One

Ste's point of view

Life is so funny sometimes, just when you think things are looking up, it all goes wrong again. Nothing seems to work out for me. I thought that with Doug things were going to be different, I thought he was the one for me, maybe I just hoped he was. After everything I'd been through I deserved a little happiness didn't i? I wanted something that was good, easy and normal. I thought that was what I had with him, turns out I was wrong….again. That's the story of my life. I should've known that it would never work between us; Doug's too nice for me. I only seemed to like the ones who treated me bad, let's get it right, just one that treated me bad….. Brendan Brady!

I often wondered where he is now, I suppose he went back home, I haven't got the nerve to ask Cheryl. We decided it would be better if we didn't talk about him to each other, not after everything that happened when he left. I really thought that I could forget him but the more time I spent with Doug, the more I wished it was him. They say you never forget your first love and now I know that's true. It's been almost a year since Brendan left the village, and there hasn't been a day that goes by when I hadn't thought of him. I don't know where he went, I only know why, he left because of me. I always saw the rise of Brendan Brady never expected to see the fall.

After I got him to sign over the deli to me I finally felt free of him. It felt good, I felt like my life was just beginning, the business, Doug, everything was falling into place. When Brendan signed it over to me I kept it in just my name. I wasn't stupid; I wasn't going to get burnt again by anyone. As long as Doug still had a job, he didn't seem to mind, plus it made me trust him again after what he did with Brendan... going behind my back.

But it still didn't work and after Brendan left I lost interest in Doug, and three months after we'd got together, I left him. I felt bad but I couldn't stay with him, I'd look at him but all I saw was Brendan, I thought I was going mad. I could have had it all with Brendan, he put it all on a plate for me, he was willing to give himself to me in every way possible and I said no, I turned him down. Everything I'd ever wanted, he was offering me and I destroyed him, broke him, just like he'd done to me all those times before. I was no different than him now. I thought revenge was the answer, I thought getting him back would have made me happy but it just made everything worse.

The day he left, I'd hurt him even more, if that was possible. He came into the deli, asking Doug to leave, to give us five minutes, which strangely he did. I think Doug had always thought that Brendan was going to hurt him, but I knew he wouldn't as he'd be hurting me too. He begged me to take him back, I remember his words.

"I'm nothing without ye, I love ye. Take me back; the yank's not enough for ye Steven"

I could see the honesty in his eyes; I believed he loved me that was never the problem. He needed to be shown that he can't keep messing with my head. I told him that I'd never go back to him, not ever.

"If ye stay with him Steven, I won't be around to watch, is that what ye want?"

My reply was cold and harsh.

"See ya then Brendan"

He closed the space between us for what would be the last time; it still had the same effect on me. He cupped my face and kissed me softly on the lips.

"Goodbye steven"

I didn't think he'd go, but he did. That was the last time I'd seen or spoken to him.

Brendan's point of view

One year, that's how long it's taken me to forget him, to forget Steven hay, and I still question myself if I'm really over him or not. I haven't seen or spoken to him since the day I left Chester, but I suppose that will all change now I finally feel ready to go back. I don't really know how he's been; I never ask Chez when we talk, she saw the state I was in when I left. I needed a clean break, so we decided to never speak of him again, and true to our words we didn't. It was just easier that way. He loved someone else, I couldn't compare to that, not after everything I'd done. He picked him over me anyway.

I'd of never guessed that Douglas batted for the other team, but I suppose I should of seen it coming. I sacked Steven; I pushed him into the arms of Douglas. It was all my doing. Instead of stepping up and being a man I was a coward. Did I really expect him to wait for me forever? I could have had him but I threw him away, again and again. I just thought he'd always be there, but he wasn't and he didn't want me anymore. Truth is he moved on from me ages ago, it was probably after I hit him the last time. But I hadn't moved on from him, he's always been in my head, at least until now.

When I left Chester I came home, back to Ireland. I stayed with Eileen just for a few days, till I got myself sorted out. I ended up renting a flat close by that way I'd get to see Declan and Padraig whenever I wanted to.I spent a lot of time with them, especially Declan, I had a lot of making up to do with him after last time we saw each other. And for once we talked, I mean properly talked. It helped take my mind off Steven. There wasn't a day that went by when I didn't think of them kissing, being together, but with time it got easier. I learnt to live with it and without him. I tried telling myself that he double crossed me, hoping it would make me angry, but it didn't, I felt proud of him in a funny kind of way, I knew he'd be the only one to ever achieve hurting me, he's definitely destroyed a part of me. I tried to get him back the day I left but he was stood tall, strong, and stubborn. He didn't back down no matter what I said or did. I begged him, told him I would leave if he stayed with the yank.

"See ya then Brendan"

Was all he managed to say to me. Still he'd got me back now, for all the shit I put him through, he'd finally got even, but all that is in the past and behind me now. A few months ago I met someone, Ewan. He was good for me, he made me feel human again. I still had my needs after all. He looked nothing like Steven, although he was around the same age and similar build. I needed him though; I needed to forget and he helped me to do that. He filled part of the void I had, the void that was left from Steven. Ewan and I had pretty much been inseparable for the last few months, so asking him to come back home with me seemed the normal thing to do. He said yes, like I knew he would, and of course he knows nothing of Steven.

TBC?

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