Disclamer: I own nothing but a role of duct tape and a red Sharpie. Don't sue. Kay?
Dedication: For Laura, Hannah and Whinnie.
Author's Note: Sanity? What is this thing you speak of? Just an odd little thing I had to write. Rated for bad words.
Sunday December 24, 2005:
7:00PM:
Strange ringing noise coming from the couch. Move closer to investigate.
7:03PM:
After digging through mess of blankets and pillows, discover source of annoying ringing noise. Throw phone against wall.
Ah, I love the sound of electronics breaking.
7:10PM:
Ringing sound starts again. When did we get another phone?
7:12PM:
Damned phones. Leave the house to escape the ringing sound.
7:13PM:
Fall face first into a snow bank at the bottom of the porch steps. Must clean the ice off the steps.
7:15PM:
Remove self from snow bank and remember I was supposed to be at the Girardi's 15 minutes ago. Joan must have been the source of the ringing. Must stop for some kind of Christmas decoration.
7:30PM:
Arrive at the Girardi house with a bag of tinsel. Greeted by Luke's tongue down my throat. Not completely awful.
7:31PM:
Rove and Girardi are dressed in matching reindeer antlers. Not Rove's usual thing. Must be Girardi brainwashing. If they looked any 'cuter' I'd hurl.
7:40PM:
Investigation of the Girardi medicine cabinet reveals no pain killers. Also, no sedatives. If I hear one more rendition of "Jingle Bells" I swear I'm going to-
8:00PM:
Make out session in the Girardi bathroom cut short by Kevin's need to pee.
8:01PM:
Relocate back to the living room for 'Christmas festivities'. Wonder if the Girardi's understand the meaning of the words "But I'm Jewish..".
8:07PM:
Apparently not, as I am now wearing the 'adorable little antlers'.
8:15PM:
Consider lacing female Girardi's Nogg with poison. Or torching the antlers at least.
8:16PM:
This night can not get any worse.
8:18PM:
Yes, yes it can. Mrs. G has just announced it's time to trim the tree.
8:19PM:
I need alcohol.
8:20PM:
Shit. No I don't.
8:21PM:
Geek leaves the living room. Don't leave me alone with these people. Even Rove is getting in the holiday spirit. Are they all on drugs?
8:29PM:
Geek returns with a cup of coffee for my consumption. I love him.
8:30PM:
Wait.
8:35PM:
"It's A Wonderful Life" has illuminated the Girardi TV. Rove and Girardi have given up on the tree. Kevin and not-a-nun also appear to have left it, as they're parked in the back corner of the room with their lips fused together.
8:40PM:
Commercial break leads to an interesting advertisement for chocolate body paint. Hm.
8:41PM:
Did rocket boy just give me a suggestive look?
8:50PM:
I am not cuddling. I am not cuddling..
8:51PM:
I'm cuddling with Luke. What's wrong with me tonight?
9:30PM:
Give up on trying to understand this movie and drag the geek out for a walk.
9:35PM:
Consider assaulting the rent-a-Santa and his satanic bells of death.
9:36PM:
And then again, I could be over stressed.
9:50PM:
Arrive at the local 7-11. Apparently we need chips. Wander the candy isle looking for Skittles.
9:52PM:
Who would put the chocolate body paint in a 7-11?
10:00PM:
Leave without the chips. This is getting to be too much.
10:15PM:
Back home. My home, that is. Walk up the steps-
10:16PM:
Ouch. Once again laying face first in the snow bank, with a blond geek beneath me this time.
10:20PM:
On TV, making out in a snow bank may be romantic. In real life? I can no longer feel my hands.
10:40PM:
Who needs hands anyway?
10:53PM:
Enter house, amazed that there are no alcohol bottles out. Something must have happened here.
11:00PM:
Locate mom in her room. Sober. Whoa.
11:12PM:
Questioned about the unfortunate demise of our living room phone. Oops.
11:15PM:
Enter room to find an IM waiting inviting me to dinner at the Girardi's tomorrow night. No way.
11:16PM:
Respond that I'll be there at six. I'm a sucker for pain.
11:17PM:
What a weird day..
-End-