To Be Needed, an inuyasha fanfic

Disclaimer: Inuyasha isn't mine

Speak to me
tell me something so typical
a lullaby or something miserable
that will keep me up at night

cross out my eyes
I know you planned it
you know I love you
and I can't stand it
we just lost control
(we just lost control)

lie to me
give me something worth living for
tell me a reason worth fighting for
give me anything, anything to keep me breathing
lie to me
give me something worth living for
tell me a reason worth fighting for
give me anything, anything to keep me breathing

go lie to me
tell me stories so beautiful
an epic of something so terrible
that it makes me weep

cross out these days
on your calendar
it hurts me so much
and I'm not quite sure
I care anymore
(I care anymore)

lie to me
give me something worth living for
tell me a reason worth fighting for
give me anything, anything to keep me breathing
lie to me
give me something worth living for
tell me a reason worth dying for
give me anything, anything to keep me breathing

anything to keep me breathing

-"Your Stories, My Alibis" Matchbook Romance

Reputation

Everyone wants a reputation whether it is bad or good. Having a rep is just another way to keep up with the treasured and the despised, hey they may hate me but at least they notice me

I never really gave my reputation much thought. I knew I was a despicable hanyou who should have been drowned at birth, but I never really gave much thought to what people said. I mean I heard it but I never heard it. Everyone treated me like I was deaf so might as well play the part fuck the last time I actually had a conversation with someone other than that goth girl who only talked to me for kicks was when I was a kid, when my mom was alive only woman I'll ever love I swear it on my life.

I think I got one of those crush things on that goth though it's weird. I always figured I'd die a virgin who the fuck would touch a golden-eyed, silver-haired dog-eared freak apparently Kikyo would. I'm pretty sure she did to either piss off her parents or for shock appeal either way I don't care I got laid which is more than I can say for most 16-year olds. Well welcome to my life my only friend uses me my parents are dead and I live with my pussy Great uncle Myoga. Hi my name is Inuyasha Takahashi my entire life sucked until I met her.

Almost all the kids in the school bus this morning either looked high or hung-over the after-effects of someone's "party of the year" yep someone's parents are going to kill 'em. Good one less mindless MTV zombie Inuyasha made his way to the middle of the bus sitting in the empty seat surrounded by empty heads. Someone was talking about him he could feel it his ears were burning fucking losers. Inuyasha looks around with disinterest and finally notices that the whispers are coming from a bunch of girls, okay that's a new one. Apparently one of the four girls thinks he's "cute" and two of the girls are appalled shrieking just how "evil" he was, while one of the girls plays a game boy, he decides he likes her the most. Now to find just which one thinks he's "cute", a secret smile sneaks to his lips alright so this attention ain't all that bad. Culprit found.

Wow.

It's Kikyo's happy twin, so that's what Kikyo looks like blushing, cute. She has similarities but her hairs wilder, her eyes doe-like, and she's smiling. Oh shit she noticed me starring, and the blush grows fuck this it ain't worth it. Inuyasha turns his head at break-neck speed muttering something about stupid little girls to face the front just in time to notice yet another loser gawking at him

"Damn Koga I knew you enjoyed the cock I just never figured you'd lower your standards to a hanyou." A smug look enclosed Inuyasha's face. The wolf demon's eye's danced with amusement and anger at the same time.

"Ha you got jokes mutt you know I might actually let you live another day unless you keep on checking out my girl" It was Inuyasha's turn to insult the wolf with enough pride to be a prince.

"Eh so that's your girl Shit for brains? Funny she don't smell anything like you" Oh yes Inuyasha smelled her after all he was half-demon it wasn't that hard. She smelt like lilies and honey but Koga's stench was nowhere on her. Koga's fist moved to fast for Inuyasha to move, even realize that he was gone have to fight today. The deed did not go unpunished. Before anyone realized what was happening Inuyasha and Koga were in an all out brawl over a girl who Inuyasha didn't even know but fuck it any excuse to bash the wolf's head in and like all bus fights the bus driver does nothing, the kids separate the enemies, insults are shouted and everyone sits down everything back to normal.

