Hi guys, I'm back. As the summary said, this is hurt with practically no comfort, but I think you'll all like it. Don't worry too much though, one day I'll give you pure fluff (or maybe like 90% fluff knowing me).
Also, I don't recall the show ever mentioning what type of fencer Adrien is so I thought of him as a foil fencer. It doesn't really matter much in this but I'm just saying.
I hope you guys like it.
It's killing him.
It's driving him up a wall with worry, anger, and fear. He just can't take it anymore.
He can't stand to see these purple butterflies so near to her.
Ever since his lady broke down crying to him, he keeps finding akumas flapping a bit too near to her for his liking every time she so much as thinks of a negative feeling. She never seems to see them for some reason but he does and it's driving him insane.
Marinette couldn't possibly get akumatized. She should never have to feel that coldness consume her or hear his voice ring in her head. She should never have to know that she caused havoc in Paris, whether she would remember it or not. Marinette is much too good to become his puppet.
But yet, akumas keep coming towards her and the only thing keeping them away is him cheering her up immediately. He would make her laugh or distract her mind so no trace of negativity could be found. If he's not with her then he makes sure to send her periodic cheerful texts and always remind her to check her phone if she ever feels bad about anything. Sometimes he even glares at the akuma until his feelings masks hers and Hawk Moth gets the point for that day. It's a contest of wills and power and Adrien refuses to lose.
It's been hard though.
Since the day Marinette came back to school after he set Lila in her place, it's been better and worse. Better now that everyone at least tries to fact check Lila but worse because that girl is determined to make Marinette miserable. Her mindset is if he's going to take her down then she's going to drag Marinette down with her. It's hard to keep Marinette positive when someone like Lila is always there. Marinette hates injustice and that liar just keeps on throwing them at her.
It's just so worrying to think about the negative emotions controlling her though. He can't let that happen to her, he just can't. If everything and everyone else is stepping up their game then so does he. He has to keep her safe from that nightmare. Chat Noir couldn't let that happen to his lady and Adrien couldn't let that happen to his princess. He'll always protect her from bad situations no matter what.
Even if it means doing something risky.
"Where are you going, Adrien?"
He turns back to Marinette with a light smile.
"I have something important to do that came up suddenly. Then I'll be going to fencing if it doesn't take too long. I hope to be back the normal time. Save me a treat?" He says.
He doesn't have it in him, and most likely never will, to straight out lie to Marinette. He knows how much she hates it and how could he ever do so with those blue eyes staring into his heart? It even hurts to hide details from her but it's for the good. She'll understand if she ever finds out.
She returns the smile to him and a twinge of guilt picks at him.
"Of course I will silly. I hope whatever it is goes okay and remember to always breathe evenly," she replies.
Ever since Marinette found out about his little "chat", pun intended, with Lila in front of the class, she's been giving him tips and reminders on how to control his anger. While she did enjoy the idea of Lila finally losing for once, she didn't like the fact that he acted in such a way, being mean to everyone. She appreciated the gesture but she wants him to be the best him he can be. So she helps him learn how to healthily express and control it, along with other emotions.
She's always thinking of him and what's best for him.
'I'm doing the same thing. I'm going to protect her. It's for her,' he thinks in his head.
He gives her a hug goodbye and watches as she walks her way back towards the house.
It's his turn to get moving.
With a firm resolve, he walks to his destination. A place he never wanted to be again.
The mansion.
How he dreads the thought of that cold place. He hates to think about how it was once warm when his mother was there with them. He hates to recall the ignorant peace he had there, the only issue being the restrictions he had. He hates to remember that he was lied to by two people close to him and that nothing good happens there. He hates that place.
It's been two months and he hasn't had to go back there once. Today will change that.
As the sight of it comes into view, he doesn't know if he wants to scowl or turn back in fear. Part of him is terrified that if he walks in he'll never be able to leave again. He'll never see Marinette again or feel the love of her parents. But another part of him is repeating 'breathe evenly' over and over as a mantra so as not to lose himself in his emotions. He won't let him have control of his emotions, not before he even steps into the place.
He takes a deep breath and rings the bell at the front gate.
Nathalie's voice immediately appears over the intercom.
"Who is it?"
Forcing his teeth to unclench, he says, "Adrien. I'm here to a have a word with father."
It's silent for a bit and he knows that she went to inform his father of his arrival. He's near certain that whatever work his father is currently doing will be dropped for the sake of him, for once. That man wouldn't miss this for the world.
The intercom sparks back to life and Nathalie says, "He's waiting for you in his private study."
The gate unlocks and Adrien walks in, head held high and a determined look on his face. He won't be that boy that cowers in front of his father anymore. Gabriel is not a man he should cower from at this point in life.
