To Visit An Old Friend
Author's Note: This is really my first serious fan fiction/one shot. I know it's not the best, but I really like the idea and I hope it provokes the emotions of the reader that I intended. Warning: It's kinda sad. (FEELS) I may continue this if it gets enough reviews/comments/etc.
Nessa took a deep breath and pulled her black hood over her head as the armed guards slowly pushed open the huge, ornate doors. She had finally convinced Odin to let her in after a long while, for she was persistent and it had finally paid off. After all, she had been a friend of the family since she was just a little girl, even though she had a deep hatred for the king after she had witnessed many years of his doings...
She had known Loki for years, she had played with him and Thor while they were both just young, innocent angels. She imagined him back then... soft green eyes, pale but warm skin, thin face and lips, lean build and slick dark hair. She has had many fond memories of playing in the fields of Asgard, chasing after each other and playing make believe games... but there was the other memories, too. She experienced first hand the pain he went through; always coming in second to Thor in Odin's eyes. She tried to shake the memories out of her mind but her heart still sank when she thought of them... When Loki would lock himself up in his room and refuse to play, and become unexplainable angry or upset... Her mind wandered to when she would talk to him on the steps of the palace and try to cheer him up. At times, it seemed as if she was the only one who could do that.
Nessa sat curled up behind one of the big marble columns of the palace, hiding. Her, Loki, and Thor had been playing an innocent game of hide-and-seek. Her heart sank, however, as she heard the all too familiar voices of the two brothers bickering. She peeked out from behind the column to see Thor grabbing Loki's wrist and throwing him to the ground mercilessly. "You only counted to fourteen!" Thor said angrily as Loki looked up at his brother helplessly. Poor Loki, Thor was much more stout and had a sturdier build than Loki, even though he was taller and at the age of eight (which they all were around this age at the time). Thor kicked him in the side causing him to hiss back and claw at his face in return. And that was when Odin stepped in. "LOKI!" he said, his voice bellowing. His harsh voice was enough to scare a grown man, even without yelling. Loki looked up quickly at his 'father', and scuttled back quickly on his elbows for he was still on the ground. "F-father," he muttered, fear instilled in his shaking voice. Thor scoffed, "Father, Loki was cheating!"
"Is that so?" Odin inquired, tilting his head back towards Loki. He didn't respond. "Have some respect, Loki. You should know not to cheat by now. Apologize."
Loki looked down as he shakily stood up and brushed himself up, wincing at the pain in his side. His expression had turned from fearful to vengeful by now. "It's only a game, father!" he spat furiously, looking up challengingly into his father's eye.
"I will have none of this, boy!" Odin replied sharply, causing Loki to step back unsurely. "You will not talk back to me, or cheat your brother! Now, away with you!"
Loki took this chance to run. Towards the doors he ran, and out into the pouring rain. Nessa felt anger bubbling in her chest as she quickly made her way towards the door after him. Odin grabbed her shoulder and pulled her back. "He doesn't need your pity."
"I don't care! Let me go!" she squeaked, shaking away his shoulder and hurrying after Loki once more.
Loki was sitting on the steps, the rain soaking him. Nessa came and sat beside him.
"Are you okay?" she asked, her young heart heavy with the event that had just occurred. She couldn't even imagine how he felt.
"Go away." he replied, turning away from her. She heard him sniffle and his voice crack with the words, and saw him lift his sleeve to wipe away a tear. She sat in silence for a few moments trying to think of something to say to him.
"Loki." She said, scooting a little closer. "Everything will be okay. Tomorrow we can play hide and seek again. And maybe it won't be raining, and we can play in the meadow!"
He whimpered in reply. "I don't want to."
She shrugged. "Well... what do you want to do?"
"Nothing." he quickly replied.
"There has to be SOMETHING..." she said, nudging him with her elbow. His balance wavered a bit before making a quick recovery. He didn't reply, and she just continued to sit near him as he stared out upon the city. She did the same, for a really long time it seemed like. She was about to stand up because she felt like a bother now, but he quickly grabbed her wrist. "Don't go." he says, looking up at her. She continue to sit in silence, and this is how it always was. He just needed someone there when this stuff happened. She was soaked, but she didn't care.
Eventually he got up to return to the palace and she followed, and was greeted by Frigga at the palace doors.
"Thank you..." she whispered to her before handing her a towel.
Frigga.
She sighed. This is why she was here. The adoptive mother of Loki, Frigga, had just died recently, and she had finally built up the courage to visit Loki and maybe, just maybe, she could comfort him like she used to. Frigga and Nessa had been possibly the only two people who still cared for him, and now she was the only one left. This is what Frigga would want, there still needs to be someone to look after her son even though he had been banished to prison and even though Nessa felt so apprehensive about seeing him since their last meeting. She knew how to deal with most of his anger, but eventually it just became too much. Chills covered her body as she remembered the recent times she had visited him... it had been a long time, but it was the reason they had grown apart. Once the power went to his head, he began to push her away and treat her just like any other person; which was rude, controlling, and manipulative. She gave up after a couple years ago when he had snapped at her, yelling at her after she had expressed your concern about how he needed to stop being so cruel and destructive before he let it get even more out of hand...
