had been sighted in the Free Marches and did not hesitate to make the journey there when he heard the news.
"Creators, this land gives me the creeps…" he muttered as he continued his trek up Sundermount Peak, the last known location for his clan. "Everything here looks so…gritty and somber." He finally said after struggling to find the words for a few minutes. "Not to mention the people living in the city. Elves must have it worse here than they do in Ferelden because some of them looked so skinny they could slip under a door. And their faces…"
The ground beneath Tallen's feat suddenly erupted as a skeletal hand sprouted like a deadly weed from under him, grasping for his boot. With nimble quickness, Tallen jumped back as the undead creature sprouted out of the ground, pulling a sword and shield from its hole. Tallen removed the two swords from his back and as he did more skeletons emerged in all directions. Tallen surveyed the battlefield for a moment then leapt into battle, brandishing his two full-sized blades as he charged the first skeletal warrior. The undead creature tried to bring up its shield to block the inevitable attack but Tallen's enchanted blades effortlessly sliced through the corpse's rusty shield, taking the creature's arm with it. The possessed corpse appeared unfazed as it swung forward with it's sword hand, but its slow, clumsy strike was easily parried with one swift motion of Tallen's left blade, followed by a spinning slice into the fleshless neck of the creature, severing the spine at the head and destroying the demon within. The now lifeless corpse fell to the ground in pieces and Tallen turned his attention to the others. He jumped towards one and in one strike severed both its arms and followed up with a dual slice into the skeletal, abdomen slicing it in half. As the torso fell from the buckling skeletal legs the remaining corpses had surrounded Tallen and began charging him on all sides. As they charged recklessly toward him Tallen spread his arms out to his sides, the blades pointed outward. Once the walking corpses were in range Tallen shifted all his weight to his right shoulder and pivoted gracefully on his right foot, sending his body into a spin. Though the motion left his vision blurred he felt the vibrations from his blades as they carved into the skeletons around him. Tallen ended the move by bending his knees and sweeping his two weapons around in dual arcs. And then , the last of the undead fell before him with a clumsy tumble. With little effort Tallen stood and secured his weapons again.
"Wow, that was… boring," he scoffed as he gently kicked one of the shattered skeletons. "Didn't even have to think that one through at all." Tallen didn't take another look at the pile of bones he left behind as he continued his search for his clan.
"I can't believe it…" he thought aloud after a few more minutes of travel. "After all this time I will finally be reunited with my clan." Tallen fnally found level ground and saw what looked like an entrance to the clan ahead, and suddenly began feeling nervous. "It's been so long though, how are they going to react to me now? Heh, they probably won't even…recognize…me…"
Tallen's face was a fusion of confusion and utter shock when he saw what was before him. These elves wore Dalish armor and wore the vallasin as most Dalish do, but these was not the clan he remembered. Their skin was a different range of floors he did not recall. Dalish came in a variety of skin tones just as shems of dwarves did but now the guards who stood vigil over the camp had skin the color of grey, ominous storm clouds. They were also incredibly thin, similar to the elves in the city and their faces were also the same unusual shape, with large, almost buggy eyes and noses that seemed to extend into their foreheads. Their ears another distinguishing feature as they jutted out from their heads as though someone had pulled them down to their necks and stretched them out just to show how different they were supposed to look from humans.
For some reason, Tallen was relieved to see that at least they weren't blue…
Suddenly one of the hunters spotted him and Tallen instantly froze, up, not sure what to expect when he suddenly met the bulbous eyes of the guard, which upon seeing Tallen's face, somehow managed to get even larger…
"Ooh! looky here!" the guard suddenly shouted. "Ef it esn't our long lost clanmete that went un jyned the Greey Wardens! Oh joy of joys ta see ya back and about boyo!"
Tallen blinked with confusion at the singsong sounding voice of the guard. He had never heard a Dalish speak with that kind of accent before. "Um…have we met?" was all Tallen could think to say after getting so caught off guard.
"Oh give ovur lad, don'tye remember me? Has it relly been solong that ye forgut abut the tyme I helped he look fur Tamlen?
Tallen once again blinked in surprise. "Fenarel?" he said surprised. "What the-what the hell happened to you!"
"What'ye talking bout lad? I'm feelin fitter'n a fiddle tudey." Suddenly "Fenarel's" happy expression vanished and he began to look at Tallen inquisitively, as if something was amiss.
"Sey lad what's that luuk about?" he asked Tallen carefully studying his leather armor and his facial features. "An ye sound soh deffrnt then aye remembur…"
"Me!" Tallen shouted. "YOU'RE the one who looks different, AND the one who's speaking strangely!"
"Are ye daft lad? Thes es the way e've always spoaken!" Fenarel retorted. "Yuur th' one who sounds diffrnt."