He enters the house, not missing the passing looks he receives from servants, and goes to the very room his whole world changed in. As expected, when he enters the room, there stands Gabriel Agreste with his most loyal worker, Nathalie Sancoeur.
"Adrien, your presence is unexpected. Have you finally come to your senses?" His father says.
'Breathe evenly. Breathe evenly and everything will go fine,' Adrien tells himself.
"I can assure you I am not here to stay. I have an important topic to discuss with you," Adrien responds.
"Another time then. What have you come to speak about?"
Adrien tries to ignore the first part of his comment. He won't ever be back to stay again and let that be very clear. Even if you drag him back he'll find a way to leave again.
"I wish to speak to you alone," he says, giving a look to Nathalie.
This seems to interest his father, facing showing curious surprise. He nonetheless dismisses Nathalie from the room and she leaves without issue.
"Now, what is it that you are here for? I thought you were sure on continuing with your childish behavior and not returning," Gabriel says.
Adrien knows that the words are just to upset him. People are easy to control in general when they are upset. Feelings can be manipulated easily even without a Miraculous.
"You have purposely been targeting Marinette with your akumas," he says, making direct eye contact with the man in front of him.
"I choose those who have the right feelings needed. Your baker friend just seems to be awfully distraught as of late," Gabriel replies.
"You know that you have been targeting her. I don't know if it's because she's keeping me out of your reach or because you want to get back at me for finally disobeying you but you're doing this purposely," Adrien says with a bit more force behind his words.
He's not here to play a game of semantics or pleasantries. He's here for one reason and one reason only: Protect Marinette.
"You are the one who said you wanted nothing to do with my explanations in what I do so why ask now? Does this girl mean more to you than your other friends who were already akumatized? Your classmates have all been targeted, some more than once but yet I don't hear you asking about them," Gabriel responds.
Adrien knew that this wouldn't be an easy conversation but he had some hope that his father would let this go smoothly. He was wrong so now he has to go the other way because clearly only a straightforward comment will get him a straightforward response.
"I'm here for only one reason and it isn't to play a game of words and emotions with you. I'm here to get you to stop and never target her again. I won't ever let her become your puppet," he says.
His father gives him an amused look and it throws him off a bit. What did he say that was so amusing? He doesn't trust that expression but he tries not to show the uneasiness the look causes him. This is an equal conversation, he won't let him have the power in this. Not this time.
"Then why don't we make a deal?" Gabriel says, amused look still on his face.
A deal?
"And why would I make a deal with you?" Adrien asks.
His father must have something up his sleeves if he's offering a deal. His father doesn't do deals. He only does absolute control and power no matter who it affects. Deals mean that someone else also gets something out of it and that isn't the Gabriel Agreste way.
"An Agreste would do anything for the woman he loves," Gabriel says simply.
The words hit Adrien in the heart and pride.
It's the one thing his father would always tell him when he was little. It was the words he would always live by. At the time, the only woman he loved was his mother so he would do anything to make her happy. But that's not the case anymore. He has a girl that he does love, romantically or not. He has a girl that he took so many hits for to keep her safe. He has a girl that he's willing to experience unwanted, imperfect emotions for. He has a girl that he's willing to drop the mask he works so hard to build in front of everyone if it means making her feel better. He has a girl to love.
It's a challenge and it's clear: he doesn't really love her if he wouldn't do anything for her.
"What's your deal?" He asks.
He still has influence in this conversation. No matter how it changes, they are equals.
His father's expression disturbs him so much though. That business look he has when he thinks he has won. He hates it.
"I'll never target her or akumatize her ever again but you become Rebel one more time," Gabriel says.
Become Rebel again? Let himself go through akumatization again? He can't imagine willingly feeling that coldness again. What would Marinette do if he became Rebel all over again?
"Why that?" Adrien asks.
"You were my best akuma. Ladybug didn't stand a chance against you and had to resort to using that girl against you. You are the best way to acquire the Miraculouses," Gabriel responds.
The words make him feel sick. He was his best akuma. That means that out of everyone, he gave Ladybug the hardest fight. That's saying something considering that Troublemaker was actually able to get one of Ladybug's earrings off. Even when rebelling he was still perfect.
He can't possibly put Marinette back into that situation. What if he hurts her worse this time? What if even her in civilian form isn't enough to keep him calm? It's much too dangerous for everyone for him to become Rebel again.
"No, I won't do that. Becoming Rebel again does no one any good. You couldn't control me the first time, what makes you think that you'd be able to keep me in line this time. I'm a wild card that even you must know isn't worth the risk. Besides, Rebel hates Ladybug and Chat Noir, you think he won't destroy them and their Miraculouses just to anger you and ruin them?" Adrien says.
