Oblivion Retold: The Adventures of Nival and K
By Dominus Princeps
!DISCLAIMER! I own nothing. Hell, even this computer was bought for me. If you sue me for copyright things, you'll get like six bucks, a nickel or two, and perhaps some dirty underwear...if you're lucky.
Chapter One: Expelled, Arrested, Attacked, and Freed
Nival was a Dunmer. Born in Morrowind, raised by fundamentalist Dunmer shamans/demon cultists, and trained in the fine arts of Destruction and Conjuration, he was, at least for someone with his background, relatively civilized and calm. He'd traveled to and settled in Cyrodiil around fifty years ago, and was now a happy and successful member of the Mages Guild. He was ranked Wizard, and some believed he would be next in line for the position as Arch-Mage when it came time for Hannibal Traven to retire. However, all this changed one day, during an experiment on the fickle and very dangerous Necromancer's Amulet...
ooo
"Are you sure we should be doing this? I know it's a very curious artifact, but...I've got a baaaad feeling about doing experiments to see where it gets its power..." one of the mage researchers muttered.
"We'll be fine. Don't be a sissy," the other researcher rolled his eyes. Nival eyed them whilst repairing his magic sword. He shook his head at their banter. He considered taking the Necromancer's Amulet from them to quit their bickering, as it was in his right as a higher-ranked Mage, but he decided that he'd finish fixing his Longsword of Lightning before he broke it up. Nival's Repair Hammer was crackling with magical energy as it struck the sword, but since Nival was a Journeyman of Armorer, he knew how to control magical repair.
"I got an idea. Let's cast spells on it and see what it reacts to," the younger and more daring of the two researchers suggested. Nival stopped.
"Like what? Fire Ball?" the other snorted.
"Great idea! HIIIIYAAA!" the first yelled.
"No, you idiots! Sto-" Nival began. He was cut off as the Necromancer's Amulet exploded in magical energy and sailed across the room. By some freak coincidence, it struck Nival's upraised Repair Hammer. The magic in the Hammer reacted to the intense power of the Necromancer's Amulet, causing a very...energetic reaction. A portal to Oblivion appeared for a split-second, tossing something at Nival at a very high speed. When the portal collapsed, it vaporized half the Chironasium and completely destroyed the Practice Room. Nival groaned and tried to push whatever was on him off of him. With the clanking and creaking of armor joints, the summoned Dremora Lord got up and looked down at Nival.
"You damn mortals. Now look what you've done!" he sighed. Nival grabbed the Necromancer's Amulet in case the Dremora got an attitude. A flash of light got their attention.
"It's all over, lawbreakers! Your crime spree is at an end! You can either pay the fine or go to jail. Your bounty is six hundred thousand septims for the damages to this place! Pay up!" the guard snarled.
"How'd he calculate that number so fast?" Nival muttered to himself.
"You? Arrest me? Hah!" the Dremora Lord chuckled. Fifteen more guards suddenly rushed in.
"Okay. This is...a little different," the daedra said, pulling his mace out. Another squad of guards dashed over and tackled the Dremora.
"Hey, get off me! I know my rights! Legion brutality!" the daedra cried. Two guards came over to Nival.
"Wanna resist arrest?" they grinned. Nival unbuckled his sword and held his hands high. A slightly singed Raminus Polus limped over to Nival and pointed his finger at the Dunmer.
"I knew you were trouble, Dark Elf! I hereby expel you from the Mages Guild for being such a colossal moron!" the enraged Wizard snarled.
"I swear, it wasn't me!" Nival cried.
"Hope you rot, criminal scum!" the guards growled, dragging him off along with the fiercely struggling Dremora.
ooo
Nival turned his nose away from the foul-smelling rot in the dank Imperial City dungeons as the squad of guards led him and the Dremora Lord down into the depths of the prison.
"Alright, we're on the prison block. Strip them of their possessions and lock 'em up," the guard captain growled, leaving the room. The guards took Nival's Wizard Cloak and his Infused Boots along with his Hood of Samuel L. Jackson (custom-made enchanted hoods are often a little far-out). Plus, they took his potion store, his Mage's Staff of Destructification, and his Master Gloves. They tried to take the Necromancer's Amulet, but it was stuck to his neck.