Noooo…" Tallen said coolly. "I'VE never spoken with some weird accent before Fenarel. I can't tell if you're speaking the words that are coming out of your mouth or trying to sing them!...rather badly I might add…"
Fenarel raised an eyebrowLuuk laddie, maybeh yuu shuud goh and speak with the Keepur." Fenrael replied gesturing into the camp. "Seems yuu've been awey frum the People for a longer than ye thought."
"The People?" Tallen asked again. "The Dalish are seriously calling ourselves 'The People' now?" Tallen sighed with frustration and clasped his hand over his face. "This feels soo strange and yet I can't help feeling like I've heard that before…" he then turned to Fenarel again. "Hey Fenarel," he asked. "No one in the camp is…blue… are they?"
"Blue? O'course not boyo, what mede ya ask that?"
"I have absolutely no idea…"
Things didn't get any easier for Tallen as he walked further into the camp everyone he thought he knew shad the same look as Fenarel and many of the other elves he had seen in Kirkwall. They all suddenly dropped whatever it was they were doing and suddenly rushed over to him began clamoring with questions or praise. Then again they could have been saying anything since Tallen couldn't really understand what they were saying. Whether it was because everyone was talking all at once or because they were all talking with that strange accent Fenarel was using he wasn't sure What was even more unusual was that they were ALL taller than him now too, even the women now stood at least a few inches over his head.
"Suddenly, I feel really insecure…" he muttered as me made his way through the crowds. Then suddenly he found himself standing in fromt of Keeper Merethari.
Or at least he thought it was Keeper Merethari…
Like all the other Dalish in the camp she somehow looked drastically different than Tallen had remembered her. She was thinner than he remembered and her face was so much more round and cute in comparison to the stern look Tallen remembered. As soon as their eyes met her unrecognizable face lit up.
"Oooh Da'len! Et's soh guud tah see yu again!" she cried in joy. Her voice was different as well, not just in accent but it was higher pitched, less gruff than he remembered. "Ey've known ya since ye was a wee babe aftur all and now yer all grown a Greey Warden ta buut and some bak tah visit yer clan! Oh happy deeh!"
"Oh blessed Creators! Not you too, Keeper!" Tallen exclaimed, causing a look of shock in his former keeper. "What's wrong with everyone! Why is everyone so Strange!"
"Dear Da'len what's wrong?" Merethari asked, concerned for the child. "You speak soh stangely, et's lik yuv gon un ben weth the shemlem fur so long yuv up'n learned to talk like them?"
"Are you kidding!" Tallen shouted angrily finally losing his patience with this suddenly different world he thought was once his home. "Everyone here sounds more like a shemlen than I do! Then everyone else looks so weird that I can't even tell who anyone IS anymore! Do the shems put lyrium or something in the water that causes elves to…to mutate! Then again the elves in the city didn't talk all…singsong-y! I mean Creators I met another Dalish clan in Ferelden and they sounded like I do now, they looked like me too!"
"The…'Dai-lish?'" Merethari said, puzzled. "Da'len, hoe long hav yu been away? Wer called the Dairish."
All the color suddenly left Tallen's face and his once flailing hands now dropped sagging to his side. His mouth hung open for a moment before he managed to force a few more words out.
"The…Dairish..?"
"Of course Da'len," replied the Keeper cheerfully. "Noe sit down with yer clan an tell us the tale of yer battle with th' archdemin!"
"Uh…actually I really need to get going." Tallen said nervously.
"Wha?" Merethair said, looking surprised "But why Da'len? ye just cam bak!"
"Ya well, you know how it is in Ferelden these days, being a Grey Warden and all…" Tallen managed to stammer out in reply. "Have to…keep vigilant…in case…another blight happens you know…heheh….." Then, without even finishing what he had meant to say, Tallen began sprinting out of the camp as fast as he could, not bothering to look at anyone, just running until he was far, far away from what he had just seen.
As continued to run down the mountain, his memories all a swirling storm of confusion.
"I am NEVER coming back to this country again!" he shouted to the wind as he continued to run and planned to keep going until he reached the waking sea, when he would swim as fast as he could and then run once more.
Ok everyone. First off I want to say I wasn't intending to make fun of Welsh or Irish accents so I apologize if anyone who is of Irish or Welsh descent is offended by this. I was only making fun of BioWare's changes to the Dalish elves and elves in general. I understand why they made that change but I personally preferred the old design. That doesn't make DA2 not worth playing but I just found this change annoying. I also don't think it's as funny as it could have been, but I wanted to get ti down before I lost inspiration and I'm a little rusty as comedy.
I'm going to add at least one more chapter with another Origins character so look out for that one soon.