Hey ya'll! I figured that, since I've been on FFN long enough I'd actually post something. This idea has been nagging at my mind for quite some time now, so let's give a little bit of pointless background info.
After toiling around the Kingdom Hearts fics, I began to notice a familiar pattern–so many Mary Sues, self insertion, pointless/impossible yaoi, and plenty of OOC-ness. A good friend of mine, RK Ryune, recently wrote a spoof on bad Inuyasha fics, entitled SuperFic! and I, with her permission, stole the idea and began one for Kingdom Hearts.
As such, this is the first fic that I've posted on here. I have written many, but this is the first that I felt the world should see. So they can all ignore my random writings if they pop up later. Haha.
Now, don't get me wrong here. It's been about three years since I played the first game, and about one since I've played the second, so I may be a tad off when I get started. BUT! that's what flames are for. I will accept flames, so help me God, as long as they will help me to better myself and this fic as it progresses. PLEASE no pointless "omg ur fic sux go die in a fier!" I can't stand the bad spelling. So, constructive critical flames are accepted gladly. Do me a favor in helping me prove a point.
So, without further ado, I don't, and probably never will, own and part of Kingdom Hearts–concept, characters, and plot included. Please don't sue, I'm poor.
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Ellen stared blankly at me.
"Sherry! What happened to you!?" she managed to say after a prolonged silence.
Almost afraid, I looked down at my body. Every this-can't-ever-happen buzzer went off in my head.
Ellen and I had gathered at our friend Rachel's house for a fun round of Kingdom Hearts 2, as well as bashing the constant bad fanfiction that came out of it. We had worried at first about whether we would be able to play or not–after all, Rachel's PS2 did have a tendency to act up. This fear was chased away when the machine started without incident.
But something must have gone wrong. Somehow, as the game had been loading, we had been removed from Rachel's room and ended up somewhere that was most definitely not Rachel's room, let alone her neighborhood, her town, her state, her country, her planet, her galaxy, her universe...need I go on?
And this lead to our current position–stranded on an unknown beach with light green sand and a violet sky, lush jungle to one side of us, vast ocean on the other. And, standing before me, were who I presumed to be my two friends, looking very different, but still sounding and acting the same.
Ellen's black-and-red highlighted hair had lightened to brown, and her normal black attire had given way to a sky blue dress and white apron, as well as brown shoes upon her feet. She also seemed shorter, but it was hard to tell from laying on the ground. Her eyes were no longer a maroon-brown, but a light, chocolate brown.
Rachel's curly brown bob had straightened and darkened to black. It now cascaded down her back to just above her hips and was held loosely by a few silver bands. Her hazel eyes had darkened, as well as the tone of her skin. Her silver top was cut just below her rib line, and the straps hung down her shoulders. She wore what looked like silver, shining sweat pants.
And myself? Gone were my legs, replaced with a long green fin, glittering with scales. I wore blue sea shells on my chest, and instinctively covered myself with my arms while trying to inspect my hair. Gone was my short, messy blonde hair. In its place was long, soft, red...
I stared back at the two of them in horrified realization. They looked exactly like Belle and Jasmine. And I...
"Oh crap..." I heard Rachel say. I managed to nod weakly in response.
"We're stuck in a Kingdom Hearts fanfiction."
And we pause with a cliffhanger. The author will return in a moment. She has math homework to finish.
Intermission Music
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaance to the muuuusiiiic!"
End Intermission Music.
We now return to the spoof.
Ellen immediately began surveying our surroundings while Rachel fell down next to me on the sandy beach.
"What are you doing?" I half-whispered at Ellen.
"Well, something's gotta happen," she replied, her eyes scanning the ocean carefully. "We'll meet a main character, be stalked by a bad guy, get crazy way-stronger-than-everyone-else powers, get kidna–AHA!" Her eyes stopped in the near by jungle. "Eyes spying!"
I grumbled. "I don't think now's the best time to play that game..."
"No! No! Someone's spying on us!"
Rachel and I turned in time to see several plants bob back to their original places.
"So that means..." I started.
"Yep," Rachel replied, standing back up. "3...2...1..."
A dark portal opened in front of us and the hooded, robed figure of an Organization XIII member stepped out.
"Ooooooh," I heard Ellen mumble. "So mysterious and scary."
The hooded person–it was hard to tell exactly which member it was–drew in a breath to begin speaking, but Rachel held up her hand.