"Shoot! You cannot remove Quest Items from your inventory!" one of the guards sighed. They handed Nival Sack Cloth Pants and a Sack Cloth Shirt, along with Braided Sandals.
"His-armor-won't-come-off!" another guard growled, tugging at the Dremora Lord's cuirass.
"Wait...he's a summon, right?" a guard asked Nival.
"Yeah...I guess..." the Dunmer replied.
"Dispel him," a guard lieutenant ordered their Battlemage. The soldier nodded and cast a Dispel on Touch on Nival. The Dremora looked around and sighed.
"That was a Major Dispel...I'll try Legendary Dispel," the Battlemage muttered. He cast the spell, but to no avail. The daedra tapped his heavily armored foot and crossed his arms.
"Just try to take his armor off, okay?" the lieutenant sighed, kicking a rock in frustration.
"Odd that the Dispel didn't work..." the Battlemage frowned. They struggled with the daedra's armor, but no one could budge it,
"My armor's grafted to my skin. You won't be able to remove it," the Dremora rolled his blood-red eyes, clicking his armored fingers together.
"Take his mace and shield and toss him in with the other one," the lieutenant sighed. Nival tried to cast an Invisibility spell while they weren't looking, but all he could manage was Heal Minor Wounds. He tried to remember how to cast Shroudwalk, tried to remember his most powerful Invisibility, but nothing came. Then, he looked at the Dremora.
"Perhaps my skills and powers went into that daedra..." Nival mused. He suddenly felt a little tired.
"Damn...that Heal Minor Wounds took a little more out of me than usual..." the Dark Elf breathed as a guard grabbed his arm and dragged him down to a cell. They tossed him and the Dremora into a cell with a rusty door, which the daedra promptly knocked down and charged out. The guards tackled him and grabbed Nival as well.
"This damn daedra is too strong for most of these cells..." one of the guards growled.
"How about that one?" the Battlemage pointed to a cell with well-preserved, thick bars on the door.
"But...that's the cell that Captain Renault the Blade told us not to use..." the first guard said uneasily.
"Is Captain Renault coming around any time soon? Come on, man, just chuck 'em in there. Nobody'll care," the Battlemage rolled his eyes.
"But...the Captain said there's a secret passage in there..." the guard protested.
"Oh, yeah, right...I bet that's where they keep the Giant Mudcrab, too, huh? Idiot..." the Battlemage snorted, pushing Nival and the Dremora Lord in.
"Now, for the record-keeping, what are your names?" the guard lieutenant asked.
"I'm Nival," Nival sighed.
"My name is Krzjsdfblxt," the Dremora said. The guard looked up.
"Once more?" he said, blinking.
"Krzjsdfblxt," the daedra rolled his eyes.
"I think you changed it that time," the lieutenant frowned.
"Krzjsdfblxt. Krzjsdfblxt. I didn't freaking change it, you incompetent moron," the Dremora snorted.
"Could you...spell it?" the lieutenant asked.
"You mortals are such buffoons," the daedra sighed.
"I don't think you can spell it, either," Nival chuckled.
"Quiet, you!" the Dremora snarled.
"We'll just put you down as 'K'," the lieutenant growled. The guards then left.
"So...how come you're still around?" Nival asked.
"Well...you summoned me, didn't you?" K replied.
"Yeah, but...you're only supposed to last around two minutes, tops," the Dunmer said.
"Two minutes? Are you telling me that you people summon our kind only for them to die in less than two minutes?" K advanced on the much shorter Elf.
"No..." Nival cowered. K glared.
"...Yes..." the Dark Elf backed away from the Dremora.
"Psst! Hey, you! Dark Elf!" a voice called from across the hall.
"Huh?" Nival looked up.
"You're a Dark Elf? You look more like a Gray-Green Elf," K snorted.
"Close it, K. What?" Nival walked over to the cell door.
"Yeah, hey! You're kin to me; I'm a Dark Elf, too! My name's Valen Dreth. I see they've locked you up, too, but we'll escape one of these days, I promise! You and me, we'll head to Summerset Isle and relax in luxury," the Dark Elf across the hall hissed.