It's terrible talking about this as if Rebel is his own villain alter ego. As if this is perfectly okay to discuss and that the only problem with it is the unpredictableness and anger of Rebel.
But nevertheless, Gabriel seems to consider what he said. He knows how to calculate risks and deep down inside he knows that his own son is too much of a risk to take. What's the point of having a weapon you can't control?
Adrien knows though that he has to say something else before his father decides that's the final offer. He can't let this chance to keep Marinette safe from here on out pass him.
"Now it's my turn to make you a deal," he says.
The interested look comes back on his father's face and he knows he's still in this game. He still has his attention.
"And what is this deal of yours?" Gabriel says.
"The fashion show in Italy. I told you I wasn't going. I'll model and do the conference along with the party and be your perfect little son for the public during that trip if you agree to stay away and keep your akumas away from Marinette. It'll get you good publicity and you'll have me as an obedient child so as long as there are people watching," Adrien offers.
He told his father plainly that he wasn't going to attend this fashion show. While he did agree to model, he can't stand the idea of spending a week with his father and Nathalie in another country all without Marinette by his side. It'd be a week of fake smiles, polite greetings, and doll-like behavior. He doesn't like the thought of it, the thought of going back to the life that he lived in 24/7 before. His father could find another model and come up with a reason to why he didn't come along.
But it's different now. A week of his discomfort and frustration to keep Marinette safe from that coldness forever is easy for him. He saves his father all of the trouble of finding a new model and making excuses and gives him the satisfaction of being in control again making this at least a bit wanted on his father part.
Or so he thought.
"Oh come now Adrien, you're going to have to do better than that. A week of you doing what you should does not compare well to complete safety for your friend. Surely she means more to you than that. You're making a deal with an Agreste so do it like one," Gabriel says with an irritating smirk.
He should have expected that. Well then, his father is only partly right. He is an Agreste and he should act like one right now. Where his father went wrong though is that he isn't dealing with another Agreste.
No, Adrien is making a deal with the devil himself.
And when you make deals like that, you have to be willing to give up something that he wants.
An idea crosses through his mind and it makes him feel disgusted with himself for even thinking it. He knows his father too well. He knows Hawk Moth too well. He knows this idea would work but could he really offer it?
"An Agreste would do anything for the woman he loves."
After all these years of his life, he finally gets to choose for himself what he wants to do and who he wants to protect. He would do anything to make her feel better and keep her safe. Even if it means becoming unhero-like one more time. That is what he said, isn't it?
"Next week, I have a fencing tournament. I am the last fencer to fight and whoever they put against me must be skilled which means he and they think he has a chance of winning against me. I'll defeat him. I'll make it the most humiliating defeat he has and will ever experience in his fencing career. If that doesn't make him feel terrible then someone on his team is bound to at the lost," Adrien says, eye contact wavering as small amounts of guilt continues to gnaw at him.
Or maybe that's his kwami's continuous warning bites at him.
Gabriel, though, knows what his son is offering.
"Are you offering to give me a victim to akumatize in return for her safety?" Gabriel asks, throwing more salt on this growing cut.
Adrien looks away, clenching his teeth and fist at the question.
Intentionally causing negative emotions for someone so they can experience that terrible feeling. It's so unhero-ish of him. He's feeding someone to the lion for the sake of someone else. It's a terrible thought.
But this person would never go through what he or Marinette would experience as an akuma. This person wouldn't remember what he did. This person won't have the guilt following him everywhere because of it since it was his own negative emotions that controlled. He would be a doll for Hawk Moth, Marinette would be a slave. One doesn't know they're under someone else's control and the other does.
"Yes. I'll give you a victim and still go to Italy with you and in return, you stay away from her, even if and when your akuma loses," Adrien responds.
It's a deal he couldn't possibly refuse. Though it wasn't said, there's something else on the table that Gabriel would love to have. Adrien's guilt and negative emotions. Nothing would please him than to know that he still influences his son, good or bad.
"You're confident that I'll be defeated again, how do I know you aren't trying to set me up?" Gabriel says.
Adrien, out of habit, holds back from rolling his eyes at the comment. You would think constantly being defeated would tell him that victory isn't so easy.
"I wouldn't be a resident of Paris if I didn't have faith in my heroes, would I? Now, do we have a deal?" Adrien says, holding out his hand.
This is the final offer. It's either this or they'll be at a standstill and no doubt Hawk Moth would target Marinette more just to bring him back here again to make a different deal. And he doesn't know what he will do if that becomes the case.
