"I QUIT"

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #166

Part One

(Note: This story continues from my previous fic, "The Face on the Milk Carton." It also incorporates revelations that were made in my spin-off fic, Kaine: Salvation. You don't need to read the spinoff though, to understand what's going on in this story...you'll get a nice recap soon. If you like Kaine though, I recommend reading it!

Further – as far as it relates to Marvel comic, my timeline ignores everything that happened from Sins Past onward, and everything that happened in Marvel from Disassembled onward.

With that said – ENJOY!)

Peter Parker hated surprises.

When he was younger, he had spent the majority of his time committed to only a few things – getting an education during the day, taking care of his Aunt May when he came home, and being a superhero at night. Running into surprises had been par the course while engaging in all of these activities, and most of the time, it had been to his great detriment. They usually came in the form of unannounced tuition hikes, sudden health scares, and sneak attacks from men that liked to dress up in outlandish costumes and torment him.

Sure, there had been a few exceptions where he had been what he would call "pleasantly surprised." One was when he had met his wife, Mary Jane Watson, for the first time, expecting her to turn out to be a hideous beast, but actually learning that she was insanely good looking. Another had been when his Aunt had learned of his alter-ego, Spider-Man, and had not only accepted it, but strongly supported it over time. The most recent had been when he had actually been accepted as the new science teacher at his alma mater, Midtown High.

But now, he wasn't sure what to call the situation that presented itself before him. Was this a surprise? Unequivocally. Was it good or bad?

That was the question. It probably depended on one's take of things.

Peter stared at himself. Or more accurately, he stared at a disfigured clone of himself that he thought had disappeared years ago, or had been locked away somewhere. Then he looked from the clone down to his wife, sitting on his couch next to his aunt, with a blanketed bundle in her arms, quietly sleeping. A child.

The child looked to be about a year and half – probably a toddler. He could already make out some of his features in the child – soft cheeks – and she had auburn red hair – something that was clearly common to his wife.

Moments ago, Kaine had just claimed this was Peter and Mary Jane's child. And that he could prove it.

Peter cleared his throat, having finally gotten a chance to digest what he had been told. He took off his tuxedo that he had been wearing to the movie premiere he and his wife had returned from and laid it on the couch. Then he looked at his genetic duplicate, and spoke.

"Kaine...show me your proof," he said simply.

The long haired man pulled a sheet out of his coat and presented it to Peter. "You may have heard of a Reed Richards."

Peter grabbed the paper anxiously and stared at it. There was what looked like a script of DNA results, which Peter figured he could attempt to decipher if he had time, but was not interested at the moment. His eyes fell to the bottom of the page, where he found a note from his friend.

"Hello Peter – Reed here. I was approached by Kaine and asked to confirm that this was indeed your daughter, and not a clone. After testing this child's DNA, and further running the sample through one of my genetic analysis devices, which can tell me if a certain piece of DNA originates from natural birth or from genetic manipulation, I can say without a doubt, that this is your child. Congratulations to you and Mary Jane, although I'd be very interested in hearing exactly what happened.

Kaine won't tell me anything. Initially, when he somehow managed to get in, and approached me here at the Baxter Building, I was incredibly hesitant to deal with him as I know he has caused you many problems in the past, and in fact we were ready to apprehend him. However, he has agreed to be tracked by me to ensure that no harm comes to the child and that he does indeed bring her to you. Please call me as soon as you get this message – you have my number."

Peter folded up the note and now, it began to weigh on him that this was, indeed, real.

Somehow, after almost two years from her birth, his daughter had returned to him.

As Kaine reached out to him, he suddenly slipped and Peter moved out of the way as the big man crashed...and then, Peter noticed platinum blonde hair poking out of Kaine's shaggy brown, long, hair.

Aunt May started giggling, and startled, Peter looked at her, utterly confused. He then looked back at the form on the ground, which was now groaning, only to find that he was not staring at Kaine, but instead...

...Felicia Hardy, better known as the Black Cat, pulling a wig off of her head and trying unsuccessfully to free herself from what looked like a stack of coats that were too big for her.

"Felicia?" yelled Peter. "What the hell?"

"Surprise, Spider," she whispered, as she tried to stand up, and fell back down again. She cursed, and then looked at Aunt May. "Oh, and by the way...this was Kaine's idea...he figured it might be a good idea to...you know...ease the tension of the moment for you and Red there, if I came in disguised as him."

Mary Jane, for her part, was relieved. She hadn't ever been the biggest fan of Kaine, and knowing that he wasn't really the one in their apartment made her feel much better. She cracked "Nice legs there, honey," as Felicia worked on removing her trousers (under which were a pair of jeans), only to reveal awkwardly placed stilts attached to Felicia's shoes.

Peter let out a deep sigh as he joined his Aunt on the couch. "Good God," he said. "The guy has a weird sense of humor." He looked at his still-struggling friend. "And only you would be weird enough to go along with something like this...but OK...while you get your bearings together there..." Aunt May was now helping her out of her disguise.

"So just where the hell is Kaine anyway? And is this really my daughter?" Peter was utterly confused, tired, and felt a headache coming on.

Before Felicia could say anything, a faint noise came from the bundle that was in Mary Jane's arms, and then the noise amplified.

His daughter was christening her inaugural trip to her new home with a long, loud sob.

For a moment, Peter wanted nothing more than to put his head in his hands and exclaim something to the effect of "Oh brother. This is going to be a long night," but then the magnitude of this moment weighed on him.

Dammit, this is your daughter. You know how badly you've wanted to do this.

And with that, Peter brushed aside his feelings of confusion and fatigue, stood up, took the child from his wife, and began to sing her back to sleep.

Within minutes, Peter's off-key lullaby-ing was beginning to have the desired effect.

As Felicia watched in awe, commenting that she had tried to do just that all day and had found the only way to put the child to sleep was if she left her alone in a room, Aunt May produced a bottle of milk from her purse and handed it to Peter, who clumsily placed the bottle in his child's mouth and was surprised to see it accepted, despite the fact that the kid had her eyes closed.

Mary Jane watched all this with what seemed to Peter to be a sense of overwhelming pride in her husband. As Peter took all of this in, he sat back down on the couch as Felicia finally got the last of her disguise off, and took a chair along with Aunt May.

Peter, holding his daughter, looked at Felicia intently, and deadpanned, "You know I hate surprises," which produced a big smile from his wife and aunt, and a look of annoyance from Felicia. Then Peter nodded. "All right. Now tell me what really happened. No jokes this time."

Well True Believers, there you have it! Just the FIRST PART of Issue #166 of "I Quit," the latest in the ongoing "Peter Parker: Spider-Man" series we decided to continue back in 2004, when the original series went defunct. Originally, we entitled this one "Explanations," but as you'll soon see, we figured our new title might be more appropriate.

In the next part, say hello to some friends we haven't seen in a long time...namely...Flash Thompson and Liz Allan Osborn! The last time we saw them, Flash Thompson was coming out of a coma, and showed signs of brain activity in the Spectacular Spider-Man series by Paul Jenkins, and Liz was spending most of her time taking care of him, while also taking care of her now-first-grade age son, Normie. Just before the events in Peter Parker: Spider-Man #44, she was hired by a local pharmaceutical company to take the reins as the CEO and so professionally, she is recovering marvelously from Norman Osborn's firing of her years ago from Oscorp, when he "returned from the dead."

But what are these two up to now? Find out in the next part of this series!

AND PLEASE REVIEW! Thanks.