A/N: Woke up at 8:30 on a Saturday morning and wrote this. I know it's depressing, but if I could have some feedback, that would be awesome.

I'm Better Off On My Own

I never really understood Risa Harada. How could someone be so... ditzy and... slow, yet still get A's in all of her classes? How could someone like that fall in love with a thief; a criminal; a pervert! How could she be so in love with someone that barely knew who she was; what she was like? How could she even take that chance to love?

I, for one, never have. I was too afraid. I had good reasons to be afraid too! What with Krad and all being locked up inside me, triggered by any emotion that I felt...

She was stupid. Why did I even let her in? I told her so many times. So many...

I'm better off on my own. Stay away.

Why didn't she listen? If she had, none of this would have ever happened! She was stupid. I was stupid...

And why did she start of the conversation like that! One day, a year or so after Dark disappeared and I returned to my old school, she just comes walking up to me and says:

"Good morning, Hiwatari-san!" With a smile on her round cheeks and all. It was... different, therefore, I stared at her. She just continued talking. "How are you today?"

I blinked and, with the shrug of one shoulder, I turned to walk off to class, but she followed me. Well, that's what I get for being in her class.

"Eh? H-hey! I was talking to you!" She ran up behind me and I was forced to walk quicker. She kept up. Damn that girl... "Hello? Anyone there?"

I glared at her as a response. She glared right back. I rolled my eyes, wanting nothing else than to just sprint, full speed, out of the school building and perhaps into another country. As I almost engrossed myself in the hallway in front of me, Risa sighed heavily and grabbed my arm, causing me to stop. I froze, a strange chill covering the part where her hand touched my arm. I didn't really like human contact all that much.

"Hiwatari-san, hold on," Risa said, a little out of breath. "I need... to talk to you."

"What is it?" I asked coolly, wishing she would let me go.

"Daisuke... he told me about Krad." I stiffened, then took a step forward, ready to leave the conversation. Her grip tightened and I stayed. Even though I could have easily overpowered her.

Daisuke had obviously spilled everything. Damn him... but she knew it all. About Krad and his triggers, what my life was really like, what really happened that night when I saved her from falling off of the roof.

I was embarrassed about the last one and had to look away at a locker so she wouldn't see my pinkish face.

She told me about my distance, and how she felt bad about my 'circumstance'. I didn't like her pity. She also found out about my father, which really pissed me off. She said that she wished she could have done something... good; something worthwhile to help me with my problems. I stopped her there before she could continue.

"No," I said quietly. She stared at me and I sighed. I took my glasses off and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Helping someone with their problems is something close to friendship."

"So?" she asked. "What is that supposed to mean?" I looked at her, for maybe the first time in my life, showing her my pain. It wasn't all the pain; I couldn't let her see that. It was just a small hint of what my life was like. Her eyes grew big and she stepped back, releasing my arm.

"You do not want to be friends with me," I explained, seemingly towering over her. "It would do nothing for you. Or my... 'circumstance' for that matter." She could only stare at me as the bell ran, signaling that class was about to start. I turned, without saying a word, and walked down the hallway.

Now, after that first day, I thought it would all be over. A part of me was fine. If she didn't come near me, then Krad wouldn't come out. And everything was fine if Krad didn't come out. But, apparently, she didn't listen to me.

Why couldn't she just listen? For once in her stupid, selfish life. If she had just listened... just once...

But no! She came up to me the very next day and said:

"Good morning, Hiwatari-kun!" I cringed at the use of my name with the suffix -kun. She saw this and giggled, sending an odd chill throughout my body. "I had a feeling you would cringe like that. Did you sleep well last night?"

I decided to ignore her, shrugging one shoulder as I always do and continue walking towards my first period class, which, sadly, was also her first period class.

So I was followed... again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again. She never stopped! Every single morning it would be the same thing.

"Good morning, Hiwatari-kun! How are you today?"

No matter how many times I glared, no matter how many times I ignored, no matter how many times I refused to talk, she would always say it.

"Good morning, Hiwatari-kun! How are you today?"

She said other things too like 'hi' or 'the homework last night sucked' or 'I hardly got any sleep last night'. Blah, blah, blah. She rambles, did you know that? Honest to god, she rambles. Like no end would ever come. I remember once, even in between classes, she had an entire 'conversation' with me about the school's lunch food. How it all was inedible or something.

Whenever I would 'meet up with her' a few blocks before the school entrance, she'd have to yell at me to wait up because I was already far ahead of her. Although I knew she had called me, I ignored her. But she would always manage to catch up with me somehow.

Every single day, she'd talk to me. Every. Single. Day.

It was so... nice. It was annoying at first, but, after a couple months or so, I began to get used to it. Unconsciously, I would slow down when she called my name. Once, I really stopped and waited. Never did it again, but I did once. Instead of ignoring her, I found myself listening to her. Sometimes, I would shrug one shoulder, or make a face, agreeing or disagreeing with something she said. I supposed that I just got used to it, but... I was actually paying attention to what she was saying, as stupid and random as it was.

