Note: I don't own X-men. If I own something, I will tell you. But I don't. Song lyrics by Limp Bizkit
It's a Hard Knock Life, For Us! —Annie
A Whisper of Desire — The Aftermath III
Now, and at the hour of our death.
The small Volks Wagen roared down the seemingly inhabited road, the speedometer reaching close to 100m/h. Any faster and they might
Scott moved slightly, leaning over to push the button for the radio. Coming to life, he turned the music high, so that all three men could feel the vibration of it in their chests.
"What a rush, huh?" Scott yelled over the banging music. "How do you like my game so far?" Making a visible effort, Scott forced the car to accelerate even further. Sweat beaded down Logan's forehead, and dripped free when the car hit a pot hole, causing Remy to give and out cry of protest.
115m/h.
"Scott," Logan started, but the younger man began to sing along with the music.
"I came into this world as a reject, look into these eyes then you'll see the size of the flames. Dwell'n on the past; it's burning up my brain.Everyone that burns has to learn from the pain. Hey, I think about the day my girlie ran away"
"SCOTT!" Logan roared at the younger man, gripping the handle near his door. The car had reached it's maximum speed limit
"She stuck with my homie that she fucked and I'm just a sucker with a lump in my throat"
"Scott, this car can't handle this speed," Logan tried again, his voice reaching over the cascading music. "If you make the slightest move on that steering wheel, we'll flip! This road is too poorly constructed! This is NOT the Autobahn! Slow down!" Looking over his shoulder, his breathing now hard, Logan looked at Remy. White faced and shaking, the younger man was repeating something over and over again, clutching himself on the arms.
"I can't believe I could be deceived by my so-called girl."
Growling, Logan released his claws and jammed them as hard as he could into the car radio, causing an immense amount of sparks to fly upon the two men in front. Yet it seemed to have no effect on Scott, who had since put the car on cruise control. You son of a bitch! If you kill Gumbo back there I'll break your
"Remy's gonna die, Remy's gonna die," Remy's voice could finally be heard from the back. "Maybe I'm already dead. Dis ain't so bad. Like a nightmare. But not so bad." Jesus H Christ! I'm the only sane person in this car.
"Scott," Logan's face was stone again, his voice matching. "Scott, slow down." He was not going to sit around and let the angry man attempt to kill everybody. "Slow down now or I'll slow it down for you."
"Why slow it down?" Scott shot back. "If Jean asked you to fuck her slowly, would you?" He never looked at Logan, but concentrated on keeping the wheel as steady as possible.
"WE aren't talking about Jean right now, Scott." Logan almost spat. "We're talking about three lives here. If this car flips, chances are none of us are going to be in very good shape"
"Oh," Scott exclaimed, laughing suddenly, "I'm sure you will be just fine, you mother fucker. Just crank up your GOD DAMNED healing factor." Scott's words and language infuriated Logan, it wasn't healthy, and it was like hearing the word fuck' come out of a three year old's mouth.
"So you're going to risk Remy's life because you're just a little pissed?" The car swerved dangerously, the tires squeeling. Logan could see that there was less than half a tank left of gas. "That's a terrific way of sinking to my level, Scott." Logan never raised his voice, never moved his eyes off the younger man. "Just slow the car down, and we can talk about this like descent men."
Scott snorted, but the car slowed down marginally. "I'm sorry to break this to you Logan, but you are at the bottom of the list when it comes to descent men. I don't even think you are ON the list."
"There's first for everything, Scott. Remy's practically pissing himself. You're being pretty damn selfish if you are planning to take him down with me. He didn't do a God Damned thing. "
"Remy is innocent! INNOCENT I tell you!" Remy shouted from the back.
"You might as well wipe your name off the list of descent men with blood, Scott."
Scott suddenly looked up at Logan, a slight glint in his glasses. Then, turning back forward, Scott gripped the steering wheel tightly. At 105 m/h, he made a slight jerk at the steering wheel, and the car lurched sideways, somehow ending up on the two left wheels which shrieked in protest.
