Holding hands. Holding on. Holding off on telling her that he watches her sleep. Holding his breath when Mercedes belts out that note. They win.
He wins, he just keeps on winning. Her smile, her laugh, and endless conversations about musicals she's never even seen but she loves them anyway, because he does.
Driving home, her fingers touching his knee. Being home, her favourite perfume, and his favourite song. Butterflies in his stomach and in the garden since she planted gardenia. She makes him feel so hot, but she's always freezing.
"Oh God, I'm so crazy about her"
"We know son, everybody knows. Emma knows"
More.
He needs more time, more money, more everything.
"You can't leave McKinley, Will"
"You heard what Figgins said. Officially, staff aren't even allowed to date each other"
"Officially, Sue is the school's Goodwill Ambassador! Rules aren't everything. Nobody cares that we're dating"
"I can make more money-"
"I don't care! And neither do you. You were miserable when Terri forced you into accounting"
"So you're forcing me to stay?"
"I'm not…. You know, I never thought you'd compare me to Terri. I knew you'd think it. Gosh, it's hard enough sleeping in her old bedroom…. Do what you want Will. If money is more important that your own happiness, fine!"
Swirling anxiety in his stomach. Twisting thoughts. Sighs that might never end. Her lips all dry, her apology and her voice that sounded thick.
"I'm sorry. I was out of line"
Hours later he reciprocated, sipping her favourite tea out his coffee cup.
"I just want so much for us, for you. I want us to have everything, a family"
"We will"
She bakes muffins in winter and everything smells like raspberries. If he could lock them away from the rest of the world he would. Just Will and Emma and maybe a bed. That's it. That's all he needs. He's constantly drunk on her, and still drinking more. He's watching her sleep…. Again.
Little dimples in her forehead. They weren't there before. Emma is growing, stronger and older… she worries, she frets, she massages his knuckles after long stints at the piano. He's going to marry her.
He's going to ask anyway. She'll say yes. Probably. But it will take planning. He can't ask on a Sunday while she's reading files she shouldn't be worrying about on the weekend. And he can't ask in the car after she visits Dr. Shane. She's on edge then. She's been pulled and prodded by words. She's raw.
Not in the perfect way when she lets him feed her strawberries and chocolate, laughing and gasping while he kisses the warm trickles off her chin. No, not like that. She's angry raw, regretfully raw. So raw that she aches for hours and shivers on the mattress. Then she must have a moment in her head, because like magic, she's his Emma again, catching his toast when it pops out of the machine.
Waiting. Watching. Watching her button up her pink blouse up before work and thinking how nice it will be to undo. Waiting for Glee rehearsal to finish. Wishing it to finish.
Walking her to the car, Emma's hand gripping that spot above his elbow with a shy smile. Waiting in the car. She's late coming out of the session. She hates to be late. It's one of things that makes her most angry, lateness and Sue Sylvester's taunts. I just hate the way she puts you down constantly.
Adjust the radio station, find a stick of gum. Wait.
She's here. She's not only raw, she's red. All red and shaken. Bent over in the car. Twisted.
Emma. Breathe he screams to her but only in his head because her knees are twitching and he cant even see her face, it's hiding in shadows of night time and bits of her hair that are all mixed with tears.
"Police. You need to call the police" she's choking out words.
A gun. There was a gun in the office and a man that held it and he yelled for Dr. Shane's records. Everything. I'm don't wanna hurt you, but if you don't hand over every single file, I'll put a bullet through red's head…. And that's not gonna look real good to the Medical Ethics Board, is it Doctor?
There couldn't be a gun. Emma and guns didn't belong in the same world. Emma was about designer dresses and that honey flavoured lip crème and crying at the local news.
Oh God, she cries so hard. And tells the Police the story so many times, he's sure Dr. Shane does too. But she's telling them on her own. It must be on her own. Not clinging to Will's arm. Those are the rules. Fuck the rules.
The detective relays details to Will, mercilessly. "I guess, you should be prepared. She your girlfriend? You live together? … Keep an eye on her tonight okay? She's been through a lot"
Yes, she saw his face
No, it didn't last very long
Yes, all the case files were taken
No, they don't have any leads
She can't talk about it anymore. She can't stand up straight either, she just bends over a bucket, heaving everything that was once inside her.
"What can I do to make it better?"
"….Nothing…."
"Do you want to stay in a hotel tonight? Do want me to call that Detective, tell him we want a surveillance guard out the front?"
"I just… I don't know" she keeps crying. "I'm sorry, I love you. I love you. Will, I don't know… I love you though… Ugh, I'm going to be sick"
At 5 am she leaves she the bed that no one slept a wink in.
"You should eat something", his voice sounds so awful, even to his own ears.
She doesn't answer, she cant. She gives a little grimace and he doesn't remember her changing out of her clothes last night but she did. She's a chameleon. He never knew that until after.
After the man with the gun.