Then... I broke. Not in a bad way, mind you. Just... I don't know how to describe it. It was alright, I suppose, just... I don't know.

"Good morning, Hiwatari-kun!" Risa said, catching up with me as we walked to school together. "How are you today?"

I shrugged. "I'm alright. A bit tired." She grinned.

Now, when I say grinned, I mean grinned. Her smile grew so it was nearly touching her ears! Her eyes were huge! And her dimples... they were so deep. And her cheeks went pink. I expected her to shoot off into the air like a rocket or something.

I looked at her, questioningly, but she merely waved it away and began talking about beaches. Throughout the entire day, she seemed to be in an exceptionably good mood. It bugged me that she wouldn't tell me why. I almost exploded at the end of the day.

"What are you so happy about?" I demanded as she came out of the school. Her face grew into the same face she had that morning, and she shrugged. She could have been floating on a cloud for God's sake! "What! What is so funny!"

"Th-this is the first time you've said more than two words to me!" she burst, like she couldn't keep it in any longer. "I mean, other than the first day, but really!"

"Harada-san."

"Hiwatari-kun, I was beginning to think that you would never talk to me, and I suppose now you won't because I'm making such a fool of myself-"

"Harada-san."

"-but then you just talked! And it was like I accomplished something! And there was an actual emotion in your tone!"

"Harada-san."

"It was short and quick-lived, but it was there! And I'm so, so happy that you actually-"

"Risa!" I grabbed her shoulder and put a hand on her mouth. She shut up. I looked her straight in the eyes for probably a minute, then let her go. "Thank you."

After that, I was confused. I mean... if I had shown emotion, like Risa said, then why hadn't Krad come out?

I should have stopped talking to her right then and there. Just stopped. I should have moved to another school again and changed my name. I should have moved to... China. Or America. I should have just left. If I had, this would have never happened. If I had... I would have never... ever... done what I did.

But I did. And... I don't want to say that I regret it, but... I regret what happened after I did...

God damnit, why didn't she just ignore me! Why couldn't she just go away! Stupid, foolish girl... stupid, foolish me... stupid, foolish heart...

"I'm beginning to like it when you smile," Risa told me one afternoon as we were headed out of the High School doors.

I shrugged, yawning. It was Friday and I was ready for the weekend. "It's not weird or anything?"

She shook her head. "Not at all. Well... at first it was different, but it's nice now."

I jumped down the last couple steps that were in front of the school, then turned and smiled at her. I purposefully did this because whenever I did, she would stop whatever she was doing and do something stupid or clumsy. It was funny. I enjoyed watching her screw up. This time, she stopped walking and tripped over her own two feet.

For a fleeting second, I was... scared. Or... something along those lines. I reached out, dropping my schoolbag, and put my hands on her hips. I lifted her as her head came falling towards me, and swung her and swung her around until she was safely on the ground. My arms wrapped around her waist because I could feel her stumbling. Somehow, her arms had ended up gripping my shoulders.

Then I laughed. I couldn't help it, really. She had looked so funny when she was falling. Just the fact that she tripped made me snigger. She hit my chest with her fist, a bit angered.

"D-don't... d-do th-that!" She spat, her voice a bit shaky.

"But it was funny..." I said, allowing myself to continue laughing. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But..." I snorted. Risa glared at me, but I could only laugh. Sooner or later, she loosened up and smiled. Finally, after quite some time, she laughed too. We spent about five minutes just laughing about nothing. I know, we were stupid. I personally thought that we looked drunk or something.

I sighed, exhaling a 'woo' and smiled at her. She smiled back at me.

It was then that we noticed our position. I cleared my throat, backing away. I felt my face heat up and I avoided her gaze. "Anyway..." there was really nothing else to say, so I looked around. I turned and picked up my schoolbag in one hand and Risa's in the other.

"Satoshi..."

I turned to face her, about to ask why she had used my first name, but was silenced. She kissed me. I dropped the school bags.

It was simple, her lips brushing against mine, and it ended almost as soon as it began But, still. Risa Harada kissed me. As a burst of energy flowed throughout my body, I found myself staring at her. My mouth was hanging open, my lips tingling. This time, she avoided my gaze.

"S-sorry," she stammered, quickly fixing her hair. "I-I... th-that was... out of line... umm..." she spotted her bag and reached for it in hopes of running off. I reached out, not fully aware of what I was doing, and held her elbow. She straightened, but still refused to look at me.

"Risa..." I breathed, cupping the one side of her face with my hand. I stroked her cheek, fingering her hair. She looked up at me and I found myself... melting. I completely lost thought of where I was, who I was, what I was supposed to be doing. All I saw, all I knew... was her. And it was as if I completely gave in.

But I should have expected it all. I hadn't really thought about it lately because... well... it just never came up. It was as if he finally went away; I was finally free. But I'm never free.

There was a sudden burst of excruciating pain in my head and I stepped back, yelping. My hands were removed from Risa's face to my own. Without realizing it, I threw off my glasses. I could feel myself losing control as a loud voice echoed in my mind.

There it is! There's the opening!

I hunched over, feeling a numb-like pain in my back. I heard my shirt ripping and I gasped. "No..."