"Ah, Nessa, it's been a while." Loki said mischievously, it almost seemed as if that tone of voice was the only one he had these days.
"Loki." she slightly bowed her head.
"Well, why are you here? After so long." he looked down, a bit of genuinity hinting in his speech.
She bit her lip and looked up at him, not sure if she should be straightforward with him or not.
"I'm worried about you."
Before she could barely finish, he stifled a laugh. "I was afraid of that." the genuinity had slipped away and sarcasm had replaced it. Once he realized she was serious, however, he looked at her confused, his thin eyebrows knitting together and his intense green gaze boring into her.
"You know I care about you, Loki." Her voice was soft and full of concern.
This statement seemed to anger him. "Do you?" he faced her, lifting an eyebrow, his voice hard and cold. She swallowed and looked down.
"It's been months." he continued, but stopped at that. He didn't want to sound like he had missed her, that would be weak of him.
"I…I've been afraid."
There was silence as Loki tried to think of a response. He knew why she was afraid, and she should be. He was much more powerful than he used to be.
"Why is that?" he finally spoke, his voice betraying the fact that he didn't really care.
She shook her head. "What you've become. It's not right, Loki." she said, bravely stepping closer to him. He chuckled and looked down at her. "And why are you so concerned?"
"I miss the old Loki." was all she could think of to respond. After all, she was being put on the spot and her nerves were getting the best of her. It's a shame, for there was so much more she could have said.
He laughed louder than ever at her answer. "The old Loki? You mean… you mean the Loki who was ABUSED by his father, shot down by his brother, and weak?" he narrowed his eyes, stepping closer to her intimidate her, looking intensely into her eyes which were only a couple inches away from his at this point. She blinked and took a step back. "Th… that's not what I meant. It doesn't have to be this way. You're becoming evil. Loki, you're…. you're no better than them."
The words spilled out, and her stomached turn as she let the last sentence go. Regret made her swallow hard, and she returned her gaze to him in fear. He was silent.
Suddenly, a sharp cold wind roused her before an even more forceful wind swept her off her feet and onto the hard marble floor. She screamed in pain and surprise and closed her eyes, wincing, and when she opened them Loki was looming right above her. "HOW DARE YOU!" he yelled, all emotion in his eyes replaced with had blinded him. Her only reply was a whimper as a tear slid down her cheek. He grabbed her small wrist and shoved her back to the ground, as he formed an illusion in which many copies of himself also surrounded her. His full intent was to scare her, he had no intent on actually harming her, but this frightened her so much that she began screaming and crying loudly. Tears uncontrollably ran down her face as she shook with the sobs that escaped her.
And he was gone. Just like that. He had disappeared. Neither him or any of his copies remained. There one second, gone the next. "You're going to regret this!" she managed to yell out into the empty darkness. Still crying and crumpled on the floor, Nessa made the decision to never visit him again.
Which he did. But what did she expect? He was destined to be this way, he was born the god of mischief. She remembered the last time she had seen him... his soft green eyes he had as a child had changed to a cold, hard green; his pale skin now seemed cold to the touch, his face daunt with jealousy.
But she knew he needed somebody, just like anyone else would. She knew Thor and Odin were still angry with Loki, and Frigga was gone. After everything she still had a small tinge of hope that somehow, the old Loki would surface for her. This was the only way she could find out. She still didn't understand why she still cared for him after all that he has done. Not only to you, but everyone, even the innocent people of New York. Somehow she missed the old Loki so much, and you knew that this is what Frigga would want. Somebody needed to care for her son since she was now gone.
She entered a small room, with a guard standing at the door that went into Loki's chamber. She removed her hood before approaching the man. "I would like to visit Loki."
The man laughed. She couldn't say she wasn't expecting that kind of reaction.
"You?" he scoffed before his voice became more serious. "He's a dangerous man, girl. You know that."
"Yes I do." She replied quickly, nervousness edging her voice. "And I must see him. I've been given permission from Odin himself."
The man heaved. "Well... as you wish. I'll be standing right here if I am needed."
"Thank you." She said as he undid some of the locks on the door.
"Well... it's ready when you are." he said.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before slowly opening the door. She braced herself for his reaction, but nothing came. She took a couple steps inside, the white walls seemed to be a bit calming. Her heart stopped when she saw Loki setting on the floor, looking at her. She was surprised to see he still had on his regal outfit - complete with black leather, green velvet, gold accents and intricately designed arm guards. His glorious horned helmet was sitting beside him. His hair was longer and slicked back. His face was still daunt, a sadistic smile framing his thin lips, his green eyes flickering with mischief.
