Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or Dashboard Confessional.
Bend And Not Break
I don't know how it happened, but it happened. It wasn't cheating at the time because neither of us was dating anyone. But now it feels like it. We were both at a party the first time. Then you came over. Then I came over. And then I got into a relationship. Then you got into a relationship. And things got complicated. Now it's cheating.
I catalog these steps now, decisive and intentioned, precise and patterned specifically to yours.
And now you're lying next to me. It's 1:30 AM and I haven't slept at all tonight because you're here. I never sleep when you're here. I'm addicted to you and you're addicted to me. We're so good at hiding it. I pretend like I don't know you, like I've never heard your name. You pretend to hate me for the same reason my girlfriend hated me. It works out fine.
I'm talented at breathing, especially exhaling so that my chest will rise and fall with yours
I don't like that you rolled out of my arms. I rest my chin on your shoulder and hold you close to me. You smell like the new Axe fragrance. I want to tell you that but I can't wake you up. We don't talk much because we don't know what to say. There's nothing for us to say to each other, except the time and place of our next sexual affair.
I'm careful not to wake you, fearing conversation
It's better just to hold you and keep you pacified
I'm talented with reason, I cover all the angles, I can fail before I ever try
"I can't do this to her." "You've been doing this to her for months and now all of a sudden you say you can't!" "You can't do this to him either! We're not being fair to them."
Try to understand there's an old mistake that fools will make
And I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away
And then you kissed me, reminding me why I could do this to her. "Point proven, well proven." And now we're back to square one. Exchanging body heat in my bed, smelling each other, devouring our bodies and enjoying every minute of it. We're so rough on each other, physically and emotionally. I'm shocked we don't hate each other even though it's just acting…well, just the emotional part.
Won't you hold me now? I will not bend, I will not break
Won't you hold me now? I will not bend, I will not break
You've said some nasty things to me, but that's ok. It adds to the passion and it definitely adds to the quality of our midnight rendezvous. Sometimes it hurts. But I just give all that pain back to you that same night in my bed or your bed- it doesn't really matter.
I am fairly agile, I can bend and not break or I can break and take it with a smile
One time you even apologized. And I appreciated it, but I couldn't tell you that it truly hurt me. That would mean we were failing at pretending. You didn't believe I was fine. So I showed you.
And I am so resilient, I recover quickly
I'll convince you soon that I am fine
We go through this every morning. At about 5 o'clock, we wake up so that we'll have time to get back home. When we get up, one of us, most of the time me, will try and end it. And the other will put it back together.
Try to understand there's and old mistake that fools will make
And I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away
We both have bruises on your arms and legs but it's ok. We cause each other pain because we know it turns into pleasure. For every soft caress, there's an equally powerful push or jab that makes it all the more interesting.
Won't you hold me now? I will not bend, I will not break
Won't you hold me now? For you I rise, for you I fall
"Marco…I'm thinking about leaving her." "For me?" "Yeah…and for myself." "You can't do that. I love Dylan." "And you love me, too." "Yes but…in a different way. We can only be a secret. We can never be open." "Don't you wanna get back at Dylan for what he did to you?" Marco kissed me, obviously wanting to change the subject. And because I was rejected, I wanted him to hold me.
Just hold me close to you, just hold me close to you
Just hold me close to you, just hold me close to you, to you
I pulled away. "Marco, I can't do this anymore if I can't have all of you." "You know that's not possible." "Then…goodbye." I put my clothes on and started walking away.
And try to understand there's and old mistake that fools will make
And I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away
I wanted to run back to him, but I didn't. When I walked out of his house, I looked up at his window and saw him looking down at me. He whispered words that I couldn't quite understand. I could've climbed back up and kissed him one last time, but instead I turned around and walked away. I wish I had gone back.
So won't you hold me now?
Won't you hold me now?
As I walked away I realized what he said. And I think he felt the same as me. I'll remember the words forever in my head. "I love you, Peter."