AN: okay so this idea got stuck in my head and wouldn't go away until I wrote it down. It basically my idea of what would happen if things had ended differently. I hope you enjoy it. Un-beta'd except by my boyfriend and that just for grammar and the such as i have some difficulties with stuff like that. This is the first chapter of what will hopefully be a longer story. I have most of it planned out but if anyone has any ideas of how i can continue i'm happy to listen. xx

Disclaimer: All rights belong to Marvel.

Thoughts of a dying atheist

The missile shook above him forcing him to tighten his grip. Jarvis threw all that the suit had into the thrusters as they shot towards the city.

He had known the moment Fury's voice had come over the comm what he had to do. This was the only way, the only way to stop Mid-town being flattened, the only way to save all those people, to save the team, to stop the chaos of Loki's causing. Cap caught on to his plan straight away 'you know that's a one way trip' but never one to admit defeat 'save the rest for the turn, J'.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew it was always going to come to this. Everything since Afghanistan had been leading to this moment. Everything with Obie, the Expo, Hammer, Rodey, the Initiative, and her. The last thought caught at the forefront of his mind. It caused his stomach to churn, a lump to form in his throat, his eyes to burn. Not for the first time it was as if the AI knew what he was thinking 'Sir, shall I try Ms. Potts?'

He knew he shouldn't, he knew he couldn't explain this to her, to make her understand, to comfort her. He knew it was selfish but he couldn't stop the words forcing their way out of his mouth 'might as well.'

As her picture appeared on the HUD, his eyes flicked to the image. It was an old photo, one from before she was CEO, back when she was still his PA, back before Iron Man and the Avengers, when he was Mr Stark and she was Ms Potts. His eyes burned harder as he pushed up on the rocket guiding it over the tower. Her image was still on the HUD 'dialling'. In all the years he'd known her she had never taken longer than 3 rings to answer. What if she was in trouble? In all that had happened in the past 24 hours he hadn't thought of her, even after what had happened to Phil he hadn't wanted to tell her until Loki was beaten. Now he wondered if he'd been wrong, what if Loki had gotten to her? However, knowing Loki, if he had had something as important as her to dangle in front of him, the mad demi-god wouldn't have been able to resist saying something. She was safe, he knew, and he hoped she wasn't watching this. As he neared the portal he realised she was never going to pick up. Without ending the call or waiting for a message tone he began to talk.

Just as he finished, the HUD cut out and he let go of the missile, her face disappearing. The emotion caught in his throat the same time his air ran out.

He'd heard people say that before you die your life flashes before your eyes. He'd never been one for beliefs like this, he was a scientist, he didn't believe in God or religion. He believed in facts, in what he could test and study, and above all things he believed in her. She was everything he wasn't. For all his failings, all the mistakes he'd made, all his sins, she was the good, the forgiveness, his redemption. She was everything, and out of all the wrongs he'd done, all the regrets he had, his biggest was not letting her know that everyday, since the moment she stormed into his office all those years ago. She was the only one ever to correct him, the only one not afraid to challenge him, the one who wasn't intimidated by his genius. He remembered the fire in her eyes as she pushed past Happy, threatening to pepper spray him if he touched her. He could only sit behind the desk and marvel as she marched over to him, dropped a pile of papers on his desk and pointed to a basic mistake in a calculation that was about to cost Stark Industries several million dollars, a mistake HE had made.

'Next time you want me confirm the invoices, make sure you carry the 5!' she said sharply, turned on those 6 inch heels of hers and stormed back out the office. He knew then that if he searched the world twice over he'd never find another woman like her. The next day he offered her the position of his PA, and she had been calling his crap ever since. He had loved her for every moment of it.

So it wasn't his life that flashed before his eyes in his final moment. It was her. The fire in her eyes, the way the light played on her hair, the bickering, the last conversation before Afghanistan, the tears in her eyes as he walked off the plane, dancing at the gala, the blue dress, her gift, drinking champagne, the omelette, the kiss on the roof, 12 percent, her goodbye kiss, bare feet, the smell of her skin.

In his last moment Anthony Stark thought of Virginia Potts. His Pepper.

'I should have told you before now' he breathed. The universe went dark and he fell.

'Will that be all Mr Stark?'

'That will be all Ms Potts.'