What price treachery?
By: Brian Funk
Based on and in Mass Effect 2, all rights their respective owners.
Have you ever been convinced to change your mind on something because someone argued and upon seeing your side you realized you would be a hypocrite to do as you had initially wanted?
For Shepard, being up at nearly 4 am in her quarters on the Normandy had been a typical occurrence, and despite dieing and being on a new Normandy, this had not changed. What kept her awake on the other hand, was completely different. 'I just stood aside, and let Garrus execute him.' That single thought had driven her to spend nearly an hour trying to fix her black hair just the way she liked it in the mirror. Any mundane task to avoid thinking about it.
Killing, with any weapon, or with tech equipment, even with the rare biotic power that she had learned as a side effect of her rebirth at the hands of the group she had all but obliterated previously she was used to. But this was not the kind of fight of a marine, this was literally an assassination, one she had taken a direct hand in. The Her who represented everything she feared, the one with the lit scars worse then hers had ever been, the eyes of red to her own natural green, had taunted her. "You go through all that to save a criminal from Thanes son, yet when it comes time to stand in the way for this Turian, you stood aside." The accusation was nothing new, the one psychologist she had ever seen had told her it was the result of her mind trying to cope with the Blitz and her actions during it. Even her mother Hanna did not know about that, much less anyone on her crew. Who could you tell about a doppelganger that only you experienced, there at every major decision point advising you to act in a manner opposite of who you are? Another of you, another Akroma who came to you at night and questioned every decision you made? A 'figment of your imagination' that you could not help but talk, or even scream, back too?
"This was different, we both know that!" The indignant shout was heard only by the AI, and perhaps the fish, even as Akroma looked through the case of the model ships she had acquired and assembled as a coping mechanism after... dieing. That other her, the other Shepard, the one that she saw as every diseased thought assembled and given horrific life, a literal virus in her mind that had come to be named Phage, simply stared back from the bed chuckling.
"Really? That's bullshit and we both know that. Dead is dead, be it a broken neck or a bullet to the brain." The reason, the real reason that she could not get rid of this inner demon, was that she never lied.
"Alright. But there have to be limits to forgiveness." Akromas emerald eyes blazed with conviction as she stepped down to stare Phage in the eyes.
"Tell that to the Baterian on Omega. Surely he deserved being shocked to death like that." The sneering tone was again there, a tinge of disgust in it.
"Oh god, not that again! Garrus nearly died even with the gunship broken, he would have died without that! There was no other way!" Akromas desperate argument was falling into the same rut as before, and just as before it made no headway. Even EDI found the Commander's self arguments rather odd, seeing her argue both sides, standing in the middle of her room alone shouting at herself. Still, it never effected the mission, and no one asked about it, so EDI had not told anyone.
"It always seems to come back to Garrus when you do things my way does it not?" Phage shifted tactics as quickly as they changed pieces of cover in a fight and just as smoothly.
"He is my friend." Akroma had to give ground verbally, and then physically as Phage shoved her into the seat at the desk.
"So was Ashley, but you left her to die, in favor of that fool!" Phage's eyes Blazed in anger, ripping open the wound again. Even Shepard turned her eyes away at the hate there.
"I couldn't let my feelings effect my decision, Ashley was a marine, she would hold the tower, whatever it took. Just because I-" Phage rarely physically attacked Akroma, maby because they shared the same body, maby because it involved a rather deep delusion.
Regardless she picked the commander up from the chair by her night shirt and screamed into her face, warm spittle mixing with Akromas tears.
"LIAR!" letting go and turning away to stare at the clock by the bed, her own eyes filled with tears of memory. "You just could not make the hard decision of whats good for you, for us. So you took the easy way out and risked her rather then that biotic child trapped in the past."
Not even a picture of Williams remained, the only one taken of them together had been vaporized with the Normandy, and while the battered helmet had survived reentry to the frozen waste in which it would now reside, that old fashioned chemical print had simply turned to ash like the women it was a pale imitation of.
"I don't let my friends down if I can help it, but I am not a god." the sad admission came with Shepard collapsing back into the chair.
"Well we should be! If we were, you wouldn't have stepped aside would you?" Taking her back to earlier that day, to the scene of normal life, moments before she stepped aside and let Garrus tear it and the Turians head asunder with a bullet.
"How long is this going to take?" The nervous Turian was scared, the kind of scared he should be with Garrus on his tail. The thought crystallized into action, and her voice... no, not her voice, Phage's voice really, said.
"Don't worry, this will only take a second." Then she stepped to the right, and the realization dawned on the Turians face bright enough for anyone to see, a moment of complete terror, then the slug had detonated his head across the visor Shepard wore, the blood stinging her skin where it landed.
