I'm back with another of my weird and wacky one-shots! The title is a minor parody of the 60's TV show, I Dream Of Jeannie. Enjoy!
Summary: To the unanimous annoyance and repulsion of his roommates, James Potter starts dreaming about the damsel in distress, Lily Evans.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this fic, or Hogwarts, or anything like that that you recognise, as I'm sure you know. In fact, most of you can probably recite this disclaimer with me. Oh, and I also don't own I Dream Of Jeannie!
I Dream Of Lily
"Lily…oh, Lileeeeeeeeeee…"
Peter Pettigrew sat up in bed at precisely midnight on the first of October, and winced.
"Prongs?" he whispered. "Wake up!"
"It's no use," another of their dorm mates, Sirius Black, said sleepily. "He's lost in the land of Lily."
"Oh Lily – Lily, no! Cliff…my darling…rugged handsomeness…"
Both seventh year Gryffindors looked faintly sickened, although one seemed to be having a great deal of difficulty containing his laughter.
"Come on, let's wake him up," Sirius said finally, struggling to hold in his chuckles.
He pulled out his wand and conjured a large bucket of water. Waving the wand again, it levitated over the unsuspecting James Potter's head.
SPLASH.
Snore. They sighed.
"Oh, Lily! Your shirt! Your lovely, white, soaking wet shirt…"
Sirius groaned.
Peter wailed.
"If you're so keen, you try," Sirius said.
Peter took out his wand and conjured up another bucket of water, but added another charm. A Freezing Charm.
"Moron. We don't want to chuck ice on him!" Sirius exclaimed.
Then the babbling began again.
"The lovely field of buttercups…oh Lily, let me pick them for you!"
Sirius turned back to Peter. "I take that back, let's chuck it!"
THUD.
"Ow!"
"Did it work?" Peter asked hopefully.
"I don't know! He grunted," Sirius said.
"Oh, Lily…"
"Nope."
"Lily – save you! Falling boulders…"
Sirius whistled. "That man has one hell of an imagination."
"And you don't."
"Moony! You've come to join the party!" Sirius exclaimed.
Remus groaned. "Like I couldn't. Is James dreaming again?"
"Sadly, yes."
"We tried water and ice already," Peter told Remus, who looked at him strangely.
"I have an idea," he said, before Transfiguring Sirius' socks into a drum, whistle and horn respectively. He handed one to each Marauders, save James, and kept one for himself.
"Ready?" Sirius asked. "On three –"
"Wait!" Peter said. "Hadn't we better soundproof the room?"
They sighed, and nodded.
"With the amount of noise we're going to be making, I'd be surprised if the whole castle doesn't wake up!" Sirius announced, casting a Muffliato spell.
"Lily…"
Remus winced. "Come on, let's hurry."
"One – two – three!"
They all blew or hit their instruments with as much force as they could muster.
"Lily…fabulous date…music…"
Remus smacked himself on the forehead. Peter wailed. Sirius cursed.
"Stupid Potter. STOP DREAMING ABOUT EVANS AND WAKE UP!" Sirius roared.
"Lily – no don't shout…hot…"
"Prongs…your mouth will get you into trouble one day with Lily," Remus said decisively.
"I have an idea!" Peter squeaked. "Hang on, I need to go to the kitchens…"
He stumbled across the dark room and out of the door.
"Hey, Moony?" Sirius asked.
"What?"
"Can we draw on his face?"
"Padfoot!"
"No, wait. Can I charm it so he looks like a male Lily?"
"Padfoot!"
"Fine, fine."
Remus nodded, and poked his head out the door to look for Peter. The sound of Sirius laughing hysterically brought him back to earth with a jolt.
"Padfoot! What did you do?"
"I charmed him to look like a male Lily! Ha-ha – look! He has red hair and I'll bet the eyes are green, and – ha-ha – a birthmark on his chest!"
"Padfoot, why were you looking at James' chest?"
"Not like that! My eyes were just…passing by?"
Remus stared at Sirius, who was still shaking with laughter, when Peter stumbled back through the door armed with half the kitchen.
"Blimey! Did you rob the house elves or something?" Sirius asked, eyes wide.
"No, but I thought the smell might make Prongs wake up!" Peter said eagerly.
Remus considered. "That might work."