"Uh...okay, but I think I've forgotten my Open Very Hard Lock spell..." Nival whispered.
"Quiet! I hear footsteps...are they coming for you?" Valen Dreth pondered.
"Look, sir, our main concern right now is getting you out alive...what're these prisoners doing here?" a woman's voice demanded, peering into the dank cell to observe Nival and K.
"Okay, on three, we grab her through the bars and threaten to kill her unless we get the key..." K whispered to Nival.
"Uh...probably a mix-up at the watch...whatever idiot put them in there will be punished," the Battlemage from earlier said, scratching his head. They unlocked the cell door, and in walked three heavily armed and armored soldiers, along with an old man in clearly expensive robes.
"Stay out of our way, prisoners, and we won't have to get nasty," one of the soldiers, a fierce-looking Redguard snarled.
"Don't get a 'tude with me, you stumpy little-" K began. He was cut off by a mild jet of flame from Nival.
"Quiet! You'll get us both killed!" the Dunmer hissed. The daedra raised a fist, but did nothing. The soldiers somehow managed to open the northern wall of the cell and began to escort the old man through, when he suddenly stopped.
"Wait...you...I have seen you two in my dreams..." he said slowly.
"Us? That's kind of...creepy," K took a step away from the old man.
"Who are you?" Nival asked, curious.
"I am your Emperor, Uriel Septim, heir to Tiber Septim," the old man said, sounding as if he were resigned to some fate.
"Not my emperor," K muttered. One of the bodyguards shook his fist at the daedra.
"Come on, sir, we've gotta get you out of here," the female soldier said, taking the emperor's arm.
"Looks like this is your lucky day, prisoners. Just stay out of our way," one of the two Redguards growled. They walked down the tunnel.
"Come on, let's go! Freedom smells so sweet!" K whooped, jogging down the tunnel once the soldiers and the emperor were out of earshot.
"Smells like a dank, dirty dungeon to me," Nival grumbled. They headed through several tunnels and found the Emperor and his guards locked in battle with a couple oddly-armored fighters.
"For the Mythic Dawn!" one cried, swinging his mace for the Emperor.
"No!" the female bodyguard cried. She dove in front of the Emperor and took the blow right to the head.
"Ouch!" Nival cringed. K tackled the fighter, took the assailant's mace, and smashed in the man's face. The Dremora swung the mace at another assailant, shattered his armor, and crushed his chest. The daedra lined up for another strike on another foe and found that he had no mace.
"Damn Bound weapons..." K cursed. A soldier took care of the last enemy.
"Nice fighting...but I got my eye on you, prisoner..." the fierce Redguard glared. He turned to talk to the emperor. K stuck his tongue out at the Redguard. The soldier turned, but K had put his tongue back in his mouth. When the soldier turned back around, K stuck his tongue out again.
"How could they be waiting for us here? Nevermind...they won't be the first to underestimate the Blades!" the Redguard said.
"Captain Renault..." Uriel Septim began.
"She's dead, sire. Our main priority is getting you out of here," the Redguard urged. When they weren't looking, Nival grabbed the dead Renault's Steel Shortsword and her Akaviri Katana. He quickly tossed the Katana to K.
"That weapon's too heavy for me," he said. The Dremora buckled the saber to his waist.
"Don't follow us, prisoners," the taller of the two Redguards narrowed his eyes. Nival nodded. The door down the short hall to their left shut and locked tightly.
"Man, those soldiers are stuffy," K sighed. He unsheathed his Katana.
"I'd prefer a mace or a longsword, but this'll do. So...you're a spellcaster, right? Can you teleport us somewhere?" the daedra asked, turning to Nival.
"For some reason, I've lost almost all my powers. I think it's because I drained myself when I somehow summoned you. The best thing I've got right now is Weak Fireball...and that's barely better than Flare," the Dunmer sighed.
"Ugh...this sucks," K grumbled.
"Well, at least your armor is grafted to your skin...how did you get that, anyway?" Nival frowned.
"Grafted? Yeah, bullshit! I bluffed my whole way through that. There's a button right between my shoulder blades; if you press it, my entire suit of armor just pops off. Neat, huh?" the Dremora chuckled. The squeaking of some animal caused them both to whirl and ready their weapons.