To his surprise and relief, his father grabs his hand.
"It's a deal."
The handshake is emotionally heavier than he thought it would be. He assured Marinette's protection but he also just gave away someone else's.
"Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have fencing practice to attend."
The day of the tournament.
It's finally here.
He spent the entire past week torn in more ways than one. He's been practicing hard in his fencing to assure him the win, though he had faith in his abilities before. He doesn't want to know what would happen if he doesn't win. To everyone else, it just looks as if he really wants to win. But for him, it feels like nothing more than betraying his beliefs. And Plagg likes to remind him of that.
While he was able to convince Plagg to not mention anything about what happened with him and his father to Tikki or Marinette, that doesn't stop the being of chaos from expressing his opinions on the matter. Though he doesn't really want to say it, he thinks that Plagg is actually disappointed in him for once. But he tries not to think of that. He knows he's doing this for a good cause and he knows it'll all be alright in the end, despite Plagg's words.
That doesn't mean for now it doesn't all feel terrible.
He feels a bad feeling swallow him a bit more every time Marinette cheers him on when he comes home from practice. He feels like he's sometimes choking when she gives him that bright smile whenever he says something to her. He feels like a fake when Chat Noir and Ladybug bump fists after defeating an akuma. It all makes him feel wrong.
He can't think about that all right now though. He just has to get through this tournament and the aftermath of it and then it'll all be good. He can't get distracted now. This is the last thing he has to do before he has to prepare to go to Italy, something else he didn't tell Marinette about. He will though, he'll tell her that much.
"Minou!"
Adrien snaps out of his trance at the sound of a clap in front of him. He focuses his eyes to see Marinette staring at him.
"Are you okay Adrien? I've been calling you for a while, it's almost time for you to go and join your team," she says.
He forces a smile, his model smile, in response.
"Yeah, I'm okay. I guess the nerves are just getting to me," he says.
The nerves are definitely getting to him. They're near driving him up a wall but it's nothing he can't handle.
Marinette holds his hand and gives it comforting strokes. While normally that would make him feel better, this time it just brings his nerves up a bit more.
"Don't worry, I know you'll do great. I'll be right there cheering you on and afterward we can go get ice cream," she says with a smile.
He doubts that those two things could happen together. If he does do well then they surely won't be grabbing ice cream after. But he can't knock her optimism. What did he do to get someone like her?
"Try not to smile too much Princess, or else I won't be able to focus during my match," he replies in a Chat way in an attempt to give himself a sense of normalcy.
She laughs and elbows him gently.
"You flirty cat. Go join your team now," she says, smiling even bigger now.
He gives her a dramatic bow and does as she says, going to join his team as she waves goodbye to him.
He doesn't focus on anything in particular once he leaves. The debrief goes through one ear and out the other. The warm-up happens without any thought. In what feels like no time at all, the tournament starts.
Through every match before him, he tries to keep up with the team's excitement to prevent standing out too much. He tries to ignore Plagg persistent poking. He tries to not look at Marinette throughout it all. And he definitely tries not to think.
It's not until his match is only two people away does he snap out of his forced unconscious pretense due to someone approaching him.
"You must be my opponent, the well known Adrien Agreste. It's nice to meet you before our match," the boy in front of him says.
So this is his opponent. This is the person he's feeding to the lions.
"Likewise," Adrien replies simply.
"I wanted to wish you friendly good luck. The two bests are for last so we should make it a good fight, though I know I will be taking the win for my team," the boy says.
Cocky, figures. That'll break soon though. No matter how he feels about all of this, he's not going to dare lose this match. There's much too much on the line for him to lose.
"Yes, I hope we both do our best," he replies.
Overconfidence and boastfulness aren't necessary. Not only is it not his style to be that way, but his fencing skills will also speak for him.
The boy seems to have wanted more of a reaction from him because he doesn't seem very satisfied with the conversation. He decides to return back to his team instead. Adrien takes it as the boy also decides to leave the matter of who's better to their match.
Their time to show each other comes quicker than anything else today.
Adrien pulls his fencing mask down and steps on the mat, readying himself. His opponent does the same and then they're both just waiting for the words.
"En garde," the ref says.
The two ready their blades. This is it.
"Allez."
His opponent moves first, gaining the right of way.
Adrien can tell that this boy wants to win. He clearly has reason for his cocky attitude and is willing to show it. If this was a different occasion, he would have appreciated the challenge. But that isn't the case now.
He needs to win because he has something to lose if he doesn't.
Adrien parries in an almost bored manner. It comes across as if his opponents attacks are nothing but child play for him to defend against. He doesn't try to attack back, rather wanting the boy to become frustrated on missing of all his hits first.
