This one is totally off the wall and has no relation to reality, either in the show or in my usual vein of fanfic. I asked myself what would I have Gordon Gordon do in order to snuff out the whole Hacker issue before another date occurs, and also give Sweets a better insight into what his nefarious meddling with the brain scan nonsense has brought about (in terms of Booth's attitude). This one is just a short one shot relieving my warped sense of humor of the stress of always being repressed. I hope you have as much fun with this one as I had in writing it. Gregg.
Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
"Right this way, Gentlemen," Gordon Gordon ushered the two confused men into his kitchen and a seat at the Chef's Table.
Lance Sweets and Andrew Hacker sat down and they could not figure out what they were doing here. Some soup was placed in front of them. There was also a small television and DVD player on the table. The soup looked and smelled great. Small ball like pieces of meat were floating in the soup.
"Eat up Gentlemen," Gordon Gordon said with a smile. "Nothing there that can hurt you, I assure you."
Both men at the soup, and the salad that had been placed in front of them. While not understanding why they were there, they at least enjoyed the excellent food. Hacker was much more of a greasy spoon diner type eater, but he could enjoy a gourmet offering as much as the next guy. The meat in the soup had been different, but not bad. Sweets had enjoyed Gordon Gordon's cooking before, and this was no exception. When dessert was finished, they sat back and looked up at Gordon Gordon.
"I hope you gentlemen enjoyed the soup," Gordon Gordon said in his usual cheerful manner.
"Excellent," Sweets said, and Hacker nodded in agreement.
"It was a new one that I decided to try," Gordon Gordon said as he sat down with them. "The meat was the pieces of bull testicles lightly sauteed before being simmered in the broth."
Sweets' jaw fell slightly as his eyes popped out. Hacker, on the other hand, looked rather ill. The pale complexion he normally had was much more pronounced, and beads of sweat formed on his forehead.
"I just ate the balls of a bull???" Hacker manages to squeak. He felt like his entire body was about to heave. "What the Hell did you serve us that for???"
"That's just the warmup, Gentlemen," Gordon Gordon told them. "You see, I consider Agent Booth and Dr. Brennan to be very good friends of mine, and desire to see them quit lying to one another about their true feelings. The two of you are causing that to falter, if not fail all together. Your inept lie to Agent Booth about the brain scans Dr. Sweets, and your pathetic attempts to date Dr. Brennan for whatever selfish desires you may have Hacker, are simply not something that I can tolerate. I'd like you to watch this short video I took when I did a short experiment to see if I was correct." He pressed play on the remote and a video popped up on the screen.
Sweets and Andrew watched as they saw Gordon Gordon and Booth at what appeared to be the gun range.
"Now Agent Booth, I've placed orange target markers on these silhouettes and I'd like you to shoot them rapid fire upon turning around at my command," Gordon Gordon told the Agent.
"This is ridiculous, Gordon Gordon," Booth said with a roll of his eyes.
"I assure you it is not, Agent Booth," Gordon Gordon assured him. He turned Booth around so his back was to the target area. He made sure that Agent Booth had his pistol drawn. Then he took a silhouette from the stack, but not the one on top which Booth had seen, but one from the middle of the stack which had orange target markers, but in totally different locations than the original. "To make your senses more heightened, why don't you assume first of all that Dr. Sweets lied to you about your brain scans, and also assume that Dr. Brennan has allowed this resumption of dating Hacker to progress to the point that they are now sleeping together. Call it your motivation."
Booth's whole body got suddenly tense, especially at the mention of Hacker and Brennan dating and, while it hadn't gotten that far yet, sleeping together. It was clear that both situations that Gordon Gordon had offered as "motivation" made Booth livid. Gordon Gordon attached the silhouette and sent the silhouette down the range to the farthest point on the pistol range. He could barely make out the orange target markers. "Now!" he called out firmly.
Booth whipped around, raised his gun with precision and blinding speed, and shot eight rounds in rapid sequence. It was an amazing display.
Gordon Gordon brought the silhouette forward and brought it up to the camera eye, showing that the seven orange markers had been hit dead center on each one, and then on the silhouette head there was a single bullet right between the eyes, dead center.
"I can assure you Agent Booth that after this display, there is no need to ever question your feelings for Dr. Brennan," Gordon Gordon said with finality.
The last thing that the screen showed before going dark was the deadly look on Booth's face as he looked at the silhouette. What he was thinking was anyone's guess.
If he had been ill before from knowing what was in the soup, Hacker was downright sick as a dog right now. Inside he was freaking out wondering if Booth would lose it and unleash that temper on him if he continued dating Temperance. He knew what he had to do. No more dating Temperance. In fact, he was going to go out of his way to avoid being near her ever again. He didn't want Booth even thinking he might still have interest in the woman.
Sweets was just as pale now as Hacker. He wished he'd never said a damn thing about brain scans to Booth. In fact he was seriously thinking about going to the man and begging him to tell Brennan what he really felt. Anything to get away from that monumental screw up. He planned on going home, throwing up a couple of hundred times, and then crawling into bed letting Daisy hold him as he whimpered like a baby.
"I see you gentleman have gotten the point of all this," Gordon Gordon smiled. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have some more bull testicles to prepare."
He watched as both men rushed from the kitchen, and knew that Hacker at least wouldn't make it further than his car before throwing up. He smiled. His work was done, and now it was up to Agent Booth and Dr. Brennan to come to their senses. He had confidence in that now that the two main impediments were removed. Hopefully now he could focus solely on being a chef. It was so much easier on the nerves.
A/N: As I said this was totally off the wall, and is totally unrealistic. I just wanted to do something ridiculous and have a story with Gordon Gordon in it. I hope you all had fun with this one. Gregg.