A/N: This is just a one-shot that's filling up time and brain space for when I'm thinking about the second chapter of 'A Twisted Fate'. It's supposed to be humorous, but I'm probably going to fail in that. Oh well.

Disclaimer: Hey. I'm very, very distantly related to Miyazaki. I'm like his eighteenth niece five times removed, one time squashed. So shouldn't I be claiming even a little bit of this? Guess not. –sigh- which leads me to saying I don't own it.

Just For Laughs

Howl's Moving Castle Edition

Everyone stared at the Witch of the Waste. It had been silent for a very long time, possibly an hour or so, and she was reveling in the attention she was getting.

Finally, Howl broke the silence. "Are you sure that Sophie's his true love, too?"

Prince Justin, beside him, nodded in agreement. His yellow hair-come on, people, it's very far from blonde-bounced. "She is mine, but hearts do change."

Sophie, in the midst of it all serving biscuits and tea, looked very exasperated.

Markl chewed soundlessly. Calcifer and Heen were waiting for the Witch's answer.

Five minutes passed.

"Well," she finally began, as everyone leaned forward, "I don't know."

Everyone groaned, except Prince Justin who groaned in a way that made it look Majestic. Really, this guy has an ego the size of Jupiter.

"But," she added, "The only way to find out is if you put the same spell on Sophie. Yes, you, young lady."

Sophie gaped.

Howl gaped.

Markl, with his mouth full, gaped.

Heen made his weird coughing noise.

Calcifer flickered.

Prince Justin gaped Majestically.

"Well," The Witch finally said, "That's only if you want to try."

"No need, I'll marry her anyway," Prince Justin said in a Majestic, exasperated way, right when Howl said, "Alright. I want her to be happy."

They glared at each other.

Well, let's just say Howl was the wizard in the situation.

"Ah-" Sophie started, quietly, "I wouldn't really like to be a scarecrow for such a long time. And it'll be quite awful going around kissing every man in the world."

"No, no, child," The Witch smiled. "You see, young lady, my subject of study was love potions. The dear Lord is kind enough to put you and him in the same country, always. I've not found mine, but I wasn't born in Ingary. So, we start here around the castle."

Everyone stared.

"Sophie," Howl said, "I'm turning you into my mother's locket."

Sophie sighed.

"Alright."

She turned meekly to Howl. "Make it quick and painless."

Well, it wasn't very quick. The Witch didn't remember how to do the spell. Howl didn't know how to do the spell.

One choice was left to them.

The horror called Madam Sulliman.

"Remind me again why you want to do this," the elegant white-haired sorceress told Sophie.

"Tell Howl to say it."

"Tell Calcifer to say it."

"Tell Markl to say it."

"Tell Heen to say it.

"-weird coughing noise- (Tell Justin to say it)."

"Tell the Lady of the Waste to say it."

"Tell Sophie to say it."

"Tell Howl-"

"Alright, alright!"

The sorceress tapped her staff on the ground three times, then tapped Sophie's forehead.

Enter brilliant flash of light here

There was a thin gold chain floating in the air. It had small, heart-shaped locket with 'Sophie' Engraved on the cover with many pretty flowers. Howl moved forward as did Justin, to snatch it out of the air.

They glared at each other.

Remember who the wizard is.

Howl opened the locket. Inside was a tiny little portrait of Sophie, still detailed, though. Her hair was long like it was when it was brown, but still starlight-gray. Two locks of hair framing her face on either side above her ears were pulled back and tied with a large pale blue bow at the middle of the back of her head. The rest flowed down in waves. You could even see the start of a sequined blue-gray gown at the bottom. It fit perfectly into the locket.

"Why so fancy?"

"She looks prettier that way."

Sulliman observed it. "This was your mother's locket? Pretty thing." She moved to sit down in her canopied chair, and two of her clone page boys who just happen to look exactly like Howl appeared; one with a glass of mulberry wine and another with a folder with a something for her to sign.

"Right, then. Tap the picture once to let her talk and twice to shut her up. You can just let them kiss the cover. Who'll wear it?"

Both Justin and Howl began to speak up.

They glared at each other.

Did I mention Howl was the wizard?

"Well, the spell of talking will only work for the wearer. Go ahead, try it."

Hesitantly, Howl opened the locket and tapped the picture once. Sophie's smiled brightened. "Howl! This dress is so pretty! Thank you, Madam Sulliman! And my hair's long again! It's as if Calcifer never swallowed it!"

Howl glared at Calcifer. "So that's how it happened."

Sophie didn't seem to notice.

"But it's awfully cramped in here, and the rest of my body's sitting in a chair like Madam Sulliman's-see the velvet backing? That's the chair-and I can't move, and I going to get cramps. Can you hurry up, please, Howl? It gets so dark when you close it and I'm claustrophobic and-"

Howl tapped the picture twice.

Sophie's mouth stopped mid-babble, then melted into the original smile again.

"Well, your Highness, go ahead," he closed the locket door and held it out to Prince Justin. The prince looked rather embarrassed, and kissed it rather gently.

Enter brilliant flash of-no wait, that didn't happen. Nevermind.

Howl smirked. "I knew it." Justin sighed. "Too bad."

They glared at each other.

One word: Wizard.

"Well," Howl finally said, securing the chain around his neck under the shock of raven hair, "Travel time. And NO, your Highness, you are NOT coming."

Enter drumroll, Jaws theme and spontaneous vanishing of Howl, Markl, Calicfer, Heen and the Witch here (In that order, please and thank you)

So on they journeyed, letting the males from peasant to stableboy to slave to dungeonmaster to merchant to wizard to noble to lord kiss the locket.

And every time, there was:

Enter brilliant flash of-no wait, that didn't happen. Nevermind.

Till the last person Howl could think of was Markl.

"Well, give it a try," he said, holding the polished-every-other-try locket towards the little boy.

He kissed it.

Enter brilliant flash of-no wait, that didn't happen. Nevermind.

"What!"

The Witch cackled. "What a sight, what a sight. It must be you, then, Howl. Try it, try it!"

Kiss.

Enter brilliant flash of-no wait, that didn't happen. Nevermind.

(No wait, it's happening!)

Pause.

(Okay we're ready. Come on, people, lights, camera, action!)

Enter brilliant flash of light here

Sophie appeared, exactly as she was in the portrait, chair and all.

She glared at Howl.

"You had me sit through 480 hours of cramp for nothing!"

Howl looked at her. And, to shut her up, kissed her.

Enter happy music and ending theme song here (In that order, please and thank you)

THE END

(For Now)

A/N: And there you go. One stupid time-filler. I'm in the mood for bashers today. Go ahead…you know you wannnit.