Have you ever been so in love, you didn't know what you would do without your loved one? Until one day, you actually get to feel what it's like to be without them, because God decided to take that person away in the worst possible way ever.

My name is Blair Waldorf and I know what that feels like. On the date of April 16th, 2007 the Virginia Tech shooting happened, I was one of the lucky ones. But he wasn't.

That day was a disaster, a total calamity, I looked around to see my friends' faces, I wouldn't have ever seen this coming, and I don't think any of us would have, but it was happening.

BANG BANG BANG! Three shots were fired. That was all I knew but who I did not. Let me rewind a bit.

Let me take you to the day before.

It was 7:00 pm and everyone was at the pep rally, I was the cheer captain and my boyfriend Nate Archibald was the star quarterback, everyone would rather be here, then hear President Bush babble on about the war in Iraq, he really needed to bring the troops home, than have them massacred over there.

That day no one suspected a thing, everyone lived life for today, and even HE was here, the one I shall not name. As the pep rally finished Nate and I walked home, our fingers intertwined with each others, he was home for me and he knew that, anywhere he went i went and id follow him anywhere.

We arrived to the house and it started getting late, I wasn't going to let him walk home so I asked him to sleep over and he listened, next thing I know I am falling asleep with my head on his chest, feeling his heartbeat, I was nothing without him.

We woke up early in the morning to get ready for school. As he was getting ready I started making his favorite breakfast, blueberry pancakes.

He ate five all at once.

"You're going to get fat" I said laughing

"And yet you'd still love me" he answered with a smirk.

"Yeah I wouldn't be so sure about that sir" trying to hold back a laugh. He gasped and almost choked on his food.

"I'm kidding, of course I'd still love you, and I'd love you even if you looked like a fat oompaloompa" and I kissed him, the taste of those sweet lips sent butterflies to my stomach.

I don't know why, but I did have a gut feeling about that day, I didn't want to go to school, I asked him to stay home and to just watch a movie, but he had to be such a good boy.

"I want to stay home!" I remember saying. He responded by saying

"You better get your small butt in that car this instant Blair!"

"YOU HAD TO BE A TAURUS DIDN'T YOU? SO STUBBORN!" I said.

"And you're a Virgo but you don't see me complaining" he smiled.

I couldn't help but laugh and I entered the car. As we arrived to school the gut feeling started getting bigger, what is happening to me? I shook it off as we greeted our friends. Norris Hall was big so we had to part even before the bell rang for class.

"I love you Nate Archibald. Always have, always will." I said while I kissed him.

"I love you too" he responded and kissed me once more before he left.

That's when the tragedy started. Thirty minutes into the class, we saw people running around and her gun shots. Blake and I jumped.

"What was that?" I looked at Blake. "Those sounded like...gunshots."

Three more shots were fired. The class started to get scared. "Alright class calm down!"

I got up out of my seat and started running towards the door

. "I have to go see Nate!" I yelled.

"Ms. Waldorf you're not allowed to go anywhere it's not safe!"

BANG! Another shot was fired. I turned cold and felt faint, I needed to know he was okay, I looked around slowly and took a look at my friends they were all hugging each other, and some were even praying. My phone vibrated then, I opened it to look and it was from him, it was Nate.

I'm okay, I'm safe babe, and I'll see you after all this is over. I love you-N

I was so happy knowing that he was safe and he hadn't been hurt. I know, I know how selfish of me.

I answered back.

Oh thank Jesus! I love you too, be careful-B.

As I looked around I saw Blake, she was on the phone with her mother crying hysterically. I called my mom too, once, twice. No answer. Of course like always she's too preoccupied with work. That's how my mother was, always working, I'd be amazed if she even knew that Nate and I were practically engaged.

BANG BANG BANG! Three shots and I jumped at each one again. I couldn't do anything else. I could feel him getting closer. The shots were closer. I couldn't do anything else but bury my head between my legs. This will all be over soon; at least that's what I tried to convince myself.

Blake came over by me "How could you be so calm?" she asked

I didn't answer back. I was afraid that id I did I'd break down, I was dying inside, I was just as scared as they were. I looked around and my teacher already had at least half the class out the window. I stood up and yelled.

"That's what we're doing? Escaping out the window and not helping! We need to know what's going on! Who's doing this at least!" I yelled. And again shots were fired.

"That's what's going on!" yelled my teacher.

"People are dying!"

All of sudden I felt a cold breeze. It was him. i felt it, the knot in my stomach told me it was him. They had shot him. I started crying. "Nate he's hurt! Someone please...please! NATE!" I dropped to the floor.

Blake come over and hugged me.

"Shh honey you don't know that" I put my hands on my face, but I did know I felt it and if it wasn't, I prayed to god to keep him safe. Suddenly I felt warmness around me, I looked up to see if it was Blake but no one was there. It was him I felt. I smelled his scent. I felt him with me, and I cried. I wished with all of my heart that I could have hugged him back, gave him one last kiss and then all of a sudden I heard his sweet velvet voice,

"the love inside, you take it with you.' I love and will miss you" he had quoted my favorite movie.

I felt cold again, I knew he wasn't with me anymore; I couldn't feel him or sense him. I stood up and went out the window with the rest and as soon as I did HE killed my teacher. Two hours later, the murderer had committed suicide and killed 32 people.

As they were carrying out the bodies, I saw Nates' body, I ran to it. I bawled out, until I practically had no tears left. What was I going to do without him? Was this the end of the beginning for me? Do I have to start new? All the days I spent, were with him. Everything I did was with him, and now he was gone.

I kissed his now cold lips one last time before they took him away and whispered "I love you."

As I turned around I saw my mother running towards me and hugged me, I cried as hard as I could once more.

"Mom.. Mom. He's..." he's dead I tried saying. But I couldn't bring my self to say it.

"I know I know" she said.

"No you don't know mom!" and kept crying.

"you dont know what it feels like!" i yelled

That night I went to the mass they gave and put his picture up with all the rest. He's an angel now, I said to myself, my angel. Two weeks later I find out I was pregnant. So maybe it wasn't the end of the beginning for me. I still have one little piece of him with me.