Move On
by
Raining Sky Guy
AN. A short snippet of an idea that occurred to me while rewatching the anime. Follows the prompt: 'What if after losing his powers he woke up a year after with his body atrophied and shit.'
"…ly wish…be…onii-chan waking…up."
Yuzu. That was Yuzu's voice was it not?
Yuzu was her sister, right?
Ichigo thought it had been a long time since he had last heard her voice. Maybe it had been a short while? He wasn't sure.
"...onii-...up...you?"
Yuzu sounded sad. Her voice was tearing at his heart. He was her brother, he should be consoling her!
But why wouldn't his eyes open?
"...go. Bye bye, onii-Chan."
Wait, don't go yet, "Yuzu"
Silence.
Worried, Ichigo fought with everything he had to open his eyes.
Ouch. The light was harsh. A squeal interrupted his whines, quickly followed by an incredulous stutter and Ichigo had to fight to keep his eyes open to see her happy crying face. She tackled him and left him breathless.
"So…heavy…" He managed to mutter, his lips not giving more even if the teen just wanted to make a joke because his little sister sounded like she needed one. The girl wailed loudly before getting off him, grabbing his hand tightly.
Ichigo wanted to reassure her, but his vision suddenly got cloudy. What was going on?
"…zu?"
"DOCtors….aWAke…Karin COME here-" Her voice had suddenly become a distant thing, sounding loud and then low.
Everything went black.
"Kurosaki-san, are you awake?" "Can you tell me the last thing you remember?"
It was hard to blink. Even harder to think. Yuzu had been there hadn't she?
"Kurosaki-san?"
"Yuzu. Yuzu was here."
"When?"
Okay, he could do this… He had no clue what was going on, but calculating… he'd say about… "A month?"
"I see. Kurosaki-san can you count to ten for me?"
Couldn't this person let him sleep? Ichigo did as told but just as he tried to figure out what came after six, darkness claimed him.
His body arched in pain as panic flooded his mind. Aizen. Where was he? Was there any danger? Where was Aizen? He had been fighting him hadn't him?
"Kurosaki-san, we need you to calm down!" "ing on!? Ichi-ni!?"
Karin. Karin and Yuzu. No, he needed to get those hands away. Aizen was somewhere nearby, Ichigo couldn't let them be in danger.
A hand pressed against his forehead as someone —Isshin— whispered a couple words to him. "Ichigo it's over. Aizen's gone."
The battle survivor's body crumpled like paper as the words made a connection. His strained body demanded rest and his mind complied.
What was going on?
Where was he?
Ichigo didn't know exactly what had happened, but he was pretty sure he hadn't walked into a meat grinder. Why did his body scream so?
Oh, a doctor.
"Hey, doc…" Ichigo started with a lopsided smile, but had to pause to catch his breath, "how are my wounds?"
"They have already healed, Kurosaki-san. Are you in pain?"
This was odd. Ichigo frowned. "You're wrong. I'm injured."
"Where does it hurt? Is it bad? I can administer you a sedative if it's-"
But Ichigo was gone again.
Aizen.
Ichigo opened his eyes and screamed in surprise when he came face to face with the brown haired bastard. But wait, his sight cleared and it was suddenly his dad. After all, there was no way Aizen would be crying.
Wait, his dad didn't cry either.
"'oat face? Wha-?"
"Ichigo, you're awake?" The startled other asked, before he turned his head to wipe his tears, chuckling in embarrassment, "ah, to see your old man like this-…"
"What… happened?...Aizen?"
"Ichigo, you defeated Aizen. It was you and you won. You defeated Aizen. And I still have my…son…with me…"
Something didn't add up. But more importantly. His dad couldn't be sad.
"Geezer, how could you even doubt your son?" He managed to wheeze out making his dad chuckle despite everything.
"Damn it, and here I'm worrying about some bratty son of mine…"
There, that was more like it. Yet the hand on his shoulder was trembling still.
"Ichigo will you ever forgive me?"
Ichigo stared at him incomprehensively for all of five seconds before he remembered. And then noticed that the doctor hadn't said the truth. He was still injured. His soul had been ripped apart.
It hadn't broken. Ichigo could fix broken things. A broken soul was still a soul. But this… it was as if he had gone back in time and killed the baby him. It was repulsive to even think about it. Zangetsu was gone. He had been consumed in the Final Getsuga Tensho.
Ichigo curled unto himself, somehow trying to fill in the sudden void and he buried himself under the thin fabric around him. He found it an incredibly hard task.
He despaired into unconsciousness without having answered his father. It wasn't like he had an answer either way.
"-long?" Ichigo heard a voice say worriedly and frantically. The voice even had a face, and a name. But Ichigo didn't care. "Ichigo? Can you hear me?"
He heard her alright, but why should he answer back? What did he owe them? Couldn't they leave him alone to weep for Zangetsu?
Zangetsu, he now realized, had wept for him. He had barged in, demanding he show him the technique and the condensation of his soul never stopped crying.
"-Open, but not responding… crying…what…."
He would weep, Ichigo decided. He would weep for someone gone. He would weep for Zangetsu, because the spirit had wept for him.
It was only fair.
"Karin? What's wrong?" Ichigo immediately mumbled upon opening heavy-lidded eyes to see his sister staring at him impassively. The girl flinched minutely, biting down on her lip before she continued.
"Ichi-nii, how do you feel?"