"By Akatosh, that's the biggest Rat I've ever seen..." Nival breathed. K roared and impaled it on his saber. He kicked the Rat off and stomped on its skull, crushing the bones with a sickening crack.
"I don't think that thing even has five HP...you didn't need to do all that..." Nival winced.
"Screw you, man," K muttered. They walked through the hole in the wall that the Rat had come from.
"Got a Torch?" K asked.
"As a matter of fact, I picked one up from that dead chick," Nival pulled the Torch out and lit it with Flare. They made their way over to a skeleton sitting next to a bag and a chest.
"Hmm...lockpicks, excellent! Now we can open that chest," Nival grinned, searching the skeleton and his bag. He picked the Very Easy lock very easily and pulled out the chest's contents.
"Leather Cuirass and Leather Boots. Eh, beats Sack Cloth any day of the week," the Dunmer shrugged, equipping the armor. The Dremora rolled his eyes at the Light Armor and nabbed a mace from the chest. He held his katana in his left hand and the mace in his right.
"Goin' dualies, huh?" Nival grinned.
"What?" K blinked.
"Eh...nothing," the Dunmer sighed. The two of them continued on through the dank tunnels, killing another couple rats. They found a dead Goblin, looted his body, and unlocked the door in front of them with a key they found on him.
"Why would a Goblin have a key to that door specifically? And what killed him? The rats?" Nival pondered.
"Goblins never were smart. He probably fell on his sword or something," K snorted. They continued through the tunnels and came to a long corridor. A rat ran past them.
"I'll scout ahead; your armor's too loud for Sneaking," Nival said, crouching. He crept forward along the passageway. K watched the torch bob back and forth as Nival left. The daedra heard the Dark Elf scream. Nival came dashing back around the corner.
"Zombie! Run!" Nival cried. K stood his ground, baring his sword and mace. The zombie lurched around the corner, moaning with its jawless mouth. K cut its left arm from its body, but the zombie smacked the Dremora with its right. K, in a fury, dismembered it completely. The zombie sat in its leg stumps and howled at K.
"What're ya gonna do? Bite my kneecaps off?" the daedra snorted, kicking the zombie onto its back. The zombie growled at K and Nival as they walked past. After numerous tunnels and rats of unusual size, as well as Goblins who'd taken up annoying residence in the tunnels and begun eating the rats of unusual size, the Dremora and the Dunmer hopped through a small hole and found themselves face to face with one of the fanatic cultists.
"Not these bastards again..." K sighed, ripping the man's arm off and bludgeoning his skull with it. The two Redguard Blades whirled at his voice.
"Oh, great. It's those prisoners again! Kill them! They might be working with the assassins!" the shorter of the two Blades snarled.
"No. They will help us. They must help us," the Emperor said slowly. "My stars show me the end of my path. But tell me...what is your sign?"
"Is this some kind of mortal pick-up line?" K frowned.
"I am born under the Mage, adding fifty to my base Magicka" Nival said.
"And you, my friend?" the Emperor turned to K.
"I am born under the Chuck Norris, adding ninety-seven thousand to all my stats and skills," K stuck his hands on his hips.
"Don't joke, K, this is the Emperor," Nival hissed.
"Fine. I'm born under the Warrior," K rolled his eyes. The Emperor nodded.
"I, Baurus, don't trust you, prisoners. Stick close, and carry this torch. You may as well make yourself some use," the shorter Redguard, apparently named Baurus, narrowed his eyes, handing a Torch to Nival, who gratefully pocketed the Torch. They followed the Blades through several battles and dank tunnels, eventually coming to a place which Baurus "had a bad feeling about."
"Bad feeling...eat too much fried chicken, Redguard?" K chuckled. Baurus leveled an Akaviri katana with K's throat.
"Keep it up, pal. I'm itching to spill more blood," the soldier snarled. He sheathed his sword and checked the area.
"Damn it! The gate's barred from the other side! An ambush!" Baurus pounded the gate with one fist.
"Wait, what about that side passage?" the other Blade suggested.
"Worth a try. Let's go!" They all walked into the passage to find...a dead end.
"Oh, great. Dead end..." K sighed.
