Just wanted feedback on a tricky bit I'm having trouble with.
From an upcoming story.
Thanks to Kilroyactual117 for beta-ing the full story.
(Beta-ing is the full word right?)
"talk"
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A few minutes of silence was all they needed to get to the outpost, and it wasn't a pretty sight. The outpost was rather a safe floor in a building of flats, the whole floor being converted into an armory, radio room and emergency medical bay. The building itself was on fire. The window of the safe house- House? Flat? Floor? - Was broken. Jax didn't fail to see the bloodstains on the cracked glass, and crumpled in a heap, with bones broken in every angle, was a marine on the broken roof of a car at ground level.
"Do you think the fall killed him or?" Martinez said, looking at the bag of broken bones in a marine uniform, Melody had already gone into the building, clearing out the ground floor before waiting for what was left of the squad to join her in getting to the safe floor. Jax, always one to find answers, walked up to the body of the marine, prying the helmet off what deformed part was called the head, and extracting the recorder chip, before plugging it into his own, watching the last moments of the marine.
Armada, North AlderWood, 2563, 16:46
Lance Corporal Jay Heather, 23rd Marine Regiment.
A hour before drop.
Jennifer, The Staff Sargent, and John were sitting cross legged on the couch, John, reading a book with one hand, twirling his pistol by the grip in the other, Jennifer was checking her weapon, most of it disassembled on the arm rest next to her, looking up, she grabbed John's pistol, before placing it in his lap, John didn't look up from his page, rather grunting as a form of communication.
Jade was off in the armory, as her Battle rifle had jammed earlier, and she couldn't see the problem without taking it apart, a tricky thing to do on the battlefield. Jay himself was for the most part looking out the window, the radio had been going off non-stop, sorting out requests, reinforcements and useless chatter was quickly becoming a tedious task, reminding him a lot of his school days, having gone to Gene Empire, a prestigious and unforgiving school that demanded the best of him, there he had met Jennifer.
The two were near inseparable, having given a relationship a try, but ultimately settling for friends, Jay would be lying if he said he didn't feel a twang of guilt looking at Jennifer and John making out in the corners of corridors. The two had ended up joining the army together, pulling each other through boot camp, a form of companionship so strong Jay felt no resentment when Jennifer had been promoted to Staff Sargent over him.
"Fucking shitty gun, John, get over here, I need help, please!" Jade could be heard from downstairs, forget next door, John for his part returned with an unenthusiastic 'yeah sure.' As John left the room Jade came in, strolling over to Jay, from behind she leant her arms on his shoulder, and rested her chin on his head, her long bright red hair obscuring his vision.
Brushing her hair out the way, he reached up to pat her head, before continuing to decode the messages coming through the radio, Jade helping to decode where he couldn't. Having been part of this marine family for three years Jay knew everyone's habits, and slowly they fell into a lull of work.
Thud. Thud. Thud.
A knock on the door, Rapid and continuous, John being the closest, jogged over to it, opening it up while shouting; "Yeah yeah gimme a sec, Wait a sec will ya." Swinging it open Jay felt his heart drop when a Brute's hand grabbed John's head and squashed it like a bug. Blood red liquid flew everywhere.
"Contact! Fuck 'em up." Jennifer barked, failing to show much emotion like always, grabbing the pistol as it was the closest weapon to her, Jade ran into the armory, while Jay stood up and grabbed his shotgun from the desk.
"We should've fucking checked!" Jay shouted, firing a shot into the Brute, who for the most part did not care. Jade ran up to him with a combat knife, he simply grabbed her by the neck and threw her through the door behind him, the scream following indicated towards reinforcements, with the two of them it was unlikely the Brute would need it.
Running as fast as a Brute could it slammed its gravity hammer at Jennifer's body, she flew through the adjacent wall into the medical bay, Jay didn't hold out for her survival though, those things didn't have to touch you to kill you, the Brute turned to him, letting out a loose snarl.
A Shotgun round to the face was the answer it received, Jay barely had time to cock it again before the hammer slammed into the ground in front of him, sending him careering through the window, whilst free falling to his death at a rapid pace Jay was reaching for anything to hold onto, before slamming into the roof of the car with a sickening Crack. The recording chip continued for a second, before the screen faded black.
In less than a minute the Brute had cleared the floor.