Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, nor ever will. Stephenie Meyer owns everything.
I felt the harsh touch of the wind on my left cheek; leaving a warm trail of moisture from my chin to my temple. At eight in the morning, the dryness in the air, mixed with the scorching sun, baked anything that dared to walk outside.
I had missed Phoenix. I truly had. Even though to some it would appear boring and somewhat dull, it was still my home, where I grew up.
I made my way down the sandy trail that led to Edward's house, hoping he had already woken up. With the way Alice talked on the phone until two in the morning, I doubted he was alive to the world yet. I could picture the way she exaggerated and explained all that happened in her life to poor Edward, all while waving her hands in the air as if he was in the room to see her. It was rare to not to hear Alice's voice when in ten feet of her. The loudness of it drawing the attention of those near enough to pay interest and realize the dramatics of her life. It was as if her mouth had a mind of its own, always opening and closing on its own accord, effectively dragging Edward and me into her world.
Climbing the steps to the once glamorous estate, I noticed the familiar loudness of the atmosphere was not present. I knocked, with heavy strokes that resonated throughout the front porch, making their way into the big building.
I walked into the house, the door swinging behind me and hitting my legs as I stood there frozen. The living room was a mess. The lamps and tables were overturned, the family portraits hanged askew in the walls. There were bottles of alcohol scattered over the wood floor, some lying half empty, droplets of the liquid spilling into the floor. I made my way over to the stairs, cautious not to step over anything that might prove to be hazardous.
I climbed the stairs two at a time, speeding up as I reached the second floor. The rug that led to Edward's room was stained with a questionable substance and I made a mental note to ask him about it. I couldn't hear any sound; it was completely dead, as if there wasn't any one, dead or alive. Rapidly, I opened the door to Edward's bedroom; only to find that he wasn't alone on the bed.
My eyes bulged out at the sight in front of me. There was a girl snuggled to his side. A very blond, chesty girl who suddenly opened her eyes to find me staring at her. I jumped slightly and blushed, the heat in my face a dead giveaway.
"Can I help you?" her voice sounded syrupy sweet. Too sweet for my liking. Her blue eyes scanned the room, as if trying to remember where she was.
"Um, no. I was just looking for Edward," I responded, sounding a bit wary. I shifted from foot to foot, balancing my weight as I stood awkwardly near the door.
"Edward?" she trailed off. My eyes widened momentarily, not believing the situation that I caught the girl in. Her eyes shifted to the body beside her and recognition flickered into them. She grimaced and plopped onto the pillow rather forcefully, which in turn, caused Edward to wake up.
I cleared my throat and walked out of the room, catching Edward's gaze before turning around. I waited for a few minutes, sitting on the sofa in the game room, before I felt weight next to me. My head turned to the left, catching the way Edward had his hands on his head and was slightly shaking.
It had been a while since I had come to find him with a girl in his bedroom. The pang in my chest throbbed every time after seeing him with some random stranger, or worse, someone I knew. A very irrational part of me always felt some slight envy towards those girls. All the reasons of why he chose them and not me, revolving around in my head.
The uncanny way of how he so very easily disposed of the girls always made me feel that weird twist in my stomach. It made me think of how easy it would be to get rid of me. I didn't feel like my existence in his world would last long. My revolving around him could be stopped by someone more interesting, someone who could actually hold his hand and be proud to walk around displaying their affection for each other. I was not the right girl for him, just like he was not the right guy for me.
I remember when he used to give me a flower, an Amelanchier Arborea plucked from his mom's garden. The white, feathery petals use to caress my hand every time he gave it to me in the morning when his mom use to pick me up to take us to school. But then, as time passed and we grew older, the flowers were forgotten, as were his smiles and twinkling eyes when he caught sight of me.
He sighed heavily and sunk deeper into the sofa, slightly leaning against me. His head inched closer towards my ear. "I'm sorry you had to see that. I forgot you were coming today," he whispered. His breath swirled around my face, making me slightly dizzy.
"That's alright. It's not like I haven't been in this situation before," I chuckled nervously. I shifted a little to the right, trying to put some space between us. The frown on his face told me he noticed and I felt slightly guilty. Slightly being the key word.
