"I'm sorry I led you on" are the words Clare keeps repeating in her mind.
When Eli had said them to her, all Clare could say was, "Wow." She was too angry to say anything else. She was frustrated Eli would play her like that, and she was confused at the same time.
As Clare thinks about her resentment towards her relationship with Eli, her skin grows hot. She feels stupid for falling for his tactics. She feels silly for being charmed by his wit and sarcasm. She feels disappointed for thinking he actually cared about her.
"Dammit, Eli, I let you in more than anyone else," Clare says to herself.
She is waiting for him by the front steps of Degrassi High early in the morning. She stopped talking to him a while ago, only doing so when it was necessary for English class. But, last night she received a text message from the dark haired boy saying, "Can we talk? Meet me 7:30 in front of school tomorrow. Please."
Clare shuts her eyes in anticipation for his arrival in that hearse of his. She doesn't know why Eli wants to see her or what he wants to say to her. Clare does know, however, that she is tired of his charismatic antics and will not let him get to her again.
When her eyes open again, Clare notices Eli walking smoothly and calmly in her direction. She sits straighter and mentally prepares herself for whatever's coming. If there is one thing Clare is sure of, it's that she knows she does not want to make this easy for Eli at all.
"Clare," Eli greets with a slight nod.
"What do you want?" Clare demands.
"Whoa, no time for foreplay?"
"Your jokes aren't cute anymore, Eli."
"Cute is the last thing I want to be. Sexy's more like it."
"What do you want?" Clare repeats, now standing. "You said you wanted to talk, so say whatever it is you have to say."
"You're really interested in what I have to say, aren't you? Hmm, if I were a teacher, you'd be my favorite student," Eli replies, intentionally riling up Clare.
Clare throws her hands up. "I don't need to deal with this crap."
She takes two steps away from him, and Eli reaches out, touching her shoulder, and says, "Wait."
Clare shakes her head. "Wait for what, Eli? I'm tired of this routine of yours. I came here because you asked me to, because you seemed to have had something to say to me. But you're not saying much and I'm not willing to stick around anymore."
Eli swallows away the lump in his throat. He clenches his fist and nervously says, "Let's go somewhere more private."
"If I go with you, will you finally talk?" Clare impatiently replies.
"Yes, Clare, I'll finally talk."
"Fine."
The two teenagers walk towards Eli's car. He unlocks the door for Clare and tells her to get in. Reluctantly, she does so, and Eli steps into the driver's seat.
Eli does not start to drive anywhere, but quietly contemplates to himself. He feels Clare's eyes on him. He knows she is not looking at him with concern but with agitation. He tries not to test her patience, but old habits die hard.
"Eli," Clare says. "If you keep this up, we'll be late to school."
"I know you're not really concerned about being on time to class, Clare."
"You're right, I'm not. I am, however, concerned about why I'm in this car with you, just sitting here in silence. I want to know what was so urgent for you to say to me in person that you couldn't just give me call, text, or IM me about. I mean, at the risk of, I don't know, leading me on again, I'd think someone like you would be more precautious."
"This isn't easy for me."
"Good. I'm not here to make this any easier for you."
"Look, I get you're mad at me –"
"That's right," Clare interrupts. "I'm actually fuming. You know, Eli, I actually thought no matter how annoying you were at times, that you were a good guy. I thought we were friends. I talked to you about stuff I normally don't talk to other people about, but what was the point? You just…played me or whatever you want to call it." Clare feels like she's on a roll. She bottled up her anger too much. "You're just an asshole."
Eli feels her last remark where it hurts most. He doesn't say anything.
"And you still don't have anything to say for yourself," Clare says. She rolls her eyes. "I have actually thought about this encounter since last night when you suggested meeting up. As pathetic as it may sounds –and frankly, I don't care if you think I'm pathetic or not anymore- I imagined all these things you might say to me. So tell me, Eli. How is this gonna end?"
"I love you."
Clare is taken by surprise.
Eli looks in every direction but at Clare and finally takes a deep breath.
Clare doesn't know what to say. She knows she can't believe him. He has proven to be unreliable, and she doesn't want to get hurt by him.
"Clare," Eli says softly, "you should go. You're gonna be late."
She nods in agreement. "You're right." She opens the car door and moves out. Before closing it, she tells Eli, "I'll see you around later, Eli."
"Later, Clare."
Eli watches Clare walk away. He closes his eyes tight and groans. He gets out of the car and begins walking to school. He silently says, "I love you, Clare" so no one but himself can hear.