"Oh yes, that single thought, the one you don't like to admit you had." Phage's voice held that same tone of complete happiness, of contentment in her own debauchery, the one that haunted Shepard each time she stepped off the path.
"That was not me, I don't think like that." Akromas words were pale flesh against the fury of a concussion shot to Phages reply.
"The Council, you didn't save them, you saved that dreadnought they were on." The wording had given her away, "Save the Destiny Ascension" not save the council, no, save the ship.
"That poor Baterian, how did we put it? 'your working too hard.'?" The smell of burning flesh and the shudder of the tool as it silenced the technicians screams, the smile that Zheed had actually blanched at, to say nothing of Maranda's raised eyebrow and muttered 'That's not like the reports.'
"That Krogan Warlord never got to finish his little speech either." The first shot, and his exclamation that she could not shoot straight, even as his bodyguards backed away in fear, the look of terrible realization in his eyes before the second shot ignited the gas and his entire body.
"Those hostages, they died uncomprehending." The 'Bring Down The Sky' incident as the media had dubbed it. Leaving them to die rather then letting that bastard go free, his ringing accusation of 'Who's the real terrorist here?' along with Phages reply of 'You, but your dead.' and the loudest gunshot that pistol ever issued. Akroma had never been able to use it again, trading down rather then remember that awful noise. Still the litany of her sins rolled on, all delivered in that damned voice, the tone of conspiratorial confidence Akroma could not out run.
"That poor man, he did not deserve it, but it was so...pleasurable to set him straight." The theatrical production of placing the gun into his face, the cold words 'This is what its like to have a gun in your face, I feel this every day.' the acid scent of the mans bowls letting loose, the predatory feeling at his realization of reality.
"And now this, but this one was not just personal, this was just, this was right."
The memory of dragging the truth out of Garrus, that this man who Garrus would not let go, could not let go, had betrayed his entire team to their enemy's. Gotten them all killed, and fled, apparently for simple money. The argument as they went to track him down, Garrus and herself arguing the morality and ethics for the entire ride, until he finally asked that final question "Shepard. If it was your team, what would you do?"
The summation of that terrible monologue homed in on Akroma as the pacing ended with Phage an inch from her face. "Just say it out loud, one time, we can take it."
Gulping, throat dry, Akroma acceded the truth. 'The truth will set you free right?'
"If... if it were my team..." The little child's voice was not on EDI's file, nor should it be.
"Go on, say it aloud, its not that hard, If it were my team..." Calm, patient, the tone of a parent helping their child.
"If it were my team I would kill him up close."
"Now now, no half measures, you need to face your fears right? To face me? Isn't that what the doctor said?" The condescension pushed her across the line. Akroma Razamus Shepard was patient, but she would not be condemned by herself!
"I would kill him up close, by millimeters!" She spat it out like poison sucked from a wound, unable to see her own right eye flash red. Exhausted, sweating and drained enough that her cooling implants started up, Akroma settled on her half of the bed, opposite the armor locker the other preferred to be close too.
It was a habit that EDI had found curious, and at first attributed to having slept for most of her life with another, only to have the records contraindicate it with the phrase 'no significant social contacts'.
Turning her head to face Phage, Akroma looked the other half in the eyes, hating it, but feeling compelled to say it before sleep would come.
"Thank you." Phage smiled, Shepard smiling at herself really, and replied
"Your never alone, I wont leave you again sister."
as the lights turned off two hours before first shift would begin, EDI adjusted the Alarm to give the weary captain another hours rest, efficiency of action outweighing a tight schedule. The curious phrasing of the final words sent EDI again into the networks, looking for this 'sister' perhaps this time there would be some solid evidence, rather then a single article on a stillbirth of one of two twins to Hanna and Abraham Shepard.
Authors Note: The above was inspired by the actual incident of finding myself, a rather solid paragon by nature, stepping aside at the second chance to do so during Garrus's loyalty mission, because I asked that same damn question of myself. "If it were my team, what would I do?" and finding myself saying out loud "If it were my team, I would kill him up close, by Inches!" spooked my cat I said it so loud. Never before in my life have I had my decision swayed by a fictional character, in a book or a video game. I consider that moment the single most profoundly impressive thing in all of Mass Effect 2 for me. Each incident listed is one were I stepped off my beaten path, in the first game and the second, because I said to myself "No, this is the right thing to do." This one time, the only time, I was not above the moment, and for someone who tropes as much as I do, it was a shock to realize as that Turian's body hit the ground, that I had just done that. But I didn't go back and undo it, because well. "Damn it, I would kill him by inches."