"Oh Prongsie…fooooood…lovely apples…and cinnamon…"
"Mmm, oh Lily…your hair…so soft…apples and cinnamon…"
"Oh dear Lord…" Remus said.
"This is a lost cause," Sirius stated.
"He's talking about Lily's hair now?" Peter asked. "And why does he look like a male Lily?"
"The mutt here did it," Remus told Sirius.
"Lily…beautiful birthmark…like a star…"
There was silence.
"How does he know about that?" Sirius asked indignantly.
"Padfoot, Padfoot, we all know James is a stalker," Remus said consolingly.
"Let's just go back to bed and try to block out James moaning Lily's name in his sleep," Peter said.
"I have a better idea," Remus announced. "I'll cast Muffliato on his bed."
In a few minutes, they were all back in their beds, trying to sleep once again.
"Moony…"
"What Padfoot?"
"I can't sleep with that infernal buzzing in my ears!"
"Then go sleep in the bathroom for all I care!"
Sirius glared, and then picked up his blankets and pillow, and went into the little adjoining room.
The next morning, three of the Marauders were down to breakfast early. Very early. At six o'clock to be precise.
"Black, Lupin, Pettigrew, what are you doing down here so early?" Lily Evans asked them, frowning.
Sirius glared at her. "Stupid Potter…stupid muttering…"
"Huh?"
Remus sighed. "James is so damn infatuated with you he's started moaning your name in his sleep and –"
"And then he starts mumbling about how you're hot when you shout and how you look good wet and how you'll pick buttercups together in a field and he'll save you from falling boulders!" Sirius finished.
Lily's mouth fell open. "He said that in his sleep?"
They nodded.
"All by himself?"
They hesitated.
Lily narrowed her eyes. "What's the full story?"
"Well, he woke us up last night when he was moaning your name in his sleep," Peter began.
"Then he talked about cliffs –"
"Which you were falling off –"
"And so Peter and I tried to wake him up – Ol' Moony over here was still sleeping at that time," Sirius continued.
"First Sirius chucked water all over him, and he started talking about saving you and how you looked wet," Peter said, cowering under Lily's glare.
"Then he started on about buttercups –"
"And picking them for you –"
"Then Peter chucked a block of ice on him, which succeeded in making him talk about falling boulders," Sirius said with a sigh.
"Then I woke up, and we played a fanfare in his ear, which got him on to a date with you with such lovely music," Remus scowled.
"Then I shouted at him, which got him on to how hot you look when you shout," Sirius said. "And then I charmed him, which was bloody hilarious, and then Peter tried to lure him up with food, which made him talk about how your hair smells of apples and cinnamon."
"And then he talked about, and I quote, your 'beautiful birthmark'," Remus told her.
Lily looked dumbfounded. "How does he know about that?"
They shrugged.
"He said this all in one night?"
"All in about twenty minutes, actually," Sirius corrected.
"PADFOOT! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?"
"And Sleeping Beauty awakens!"
"Padfoot! I look like Lily!"
"So you do! Charming, I must say…"
"What did I ever do to you?"
"You want me to start at the beginning?"
"I mean recently!"
"Well, last night, you started moaning Lily's name in your sleep. Then there was saving her from falling off a cliff. Then, you talked about her in a wet top. Then there was picking buttercups for her. Then there was saving her from mysteriously falling boulders. Then there was the date with music, followed by how hot she looks when she yells, followed by her hair smelling of apples and cinnamon, followed by her star-shaped birthmark! Then the Muffliato bugged me so much, along with your mumbles, that I slept in the bathroom!"
The entire Great Hall was listening at that point.
Sirius finished, panting, and moved over. "I saved a place for you, mate. I must say, green eyes have a startling effect on your face…"
James sat down, bewildered.
He looked at Remus and Peter, who were currently averting their eyes and trying not to laugh.
He looked at the Staff Table. Dumbledore met his eye and gave him a quizzical look, before turning back to his conversation with McGonagall.
He looked at Lily, who was there directly in front of him. She was staring at him guardedly. She looked confused.
"What?" he asked her.
"I don't know," she muttered. "Somehow I don't think red is your colour."
And that, my darlings, is the finish. Take heed the one-shot status. IT WILL NOT CHANGE! I hope you all enjoyed and hopefully reviewed!
Take care,
Acelinn.