Jane's POV
I had to leave Thornfield. The thought alone sent a pain to my heart, and I was not quite sure how I was to live without Mr. Rochester, but I had no other option. I had to depart, even if that meant being torn from my love forever.
Somehow I found the strength to open my door and make my way down the stairs, silently weeping the whole way.
I cannot stay, I reminded myself. He is already married. Legally, he belongs to another.
But in his heart, he only truly belongs to you. I heard the voice in the back of my head counter. A small part of me wanted to agree, to run back up the stairs and into my master's arms. That was until reason spoke once more.
Jane, you cannot stay. It argued. To stay would be to give into desire, to become his mistress.
With one final exhale, I gathered my skirts and made my way to the door, pausing slightly when I heard a creek in the stairs.
"Jane?" It was his voice. The voice of my beloved. Oh how that voice alone made my knees go weak!
But I must not let him stop me. I continued on my path to the door.
"Jane!" He cried as he saw me reach for the door.
I closed my hand around around the handle and began to twist it. I suddenly felt myself being torn from the door, Mr. Rochester's strong arms tied tightly around me.
"Jane you cannot go!" He said. I could feel his heart beating quickly in his chest as the words spilled from his lips.
"Sir, I must. As I told you earlier, I must depart from Thornfield and all of the joys that reside here."
"You cannot leave, I forbid it," he replied. I could tell by his tone that he was trying very hard not to wake the entire household by yelling.
"That is not your decision to make!" I cried. "It is my life and I shall go as I please."
"It is our life. Our life which starts on the morrow. You must remember that your decisions affect both of us now."
"Is it really you who is lecturing I on this subject? You who deceived me, who kept your wife a secret from me for so long?"
"You are my wife, Jane! You and you alone!"
"And yet I am not. For you are legally bound to another."
"But in my heart," he clasped both hands over the right side of his chest, "in God's eyes," he pointed upward, "our souls are forever entwined. We are one, you and I. We have to be together."
Reader, his statement brought tears to my eyes, but I blinked them away. I could not let him know how much it pained me to leave him. Oh how my heart broke to do what I must!
"Jane, do you hear me? You are silent," he commented.
How I wished to respond, but I could not. I feared that the sobs I had successfully held back would thence spill forth.
"Sir," I managed. "How ever hard it may be for you and I, I feel I must leave Thornfield. It is the only option."
At this point he reached out and seized my wrist, his grip so tight it was almost painful. He pulled me behind him into the library. Here, I figured, we would be able to discuss matters more privately, without worrying about someone overhearing our conversation.
"It is not the only option, Jane," he continued our previous conversation after closing the door. "There are other options," he repeated.
"Such as what, sir?" I asked, holding back the anger and sadness which was steadily growing in my breast. My eyes followed him as he paced in front of the chair in which I now sat quietly.
"To run away with me, Jane! Think of the happiness we would have, the wonderful lives we would lead! Just picture yourself sitting on the white sand, the sun warming your back. You could sit all day long, painting watercolors of the sea, of the coastline, of whatever you wish." He stopped his pacing and knelt in front of my, taking his hands with mine and resting them on my lap. "You would be happy there, Jane. That villa of mine on the Mediterranean would suit my darling well."
"Then you know me little," I countered. "I need not live a life of extravagance."
"But it would not be extravagant. It would be simple, quiet, and secluded. A place of simple beauty for just you and I to live. No one would disturb our peace. No one would know of," he paused before pronouncing her name. "Of Bertha."
It was sinful thinking, but I do admit that for a moment, one moment of weakness, I wanted nothing more than to live that life. To be in the picture he had painted so vividly in my mind. Oh how I could see myself there! How crystal clear it was.
It would be a simple life, an easy one at that. But it would be a sin. To be so blissfully happy with a man to whom I was not wed. And he said no one would know...
"But I would know, sir! As would you, and the servants!"
"The servants still know nothing of Bertha, my love. They know we were not wed today, but they do not know why. They do not know of the impediment."
"But I know, sir. I know of Bertha, and I know that as long as she is living, you and I shall never marry," I sighed, speaking whatever happened to run through my train of thought.
"You wish her dead then, Janet?" He asked.
"Of course not," I sighed once more. "Mad or not, she has a right to a live just as you and I. But her existence means that you and I shall never be husband and wife. And it also means that I shall not follow you to the villa. I cannot be tempted into a life of sin!" I felt the tears threatening to fall, but I blinked them away once more.
"Then you must stay here, and continue on as Adele's governess," he replied. "It is the only option I see fit."
"Or I could go," I said. He looked up at me, but I looked to the ground. "I must go. With no family or friends it shall be difficult, but I will make due. I will survive. All I know is that I can no longer live here."
"No, I forbid it. You will continue on as Adele's governess. And I will become nothing to you. Nothing but your employer. I shall not speak a word to you. If you desire any contact at all it shall only be friendly." By the look on his face, I could tell this idea displeased him to the highest regard.
"Sir, we cannot do that," I whispered. "I could not bare it."
"And why not?" His look brought the tears that had been threatening to fall and forced them to slip from my eyes. Mr. Rochester saw this and took it upon himself to wipe them away. I held his hand to my cheek, though I was sure he would not move it.
"We are not the platonic sort." I said, letting whatever words came to my head roll off my tongue. "I love you too wholly to be but a friend to you. Surely you'd forget me soon enough. But I would never forget you, or the love we shared. It would be a weight on my shoulders, knowing that my love was not reciprocated. I'm afraid I'd go back to feeling how I did when I thought you to be in love with Miss Ingram."
"Oh, Jane," he wailed. He too, now, was crying. I saw a single tear roll down his cheek. "Jane, I should never forget you, nor would my love for you ever fade. Not even the slightest bit. I shall love you the rest of my life."
"As I shall love you."
"Then we must go, Janet! We must depart!"
He stood erect before me.
"Where will we go?" I asked. Yes, reader, I did know he spoke of the villa. However, a small part of me wished this was not true.
"To the villa, of course! To France!" He exclaimed.
"It is sinful, sir. I cannot go. Do you know what you ask of me?"
"Yes, I ask you, my wife, to join me in going to France."
"But again, I will inform you, sir, I am not your wife. You have a wife living, and as long as she is, I shall not be legally wedded to you."
"But in my heart, in God's eyes..."
"As you have said before. But sir, the law does not recognize it!"
He opened his mouth to speak, to argue once more. I could see he would make the same argument, as if that would change my viewpoint. This discussion would go around in circles. It would lead us absolutely nowhere.
As much as the thought pained me, I could see the villa was in my future, whether I liked it or not. If I should have refused to go, he would drag me there behind him. There was no way out of this.
I could no longer run, for he had caught me once, and surely he would be on his guard and make certain I would not try to run again.
I stood suddenly. "Well then, sir," I began, looking him in the eye and he too stood. "I shall accompany you to the villa."
A look of excitement and pure happiness crossed his countenance. He seemed to wish to speak, but I spoke first.
"However, you must understand what you ask of me, and must deal with the consequences accordingly."
I could see his heart breaking before my very eyes, and, as his heart split in two, mine did as well.