"Jesus, Scott! What are you doing?" Logan yelled, gripping the dashboard in front of him hard. I will never touch another woman again, I will never touch another woman again
Without replying, Scott simply gave the steering wheel another jerk, maneuvering the car back onto all four of it's wheels.
"Never knew it could do that." Scott whispered, a look of exhilaration on his face. Yet the younger man seemed to have enough, and with a small sigh, he lifted his right knee up high, he brought his foot down hard on the break.
The sound of the wheels screaming across the pavement would haunt Logan, and probably Remy, for the rest of their lives. Feeling contact with the square airbag in front of him, Logan almost sighed. I never wanted this to happen. It was a mistake. Why can't he just see it as a mistake! Face buried in his airbag, Logan struggled against it, and moving his face away, he could see Scott doing the same thing. Remy in the back was looking bewildered, but not moving. He looked as though he had been tossed around like a rag doll.
"What de fuck are you doing to Remy, Scott. At least Logan did not try to kill three people!" Remy's words made Logan wince, and he could not make himself look over at Scott. "Everybody makes mistakes."
"He killed my marriage." Scott almost spat, looking at the steering wheel.
"He did not!" Remy snapped back. "He merely interfered with it! Why don't you stop acting like a stupid jack ass and admit dat you had something to do with dis fuck up. Did you ever tink that maybe Jean wouldn't cheat on you with Logan if you had been giving her everything she needs. Did you ever think that maybe you pushed her away with your pathetic uptight ways? Did you ever consider that sex is for mutual pleasure, and that diving in and thumping hard isn't exactly the only thing a woman wants from sex? I'm not saying I spied on you or anyting, but you can see when a woman has been pleasured from the look in her eyes, and Remy tinks Jean never got it from you.
" I'm leaving this hearse and you two are going to talk about dis like human beings. We are mutants, not primitive fools. I'll kill you both myself though, if you doing any more stupid things. Remy is sick and tired of dis competitive relationship between you two. The fact that the only ting that stands in the way of your friendship is a woman, Scott's wife no less, is disgusting and unacceptable. I suggest you both grow up and face the facts. NEITHER of you right now is on the descent men' list." Spitting the last sentence, Remy removed himself from the car and slammed the door viscously.
"Is he saying that women are not worth anything?" Scott asked, almost to himself, after Remy ventured a few feet away from the car.
"You know damn well what he means," Logan replied, his voice returned to stone. "He's upset, s all. And he's right." Logan almost winced again when Scott's head swung around to look at him.
"And how would you know if I can pleasure my wife or not?" Scott's voice dripped with anger, and amidst that anger, Logan though he could hear sorrow. And hate. "But of course, you are the sex god. I suppose you know how to everything. I bet you know how to make a woman scream your name for hours after sex." Scott's attacks on Logan were wearing thin on the older man's nerves, and his nostrils began to flare with anger.
"The only thing I know, Scott," he spat, " is that love-making ain't about being proper, or about being appropriate. It isn't about single pleasure, or brute force, or creation. It isn't about getting close, or hearing your name being screamed. It isn't about how fast or slow you go, how many orgasms you have, or how many you give to the other person," Logan could see Scott turn red at the last sentence. "It isn't about how tired you are after it, or how sexually fulfilled you are at the end of it. Love-making is about one thing. It about sharing your most intimate self with another who desires the same thing. All the pleasure, all the screams, the pace you go at, how tired you are and how fulfilled you are at the end of it are just the basic, primitive effects it has on you. The love-making itself is the only effect that should matter, for it is the most intimate act of love, and I don't use that term loosely, that can be expressed physically, and in some cases, mentally."
"What are you saying?" Scott asked, almost whispered.
"I'm saying that if you aren't will to share your most intimate self with someone, it ain't love-making. It's simply sex. There's a big difference. The thing is, when I first met Jean, when I first laid my eyes on her, I felt pure lust. I wasn't in love with her. I didn't even know her. But as I grew to know her, as I became her friend, I came to love her.
