Healing Takes Time

by Emma Bloodheart

Alfred, most commonly known as America, never really had friends except for some countries. When the names the other countries call him get to him, it takes a turn for the worst. When Ivan, known as Russia, finds out, will he help his friend? No, there is not going to be romance between Alfred and Ivan, but I'm not saying I don't ship them. *insert lenny face here*

ALFRED'S POV

I'm sitting in an extremely comfortable chair. All the countries gathered today because it was another world meeting. I was eating some hamburgers while everyone else was busy doing something else. I still haven't told anyone about my depression. I was planning to announce it today but it seems like everyone is too busy. Arthur, known also as England, took a sip of his tea then looked over at me. "Oi, America, you need to stop eating all that fast food! You'll become fatter than you are now!" I fake a smile and say in my usual chipper voice, "No way dude! These taste too good!"

Honestly, if no one was in this room, I'd cry. Francis, or France, comes into this now. "You should listen to England! You'll never get the laddies if you're fat!" I slowly start losing my appetite. I start slightly shaking. It's getting harder to hide my tears. "Yeah right!" Ludwig, know as Germany, buds in. "Zey are right. You are gezzing fat. You need to get on a diet." I no longer want to eat. I get up. "I'll be right back, just gonna use the bathroom. Germany, you can continue without me."

I walk out of the conference room and run to the bathroom, shutting the door as quickly as I can. I feel the silent tears stream down my face. I let my pain show through those tears. The memory of 9/11 comes back and I sob into my hands. The memories of all the school shootings makes me cry harder. The shootings, the deaths, the murders, I feel it all. I run out of tears and now I'm just shaking violently. I go to the toilet and vomit everything I ate.

I close my eyes and playback all the times the other countries have called me fat. I look in the mirror of the bathroom and lift my shirt up. I see a fat person look back at me when I look up from my stomach. I drop my shirt, rinse my face with cold water, and look at the mirror again. You can't even tell I was crying. I walk back to the conference room and sit in my chair. I see the small pile of hamburgers and finish eating them. Once I finish them, I go back to bathroom, vomit, then sit down like nothing happened.

AFTER THE MEETING

Finally the meeting ends. I get up and just walk out. Matthew, known as Canada, catches up to me. "A-Al, you wanna sleep over?" I fake a big grin. "Of course Mattie!" He smiles and we walk to his house. When we get there, he asks me if I want something to eat. My grins falters a little when he asks that question. I feel sick. I shake my head and answer with a simple 'no'. Matthew's face goes from happy to concerned. 'Al, are you okay? You always say yes to food." I feel like I'm gonna cry.

Even Mattie, my brother who I'm always there for as he is always there for me, think I'm fat. I smile at him. "Of course I'm fine! I just don't feel all that hungry. You wanna play some video games?" He nods a little and we begin playing. After an hour, I can't take it anymore and go into the bathroom. I close and lock the door and sit down and cry. Today, the other countries shot down my ideas and called me things like 'idiot' and 'stupid'. Even Mattie shook his head.

I feel so empty. I feel the teens in my country hurting themselves. Killing themselves. I feel the pain of the children that get hit by their guardians. I feel it all and hide it well. Just like them. I have the sudden urge to hurt myself again. I take the pocket knife I keep in my pocket out and cut deeply into my wrist. I can cut as deep as I want because countries can't exactly die. I should know, I've tired to kill myself more than once. After a few cuts, I clean up. I walk out and continue playing with Mattie, like nothing happened.