'Shit so I guess I'm going to have to go to the office during third period for this shit' everyone gets off the bus and drifts into a sea of students. Inuyasha waits outside Shikon high school for about thirty minutes since the first bell rang. The teacher won't notice she never does. Inuyasha has missed about 25 days of school and been late almost everyday yet every six weeks he gets some certificate for perfect attendance. The system freaked him out but fuck it he's passing his classes and that's all that matters. The only reason he's late in the first place is cause he has to wait for her. Any minute now she'll walk up from behind him trying her best not to be heard but of course she always is, she'll slip her arms around his waist and kiss the back of his neck and give him and that little tingle all around that he loved so much gods did he love it. He sure as hell didn't love her but gods did he love the things she did, just thinking about it was enough to be smiling like a fool for at least three hours. His ears swivel around and he sniffs the air she's near and they're going to do their time honored ritual and everything will be okay cause someone out there depends on him, he has a purpose in life. She's right behind him he can feel hot breathe on the back of his neck feminine arms hug his waist and then that kiss comes.

He could die happy.

"Hey loser" She barley whispers grabbing his hand and dragging him away from school. She leads him to a park surrounded by trees a favorite hangout of theirs. Inuyasha makes no protest he never does Kikyo has some type of power over him and it kills him inside but damn it he's needed and he couldn't ever leave her she needs him. They finally settle beneath a tree. Kikyo watches unnamed emotions flash through the inu-hanyou eye's, an inu-hanyou that was nothing if not beautiful.

"What's wrong? You don't wanna piss off my parents with me anymore?" She asks him kissing the palm of his hand, loving the way his lips part and body seems to go limp beneath her gaze.

"Ha yea I'm just the parent pisser offer nothing more ever…" Inuyasha suddenly realizes her necklace is the most interesting thing in the world and refuses to meet her stare. Kikyo looks at him with amusement and authority. She smiles a wicked smile making him want to slap her for laughing at him. How dare she mock him it isn't his fault that ever time she comes around suddenly his sense of pride and integrity dies inside. He didn't even want to "be" with her he just wanted to be I don't know equal.

"Aww you're so cute like a little puppy" she says giving his ear a small tug, one thing Inuyasha does not allow, he growls and shoves her hand away. She pouts "mou, alright Inuyasha what the fuck do you want me to do for you? I can't be with you and you know that, you're a-" before she could even finish she feels Inuyasha get up

"I'm a fucking hanyou I know it you stupid bitch…" he mutters and looks at her as if she were the trash in the relationship "look Kikyo-sama" mock respect creeps to his face "I don't need you, you need me poor little girl Kikyo her daddy fucks her" He dramatically wipes away fake tears. Kikyo suddenly regains her cold voice all thoughts of fucking their pain away gone "Fuck you! Leave you worthless hanyou, your mother was nothing but a demon's whore!" Kikyo spits her venom with a voice so cold it burns. Everyone knew she was in love with him; she would die for him but the gods as her witness she'd never be with a hanyou, that's why she treated him like shit he was hers and he should realize this along with the fact that she'd never be his. It was selfish but it worked. Inuyasha would normally kill the motherfucker who ever talked about his mother but no not Kikyo even as much as he hated her words he could never hate her, nor love her. Fuck it I'll do the thing that'd hurt her most I'll walk away. Kikyo watched dumbfounded as his back disappeared around the corner.

Kagome walked towards her locker after the 2nd bell rang still wondering about that strange yet handsome boy she had seen

This morning. Her face still smiling dreamily just thinking of the boy's silky locks, still smiling like the loser she is she barely notices bumping into something rock hard, suddenly pulled out of her fantasy she begins to scream

"What's your problem? Why don't you watch here your going Baka!" looking up to see the victim of her shrieks, she nearly died.

It. Was. Him.

Suddenly she wishes she could just crawl under a rock and die ' kami he's gorgeous great Kagome just great now he hates you'. Looking back up at his face she watches as he smiles weakly and his eyes widen in amusement by watching her freak out on her self.

"Um…sorry I guess but technically you ran into me" His handsome face suddenly becomes ugly as she watches him smirk at her. The nerve of this guy! How dare he make her feel brainless and edgy while he's all cool!

"You're not supposed to walk on this side of the hallway if you're going the opposite way so it's your fault! Now move before I 'm late to class!" Inuyasha smiles childishly as he stands still strong as brick barley feeling her push at him to move out of her way 'how fucking cute she thinks she can push me' Never in all his high school experience had his day been so exciting. First this very entertaining girl finds him attractive then he fights Koga over her, then he rejects Kikyo and now he's fighting with the same girl who thinks he's "cute". He moves aside but grabs one of her arms before she can move to far.

"Hey…um never mind" Kagome's angry face suddenly almost bi polar like switches to compassionate girl Kagome. Almost identically as Inuyasha walks away she grabs his arm right when the bell rang signaling class has start. He flinched she didn't know if it was cause of the loudness of the bell or the touch of her hand.