"Your problem is, is that you saw me as a guy who just wanted to get in her pants. I hate to tell you this Scott, but there's a hell of a lot more to Jean then what's in her pants, or what she looks like, or how big her breasts are," Scott blushed again at Logan's words. "I didn't want to get in her pants. I didn't want to fuck the living day lights out of her, even if that's what I told myself. I just wanted to give her a part of me that I've never given anybody else. And until YOU do that for her, you are gonna to be one lonely son of a bitch."
It was a long time before Scott opened his mouth. While Logan had been speaking, Scott had turned his head and stared down at his lap, his face emotionless.
"Did you just make that up now." Scott spoke finally.
"The fact that I just made that up don't change the way I feel. I didn't sit up at night rehearsing it or nothing. It's just the way I feel." Scott sat silently again, yet this time he looked out the windshield.
"So what am I supposed to do? Forget about it? Pretend it never happened?" His voice almost sounded desperate. Logan shook his head.
"To deny it ever happened would be to deny yourself humanity. It happened, and I'm sorry it happened, but that don't mean I wanna forget it. I can't. People learn from their mistakes, and if you refuse to remember this, it's just going to continue happening till you die." Logan looked away from Scott and cleared his throat. "I don't know about you, but I don't think very many people wanna get in a car with a pissed off mutant and drive on two tires." He could see Scott smirk out of the corner of his eye. But the smile quickly faded from his face, and it never reached his eyes.
"What about Jean?" he whispered. "She probably wishes she never married me." The pain in the younger man's voice pounded pity into Logan. "I always thought that she would feel the same thing as me when we made-love'. But you were right. All I ever attempted to give her was sex', and that isn't enough. I just wish I knew that earlier. I was really blind, wasn't I?"
"The fact that she married you is still beyond my grasp, Dead-Eye, but that don't mean she doesn't love you, cuz she does. You just haven't given yourself to her yet, and in turn, she hasn't been given the chance to give herself to you. You still have time. I'm going against something in myself by telling you this, but it's not my place to be with Jean, and it never will be, but you still have time to redeem your marriage. And I won't ever lay a hand on her again. I won't need to, cuz she won't want me to." Scott smirked again, and this time it reached his eyes.
"I suppose that's supposed to make me feel better?"
"Give me a break, Dick, I don't spend every day of my life giving these pep talks, and I never expected to give you one. Whether or not I've changed your mind about killing me, or at least trying, is up to you. Whether or not you want to redeem your marriage is up to you. I can't make those decisions for you."
"Don't you even want to rub it in my face? You did get her, you know." But Logan only snarled at the younger man.
"I was just curious."
"Curiosity killed the cat. Or in your case, the Dick Head."
The two sat in silence for several minutes, Logan thinking about what had happened, what he had done, what he had said, and how Scott had reacted. Part of him felt relieved, and part of him felt deathly afraid. Afraid that he had not made himself believed to Scott. I told the truth. I put my bloody heart into the truth. I just hope he can see that. I just hope he knows I meant it.
Scott himself felt slightly ashamed. Not only had he denied his wife what Logan called "oneself", but he had failed to see that Logan had only given Jean what he himself had failed to do. He knew that it didn't justify either Jean's or Logan's actions, but it made them more understandable. HE didn't know if he could ever truly forgive Logan, for he had been a thorn in Scott's side for a long while, and went out with a rather large bang, yet he no longer felt death-fueled rage towards the older man. He no longer wanted to drive over the speed limit.
"So you don't want to kill me anymore, huh Dead-eye?" Logan asked, half jokingly.
"Not kill you," Scott replied, though he was serious. "But there is something I've always wanted to do to you" Raising an eyebrow, Logan inquired.
"Like what?"
He wasn't fully prepared for what Scott did that next instant, didn't think he would ever have the balls for it. Yet after the events of that night, Logan wasn't overly surprised when Scott's fist smacked Logan in the jaw, then the nose.
"I know that doesn't have much effect on you, healing factor and everything, but it sure felt good for me." Scott was rubbing his reddened knuckles, and Logan was trying to resist the urge to give the younger man a face lift