I own nothing.
Orange and gold hued leaves swirled upwards above the trees, more joining as a swift breeze rushed through the forest. The crinkled rustling broke the dead silence that had fallen upon the trees even as the sun shone high overheard. The sun was out, yet the air contained the sharp sting of leaf-fall cold. A dark gray she-cat limped through the quiet forest with the façade of searching for herbs to add to her supply, which had begun to dip dangerously low. This wasn't the only reason for her search, though. Out of all of the duties of a medicine cat, this was her favorite; it gave her a chance to be alone and think.
The wind picked up again, sending a tingling chill throughout the cats body. She shivered, telling herself it was because of the cold and nothing else. The emotions were too strong for her, and she accepted that she would give herself the luxury of escaping from reality one last time. A quick glance around assured her that no one was near her; she could begin her unrequited desires. A small sigh escaped her, and she slowly began to knead the ground with her three good paws in anticipation. Her breath slowed, faint puffs of mist escaping her with lessening intensity each moment. She began to drift into her fantasy, relishing in the relaxing feeling that it always brought her. She opened her blue eyes wide, and then gently let them close as a small purr began to rumble in her chest, resonating within her.
When she opened her eyes again the soft green of new-leaf greeted her. The sun was slowly setting, and rose-colored light began to seep into the forest, making everything look serene and tranquil. The gray she-cat gazed down, the sight of four healthy legs making her feel giddy. The voice made her feel ecstatic.
"Hello?"
A small smile crept to her face as she turned to face the flame-colored warrior, her heart fluttering dangerously. She met his gaze, immediately losing herself in his emerald orbs, which shone with intelligence and warmth. She had watched him gaze with such intensity often, but never at herself. His hypnotic stare always seemed to be fascinated by her.
'No. This is my time with him. I will not let her ruin this for me.'
"You wanted me to meet you here?"
His voice touched her, causing her to shiver as if his tail was gently stroking her side. This time it would work out. This time she would tell him her true feelings.
"Yes. I have something to say to you that I've wanted to say for such a long time."
Now she could say it. What she had wanted to tell him for as long as she can remember, what she had kept quiet for so long. She opened her mouth to speak the words of release, but they refused to escape her muzzle. She cleared her throat and tried again, but they just wouldn't come out.
"What is it?"
"I l-l…I w-wanted to s-say that I l-l-lo…"
She couldn't say it. The tom began to fade away into the forest, away from her, disappearing from her view.
"No!"
He couldn't leave before she told him how she truly felt. This was her chance to set things right.
"I love you!"
It was too late. The ginger tom had been swept away by the falling leaves, flying over the trees and out of sight. The gray she-cat tried to chase them, her legs pounding fast, her heart faster, but she was falling behind. She leapt up, claws outstretched as she tried to get just one orange leaf, one tiny thing of him that she could call hers. She missed, and crashed onto the forest floor with a sob on her lips.
Her eyes snapped open, and a silent wail escaped her mouth. What had begun as her wish had slowly turned into a nightmare. It was as if Starclan had purposely twisted her thoughts to see herself losing him.
She stood up, the wind ruffling her fur as her mind tried to block her heart from controlling her body, for she knew that if that happened, she would utter unforgettable words, words that would change her life forever. She was a medicine cat; he was a clan deputy. Deep in her heart she knew that it would never work out. Besides, he had another cat to care for him.
Her duties as medicine cat had been faltering recently. She was completely out of marigold and catnip, and greencough season was just around the corner. But how could she act normal when he visited her every day, sending warm waves crashing through her body with the slightest brush of his pelt.
She clenched her eyes shut, grinding her teeth in an effort to keep from crying out. It hurt, but her heart ached even more. She unsheathed her claws quickly; her eyes wild as she reached out and struck out at a tree. But she wasn't a trained warrior, her apprenticeship had been cut wrongfully short by the curse of the very forest itself, and her bad leg threw her off balance. She crashed onto the forest floor, the leaves crinkling under the sudden weight.
She wanted to cry, but she knew that she must regain her senses. She longed for her fantasy to return, but for it to be the way she wanted it to be. A fantasy without her warrior ancestors intervening to ruin it. But she didn't just want a figment of her imagination; she wanted reality. But she knew better.
She knew that he could never love her as she loved him. She had to move past him, and care for the whole clan as equally as she could. Slowly her heart began to ease its endless beating, and she took a few deep breaths to soothe herself. Satisfied, she knew that she could go back to camp without losing control of herself. Yellowfang would be proud of her.
'It's just a crush. You'll move on, it will just take some time.'
She repeated the phrase over and over again in her mind, as she began her slow walk towards camp. Her search for herbs had been fruitless, especially because she hadn't been looking for any, but she could always go out tomorrow. She looked up, and was shocked to see the sun setting. She had been out of camp all day! She hadn't thought she had been lost in thought that long…
She was almost at the camp before she stopped for a short moment, catching her breath from the exertion of walking with her leg. She looked up, and her eyes widened as she saw rose-colored light drifting into the forest. A sound behind her caught her attention, and she saw orange leaves fluttering in a circle, a sight that caused her stomach clenched.
One flew by her and she gently extended a paw, trapping it to the ground. She looked at it hard, noticing the lines and marks that ran through out it. It was perfectly shaped, yet it contained many scratches from its arduous journey through the branches and brambles of the forest. She let it go, watching it fly away in a random path, swirling up above the trees.
She could feel tears beginning to well in her eyes, and she quickly looked away. Swiping a paw over muzzle to remove the unwanted moisture, she looked upwards to sky. All she could see was orange leaves tantalizingly close but just out of reach. She felt her heart slowly begin to dissolve, as a single leaf fell from the branches.
Then they began to fall. Only a few at first, but more and more joined until they obscured her vision. This time the tears fell freely, and a small, hitched sigh escaped itself from her.
Because as the leaves fell she knew that she would never, ever stop loving him.