Title: I Wish I Knew You Before
Summary: John Sheppard wishes a lot of things in his life were different. AU.
Pairing: John/Teyla, John/Elizabeth
Characters: John & Teyla
Rating: K ( for the pure unadulterated angst)
John Sheppard wishes a lot of things in his life were different.
He'd gotten married and divorced by the time he was twenty one. He hadn't gotten to his friends in time in Afghanistan. He'd awoken the Wraith in a galaxy that was not his own. He'd stood back as said enemies had culled the first alien peoples he'd ever met. For years, he's thought that was the one thing he wished he could change, if he was ever given the chance.
Then he met her.
John Sheppard does not believe in love at first sight – lo' and behold, he is pretty sure it belongs only in Shakespeare and Disney. He thinks she might have changed his mind because although he's known her for half a year or so now, he's sure he's loved her from the first time he laid eyes on her.
Given the circumstances, he's sure he shouldn't wish this. Given that she is standing before him in her small tent on Athos her face tear stained and empty much like he knows his own to be, he so wishes he could change it.
And he shouldn't because he's standing before her in his wedding tux, his mind raking in her beautiful form, burning her into his memory. He loves Elizabeth – he really does – but since he's met Teyla, he's known there's something different with her. She knows him.
It seems like she's known him forever.
His hand brushes her arm, his skin burns at the contact. He knows he shouldn't do this but he has to see her, one last time. He knows she won't be coming back to Atlantis anymore and that Haling will be charged with negotiations between the two peoples.
He regrets this almost as much as he regrets their situation.
He knows he could have loved her until the end of time. He knows they would have been good together. The best. But he's already promised himself to someone else. And he loves Elizabeth. He really does. But as his eyes fill with tears, he can't help but wish – even for a moment – that she was the one he was marrying.
He grips her chin with his thumb and forefinger and she doesn't pull away. He's glad. He doesn't want to change this, whatever it is they have. He lowers his head to hers, their foreheads touching, eyes closing of their own accord.
He wishes he can kiss her.
Instead, he sighs and pulls back reluctantly.
He turns and walks away before she opens her eyes, knowing that if he sees those brown orbs staring into his, he'll never leave.
As he reaches the 'Gate, he pauses but doesn't look back.
He loves Elizabeth.
He's promised himself to her.
She's behind him, he can feel it but still he doesn't turn. He wants so much to stay.
As he takes that final step, they murmur words they'd spoken the night before when the cold moon's rays had chilled their hearts.
"I wish I knew you before."