Schmidt exited his bedroom with a tacky grin on his face. The others were eating breakfast, but he brushed right past them and taped a white sheet of paper to an empty area on the wall of the loft. It read, 'Vote Moscato!'
"You hung up a poster in our loft telling us to vote for your girlfriend?" Coach asked, raising his eyebrows. "Alright, Schmidt. Your girl Fawn is classy, but not as classy as my girl May."
"I don't know May personally, but I highly doubt she is anywhere near Fawn in the department of classiness!" Schmidt defended, shaking his head. "You sicken me, Ernie. But still, vote Moscato."
"So, why are you hanging that up in the loft?" Jess asked curiously.
"Because, Jessica Day, I want to have a reminder of my councilwoman in the loft while she's away," Schmidt explained, shaking his head. "Fawn is going to be away for a while because she has business to take care of. If I can't have her body now, I must have some part of her to keep me company. If it's an inanimate poster, then so be it!"
"Alright, so let's try and forget about Schmidt's weirdness," Coach said, and continued to eat his breakfast.
"You know what? You all don't appreciate a proper councilwoman when you see one," Schmidt said in disgust. "I am going to go make a phone call. But she hates it when I call her when she's working, so I hope it goes straight to voicemail. Goodbye."
With that, he dashed back into his room.
Winston nudged Jess quickly before whispering, "What are we going to do?"
"What are you going to do about what?" Nick asked curiously. "And why the hell are you whispering, Winston!?"
"Nothing. I was just wondering what we're going to do about the lack of remaining pancakes," Winston lied quickly, but knew his cover-up was truly terrible, causing Jess to groan.
"You must think we're pretty stupid if you think we're going to believe that," Coach said, shaking his head. "You're trying to make us think them pancakes are where it's at, but we all know y'all are trying to distract us from the bacon. The bacon is the real deal, yo!"
Winston furrowed his eyebrows, completely shocked by Coach's weirdness and stupidity, but agreed with him and said, "You're right, Coach. You caught me. I wanted the pancakes all to myself. I was really asking Jess about the bacon."
"You may be able to fool Coach with that, but not me. Nick Miller went to law school!" Nick exclaimed proudly. "This law school kid has got his education."
"Nick, you do know you dropped out and became a bartender, right?" Jess asked, raising her eyebrows.
"Way to go, Jess, you killed it," Nick said in disappointment, frowning. "You know that I know I'm a bartender. You killed the vibe. I sounded like an educated law school graduate for a moment, and you killed it."
"No, no you didn't, Nick," Jess said in a mock-sympathetic tone. "Everyone here knows you dropped out of law school. You were fooling no one!"
"Damn it, Jessica!" Nick yelled. "Don't try and change the subject. We dated for a long time. I think I know when you're trying to change the subject. What are you and Winston hiding? Are you two together now?"
"You caught us, Nick!" Winston exclaimed. "Jess and I have been secretly dating for quite a while now. We're in love."
"Seriously?" Coach asked, his eyes widening. "Damn... I mean, I could have seen Jess with anyone... but not Winston. I wouldn't have been surprised it was Jess and Nick again, or Jess and Schmidt, maybe even me n' Jess. Hell, I wouldn't have been surprised if Jess hooked up with Cece, but—"
"Coach, I think you can stop now," Jess said, rolling her eyes. "He was kidding. Winston and I are not dating." She laughed quietly. "This is about Ce— damn it!"
"I thought I was the one who would crack first," Winston muttered proudly, pumping his fist in the air. "Score, Winston! You didn't crack first. Jess cracked, not you."
"What's going on with Cece?" Nick asked, confused. "Is this about the popcorn machine? I mean, we already discussed that we'll do a trial."
"Never mind," Jess said, shaking her head, blushing. Her face was getting hot. She never meant to ruin things for Cece. She and Winston had both promised to keep the secret from everyone else. And that included Nick and Coach!
"What is wrong, Jess?" Nick asked, genuinely concerned. "You know I care about Cece. Maybe we can help her. Actually, scratch that. If this is a secret, you all know that my back becomes Niagara Falls if I find out. I can't keep secrets."
"Bump that shit, I wanna know!" Coach exclaimed. "C'mon Jess, what's happening? Let us in. I can keep a secret."
Just then, the loft door opened, and Cece let herself in.
"Hey, guys," she cheerfully greeted, up until she saw the new poster hanging in the loft. The last thing she wanted to see was a Moscato reminder poster, reminding her that Schmidt had a girlfriend that he was super into.
"Does Cece like Schmidt?" Coach guessed.
"Damn it, Coach!" Jess yelled.
"Wait, what?" Cece said, her eyes widening. "I don't... no... You know what? I have a call to make. I'll see you guys later." With that, she let herself out of the loft in embarrassment.
"I'm thinking that I guessed it right," Coach said, laughing proudly. "But don't you worry, Jess. You only brought my awareness to the fact that Cece was going through something. Her sad, sad reaction to Schmidt's 'vote Moscato' poster brought me to the realization that she's still in love with him."
"I didn't say anything!" Jess cried. "Cece doesn't like Schmidt. If she did, she would tell me."
"Oh man, oh man..." Nick muttered nervously. "Guys, Schmidt is my best friend. I can't take lying to him. I can't take lying to anybody! If we talk, I'm bound to start sweating like I just ran a 50k, if that's even possible for a human being."
"I never said she likes Schmidt at all!" Jess defended herself.
"Come on, Jess, we all know it now," Coach said, laughing. "It's no secret anymore. Everybody knows."
"Except Schmidt," Winston added.
"Thanks for reminding me, Winston!" Nick yelled. "It isn't like the pressure of keeping this secret from my best friend is already freaking me out. Did I mention that? Because it really is."
"Just keep your distance from him," Jess suggested nervously. "Nick, please don't ruin this for me. Schmidt CANNOT find out under any circumstances. Do you hear me, Miller? He can't know. She trusts me with this secret, and if he finds out, I'll let her down. I don't want to let her down again. You guys aren't even supposed to know about it."
"She let Winston in on it?" Coach asked, shocked. "That's the most puzzling part in this whole thing. Do you see what I did there? You know, Winston's a puzzler, and I said puzzling—"
"Okay, Coach, we get it. It just wasn't very good," Jess said, patting his back quickly. "Why did she tell Winston? Who knows. But what I do know is that she really likes him right now, and we can't ruin this for her. So please, please keep this a secret from him. Don't tell anyone, actually."
"You have nothing to worry about," Coach said, shrugging. "Well, at least not with me. I couldn't care less. I have a hot, sophisticated girlfriend. My only concern right now is keeping May happy, and then getting to the point where I can bang her all night long! Adios, bitches! I'm going to go call May. Oh, and your only problem in this situation is Nick and his weakness of secrets." Coach grinned before he entered his bedroom to call May.
"Nicholas Miller, you know you can't tell him. I don't care if he's your best friend, because Cece is mine, and I'm not going to let her romance be ruined. I promised her I'm not going to meddle this time, and I'm trying to honor that," Jess said, swallowing hard.
"What if I want to have um... a no secret friendship with Schmidt?" Nick asked nervously.
"Oh, come on, I know you don't care for that," Jess said, rolling her eyes. "We all know the only reason you said that is because you're afraid that you're going to tell him. Man up! Stop being so weak. Keep this secret from him, and don't sweat. Literally, don't sweat at all, or he'll know something is up."
"Damn it... this is not going to be easy," Nick muttered, sighing.