The shuffling of feet reached my ears and I turned to look at the blonde walk out of Edward's room. She had a weird expression on her face. As if she tasted something bad and the after taste was left in her mouth. Her hair looked mussed and her clothes looked as if she had changed all the while running, which I'm sure she did exactly that. She caught me looking and her expression changed from confused to suddenly smug. Her impish smile was directed towards me. She probably thought I was Edward's girlfriend. The only thing was that I was a girl who was a friend, but not in a relationship.
She kept on smiling at me until she reached the stairs, at point which she winked seductively at Edward and waved with the tip of her fingers. I smirked and turned my head to hide the chagrin that showed in my eyes. It was very easy to read my face, my actions, and I couldn't have some stranger know how I felt. Especially one who had ceremoniously slept with the one person who could so easily forget about me.
I stood from the couch and started walking in the direction of the stairs. I couldn't look at Edward in the eye without breaking down, effectively showing my distress. I realized that I may never be good enough for him. I would never catch his attention the way the others did, the way Lauren, Jessica, or Tanya could, with their blond tresses or the mysterious way in which they carried themselves. It didn't matter that we had been friends since we were in elementary school, or that we had spent a lot of time together. I knew that deep down, he was not attracted to me in any way, but I couldn't help but feel hope. Maybe one day he would realize that yes, I was the one person for him. I was the half who would complete his daily life. He would realize that we were perfect for each other. After all, I was basically the one person, who was not in his family, which knew all there need to be about him.
"Wait. Where are you going?" I heard his muffled footsteps before I felt him touch my shoulder. I flinched, unaware that I had until I turned to look at the hurt in his face.
"Oh, I just thought that maybe you needed some space," I said, not even believing what I said myself. I hated the way my voice shook slightly, showing weakness. I could not be seen as weak, pathetic.
"But, I thought we were going to spend the whole day together." I felt his eyes search my face. I don't know what he was looking for, he wouldn't find anything. "I mean, you leave tomorrow, right?"
I was leaving tomorrow, after spending the summer in my hometown, going to back to Forks. Back to where I was currently living, in a house with grass and trees surrounding it. (Something that would never have been possible in sunny Phoenix.) I was leaving behind my family, my closest friends, my life, once again. I was going back Forks, effectively forgetting that my love for Edward would remain in the hidden depths of my mind. I would forget that I pined for him, secretly. I would forget that he still thought of me as like a sister.
And maybe, I wouldn't really miss Phoenix as I thought I did. I wouldn't miss that it was a desert, and that it only rained about three times a year. I wouldn't miss the monotonous way in which people lived. I wouldn't miss that I grew up with the same people.
I would remember that I always wanted to leave it, move to different city, pack my bags and go somewhere new. A place where it rained more than twice a year, a place where the sun didn't make you sweat after spending two seconds outside. A place where I could walk outside and not think that I was trapped, caged. But most importantly, I could finally move on. Maybe, I could meet someone new. Someone that didn't make me feel like I could never measure up to what they wanted in a partner. And maybe, I wouldn't miss him anymore, not the way in which I had for the past year. Not the way in which Phoenix reminded me of him. I could finally put Edward behind, and actually remember the dry city for what it was, and not for the way in which he looked at me with brotherly love.
"Yes, I leave tomorrow. But I was just coming to get you. I didn't think you would forget that Alice had us planned to go to the movies and then her house." I grimaced at the sharp tone that I used.
"You know I would never miss a day with you, Bella. Especially now that you are not living four houses away," he chuckled, while ruffling my hair.
He smiled before following me out the door of his house, going out into the dry heat. He grabbed my hand and we walked side to side, to the house next door, where Alice was waiting for us. The way in which he squeezed my hand before opening the door made me think that maybe, it was fine that he didn't love me the way I wanted, or that he didn't give me flowers anymore. I realized that at least, I wouldn't be a meaningless night that he would regret.
Hey there! Thank you for reading. Please let me know if you liked it or hated it. I want to hear your opinion. Thanks!
And, can anyone guess from which band I got the title from? Anyone?