I'm still writing My Own Choices this is just a one-shot inspired by the song Breathe Me by Sia. For some reason I was listening to it today and this came to me. Hope you enjoy it. By the way this story doesn't involve Bella, she just doesn't exist, sorry. I've given Jasper some of the things Edward felt around Bella just stronger cos that's the kind of guy I think Jasper is.

Very little changed when you were a Cullen. Jasper was bored of everything about school but lunch was probably the worst part. Sitting with a plate of food you weren't going to eat, surrounded by the ranging, inconsequential moods which flew through all the hormonal teenagers around him. Forks was no different to the other places he'd been since he and Alice joined the Cullens, they still had to deal with the childish crushes, which quickly turned into morbid curiosity as they established a reputation as being "weird". To the human eye Jasper was nothing but gorgeous, his blonde hair fell on into an effortless, messy look that for some reason girls loved (if their moods around him were anything to go by), his face was perfectly symmetrical and not a single feature wasn't exactly right. Add to that the sadness thinly veiled with vacancy and disinterest, the schoolgirls couldn't help but be fascinated.

As one of these girls walked past Jasper was hit by her particularly strong lust and couldn't help but laugh, If she looked closer she'd see my scars, not so attractive then. Although if she looked that close she'd probably be dead.

Jasper felt Edward's head snap up and look at him as he finished the thought. The apprehension so clear that even someone who couldn't feel moods would be able to identify it. Christ, it was a hypothetical, I hope I'm slightly less of a liability than that. Edward went back to ignoring him. Jasper hated being the weak one, he hated that he was the constantly on the edge, that the burning in his throat seemed more present and more pressing than anyone else's. Maybe it was just in his nature to be a monster, maybe he just wasn't like his adopted family.

He stood up in a movement so fluid and fast that it almost couldn't be passed off as human, "I'm skipping out. I need to go running, I'll see you guys later." Emmett and Rosalie barely acknowledged him and Edward just looked understanding, which was irritating how could he understand. He only said, Alice was anxious, but then Alice was almost always anxious about him. It never really felt like love what he and Alice had, she had found him and told him they were supposed to go somewhere together and he hadn't questioned. He hoped she was happy enough and she seemed to enjoy looking out for him but whilst he always felt her affection for him it never quite felt like love. But then love doesn't happen to everyone, some people would be very grateful for what he and Alice had. Eventually she just sighed and smiled at him, "You're going to Seattle so don't run take the car. Oh and when you're coming back, do what you want to do, don't worry about me."

Baffled but never one to go against Alice's advice Jasper took Rosalie's BMW purposely trying to annoy her.

Like all Cullens Jasper drove fast and soon found himself in the bustling busy centre of Seattle determined to prove to himself that he could stand crowds of people, that he wasn't as weak as everyone made him feel he was. Out here without the constant looks of anxiety and the supportive smiles he felt free. He took a deep breath almost punishing himself to feel the burning and ignore it.

That was when he smelt her. He could tell she was far away, but it didn't matter the smell was still mouthwatering. The previously thirst-inducing smells of the people around him seemed like nothing compared to this. He wanted to blow his cover and run full speed through all the crowds until he found the smell, almost certainly a female, like pink apples and cinnamon. He started off towards the smell walking as fast as he dared without drawing attention to himself. As he walked the compulsion which had overtaken him was fighting with the morals which had deserted him when he had first smelt her. He felt like a monster again, he felt his self-hatred slipping in, as well of his fear of his lack of control. He felt useless, hopeless a disgrace to all those who claimed to love him, would they love him if they could see him now desperate to feast on some poor innocent?

He walked about 5 minutes before he finally saw her. By now the smell of her was driving him crazy but he wasn't a fool enough to attack her like this, stood in the centre of town. She was working for some charity or another accosting people on the street and trying to charm them into making some kind of monthly donation.

She absolutely fascinated him, she ran her hands through her black hair every five minutes and when she got really passionate she'd ball her hands up into fists at her sides. Most of all he was fascinated by her eyes, he could see every one of her long lashes as they fluttered up and down over her startling green eyes. He wanted to buy her an emerald necklace just so he could see if they matched her eyes.