When he can practically feel the boy's frustration in all of the attacks, he goes on the offense.
Clang after clang, hit after hit, touch after touch, Adrien makes his way closer to the boy, slowly pushing him closer to the edge of the mat. Every time their blades hit each other or he gains a point, he repeats in his head that he has a good reason for doing this. Each time, he ignores Plagg's warnings. Each time that boy gets closer and closer to being pushed out of the mat, he feels more and more like an Agreste.
And it doesn't feel good.
It's not just his father who is tainted, it's the entire name. There's nothing good attached to his last name and today proves it.
Wanting to rid himself of the guilt and cold feeling quicker as the clock comes to an end slowly, he puts a little more force and precision in his attacks. He wants to get this over with. He want to stop hearing the crowd cheer for him. He wants to stop feeling the burning gaze of the opposing team. He wants to stop seeing the person in front of him falter so helplessly. He just want to stop.
His wish to stop comes to him when his opponent tries to parry an attack but ends up falling out of the mat due to Adrien's quickness. The time runs out and the bout was already lost. It isn't hard to see that Adrien is the winner of it all.
The crowd erupts, his team being the loudest. They won the tournament. He won his match.
He keeps his mask on and heads over to his opponent who is still on the ground, most likely from humiliation. The boy takes off his mask and looks up at him.
"I guess you weren't the best after all," Adrien says emotionlessly.
He watches as the humiliated and angry look crosses the boy's face and he knows he accomplished what he was supposed to.
He fulfilled his end of the deal.
He walks away, leaving the boy there to stew in his own feelings. It won't be long now.
He leaves the scene, not wanting to be around the cheering and celebration anymore. He knows it's only a little bit until Marinette comes to find him but until then, he wants a few minutes to himself.
He goes to the locker room, thankful for its peace. He sits down with a sigh.
'It was for the good. It's all okay. It was for the good.'
He tells himself that over and over in consolation to himself. It appears though that he's not the only one who something to say to him.
Plagg zips out and that look that Adrien is too afraid to call disappointment is still there.
"Are you happy now? You kept your end of that terrible deal," Plagg says.
If Adrien is being honest with himself, no he isn't happy now. He still has that gnawing feeling inside of him but he also knows he did it for the good. He feels torn and it's terrible.
"I know, I know it wasn't ideal but it's going to fix itself, I know it will. He's not going to win anyway so it'll be over soon," he says.
The world always proves him wrong in times like these.
A loud crash fills the air followed by multiple screams. What sounds like utter chaos rings through the place and he knows it's not good.
His bag next to him vibrates and he knows it's his phone. He goes in it to check to see what is it now. What's on his lock screen makes this all the more worse.
"You've done better than I thought you would. It's a shame such good abilities are not being used on the right side. I guess we'll just have to wait to see it until our next deal."
No, he doesn't want this. He doesn't want his father's pride and commendation for this. He doesn't want his attention for this. He just did what he had to for Marinette. This wasn't for his father. This was for her not him. NOT HIM!
"Still think that this will fix itself?" Plagg says from over his shoulder.
It will fix itself, it has to fix itself. This isn't anything too bad, there's always screaming and chaos when there's an akuma. This isn't any different. Ladybug and Chat Noir will fix this and it'll be like this never happened. It'll be over and Marinette will be safe and they can move on with their rebuilding. They can go back to growing their relationship without worries of akumas after them. They can go back to being them.
The sound of the doors to the locker room opening snaps him out of his flying thoughts. He grabs his fencing blade and readies it in case something is coming for him.
He caused this akuma so now he has to be ready to defend himself just in case.
"Adrien? Are you in here?"
Hearing Marinette's voice causes him to relax and lower his weapon. She just came to find him.
"I'm here Mari," he calls back to her.
He hears as she runs to him. See, it's going to be fine. She's going to come and then they can transform and fix everything.
When she finally reaches him, the look in her eyes says otherwise.
"Oh thank goodness you're okay. He's looking for you. He's calling himself Ego and he wants to wreck yours and humiliate you. You were gone so I was worried. I'm glad you're alright," she says.
So the villain is after him, no surprise there. His father, however, really needs to work on his naming skills desperately.
"That's what the screaming is about out there?" Adrien asks as if he didn't already know there was an akuma.
"His power is to make people unhealthily doubt everything about themselves. When they're in complete and utter disarray, he 'guides' them to security by making them his posse, fueling his own ego about being the best," she explains.
"I guess you weren't the best after all."
Damn those words are flying through his head now. He really did cause this akumatization.