"Let me guess. We're doomed?"
"Trespassing," I chimed in.
"You're going to steal our hearts."
"Or tell us about some freaky destiny that awaits us–some crazy power, perhaps, or that one of us is a Keyblade wielder."
"Or you need our crazy Princess Life power to run a giant machine so you can destroy the world."
"Gonna kidnap us, maybe?"
"Enter the hero," Ellen finished.
Right on cue, Sora, Donald, and Goofy jumped in front of us.
"We'll save you!" Goofy yelled as Ellen mouthed the line.
The hooded Organization member merely stood for a few seconds, still as a statue, before backing into the portal, which, in turn, disappeared.
"Are you okay?" Donald asked each of us after the initial shock of the fleeing-and-totally-strange-hooded-person subsided.
I nodded, trying to ignore the sick feeling in my stomach. Truth be told, I was in no mood for what was inevitable–that we'd be dragged to some helter skelter fanbrat version of Kingdom Hearts: The Return.
Lord, kill me now.
"Shouldn't you be back in your own worlds?" Goofy asked.
"Yeah, how'd you end up here?" Donald continued the question.
Why wasn't Sora saying any–
Oh God.
Standing before us was Emo Goth Sora, complete with teardrop tattoos, chains, and piercings. He wandered away from us, staring out to sea.
Rachel's sharp intake of breath told me she had just seen this too.
"Uh...ladies?" Donald's voice broke my train of thought.
Rachel was the brave one. "What...worlds?"
Donald and Goofy stared at her openly.
"Why, your highness, are you feeling alright?" Donald looked prepared to cast Curaga on her.
I could have sworn I heard Ellen cursing under her breath right then. I began fanning myself with my hands as I watched Emo Sora pouting by the ocean. Rachel took charge of figuring out our situation with Donald and Goofy, while Ellen plopped down next to me.
"The next thing, you know," Ellen began, already laughing, "will be Riku turning into a chick or Kairi turning into a man."
I shook my head and pointed down the beach. Walking towards us was none other than Roxas.
"What the hell!?" Ellen shouted. "Stop the fic! That's impossible!"
And yet, right before our eyes, Roxas collided with Sora...
...and blushes appeared on both boys' faces.
"OH!!! HELL NO!!!" Rachel shouted, pushing past Donald and Goofy, towards the Keyblade Master and his nobody. "I will not be stuck in some freakishly impossible, technically incestual yaoi fic!" She stormed between the two, pushing them apart. "You!" she said, pointing at Roxas. "Go back to wherever you came from and wait for a possible opportunity to reveal yourself. No co-existing!"
Roxas stared back a moment, then was sucked into a portal by a long, black-clad arm.
"If they 'do it' wouldn't it technically be masturbation?" Ellen whispered to me.
And I couldn't hold it back anymore. My laughter escaped me, and I rolled around the sand through fits of giggles until Donald dumped a bucket of water on me.
"You really shouldn't be out of the sea, your highness," he said. "I think the dry air is effecting you. We'll get you back to Atlantica as soon as possible."
Sora finally spoke, in a voice that sounded strangely robotic. "Atlantica is still several worlds away from here."
Silence.
And then.
"OH-MI-GAWD HE'S COMING OUT OF IT!!! Normal Sora will be back soon!" Rachel bounced up and down with glee, something very strange to see with her being in the form of Jasmine. It took a tackle from Ellen to stop her, which caused another fit of laughter from me. Anyone ever picture Belle tackling Jasmine? Yeah, that's what I thought.
Finally, after an eternity of talking that is always pointless to write in fics like this, it was decided that Donald would turn my fin to legs, but I would have to lose my voice until I was turned back.
May I point out how original this is?
Even relinquishing my voice, I refused to be given legs until someone found me proper clothing and somewhere to not only go through the process, but to put the clothing on.
Ellen threw the apron at me.
Harr harr harr.
Spare clothing was found in the Gummi Ship and handed to me, and I found myself crammed into a small room. Donald stood just outside and a strange, glowing light enveloped me and my fin split in two, then changed color and form until I had proper legs. I changed quickly into what I had been given–a pair of black breeches, a white top, and a blue belt–and stepped out into whatever crazy adventure I was being tossed into.
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And so it is done. No turning back now. Oh darn.
I would like to mention again that reviews are ALWAYS encouraging and helpful. Any kind. Give me good, give me bad, just click that little purple button and give!
Thanks for your attention!