Yes, my dear boy. Yes.

There was an evil laugh that sent chills up my spine, and I blacked out. The familiar, haunting setting of being tossed into a dark chamber came to my eyes and I cursed. I could still see what was going on from my eye-view... but I was no longer in control. Krad had taken over.

"Oh, how I have waited!" His mouth twisted into a smirk and he stretched. I felt our body being lifted off of the ground as he shot off into the air. "Ha ha! See this, Satoshi boy? This is what I have wanted for months." Sooner or later, after much chilling laughter, we were back on the ground. "Do you have any idea how much I've plotted, waited, wanted for this moment? You were pretty much n control, but I knew. I knew this one would knock you out."

Risa...

I myself stood in the chamber and ran to the door. "Touch one hair on her head and I swear to God, I'll-"

"Don't you talk to me like that, boy," Krad said harshly. "You can barely stay on your own two feet."

I kicked the door, rattling the bars in hopes of breaking out. "Krad!"

"Why so distraught, Satoshi boy?" Krad asked, his eyes still lingering on a confused and terrified Risa. "I'll take good care of her. After all... she was the one that brought me back."

"No!" I shouted, kicking, punching, pushing, and pulling on the doors of the chamber. "Don't, Krad! Don't!"

Krad was silent, but I could hear the low chuckle coming. Softly at first, then rising into a great roar of laughter... at me. "Satoshi... are you begging me?"

"Shut up!" The sad truth was... yes. I was begging. I never begged and nor did I want to, but... what good is pride when a friend, or loved one, is in danger?

"W-where's Satoshi?" Risa's voice sounded in my ears and my stomach plummeted. Krad turned to her.

"Gone, my dear," he replied with a shrug. "But you really shouldn't care about him..."

"Bring him back," Risa ordered.

Krad was amused. "Excuse me?"

"I said, bring him back!" Risa said, louder and more firmly.

"Risa, run!" I yelled. "Run! You don't know what he can do!" Nothing happened and my throat began to hurt. "God damnit, Risa, run!"

Krad sighed, annoyed. "Hush now, boy. She can't hear you."

"He's saying something, isn't he?" Risa questioned. "You've been talking to yourself for at least five minutes. But it's him. He's in there, isn't he?"

Krad took a step closer and I felt the acidic anger rise. "And that is where he shall remain."

The next few moments were a blur to me. All I could remember was the anger becoming too much to handle. The next thing I knew, I heard Krad cursing and screaming. There was pain... and agony... then I was back in my own body. Cold sweat dripped down my face as I heard Krad still yelling.

Hear me well, boy, I will be back! I'll find an opening again! And when I do... I'll kill you! Hear me, Satoshi? I'll kill you!

I swallowed as the pain began to subside and gasped for air. Risa was staring at me, I knew. I could feel her gaze... but I was not going to look at her. Not yet.

"Risa," I said, my voice raspy. I heard her step forward to help me, but I shook my head. "No. Don't." She stopped. "I can no longer feel attached to you, and you can no longer feel attached to me." I stood, with much effort, and looked her in the eyes. There was so much pain... I should have been used to it by then. Hurting everyone I met, I mean. Why would she be any different? "I'm sorry, Risa. For everything. Please... just this once... listen to me, and... go home."

"Satoshi..." Tears were falling out of her eyes and down her face. I had to look away. Before anything else could happen, I walked off. This time, Risa did not follow me.

I do not answer the door. I do not answer the phone. All I do is sleep and work. I can not even say that I live because I have never felt so dead in my life. I wake up every morning around the time I used to. I shower and put clean clothes on. Normally, after that, I would go to school, but I no longer attend High School. My computer is my school. I take online courses and e-mail the police with instructions whenever they say that something's wrong. I have not left the house in a long time. I barely even leave my room. The only time I really do is when I shower or have to go to the bathroom. When I run out of food, I go to the market, but it is a very brief trip.

I can not allow myself such luxuries.

It's sad how accustomed I've grown to being on my own. My own house is something strange to me because I stay in my room so much. More than once, I've gotten lost on my way to the market. Even my voice is strange to me. I do not talk to anyone and no one talks to me. It's been almost a year since I've started living like this. If you could call it living, that is.

I still hear her sometimes. In my dreams, or when I'm all alone in my room. I wake up every morning and wait for the enthusiastic call of my name. But it never comes. And every time it never comes, I feel that lump in my throat and that tear in my eye. Once I finish my online courses, I still wait to hear her giggle, like she did with friends when I would meet her after our school day. But, of course, I never hear that either.

I think about her constantly. What is she doing now? How is her school work going? What are her goals? Does she eat the school's lunch still? The one that I most commonly wonder is... has she found someone else? I'm stuck with the 'would have' and 'could have' and 'should have' memories. I have lost count of how many times I say 'if' in one day. If this or if that... it hurts.

I used to tell her that I was better off on my own; better off without her. I come to the conclusion, at the end of every bleak day, that she is better off without me. I used to think that I was... but I'm not.

And, I know now, that I never will be.

The End

A/N: ... what did you guys think?