"Then I guess we have to be really careful then or else we may end up as one of his followers," he replies.
Who knows what may happen if this villain catches a hold of civilian him. He's certain that it would mean his embarrassment and degradation.
"No, you aren't doing this."
Plagg flies in front of Adrien's face.
"What are you talking about, Plagg?" Adrien asks.
Plagg crosses his arms and Adrien gets a sinking feeling in his stomach about this.
"You can't go out there and pretend like nothing happened. This is the bug's fight too, she deserves to know," Plagg says.
Adrien wants to transform now so his kwami can't say anymore but he knows that will look suspicious.
"What happened to that laid back attitude you used to have? I told you it's all fine," Adrien responds.
He wishes, for once, that Plagg would just go back to his normal ways. His conscious is beating up enough, he doesn't need his kwami doing the same; because you know it must be bad if Plagg is disappointed.
"What is he talking about, Adrien?" Marinette asks.
Adrien hesitantly meets her eyes once again and he wishes he didn't. He sees the curiosity and worry in her eyes but he can't will himself to turn away.
"You don't have to worry, Marinette, everything is okay. We should probably get going before the akumatized villain can cause any more trouble," he says, giving her a weak smile.
She doesn't take it though.
"Adrien, what is Plagg talking about? What's my fight? What happened?" She asks, a bit more force in her words this time.
She doesn't want excuses or new topics. She wants answers. And he knows that not answering can lead to a lot of trouble.
He's going to have to tell her now, isn't he? He was hoping she wouldn't ever have to find out and if she did, it would be later on in life. She's going to already hate that he went to his father all by himself but the real issue is going to come from that he kept it all a secret.
The longer he hesitates, the worse it's going to be.
He sighs and his head drops a bit.
"I… I went back to the mansion last week," he says.
Her probing look lowers a bit and she tries to make eye contact with him.
"Why? Why didn't you tell me?" She asks.
"Because I didn't want you to worry about me. And because I…" he says, trailing off at the end.
He tries harder to avoid her eyes, knowing that he doesn't have the courage nor the heart to say to her while looking her in the eyes.
"Because you what?" She asks, voice still soft for him.
If guilt wasn't killing him before, it's doing a good job now. This feels horrible.
"Because I made a deal with him," he mumbles.
Marinette backs up in shock. The sudden gap between them makes his heart start to race. His head pops up and he grabs her wrist to keep her near.
"No Mari, you have to understand why I did it. Please," he says.
"What deal did you make?" She asks.
Adrien tries not to scrunch up his face. He was hoping, a fool's hope, that she wouldn't ask that.
"Marinette please, can we talk about this later? We need to go," he replies in an attempt to turn the conversation.
He has a good feeling that the only reason why that villain or his minions didn't come barging into this locker room yet has something to do with Hawk Moth himself. He probably wants this conversation to happen.
"No Adrien, tell me what deal you made with him," she says, staring him down.
His hold on her wrist loosens a bit. If he was Chat Noir, he's sure that his ears would fall flat.
He must have been silent for too long because Marinette repeats herself saying, "Tell me what deal you made."
He holds back a cringe but understands that he has to accept defeat on this one. There's no getting out of this.
"I'd attend the week-long fashion event with him in Italy being his model and being on my best behavior. Not only that but I'd… I'd… I'd give him a victim to akumatize today," he says, head dropping low in shame.
Marinette gasps and pulls her wrist out of his hold. Her stance takes the position as if she's talking to a complete stranger.
"How-how-how could you? How could you agree to something like that ever?" She says horrified.
The tone of her voice causes him to pick his head back up and forces himself to look her in the eyes.
"He's never going to target you again. You'll never have to worry about being akumatized. I did it so you can be safe," he says, stepping closer to her.
She takes a step back away from him in response and hurt fills him.
"I was safe, Adrien. I haven't been targeted in a while, why would you go make that deal?" She says.
"No, that's not true. He's been targeting you ever since you came back to school after that day you were crying. All the time I just see his akumas come towards you and I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to help you stop a transformation. I had to do something, Mari, I just had to. I never want you to go through that. I had to protect you," he says, trying to get closer to her again.
"So you gave up someone else's protection? You let someone else go through it? Who gave you the authority to choose for someone else? I can protect myself and that boy shouldn't have gone through the humiliation you intentionally put him through," she replies.
"He's never going to experience what we would. He will never remember what he did or remember the voice of Hawk Moth. He will never remember the feelings that ran through him throughout it all. We would. We would have to suffer that and all the guilt our lives give us. My father's first deal was that I'd become Rebel again but I couldn't go through that again. I couldn't put you back in that situation. But I couldn't let him keep targeting you. I had to offer him something that he would take."
