Disclaimer:I do not own Glee, nor am I making any profit off this story.
Author's Note: This was something I wrote after seeing the promo for "I Kissed a Girl". Obviously the show went a different route so this would be considered AU. I may continue this verse but it took me a super long time just to rewrite and edit so don't wait up. Still, I hope you enjoy, please read and review!
Sometimes, Quinn wants it. Sometimes she needs it. Sometimes she aches for it, feeling a horrible pain tear at her insides. She wants touch. She hasn't been touched in a long time, at least not since Sam left. She doesn't want kissing or sex, but touch. She wants to feel someone's arms around her holding tight, keeping her safe. She wants to hear a soft, steady heartbeat reminding her she's not alone. She wants fingers slotted together like puzzle pieces. Someone's heat mixing languidly with hers, spreading all over, stopping her from floating away, keeping her grounded. And maybe, just maybe, two bodies pressed so tightly together that nothing, not even air can get through. Bodies that come and sigh together and touch from head to toe. Quinn wants it, but she knows she doesn't deserve it.
One day, when the clawing at her heart becomes too much, she corners Puck and asks him to come over. Maybe a quick fuck is what she needs to get rid of the yearning voice inside her head. Soon they're kissing on her bed and Quinn thinks it might work when he stops. Apparently, Puck needs to confess and tell the truth. He's telling her all these things she doesn't want to hear, trying to get her to show some kind of emotion. Puck likes Shelby. It's like the world drops out from under her. So apparently the actual mother of his child isn't good enough, he needs someone older, wiser, prettier, saner. Quinn knows she's insane; he didn't need to tell her. She wants to scream, she wants to rant. She wants to bash Puck over the head with something heavy. She wants to erase the past two years of her life and go back to when everything was fine. Before Puck, before cheating, before Beth. Still, Puck was the only one who ever made you feel complete, a tiny voice in her head whispers. She tries to ignore that terrible, truthful voice. It makes everything in her life complicated and ruined.
But for some reason, Puck wants to stay and help her and the ache is just too great, so she lets him. She ignores his heart-breaking news and decides to pretend for a little bit. She pretends that Puck loves her and that Beth is sleeping in her room down the hall, all perfect and sweet. She pretends that her life isn't crumbling around her like the fabled walls of Jericho she learned about in Sunday school. She curls up on her side and he lies next to her, their bodies forming commas so she can take a breath. His arm is strong around her, keeping her steady. She feels his warmth against her back, making her calm. His hand lays against her own, his fingers interlocking in the spaces she makes. Like puzzle pieces, she thinks. His warm breath is huffing softly against her neck. She remembers a scene of the past, its colors distorted but the sound flawless. Two people looking at beautiful, amazing, perfect and knowing it's not for long.
"Did you love me?"
"Yes, especially now."
The scene ends in her mind like the last flickering picture from an old film reel. She could of have had that life, she could have had him, but she was so foolish; she avoided Puck in the hallway and refused to think of what they could have had. He had always understood and cared about her but she wouldn't take the risk. So she went for Sam, who was sweet and adorable, but he couldn't touch her with the intensity and the intent that she wanted. So she went to Finn, but he was never hers to begin with. She began to believe that she didn't deserve touch, especially from Puck. Puck, who wanted to be there, who changed for the better, who was a far superior parent that she could ever be. Quinn felt her chest constricting, her body starting to float away, the tears starting to form.
"Are you okay Quinn?" Puck asked softly. She turned around slowly to face him, coming back to the moment. There was concern in his eyes, but there was something more underneath. Something that both frightened and excited Quinn in a way that she didn't understand. She laid her head gently on his chest and his arm wrapped around her once more. She could hear his heartbeat, soft and secure, matching in rhythm to hers. She brought her hand to his, interlacing their fingers. His other hand was warm against her lower back, rubbing in soft, soothing circles. She took a deep breath, taking him in: he smelled like lavender fabric softener, sweat and a little bit of tobacco. He smelled like he always did; he smelled like Puck. His nose nuzzled her hair and he squeezed her lightly. She smiled and for once in a very long time, felt whole. She wasn't crazy; she wasn't going to float away. Puck was holding her close;hewas touching her.
She felt silent tears prick at the corner of her eyes, the familiarity making her hurt in the best way. They sighed together and Quinn felt like maybe things could get better now; he would make things better.
"Yes Puck, I'm okay."