Ichigo smiled ruefully at her obvious worry and raised a hand to pat her head reassuringly. He blinked in surprise when his arm did not move. "Ichi-nii?" Her worry had grown at his expression, so the teen forgot about it in favor of calming his sister.
"I'm fine, Karin. Just tired." He lied easily enough and the small woman nodded in silence, not appeased. He dragged his mind out of the dredges of sleep to concentrate on his sister. "…You?" Goddamit, why did his sentences get cut off so much? Why did it take so much energy?
"I'm perfectly fine, you idiot. I'm not the one who's been in bed for-!" Karin faltered before ending her sentence and instead tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Ichigo's insides started cooling down.
"Karin…?" He licked his lips unsure of what to ask- Since when was her hair so long? How long has he been in bed? Something behind him started beeping in an increasingly fast tempo. He barely noticed it or the doctors around him because all he could see was Karin's watery black eyes. He couldn't let her cry. Karin should never have reason to cry.
"Ichi-nii, calm down… calm down… please…"
Ichigo groaned as his body protested the treatment just before he noticed he was being carried by someone.
"Whoa- what-the-fuck?!" He spat out, as the floor bobbed closer and farther. But as soon as he spoke, the one carrying him stopped on his tracks.
"Ichigo?"
"Chad?"
But before any of the equally surprised teens could say anything else, Isshin appeared in his field of vision, looking… well, unkempt.
"Ichigo. We're going home. You were discharged from the hospital today."
"Oh. I see." The carrot head managed and Chad and his father started moving again. Wait, was he being carried?
Just as he was thinking that, he was being placed inside a car like a rag doll. His head lolled to the open seat and he couldn't help but flush in embarrassment at seeing a wheelchair in which he most likely had been on before he was lifted into the car. The various worried and piteous faces around him did not help.
"Ichigo, you're injured. You…"
"Chad…" Ichigo pleaded his eyebrow furrowing, "am I a cripple?" He took Chad's surprised expression as answer enough. "Fuck."
"Ichigo that's not-!" The other immediately tried to protest.
"No, fuck, Chad, I can't even m-move…" Ichigo replied, fear making his words sound angry. But his big friend wasn't having any of that. A big, rough hand grabbed him by the shoulder, the other hand holding his wobbly head so he'd properly look at him.
"Ichigo." Chad almost growled out, with a fierce scowl on him. "I won't allow you to think like that. You're alive. You woke up. You'll get better."
The cripple lowered his eyes, wishing he could believe him… and maybe he was right?
"Chad…" Ichigo started in a low mumble, managing to move his neck enough to face away from him. "Please stay by me, for a while."
He needed someone with a cool head. Ichigo was weak and vulnerable and he needed someone to steady his whole life. Crying fathers and sisters were for giving comfort, not receive it from.
As all answer, Chad strapped him on the seat before taking a seat just behind him.
"It's my turn to watch your back, amigo."
The weeks that followed were the worst in Ichigo's life hands down. He had to suffer several humiliations since —as he was told— his whole muscle mass had been consumed during his stay at the hospital. He barely could move his head, let alone lift a spoon to his mouth.
Of course, he had refused help in as many ways as possible, he ate with his face, endured it in silence when he had to go to the bathroom, and did the exercises he had been taught by the therapist any other time he was not doing either of the previous things. He needed his strength back as soon as possible.
"Chad…" Ichigo had started, turning his head to who became his confidant. "How long?"
It had already been a full week, and his big friend had not left his side once, it made helping Ichigo much easier since he'd already seen him at his lowest, what did it matter a little humiliation more?
A full week, and Ichigo thought it had been delayed too much time. He needed to know this.
"… You defeated Aizen a year ago."
Ichigo wished he had heard wrong.
So the weeks continued to pass, at the end of the first he had realized he was hurting his family and since then he'd let them in to talk, managing to relax enough not to worry them. He explicitly forbade his friends from coming though, and had even requested Chad to make sure the shinigami didn't visit either.
A little bit before Chad started feeling the stress of tending to someone for so long, Ichigo regained enough strength to do the vital things by himself. The visit ban was removed and Chad was even ushered home for a while. Ichigo managed an awkward, bony thank-you hug and Chad knew he was alright.
Ichigo still had a long way to go, but he had finally forgiven his body, accepted his fate. From there on, the possibilities expanded.
"I just gotta regain my strength and everything will be peachy." He told his friends who had worry written all over their face.
Ishida saw it first, Chad too when he next visited, and his father had never stopped seeing it. Ichigo was broken. There was a shadow of pain lurking in his every chuckle, his every move. He knew he had lost something more than his mobility and he was not getting that back.
A walking Ichigo finally noticed their worry and shrugged at them, "Ain't gonna get better if I cry or something. All I can do is move on."
He still had a way from differencing moving on to forgetting. And forgetting to forgiving.
But first things first.
First regain his independence.
First regain his life back.
First learn to live.
First learn to be alone.
First move on.
He had a lot of things to do.
End
I'm entering uni this year and I worry I won't be able to continue writing as much, so I'm trying to post as much stories as possible that have lain forgotten in my pc for so long. I don't plan to expand on this, even though I had wanted to at the beginning. At least it has a conclusion.
Created: October 21st, 2014.
I'll let you in on a little secret. It's sort of based on personal experiences. Of course suited to Ichigo's reactions and feelings and circumstances.
Edjt: Since I've already mentioned, might as well add that this is the week that marks my fourth anniversary since my surgeries. Viva la vida and all that.
Do let me know what you think on this.