"Why are you here?" he said, standing up taking a couple steps toward her.
"I came to see you." she said, successfully keeping her voice from shaking.
"You know she's not even my mother." his voice sounded bitter.
She soaked in as much as she could before she jumped back in fear hearing the hissing, stinging words: "Well here I am." After she recovered she realized it had sounded like it had came from behind her, and he was no longer in the place he was standing just a moment ago.
"Loki..." the name unwillingly spilled out from her lips as she found him, sitting behind her, facing away from her. He had fooled her with an illusion.
She took a moment to take in the painful, yet true site that now laid before her. He was no longer in his regal outfit, but a tattered shirt and pants. He had bruises and cuts all over, and the furniture in the chamber was scattered around in unusual positions. His hair was thick and messy, and he was gazing at the floor.
"Is this what you wanted." his voice was calm now, but he didn't look up. His face began to form into a frustrated expression. "That was the last thing I said to her." his voice hissed between his teeth and had rose to yelling level. But it was almost as if all of his hostility was toward himself.
"No, Loki."
What else could she say?
"Well?" he replied, still not looking up. "Is that why you are here?"
It was almost as if he was too exhausted and drained to even mention their last meeting, or show any hostility for her. She tried, but she couldn't find the words. She was at a loss. And that's when she made the decision to stay silent, just like she would on the steps.
Moments pass, but it seems like an eternity, until Loki finally grows frustrated. "Well, why are you here, Nessa?!" the frustration edged his voice, and her name was tinged with a sting that cut into her chest, causing her to flinch. By now he was standing and facing her, a grim, angered look on his face.
"Loki…" she swallowed, the sight was still hard for her to see, her heart breaking. It was so painful to see him this way.
Suddenly his expression changed, almost as if he understood why Nessa was not speaking, and understood what she was feeling. He no longer looked afraid, but hurt and helpless. She gasped in surprise when he embraced her, burying his face in the nook of her neck and bringing her close to him with his arms. It almost felt desperate. He needed this.
She wrapped her arms around him as well, realizing how small in stature she was compared to the tall, lean god. She pulled him tighter and gripped his shirt in her fists as she felt him sob and heard a small whimper escape him. It sounded innocent, helpless, and afraid, just like when they were young. She was sad to see him this way, but she was also very angry at the circumstances. Why did he have to be here? He's helpless, he's been tortured all his life, and here was, locked up and left to rot. The anger and sadness caused her to begin crying as well, and together they stood in each others embrace, crying together.
After a few minutes, Nessa wasn't sure she couldn't handle it any longer. "I… I" her voice shook with a sob, "I have to go." she said, pulling away, wiping tears away with her sleeve.
"No, please," he pleaded, grabbing her shoulder with one hand and wiping away one of her tears, ever so gently, with another hand. "I want you to stay." His voice was calm and collected, though tears still were visible on his cheeks. This was the most vulnerable she had ever seen him.
She nodded, and together they sat, leaning against the wall, in silence. She propped her head against his shoulder, and he played with one of her dainty hands. His touch was cold, but she didn't mind. They took in every moment together, forgetting the past, thinking of who knows what. The future, and how dismal it seemed? Maybe. But whatever the matter, they soaked in each others presence, appreciating it for as long as they could.
"I'm sorry." he finally spoke.
She bit her lip, taken aback by his apology. Her mind wanted to ask, you are? But instead, she looked up into his pale green eyes which were now full of remorse, and simply said, "I forgive you."
He nervously bit at his lip, she knew he had more to say but he couldn't.
A smile tugged at her lips as she tried to cheer him up, though she was also trying to cheer herself up. "Remember when we'd go down to that little stream near the meadow?"
"Yes." a small smile played at his lips.
"We'd always get in trouble, coming back soaked and muddy, but we didn't care."
They chuckled quietly but it quickly faded away. He comforted himself by taking one of his hands and playing with her thick, dark, auburn hair.
"But it just gave another reason for Thor to be better than me."
Her heart sunk. She shouldn't of said anything.
"I... I'm sorry..."
Just then, the guard stepped in. Her time was almost up.
"I'm going to be in here forever." he said, dismally.
"Everything will be okay." she said, turning to face him, her eyes growing moist again. She tightened her grip on his hand. "Tomorrow we can play hide and seek again. And maybe it won't be raining, and we can play in the meadow..."
The tears made made their way down her soft cheeks, as she was made to get up and leave by the guard. He stayed silent, his expression pained, and undescribably weak as she was guided to the door. Their hands departed and she was nearing the exit. "Good-bye, Loki..."
Her heart felt as if it was dragging the ground as she stepped through the doors and back out into the hallway. She almost felt dizzy, clutching her chest. That was very possibly the last time she would ever see him. The thought made her crumple to the floor, causing a guard to come and make sure she was okay. But all she could do was stare at the ground as she tried to hold herself together, keep herself from breaking apart.
