I am so pissed right now. Burning a city to nothing but rubble and consuming the remaining flames of my rage won't satisfy my anger. Storming over to every dark guild and returning home victorious won't calm me down. Beating Erza, Gildarts and Gramps won't make me forget how much I hate him.
I swear nothing will make me smile.
What is wrong with me? That's the question everyone has been asking me for the past three months. They say I've changed. Erza tries her best to hide her irritated expression when I whine about it. Levy apologised for my 'loss' and quickly jogged away before I could blow up. Gajeel, though. He told me to suck it up and laughed at my face. One by one they would come up to me to see if I was sick or dying. Well let me just politely affirm you that I'd rather be sick and dying than to face this reality.
It hurts me. It pains me. It slaps me harder in the face every time I think about it.
I should've known the consequences. I should've just gotten my ass up and do it. Nearly drown myself in poison if it means I would stop acting like such a pathetic coward.
Sure. Go ahead, Natsu. Take down Vulcans. Defeat half the Ballam Alliance and a guildful of demons. Challenge S-class wizards to random battles. Eat Etherion and lightning and nearly kill yourself.
You can do all that! You can train real hard and the day will come when you place Erza's unconscious head below your foot. You can beat every other guy (and a few girls) to a pulp and take over the world as King and get the first class in everything and the best fire food and you'll never have to worry about your savings spending ever again.
But for crying out loud, you can't even confess to a girl!?
And look where the hell that got you.
"-et he's not even listening anymore."
"He never was actually."
My eyes break away from the pillar they had been locked on. I zone out a lot lately. Sometimes to the point where I either don't remember where I am or I head on home just so I can continue ranting in my head. My head, full of regrets and 'if only's.
If only I had confessed to Lucy before Gray did.
That bastard! Why the hell is he so confident in himself? I mean, it's not like there isn't any confidence in me but isn't it weird to just suddenly go up to a girl and tell her you like her? How do people do that?
Crap, the scene is plaguing my mind again…
"Mira…"
"Yes, Natsu? Are you feeling better now?"
"I need you to cut open my head and throw my brain in the trash. Now."
"I just really like you."
Stop it. You don't mean it.
"Now why on Earth would I do that?" Mira giggled.
"You're an amazing girl. You're strong, you're brave. You're beautiful and kind and so sweet. You're everything that keeps me going."
That's right. But I should be telling her that.
"Natsu, are you alright?"
"Lucy, you have no idea how much you mean to me."
She doesn't have to. As long as she knows how precious she is to me.
"I'll do anything to win your heart."
What am I doing here? What are you waiting for!? Get up there, burst in and beat him to a pulp! Gauge out his eyes, rip his throat, eat his oesophagus and toss his body out the window. Do anything but stand still. You're gonna regret this. You know you will. Do you really want to add up to your losses?
"Gray, I- mfphh!"
I'll never understand what came over me. I knew I was pissed beyond the world's end. I knew how much I wanted to yell and scream at Gray. Didn't you hear that mfphh, Natsu? For all you know, they could be kissing in there! It's not too late. Get in there. Show her how overpowering and overflowing your feelings are compared to that ass's.
Don't just turn and walk away…
I haven't been to Lucy's apartment since. I don't know what happened in there. Just the thought of dropping by fills my mind with these perverted images of them kissing and rubbing against each other and stripping each other in the corner and- ugh!
I sense someone staring at me.
When I turn around, I see Lucy's surprised face. That beautiful face with the world's brightest smile and prettiest brown eyes. I stopped talking to her, too. It's selfish of me, yes. But I just can't. Not just because I can't face her, but because she's always with that freak, and I definitely do not want to speak to him. They're always together. Have been for three months. They don't go all lovey-dovey in front of everyone. In fact, all they do is sit together in public. But it's still enough to piss me to my limit.
Maybe… Maybe they need space… After all the stuff they do at night!
ASDFGHJKL
Across from her is Gray. He's leaning back against his seat, arms crossed and eyes locked with mine now. That bastard… Look at him giving me that smirk and winking at me. Just you wait. I don't care if you've stolen her first kiss or banged her a million times. I'm taking her away from you. And then we'll see which of us can just take a dip in hellfire and drown in ignorance.
Lucy is still staring at me. I can sense it, but I don't return the gaze. Instead I shoot Gray a dirty look and an evil smirk before turning away and huffing.
It's time to form a plan.
Operation Steal Take A Girl From A Stripping Queen and Make Him Cry In a Bucket Then Taking That Bucket and Pouring His Tears Over His Naked Body.
What am I doing?
What was that smirk about, I wonder. I just shrug and grin to myself.
Sitting on the other side of the table is Lucy. She lets out sigh and yet again I feel bad for putting her through this. I know how much she misses him. Their friendship was really one of a kind. And I know not even I could replace him.
From below the head that is now resting face first on the table top, I hear Lucy's muffled voice, "Gray, how long do we have to keep this up? It's already been three months. I might die any moment now…"
She's been saying that since the second day.
I lean my body forward. Thank goodness Natsu just left. "Hey, you want him to realize his feelings for you, don't you?"
She remains still and quiet. I grin wider, intertwining my fingers and fluttering my eyes. In the most dramatic narrator voice, I add, "And then you want him to sweep you off your feet and kiss him and ride away to tomorrow and have thirty-three chil-"
Lucy's head shoots up. Her hair flows quickly after her crimson face like gymnast ribbons, almost perfectly landing on her shoulders. She messes it up even more by running her fingers through them. "Can't I just confess to him?" she hisses, clearly pretending she wasn't listening. I know she regrets putting up with my plan, but hey! It couldn't be helped.
I don't answer her question. Instead I shrug and get up to leave. Before I exit the guild doors, I hear Lucy slam her head on the table again.
When I get home, I feel like taking a shower. But as I walk past my cabinet, I cannot help but reveal the piece of paper that literally changed lives.
Step 1. Get Natsu to come over to Lucy's place.
Step 2. When he's just outside, pretend to confess to Lucy and make sure to use simple words because if you don't, Flame Brain wouldn't understand.
Step 3. Before Lucy gets a chance to reply, cover her mouth and tickle her. This makes it sound like being kissed.
Step 4. When Natsu leaves, it means he's realized it.
ASDFGHJKL I'M SORRY THIS IDEA JUST POPPED INTO MY HEAD AND I GOT RESTLESS AND I'M NOT SATISFIED WITH THIS STORY BUT OKAY NEVERMIND I'M SORRY PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME JUST HOW BADLY I NEED TO FIX MY WRITING. REVIEW OKAY THANKS.
P.s. I'm not proud of this one, but I'm a little proud of my other story 'The Death of You is the Death of Me'. Check it out? It's my first :3 And leave a review! Ahahahhaha I'm sorry :P *Rocks myself in a dark corner*