He said the wrong words clearly because her eyes narrow a bit just like when a villain throws the wrong taunt at her.
"You're the one who offered to cause an innocent person to be akumatized?" She says.
It puts him on ice. He know what he did wasn't ideal in the least but hearing Marinette say it, Marinette who supports him no matter what and still blushes if he holds her hand for too long, makes him feel like the scum of the earth.
"I had no other choice. I just wanted to protect you," he says.
And then his heart stops. His blood stills. He doesn't even know if he's still breathing.
She's giving him that look.
He stumbles backward a bit in shock.
"Stop it. Please stop it. Don't give me that look. Don't give me that look! Please, not from you Marinette. Please!" He begs, voice cracking.
Disappointment. Displeasure. Dismay.
It's the only look his father ever gave him other than his natural emotionless face. He's seen it from his father. He's seen it from Nathalie. He's even seen it from photographers and makeup artists. But he's never seen it from her.
He can't take it but he can't look away. Marinette, who has never been mad at him ever before, is disappointed in him. She's looking at him as if he failed her. It feels worse than any other time he have received that look. It cuts him too deep to explain.
"Please please stop it. Give Chat Noir that look but please don't look at me like that. Please," he pleads weakly.
Ladybug always used to give Chat all kinds of looks. His playfulness and flirtatiousness wasn't always appreciated and sometimes she looked straight up done with him. Chat Noir can handle that look a bit better. He's supposed to. He has false confidence and chaotic power to dull the pain. But Adrien has nothing. He's bare and the only one showing him how to experience his real emotions is now giving him that look. He can't handle it.
Marinette just shakes her head in silence. She continues to stare at him, noticing his slumped shoulders, his despaired voice, and his pleading eyes. But she won't say anything to him right now. She can't.
"Tikki, spots on," she says plainly.
She transforms and Ladybug leaves, leaving a distraught Adrien behind.
Adrien stands there numbly but in excruciating pain both at the same time.
An Agreste would do anything for the woman he loves but yet he just failed his. He hurt and disappointed her. He didn't do a single thing for her.
The sound of crashing reminds him of what's going on currently out there.
That's right, he should at least try to clean up his mess.
"Plagg, claws out," he says dully.
For the first time in a while, becoming Chat Noir doesn't feel exhilarating and freeing. His troubles are pushed to the back when the transformation takes over him. Chat Noir feels as dead and guilty as Adrien did.
He goes out to go meet up with Ladybug. Maybe he should let himself get hit a few times to punish himself for his actions and to mask the pain of his heart. Anything to make this right.
When he gets to the scene, he sees Ladybug already going against some of his minions. While she's careful not to hurt him, it's clear her heart isn't in this battle. Or maybe it is and that's why it's so filled with nothing.
"Ahh, Ladybug's partner finally arrived. I thought the scaredy cat was hiding under the bed," Ego says.
Not hiding, just walking with his tail between his legs.
"Hiding would be an injustice. I had something else to do before I came to deal with your ego," he replies.
The remark, though phrased as a joke, holds no humor for him. It's very Chat like but, like Ladybug, it was said from what's in the heart. Pain. What he did was an injustice and there's no joke there.
Ladybug doesn't look at him, just continuing on with what she was already doing. He tries not to pay too much attention to it and decides to go after Ego himself.
"Are you sure you want to get close? How do you know you can defeat me all on your own?" Ego says.
He's trying to cause doubts for him. Too bad for him though that Chat Noir and Adrien are always doubting themselves. A big ego is not something either of them can say they have.
"Don't talk, just beat me down already," Chat responds.
The response throws Ego in a loop. He wasn't expecting to receive a pessimistic response like that.
"Already accepting your defeat?" Ego says, trying to stay on top of this interaction.
"No, just trying to receive my punishment for being late. My lady is too busy to squirt me with the water bottle," Chat says.
It isn't hard for Chat to see that Ego was expecting a confident opponent. He wants to beat someone who thinks they can win so he can embarrass them. It's just like when the boy first approached Adrien but couldn't get a reaction out of him. Throwing doubts and negative comments at him without any provocation is the last thing he wants and expects, especially from a hero.
He can't make someone feel bad and use it to his advantage if they were already feeling terrible to begin with.
Unable to respond to Chat's comment, Ego decides to leave the words to their fight. Some ways just don't change, even after being akumatized. He grabs a fencing blade and charges at Chat.
What do you know, the two fencers are fighting again. And once again, he cannot afford to lose.