"They're behind us! Stay here, prisoners. Protect the Emperor: guard him with your life. For the Dragonfires!" Baurus said, unsheathing his blade and running out into combat.
"I have reached the end of my path. Take this amulet, go to Jauffre. You must stand alone against the Prince of Destruction and his mortal servants. Find the lost heir, and close shut the jaws of Oblivion," the Emperor sighed, as if a huge weight were leaving his shoulders.
"What do you...?" Nival frowned. Suddenly, a man in black armor came and stabbed a sword through the Emperor.
"Malacath's name..." K blinked, drawing his mace and sword.
"Hircine and Molag Bal! Give me strength!" the daedra roared. His mace and sword glowed.
"You picked the wrong day, stranger," Nival growled, sending a pair of fireballs at the assassin. The first fireball connected, but the second merely scorched the wall where the assassin had been before K had smashed him against the opposite wall and proceeded to crush his chest. The Dremora kicked the man in the side, then beheaded him, cleaving his helm and snapping the Akaviri katana K wielded nearly in half. The daedra stood breathing heavily, then turned to face Nival.
"I didn't know you felt so strongly about..." Nival began.
"He was an innocent. Besides...I kind of liked him," K scuffed his foot on the ground.
"We've failed...I've failed...the Emperor is dead..." Baurus moaned, sinking to his knees.
"He gave me this amulet and told me to find Jauffre..." Nival offered, "if that means anything to you."
"Strange...he saw something in you. It's the Dragonblood that runs through their veins...allows them to see things most others can't. Jauffre is the leader of my order, the Blades, but you'd never guess it. He lives a peaceful monk's life at Weynon Priory. Here, take this map and marker. It'll be more use to you than me. And...from what I can see, you're an experienced Scout?" Baurus said.
"Scout? The hell are you talking about? I'm a Spellslinger!" Nival growled.
"I wasn't far off. And you, Dremora, you must be a seasoned Bard," Baurus prompted.
"Bard? What's a Bard?" K turned to Nival. The Dark Elf shrugged.
"I'm a Face Crusher, you incompetent excuse for a bodyguard," the daedra sighed.
"Really? I would never have guessed. Anyway, you'll need this key to exit the sewers," Baurus said, handing Nival Baurus' Key, "and the rest of it is just rats and goblins, so you shouldn't have it too hard."
"Thanks, Baurus. Uh...sorry about the Emperor," Nival said.
"It's not your fault," the young Blade sighed. The Dunmer and the Dremora hopped through the narrow tunnel in the wall, opened a door with Baurus' Key, and climbed down a ladder into the sewers.
"Ugh...stinks," K muttered. "In Oblivion, we dump our waste into the lava. Works like a charm."
"We're not so lucky here, K," Nival sighed, wading through something he didn't really want to look at or think about. Suddenly, a wild squeak alerted them that a Rat had caught onto them. K smacked it with his mace, sending it sailing into a wall, where it hit with a dull thud.
"No worries," the daedra grinned. Nival sighed and hoisted himself up a ledge and was met with a pair of Goblins.
"Raklen nif gegego hya jogegego!" the Goblin with the mace snarled, advancing.
"Gegeg hya jogegeg retan fiklya!" the Goblin Shaman said, leveling his staff with Nival. The Dunmer barely dodged a lightning bolt. The electrical discharge caught K right in the chest, making the Dremora start. The surprise quickly turned to what Nival had now realized was the purest form of retaliatory bloodlust. The daedra ripped the mace from the first Goblin's hand and smashed it into the hapless creature's head, killing it instantly. The Dremora ducked another lightning blast and picked up the dead Goblin at his feet. He struck the Goblin Shaman dead with the Goblin he had picked up.
"Come on, Nival, don't be shy," K waved the Dunmer on as he walked up a flight of steps.
"Hey, you used my name!" Nival grinned.
"Uh...right you are," the daedra cocked an eyebrow before kicking a rusty gate off its hinges. They encountered another Rat (which Nival torched) and then, finally, the exit to the sewers. K and Nival barreled down the hallway and burst into fresh night air.
"Free at last! Free at last! Thank Clavicus Vile, I'm free at last!" K shouted, taking a deep breath.
"Now, for the issue of the Amulet of Kings..." Nival sighed.