She hasn't touched him all night. Hasn't looked at him since two, when she nodded the okay to flick off the television.
She shakes. Looks at the grounds and speaks to it.
"I'm going to the Police station. I just… need to…I don't know"
"Let me drive"
"No"
"Em-"
"Please, I'm sorry. I just need to keep moving… feel like I'm doing something… and you keep looking at me like that"
"Okay, just tell me what you want me to do. I'll do anything"
"Go and have a nice long shower and then get in the car and drive to work…. I'll be in at lunch time"
He thinks she'll never look this haunted again. It's in all of her face, the colour, the shape, the size. How come he never noticed how fragile she was before?
At lunch he's going to beg her to take time off. They'll go on a holiday. Anywhere. They'll spend their savings, go somewhere warm. Hell, they'll quit their jobs and move to Bermuda. She has to get away, he has to protect her. It wasn't just charming anymore, it was everything.
She isn't at lunch. Or home. Or on the other end of the phone.
"She's had a rough time Will, you know Emma, she's probably roaming the household cleaning aisle at Wal-Mart", Beiste says.
But she isn't.
"Ah, Mr… Schuester is it? Okay, well. I don't know what to tell you. Miss Pillsbury didn't sign in on our visitor's logs this morning. She wasn't here" the Detective looks fresher than he did last night, but still stern.
"But you saw her last night?" he feels his voice raise an octave
"Yes, sir. And we haven't seen her since"
X X X X X X
Shannon only bought one suitcase when she moved in in March, under the façade that she wouldn't be living there for long.
Will heard them talking, hushed in the living room while he counted the spots on the ceiling in the bedroom and pondered how to stir a reopening of the missing persons case.
We have to do something, he's going to hurt himself.
He hasn't been to work at all. Not in six months. He never called. He took their calls in the beginning, and begged them for clues.
"The police think she's a run away Shannon! They say their looking but I know they think she just lost it after the hold up"
But after four weeks he locked the door, sat at his computer and searched the world for her, because the people of Lima gave him nothing.
He ignored their pleas at the door, except the one time at 6 am when he thought Quinn's heels were the clapping of Emma's mary janes.
"Oh God, Mr Schuester. I'm sorry. I just brought you some groceries and breakfast we've been so worried".
"It's okay Quinn" and then he closed the door on her face. Those kids were full of compassion and sympathy and as much as he admired it, he didn't need it.
Eventually, someone thought to bring a crowbar and Shannon, literally lifted the door of it's hinges.
She had a history of mental illness, and she's a smart woman. If she doesn't want to be found, she won't be. They said, he didn't pay much attention to whom exactly.
Well Will doesn't think she'd just leave.
So what does he think?
I can't even imagine
"You're coming with me to the Doctor Will" Shannon orders, her voice is soft though. Through all this it's always soft.
"I've got things to do" he mumbles back. He can't talk now, he's checking the Facebook page he set up to help with the search.
"Do them later"
"I'm not sick, Shannon"
"When was the last time you went to sleep without pills, huh?". How does she know everything he does?
"Damn it Shannon. I'm trying to do my job-"
"You have a job Will. At McKinley with the people that care about you"
"I'm finding Emma! Remember her?"
"I know your hurting Will, so I'm going to forgive you for being such a massive ass. And yeah, I remember her. She was my good friend, one of the best. And I don't know where she is and it makes me sick. But what's even worse, is that I'm losing my other friend. We're all sitting around, watching you fall apart Will. The police are doing everything they can! Everyone is doing everything they can! And you have to do everything you can to stay alive and if that means I have to drag you to the Doctor's office by the scruff of the neck, I'll do it…. So, get up now, or I'll make you". He begins to move because those are big hands she has, and he might make good with the threat.
The doorbell rings and Will doesn't even flinch. No one with anything important to say rings the doorbell. They call. People only ring the doorbell with food or sorrow, mostly both.
"Officer, come in" he can hear Shannon's invitation from the hall.
"You're not Detective Spencer" Will accuses, walking like a warrior around his own home. This man stands straighter than Spencer, Will knows. He used to sit in the corner of Spencer's office and watch him scour over witness statements. He would have scoured over the evidence too if there were any.
He was a good man, Will saw it when he folded papers and pulled at his ear when he had a thought. But after three weeks he stooped out of his superior's office and pulled up a chair beside Will.
"Look Schuester, we haven't found her car, can't get a phone signal. No one saw anything out of the ordinary. And it always kills me in cases like this, but Emma chose to leave, and you need to let her go or you're going to go mad. I've seen it happen"
"But she-"
"Let me guess. She told you she loved you, so many times you lost count? And then she left and wouldn't let you come with her?... I'm so sorry Will"
His jaw clenches just thinking about it.
Beiste makes this new guy coffee, she doesn't know what she's doing. Will sees her fumble with the plunger, defeated. It falls to the ground, she won't scoop it up and carry on like she should. Her heads hanging low.
