Let the first words that impact you from my narration be this: Puberty. Adolescence was something I always thought would be something you grow into. Specifically, for girls, I always imagined that I would blossom like a flower. Literature recommended by adults always made it seem like a wonderful process of nature. It did seem like other girls my age were turning into the colorful, delicate lifeforms they were. I was thrown into it.
Correction: I threw myself into it.
I'd trace the beginning of this decision to third year. Everyone in my year was going through it. All of us girls were getting our periods, acne, feelings for boys - and all the boys were getting growth spurts, lower voices, feelings in their penis. But what made me different was that it seemed like everyone was looking at everyone while I watched. I was still a child. They were maturing. The girls began to put on make up and the boys began to ask them on dates. It was as if there was a new currency and that was what your level of attractiveness was. What kept me where I was, away from the path of attraction, was that I was fat.
I'm all for body acceptance and what not. I was fine with the way I looked. I didn't see what the big deal was. When people would call me Moo Moon, an awful play on my surname, I laughed along with them. It didn't hurt me as everyone had an awful nickname. And it didn't really faze me since my mother was a similar build to me. So were my two grandmothers. They all landed husbands that loved them as they are.
Fourth year was what spun that comfort around. I had a few crushes here and there, but knew better than to pursue them into embarrassment. The humdinger was a weekend at Hogsmeade. Some of the older students were harassing me. Moo Moo Moon, they were laughing at me as they saw me take a whole Strawberry Shortcake from the fridge and ask for it as take away at Madam Puddifoot's. I was nursing a broken heart from being the only one out of my dorm to not have a date today. I just wanted to lay in bed and eat and listen to some cheesy Witch radio. It didn't help that they pointed me out to all the couples that were in the middle of some intimate conversations. So I stood there, tears quietly dripping into white cream as I waited for my turn in the register. When one of the older students lunges to have a go at the cake in my hands, this guy comes into the shop frantic, his friends following behind him. The infamous Marauders. The guy, James Potter, looked like he was searching for something when he saw these older guys harassing me. I had heard of his hero complex but was never around to witness it until then. "Hey! Fuckin' knobs. You guys want to be made fun of too? Hah. I can think of plenty of things to bring up." It wasn't much, but it was enough to have the aggressors leave the shop. I didn't even care about the dirty looks they gave me, because I was too speechless by the fact that someone stood up for me.
Moo Moon was not a joke, I realized. No one ever asked me if I was hurt by it, though it never particularly stung too hard. No one just ever bothered expressing concern. No one gave me enough time of day. I gave James Potter a small thank you, rubbing my face dry with one hand and accidentally smearing a little cream from the cake. He was still in his place, looking me up and down. "I know it's all ruined, but would you like-" And before I could offer him some of my Cake of Patheticness, he made a face. Disgusted. "What? No!" Grabbing his friend's sleeve, they left. The shop was silent for a bit until the zombie-like cashier started calling for my attention. It began with one person bursting into laughter before others joined in.
It didn't end there. All I wanted to do was abandon everything and curl up in the middle of the Shrieking Shack, but that wasn't an option. I had to buy the whole cake since I did cry on it.
With the little confidence I have, I can say that that was the worst moment in my life. And that was the defining moment that brought on what I had thought I always wanted. Maturity.
My summer break after that was spent in South Korea. Although hometown to my parents, I knew nothing about their culture and spoke no Hangul apart from the obscenities my parents would throw my way when I was behaving improperly. In short, I was alone. I dedicated what little time I'd manage to squeeze in Hogwarts before the break, and the whole eleven weeks of vacation to almost-not eating. I threw out all aspects of what I was like when I was still called Moo Moon, and reinvented myself into just Annie.
Hi! I had another HP story before, Reign on the Parade. But I am going to do a massive rewrite on that and give it some actual substance instead of just throwing an idea out there with some phrases attached to it.
This story's going to have a bit of problematic concepts to it. Please feel free to leave any messages about it especially if it relates to that. I came about writing this because I needed a less serious avenue for writing (than a place where I have an audience that can attach the persona to my real person) about what had happened to me. I'm basing a bunch of events on what happens to Annie about what has happened to me. I apologize if this triggers anything.