Red 4 Blue
(Left 4 Dead/ Red vs Blue Crossover)
Prologue
-Setting and Blurb-
Sarge comes up with another ridiculous plan to eliminate the Blues, and that is by using a time machine to go back in time and make the members of Blue Team to never exist. However, he isn't sure how safe the machine is, so he tricks the Blues into using it. The Blues survive the time travel, but only to find themselves in Fairfield, PA, in a middle of a zombie apocalypse. Now, they must fight hordes of the undead as they try to figure how to get back to their own time. Will they get back to their own time? Will the Reds end up saving the Blues? Will they screw up history? Most likely yes on the last question, but stay tune to find out.
-Prologue-
In the secret holo-room under Red Base in Valhalla, Sarge is at awe at the latest invention he has created. Surely, he would be able to defeat those dreaded Blues. He called out his men with his gruff southern commanding voice, "Simmons, Grif, Donut, in here, now!"
The three Spartans unenthusiastically walked into the room, wondering what stupid plan their commander has come up with this time.
"So, what dumbass plan or invention have you come with this time, Sarge?" asked Orange soldier named Grif.
"I hope it's an ice cream machine; I always wanted an Ice Cream Party," guessed the fruity soldier in Pink named Donut.
"Yes, it's an ice cream machine, and we're going to have cake and ice cream because we won the war," sarcastically answered Sarge, "and we're going to get medals and Grif, you get to drive the float."
"Really," replied Grif.
"No!" barked Sarge.
"Aww, you just dashed my dreams away."
"Quiet you," requested Simmons, the Spartan in Maroon armor.
"Thank you, Simmons," thank the Red Staff Sergeant, "Now, as I was going to say. I have figured out a way to get rid of those Blues."
"What, we give them a copy of Donut singing 'Happy Birthday, Mr. President'," joked Grif.
"Grif, if you open your mouth one more time, I'm going to create another one with my shotgun," threatened Sarge.
Even though Grif knew Sarge would never go through with his threat, he decided to shut up just so he could hear the old man's plan.
"Donut and Gentlemen behold," announced the mad man as he unveiled a ring-like portal that looked like a Stargate, "the Fargate!"
"The Fargate?" questioned the three grunts in unison.
"Better known as a time machine, men," explained Sarge as he stood their amazed by his genius.
"Umm, sir, that kinda looks like a Stargate, like from that T.V. series," pointed out Simmons.
"What do you mean?" questioned Sarge.
"Well, a Stargate is supposed to travel people or things from one planet or another," explained Simmons.
"That's why it's called a Fargate," replied Sarge, "it's supposed to travel people back in time."
"I don't know, Sarge, wouldn't you call it a Timegate instead, since that name implies time travel itself," said Grif.
"Or how about the Fungate," added Donut.
"Or how about let's call it the 'you guys just shut the hell up gate'," said Sarge.
"But you still haven't explained why traveling back in time would defeat the Blues," replied Simmons.
"I've been trying to get to that, but you guys keep interrupting me," barked the Sergeant. His three comrades went silent to listen what Sarge has to say. "Ok, this is my plan. We go back in time before they were born, and we kill their parents. That way, they would never have existed and thus we won the war."
"Excellent plan there, Sarge," sarcastically replied Grif, "so, are we going to reprogram Lopez to become an assassin and send him back into time."
Lopez, the Spanish-speaking robot in Brown armor, was in the back of the room repairing the fifth Warthog that the team wrecked this week. He was tried with that those idiots destroying their equipment that he had to fix. Hell, they couldn't understand what he said and usually mistook what he said, which allowed him to speak openly. "No es necesario ser reprogramed para matar a ustedes." (I don't need to be reprogrammed to kill you guys)
"Actually, Lopez is a much more valuable asset to our team than you are Grif," shot back Sarge, "but before we can use the Fargate, we need to see how safe it is."
"How so, Sarge?" asked Simmons.
"Well, if my calculations are correct, there is a 75% chance that going through this portal will tear our molecules apart. Which is why I need some human guinea pigs," explained Sarge.
"How about using Grif, sir?" suggested Simmons which made Grif reply with an angry "Hey!"
"Actually, I'm afraid if Grif survives, he might find a way to fuck something up in the past," replied Sarge.
"Aww, if that's your way of saying 'I care about you', then I take that as a compliment," sarcastically replied Grif.
"You wish."
"So, who's the test subject," asked Simmons.
"The Blues of course," answered Sarge.
"So wait, let me get this straight," clarify Simmons, "you created a time machine so you can go back in time to destroy the Blues before they were born, but you have no idea if the machine is safe or not, so you are going to trick the Blues into getting into the machine to see if it's safe. I see no fault of logic in your plan, sir." The last sentence was sarcasm.
"But couldn't they take advantage and use the opportunity to eliminate us," cautioned Donut, "because I don't want to not exist."
"Quiet you crybaby," commanded Sarge, "I've set the coordinate's way back in time, so there is no way they could take us out. If they make it, they will die of old age, and won't be able to screw us. If the test fails, they'll die. It's a win-win situation. Now, I need help moving the Fargate in front of their base." Sarge looked around the room to see the team's robot fixing up a Warthog. "Lopez, stop doing nothing and get over here! I need help moving the Fargate!"
Lopez echoed, "¿Por qué no hacerlo usted mismo viejo tonto?"(Why don't you get it yourself you dumb old man)
"Thank you, Lopez. I'm glad you volunteered to carry the Fargate all by yourself."
"¿Por qué hablo aún yo? (Why do I even speak?)