"What? You can tell me" She says with probably the only true smile he's seen since his mother was alive, with that kind of smile he couldn't deny her anything. He almost smiled back but caught himself, suddenly he found himself wanting to do nothing more than just sit down and get to know this girl. Damn she was stupid didn't she know she was touching a hanyou?

"Do you wanna get out of here?" He said, his eyes starring into hers with emotions Kagome had never seen before, before she could even think she nodded.

Keep the noise low.
She doesn't wanna blow it.
Shaking head to toe
while your left hand does "the show me around."
Quickens your heartbeat.
It beats me straight into the ground.

You don't recover from a night like this.
A victim, still lying in bed, completely motionless.
A hand moves in the dark to a zipper.
Hear a boy bracing tight against sheets
barely whisper, "This is so messed up."

Upon arrival the guests had all stared.
Dripping wet and clearly depressed,
he'd headed straight for the stairs.
No longer cool, but a boy in a stitch,
unprepared for a life full of lies and failing relationships.

(Up the stairs: the station where
the act becomes the art of growing up.)

He keeps his hands low.
He doesn't wanna blow it.
He's wet from head to toe and
his eyes give her the up and the down.
His stomach turns and he thinks of throwing up.
But the body on the bed beckons forward
and he starts growing up.

The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason I breathed but now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.

She hits the lights.
This doesn't seem quite fair.
Despite everything he learned from his friends,
he doesn't feel so prepared.
She's breathing quiet and smooth.
He's gasping for air.
"This is the first and last time," he says.
She fakes a smile and presses her hips into his.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He's holding back from telling her
exactly what it really feels like.

He is the lamb, she is the slaughter.
She's moving way too fast and all he wanted was to hold her.
Nothing that he tells her is really having an effect.
He whispers that he loves her,
but she's probably only looking for se-...

(Up the stairs: the station where
the act becomes the art of growing up.)

So much more than he could ever give.
A life free of lies and a meaningful relationship.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He waits for it to end
and for the aching in his guts to subside.

Up the stairs: the station where
the act becomes the art of growing up.

"Sic Transit Gloria...Glory Fades" Brand New

Thinking about that day where he had finally met her, Kagome was like renewing an all too fond memory of his. She was everything everyone wasn't and Gods did he hate everyone. Kagome wasn't scared of him; she wasn't scared to care for him. Everyone else ran away like he had the plague but Kagome sat there and held his hand like she could cure him, dumbass "keh". That day that the little Miss perfect decided to ditch class for some dude she didn't even know he decided she was the stupidest girl he'd ever known shit he could have been some psycho killer and she left with him, she was way to trusting but he thanked her for it. That day was like a dream for Inuyasha not only had she pretended to care for him for a second Inuyasha almost bought it. They spent the entire day just arguing and getting to know each other, perfect day, perfect memory. Inuyasha knew he had to quit rethinking that day or he'd just might hug the shit out of Kagome and tell her she should never leave him. They had been sitting under the very same tree that he had first "had" Kikyo it was kind of embarrassing remembering just what they where doing. He almost felt as If he was tainting Kagome by just letting her sit on the un-holy place. Oh well just enjoy her company and argue like everything's normal

"Hey Inu-Kun" Inuyasha looks down at the girl's head that happened to be so casually placed in his lap. Stupid girl putting her face there as if it's so normal and then calling me "Inu-kun" does she want me to fuck her?

"What the fuck do you want now?" he crosses his arms and brings up his chin as if to make him seem less-bothered than he really was. Her head on his lap and what he had done under this tree really didn't let his mind go anywhere but the gutter. Kagome just closes her eyes if he lets him get to her it will ruin a perfectly good pillow.

"Why are you so irritable today…hey wait you were cool all day until I…laid on you…" she mutters she's sorry as she makes a move to get up only to be brought back down by Inuyasha "Your stupid you know that it has nothing to do with you just the….the…location" content with his answer he relaxes against the tree, just as he was about to close his eyes her voice was heard again causing him to growl "what's wrong with the location.? I like it it's so….romantic" Inuyasha nearly choked on air he needed to get out of here soon before she cracked him .Kagome could feel his anxiety. She just hoped that it wasn't because she was hinting that being in a beautiful park on him was romantic, even though it was well at least to her. She really liked him! Couldn't he see that?

"Well what's wrong with being here Inu, don't lie to me" Inuyasha's entire body froze he couldn't lie to her, not ever and just like that the memory over flooded his mind.