She'd hurting too and for the first time in months, he can see it. His faithful friend is falling too.
"Here, like this" he says, finding all the pieces and fitting them together. She smiles and he almost returns it before the strange officer clears his throat. They are about to be told something.
Sitting at the table Shannon grips with hand, asking questions.
Do you want me to leave?
God no!
It happening, all the talking.
"Mr. Schuester,…" the man looks from Shannon to him, blinks and repeats.
"Mr. Schuester, we've apprehended a suspect. He's good for the robbery at the medical office. He confessed actually And-"
"What-"
"Mr. Schuester, please let me continue. We believe this man is an unsatisfied former patient of Dr. Shane. He, um, well he told us he took the patient files and was planning to stage some suicides, try and hold Shane accountable"
"Why didn't I know this?"
"It was sensitive information Mr-"
"Yeah, sensitive to me! I begged them to review that surveillance footage in the lobby!"
"Will, calm down…"
"Miss Pillsbury, Emma, obviously was one of those case files, and she was the only patient to physically see the perpetrator. She was top of this guys wish list, he told us that himself"
"No…"
"No"
This new guy is fidgeting with his fingers.
"What happened?"
"Shortly after the… incident…. We called Emma back. We knew who this guy was from her description, we've been worried about him for years. You have to know Will, she didn't go willingly. But our hands were tied"
"….witness protection?"
"We offered, hell, we insisted! But no, not exactly She's been in a safe house near Columbus until we collared him"
"She's…"
"Yes..."
"Mr. Schuester. Do you understand?"
"Where is she, Officer?"
"In cases like these, we try and ease the victims back into their old lives slowly. But these are special circumstances"
Will gulps.
"Will, Emma is outside. I'm going to radio my colleague and then we're going to bring her in okay? Are you going to be able to handle that?"
He nods and grips Shannon's hand tighter than he ever thought possible.
And then, just like that, everyone is watching. Waiting.
Shannon shuffles her feet against the tiled floor and the Detectives have note pads that are all of a sudden captivating and there is Emma. A ghost.
They're all waiting to speak.
"I'm sorry" when she talks he groans loudly. Painfully. It's pierces the room. He thought he'd never hear that voice again, but she's here and her hair is long and red still, she's still the same.
He isn't ready to get up yet and certainly isn't ready to touch her. He'll lose it if he feels her, because he's felt her faintly every night since February. He can feel them all waiting for him to see.
He can see, and she knows he can. But it's too soon to really look… and hope.
X X X X X X
It's a week later and he can touch her without flinching and gritting his teeth. She's laying on his pillow and it already smells like her again.
He'll feel the line of her back and watch her arch forward. She's naked, gloriously so. That's enough for now. He's spent a week holding his tongue and begging for answers and not knowing what to say. She says she loves him. She cried all the time but after a month in that house she got her reason to stay put. She had to stay safe no matter what, even if it meant never bumping shoulders with her lover in the corridors of McKinley again.
"I played piano a lot to pass the time. They thought it wasn't a good idea to read too many papers…. Or watch the news, I was… a mess"
"What did you learn?"
"Lullabies mostly"
She shifts his hand to her swollen abdomen, the one he can't ignore any longer.
"Em, I can't…." even think about what's going on inside her, what's already happened, all that he missed. She's desperate for him to feel it all, it's in everything she does. Butter the toast, fluff the pillow. She's a mother already.
"When I found out, I wanted to run out of that house and scream for you,…. This is our baby Will"
"It's not the right time"
"It has to be. She's coming, in eight weeks, did Officer Romir tell you that?". The Policeman had told him nothing, except to check in everyday and find a good therapist.
He just shakes his head, it's all so much.
"I've been waiting for you to help me pick a name. Will…"
"I have a name"
"What?"
"I know the name"
X X X X X X
"Say… 'Daddy'!" he coaxes, but she just laughs and reaches up to grab his nose with tiny, wet fingers, and Will has to admit, it was great comic timing.
"Fern, say "Mommy" Emma sits beside him, running her hand along the inseam of his thigh, totally unaware of how not innocent it feels. She's so excited for over Fern's birthday party. She spent all Saturday night writing lists while he relentlessly nipped on her ear lobe and told her all the ways they could make a new baby.
"And I'll even let you name this one" even though he knew Emma saw the sweet logic of their firstborn. You love ferns, he had told her, It was the first thing I ever noticed about you. I used to spy on you in your office while you cared for them.
The tiny, curly haired little monster is too busy gumming a Lego man to notice him, but Emma rests her head on his shoulder and takes his hand, holding it tight.
They wait. For Fern to turn her head and smile again. For another chance at the blissful mystery of pregnancy, for a time to wash away the months they lost. For Bieste to really forgive him for being a massive ass, even though she swears she already has.
So, it might have been a little AU, sorry about that. FP.