The cloudy grey day was giving way to a cloudy dark night but Jasper hadn't moved. He was beginning to want this girl in a greater capacity than just for her blood. He wanted to know how she felt, he wanted to know what her favourite food was or whether she had ever been sky diving. He wanted to tell her about his life, and about how he hated himself now and for some reason he truly believed that she would offer him a solution.

It wasn't until it looked like she was planning to go that Jasper got the courage to move, he was so afraid to be near her, afraid that he might hurt something so clearly wonderful. She caught his eye as he moved towards her and he smiled, he was utterly amazed when she smiled back. All the emotions she was projecting were so positive, so open he couldn't help but go right up to her. His throat was blistering of course, he considered not breathing but he didn't want to miss a second of her scent it was worth the pain, it was intoxicating. The animal in him was screaming but he just focused on her emotions and tried to make them his.

"Evening Ma'am, I'm Jasper Whitlock and I was wondering if I could buy you a drink?" He didn't know why he used his old name, he just didn't want to lie to her any more than he had to.

She laughed, "I don't think I've been called ma'am in my whole life. I'm Ava Sutton and I'd love to have a drink with you Jasper." Instinctively she reached out to take his arm so he could lead her in the right direction. And Jasper stiffened slightly waiting for her to withdraw from him when she felt his freezing cold skin, for her to denounce him as the vile creature he was and run away. Instead she just look at him curiously and pulled herself closer to him. At that point Jasper couldn't stand any more, he had to stop breathing.

The bar was practically empty and they sat as far away from anyone else as the could. For hours they talked about her, where he had come from what she was doing. Really she had no ties. She was renting a small flat on a week to week basis, doing whatever work she felt like, she was an only child and both her parents had passed away. She told him she was a rolling stone, never staying in one place for very long but always with an eye out for anything, or anyone who might anchor her. He was so comfortable listening to her that it came as a bit of a shock when she stopped talking about herself and said, "So Jasper what's the deal with you? There's definitely something more than just plain human going on there!" He didn't even think, he just told her everything about him. And she just listened, no questions, no sympathy, no shock or horror, it was a refreshing change.

It was late and Jasper realised his family would be worrying about him, at the same time as knowing he had to go he desperately wanted to stay with Ava. Suddenly he remembered Alice's comment about doing what he wanted to do and he smiled his brightest smile, "Would you come home with me?" She just nodded but he could feel her mellow happiness. Briefly he questioned his ability to be with her in a place not filled with people but he dismissed it, Alice had said it would be OK.

For weeks Ava and Jasper were practically inseparable. But Jasper hated himself for still being so consumed with her blood, Sometimes Alice or Edward had had to rush into his room and take her away seeing things or hearing thoughts that made her doubt her safety with him. Two parts of Jasper fought for supremacy, one part all consumed with his blossoming love for Ava and the other part, one which cared not for love and only for blood. Whilst Ava's blood had the strongest pull on him denying himself so consistently strengthened his desire for human blood completely. It was maddening and he knew that whilst Ava was the most perfect thing that had ever come into his world the blood lust was growing stronger daily. He told her all this. For some reason he couldn't keep anything from her, he could never lie to her. It was the only time her ever felt worry or stress from her, when he talked about his hatred for himself and what he was. They were the times he desperately wanted to hug her or stroke her hair but he hadn't dared to touch her since she'd grabbed his arm unexpectedly that day, it had been the only time. Partly it was because he didn't trust himself but mostly because he didn't want to give her anything she'd regret. He knew that one day she would look at him and she the truth of what he was, and then she would hate him. When that happened he knew she would regret the time she spent with him, he didn't want her to regret that she had let him touch her, she'd probably never feel clean again.

Ava had been thinking ever since Jasper had told her his story. For some reason she could not explain to even herself she felt like it was her duty to change the way Jasper thought of himself and it was clear that the way to do that was to cure his blood lust so that he could see him as equal to his family and not some kind of lower life from, accepted out of pity. She planned meticulously, so set was her mind that she knew she was going to have to talk to Alice.

