Disclaimer: they are not mine, nor will they ever be. The song belongs to the incomparable Lady Antebellum.
Spoilers: The Parts in the Sum of the Whole
A/N: I am finally writing my post-ep. I know so many people hated this one, but I really loved it and thought it was a perfect mirror of how life goes. Frustrating yes. But oh so insanely real. So, so, so real.
Seeley Booth had never felt more defeated in all his life. Even when Rebecca had rejected his proposal, there was still the joy of a baby on the way to look forward to. But right now, there was just bleak unknowns, no promise of anything, no hope of a change of mind. This was the way it was going to be. It killed him to say those words, to give her that ultimatum, because in all honesty, he wasn't quite sure if he was ready for that yet.
He had never loved quite like this before. With patience and understanding. He'd always loved because of shallow things, like similar interests or being with someone at the right time. He'd never loved a woman as deeply and as frustratingly and as beautifully as he loved Temperance Brennan. Never with a passion that left him breathless, never with a determination that made him a better man, never with an optimism that crowded out the darkness of reality. Never with such heart that looking at her right now physically hurt. He loved her, far more than infatuation, far more than friends, and far more than lovers. And it scared him to death.
A slow rain started as they drove, one of his hands on the wheel and the other on the console between them. How many hours had they logged in this car? How many conversations, fights, tears, laughs had they shared in the specific confines of this car? In this place that had become theirs alone, their own sanctum of solitude and solidarity. He glanced over and saw her years younger, sunlight streaking through her hair as she prattled on and on about something that he was only half listening too. In his mind, he watched as the corners of her mouth turned up in glorious epiphany and she grabbed at her phone anxious to relay her greatest revelation.
His world went silent as he looked over at her now, her hands clenched in her lap, her eyes watching the windshield wipers, her mouth drawn in a line. He wanted to break the silence, but there was nothing to say. He knew she needed time. Sure, one could say that she had had years to deal with this, but he knew her. She didn't deal with things that didn't need immediate attention. With all the emotions of the day, just recalling their first case, their first meeting, it wasn't a surprise that she had balked at his advances. He knew she thought she wasn't good enough for him. She had often told him that she hated her inability to love. He knew she wanted the best for him, but what she didn't understand was that he would choose her every time. She needed time to process. She didn't make decisions this quickly, and he had to have just a little more patience.
He reached over and clicked on the radio, needing to kill the heavy pall that now infested "their place." The regular radio didn't provide much and he was halfway through the XM stations when something caught his ear.
You feel like you're falling backwards
Like you're slippin' through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can't see it now
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You're just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath
And you don't know it yet
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
Find the strength to rise above
You will
Find just what you're made of, you're made of
One day you will
Oh one day you will
Her cool fingertips mimicked the last notes of the song and grazed over his hand, clutching it tightly. He looked over at her, finding her eyes wide, bright, and filled with more unshed tears.
"I want you to have the best, Booth," she whispered. "No matter what that means for me."
"Bones-"
"Don't. I know how you love me. I'm not unaware of how you feel now or how you've felt for the last five years. But I can't fail you. I won't."
"Because you love me too."
"Yes, I do. I never said never, Booth. I don't plan on ever saying it either."
He turned his hand over in hers and laced their fingers together as they lapsed back into silence. No matter where he was, she would be right next to him, as she always had been. And at the end of the day, for right now, that was just right.