'I can't believe I let my self get dragged into this' Inuyasha sat cross-legged against the tree with a girl actually on him, his mind drowning in just how wrong everything was he thought he had made an actual friend. You know that person who will listen to you bitch with fake interest. But no at this current moment him and his "friend" were being very friendly. He'd made friends with the school goth seems a lot less exciting than actuality but this girl was so damn intriguing, at first he just thought she was hot but now there were feelings involved, brotherly feelings and you just don't do this shit with your sister but it felt so damn good and she isn't really my sister. Kikyo suddenly looks up at him and gets caught in his eyes kinda like a deer in headlights as if barley realizing he wasn't normal.

"Inuyasha are we really going to do this?" before he could convince her against it her mouth was on his and he just sat there really more naïve than he ever let on. 'This is so fucked up. This is so fucked up.' Inuyasha finds enough strength to pull away from their mockery of love.

"We're not in love" he says this as if it were the greatest truth in a world of lies. Chocolate eye's fill with suffering as if the words were a blow to the chest. She pulls away and parts her lips, closes her eyes and in an effort to ease the pain of being apart from her only true friend leans her forehead against his and barley above a whisper Inuyasha hears her voice crack like it never had before for the first time in his life he heard longing in someone's voice for him

"But I need you" Amber eyes flash with possessiveness then finally they close. His stomach was doing flips his heart was fixing to burst out of his chest. He didn't want it but he was almost sure that he needed it too, almost.

Apparently almost was good enough

Kagome made her way to leave her hanyou once again, Obviously if he didn't want to let her help him with his problem he didn't want her there and that was just fine her. Kagome tried her hardest not to cry at least not in front of him, but as her luck would have it the dreaded tears came rolling down her pale cheek. Finally Inuyasha tore out of his memories suddenly stirred by the scent of Kagome's tears. By now she was bawling and the occasional whimper could be heard.

"Oi wench why are the fuck are you crying?" His choice of words were questionable but his heart was in the right place just by hearing his voice you could tell he would beg on his knees if I'd make her feel better. Inuyasha looked around he'd never comforted anyone before well except for Kikyo but she prefers to "fuck all her pain away" as she puts it and he was pretty sure that was the last thing on his innocent Kagome's mind, not that he'd do it anyway she was way too important for him to do that and jeopardize their bond for something as petty as sex. 'Think damn it think bitches cry for a reason what the fuck did I do to her…' He found himself sitting in front of Kagome reaching for her face and Kagome sensing his hand flinched and backed away.

"Inuyasha" she sniffled "Why are you trying to push me away?" another loud sob broke her voice. Her eyes were puffy , her cheeks were stained , and her lips were pouting, and he had never seen her more beautiful, 'Damn it even when she's sad she's cute'

"Kagome I don't know what you're talking about. I would never push you away shit if you left who would I have?" He nudges her head with his and suddenly realized that Kikyo did that to him when he was sad oh great so he was the bitch in their relationship.

"Kagome please I hate it when you cry" Kagome's eyes lit up with that fire that he so loved about her. She quickly stood up and kicked him right in the head.

"Yea well I hate it when you lie to me!" His ears fold so that he's forced to take in no more than he can hear "I hate it when you have something to say but you don't tell me darn Inuyasha can't you trust anyone? Not even me?" Amber eyes flicker with shame

"Inuyasha I want you to trust me! Like I trust you, Inu I would do anything for you if you'd just let me in" These fucking humans and their emotions trying to make everything else feel stupid feelings that'll just hurt you in the end. Kagome's practically yelling that she loves me and I know it but love is such a strong word the only word to ever equal to it is hate and after love I don't think it could go back to just like so I'm afraid if I piss her off she'll hate me and I think I like her to much for that to happen

"I'm sorry" hell if I know what for but damn it I'm sorry. Her eyes sparkle while they open with surprise for something for what? That I apologized? I'm telling you humans and their emotions say sorry and it's like asking her to marry me. Kagome observes as a smell blush makes its way onto the hanyou's face.

"What the hell are you thinking about? Inuyasha" Inuyasha's eyes nearly popped out of his head.

"None of your fucking business" He mumbled

"Fine! If it's not any of my business! I hate you!" Kagome ran away to quickly for Inuyasha to catch her before she left, but she wasn't fast enough to out run him. In no time Inuyasha had scooped her up into a bridal style position and was walking, trying his best to ignore her scream at the top of her lungs how much she hates him.

"Kagome shut the fuck up"