Ava found the pixie-vampire in her room tearlessly sobbing, "I know what you've seen Alice but please trust me it is what Jasper needs. Don't tell anyone." Alice looked up at her a nodded and Ava smiled and left.

She took Jasper to the cliff which overlooked the bay. It was isolated and never visited, it had become their little Haven where they'd talk for hours. Nothing seemed spectacular about that day. It was only spectacular to Ava. She started gently, unsure how to reveal her purpose to him.

"Do you really think you are less than human Jasper?"

He felt pain shoot through him, wondering if this was the moment when she was going to leave in disgust, "I don't think I am, I know I am. I am less than an animal."

"I'm not sure I agree with your assessment of what makes a human then Jasper. A beating heart? Our diet? For me a human being is defined by their ability to feel such a wide range of emotions. And Jasper in that sense you are more than qualified."

He was just silent, unconvinced probably and Ava's resolve wavered briefly worrying that she was about to inflict more pain on him than good.

"Did I ever tell you I don't believe in God or Heaven? I'm a firm believer in reincarnation. If I died I know that eventually my soul would be born again and I'd find you again, of course I don't think I'd remember but if you took me here I'd like to think it would all come back."

Jasper was a little confused and worried about this turn of conversation but only relaxation emanated from Ava so he settled.

She continued aware that it was only going to get harder from here. "Did I ever tell you I'm more than a little bit proud of how good my blood smells to you? What was it Carlisle called me? La Tua Cantante. It feels like something of an achievement in a funny way, a distinction I guess."

Jasper just growled under his breath.

"I think if you tasted me you wouldn't really want any of the others, after all what draw could they have on you after you've had the best. I know I was sent to help you Jasper, I believe that this is how. I want you to do one thing for me, I want you to try and see yourself how I see you." she hurried now, knowing he was going to argue with her "Tell Alice that she's only looking after you, that I'll be back to claim you one day."

With that Ava pulled the hidden knife from her pocket and pulled it across her arm drawing blood. She knew Jasper wouldn't be able to resist her blood spilling and he didn't. He but deeply into her and started to drink.

The hunter in him was consuming, but even then he couldn't help but register that for the first time his victim did not give off fear, or hate, or pain or regret, all he felt was love and hope as Ava gave him her final gift. The last words that came from her blood drain lips were, "Never forget that I love you Jasper Whitlock."

50 years later

He still thought about her every day, but the memories were all happy ones now. What he never thought about any more was blood. After the blood in her veins had run dry Jasper had been overwhelmed by sadness but he'd made a vow never to touch a drop of human blood again. What he hadn't expected was how easy that was to do, he remembered Ava's last words about how he was most human of all, about how she loved him and he found that as he stopped thinking of himself as an animal he stopped feeling the desires of an animal too. He worked as a doctor with Carlisle in the hospital these days happily dealing with bleeding humans every day numbing their pain and fear with his powers as well as treating their injuries.

It had been 50 years to the day that Ava had died when the new nurse started. He smelt her before he saw her and his heart contracted with joy. Of course she looked different with honey blonde hair but the emerald eyes were exactly the same and when she laughed at something one of the other nurses said he knew it was her without a doubt. He went over to meet him and she looked at him with confusion in her eyes,

"Do I know you?"

"No probably not, but hopefully you will. Would you let me take you somewhere?"

"Sure thing Jasper lead the way." For some reason she felt utterly safe with him.

He laughed and crinkled his nose at her, "I haven't told you my name yet."

She blushed bright with embarrassment, "Sorry, so what it your name Doctor?"

"Jasper, Jasper Whitlock"

Her eyes widened, "Oh, so where are we going Jasper?"

"A beautiful bay in a little place called Forks. I'm hoping that when we get there you'll know why."

When he grabbed his arm in hers she didn't flinch at his cold skin, and he didn't stop breathing in fact he took a deep breath. She was home.