Chat just has to keep him distracted long enough until Ladybug can grab the akuma or decide to speak to him to tell him where it is. The sound of baton to blade makes the cold feeling in him grow a bit more. Before today, he loved the sound of fencers fencing but right now, he feels nothing but guilt hearing it.
Their fight goes on longer than Ego wanted and Chat needed. He figures that Ego thought this would be an easy fight since he calls himself the best but clearly that isn't happening. Chat just wanted all if this over with.
A red and black object answers his prayer when it knocks off Ego's fencing mask. When did she call for her Lucky Charm, he doesn't know. The mask falls and Ladybug catches it with ease. The mask must be where the akuma is. Ego stops fighting and turns to Ladybug.
"Give that back to me you little bug," Ego says.
"I don't know, I think I look good with this. Chat Noir, catch," she says.
He calls for his cataclysm and Ladybug throws the mask to him. He catches it, mask disintegrating in his hand. The black butterfly flies out of it and into the open air for Ladybug to capture it.
She cleanses it and lets it go then throwing up her Lucky charm for the miraculous cure. Ego returns back to his normal self and all the people under his control go back to normal. Everything goes back to the way it was.
But the two heroes don't.
Instead of fist bumping like they usually do, Ladybug just disappears in one direction and Chat reluctantly goes in the other. Chat knows that Adrien should probably go apologize to the boy but he doubts it would make any difference. Besides, he can have a total stranger be upset with him. His partner and friend he cannot.
He ends up outside of the building, detransformed and alone. If anyone asks him tomorrow, he'll say that he left early since the villain was after him. For now, he just has to get away from here.
He starts to walk away from the building and to Marinette's home. Though he doubts he'll be able to walk in there without feeling like he wants to cry any time soon, it's a good direction to go in.
"When are you leaving for Italy?"
He turns around at the sound and sees Marinette behind him. Though the crushing disappointed look isn't on her face anymore, the smile he loves so much isn't there either. Better but not good.
"In two weeks," he responds.
Another reason why his father would be foolish to turn down the deal. He was so short on time to find a new model, one that near Adrien's height and size, that it could have been a disaster on his publicity. But Adrien agreed and now he only has so much time to prepare.
Marinette doesn't respond after that. The silence between them hurts Adrien's ears.
"Marinette, please talk to me. I'm really sorry, I am," he says.
"Are you sorry that you put an innocent person in Hawk Moth's hands or sorry because I'm disappointed in you?" She asks, crossing her arms.
He tries not to flinch at the question but his shoulders do drop.
"Both. I shouldn't have made a choice for someone else's near future," he replies.
"That's not only it. Adrien, you made a deal with the enemy. Not only that but you didn't tell me. Yes he's your father but I'm your partner. We fight him together, we're a team for good, but you made a deal with him. You could have talked to me and we could have protected each other. You once told me that together there's nothing we can't do so why couldn't we prevent akumatization together? And even if it did get so bad that we'd have to see him, we could have gone together. We could have made a deal that wasn't like this. What you did today wasn't hero-like," she says with a frown on her face.
It kills Adrien to hear her like this but he knows what she is saying does have a point. He should have told her. It involved her and it would affect her so he should have told her about it.
"I know and you're right. I just wanted to keep you safe. I'd give anything away for you and do anything to keep you safe," he says.
"Being willing to die for someone you love isn't the greatest act of love. Doing everything you can to stay alive and be by their side is. Chat Noir is constantly jumping in the way to protect Ladybug. Adrien makes risky decisions for Marinette. That isn't the love I want. Love is knowing that you dying for me would hurt me the most. It's knowing that giving up your hero qualities for me makes me feel guilty too. You don't have to give everything away to show someone love," she says.
Her words shake him to his entire core. He's always thought, ever since he was young, that being willing to die for the person you love is the ultimate way of showing your love. He was always told that doing anything to protect the person you love is true love. But yet she's telling him that's not the case. In fact, doing that is unloving.
"Marinette I-I," his mouth closes, not finding the words to say.
"I'm happy that you wanted to protect me so badly but if you really cared about me then you would have included me. I'm no damsel in distress, I can save myself. I rather be included in things involving my safety than having everything decided for me because you know what, I rather risk being akumatized then to know that my safety came from someone else's misfortune. What you did wasn't right and I don't approve of it at all," she says, filling his silence.
She'd rather be in danger than to accept what he did.
"Have fun in Italy, Adrien," she says.
She turns around and walks away, once again leaving him to his own devices.
In a pitiful instinct, he holds an arm out, reaching towards her though he knows he won't try to stop her. He watches her back as she walks away from him and he has a feeling for the next two weeks, she won't be very cheerful and talkative with him.
He can't complain though. That's his deserved punishment for making a deal with the devil.
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