Hello, everyone! I am truly sorry for the inconvenience of the first upload, I see it turned out as a code. Here it is now! Enjoy!
Lisanna Strauss and Natsu Dragneel are friends; close friends. It's always been that way, and it always will be, no matter how much she wants (no, craves) to be more. But it can't be, because no matter how much it kills her, he's not hers to have. No, Natsu belongs to the loved Lucy Heartfilia, and has since the day she was brought into the guild. Lisanna's known him for longer than that, since they were kids to be exact, but there was no competing with a girl like Lucy (because she's come to realize that no amount of her time could ever make Natsu truly love her). And the worst part, she thinks, is that she sees it all, and she can do nothing more than scream her lungs out into her pillows and hope the nightmare will end (it never does). See, Lisanna could never make Natsu smile the way Lucy does, or bring the warm feeling he's always talking about to his stomach. She can punch his arm when he's being a nervous wreck, stuff her face with food with him and give him a comforting hug when he needs one, but she can do no more. She loves those moments, though; she likes to pretend, that at least for one second, he's hers. (But that's not right, and Lisanna knows it, so she lets the thoughts sink deep into her mind where she hopes to eventually erase it completely). Lucy, however, can do whatever she want. She can snuggle into the crook of his neck, feel the heat radiating from his palms on hers, and kiss him on the lips whenever she wishes. She can make Natsu laugh so hard, his stomach begins to hurt, just from a few words. She makes him happier than she ever has, and although she's drowning, she knows it. She doesn't say a word.
Lisanna tries her best to keep her distance from them, but when she can't, she hates every second of it.
Lucy and Natsu aren't the type to act all lovey dovey, and it'd be easier to tease them if they were, but they aren't. They're too discrete, the type of couple who stares lovingly into each other's eyes, who share secrets between the two of them and who's kisses are full of endearment. Lisanna wants that more than anything, and it's gradually made her go numb. Bixlow, who's done nothing but be there for her and control his horrid temper, knows it as well. "Let me take the pain away'' he says, as he towers over her on her bed, sliding his hand up her dress. She lets him.
It hurts, especially with the fact that Natsu doesn't know a thing.
''Come on, Lis'' he cried out, grabbing her gently by the arm. ''Let's go on a mission, since Princess here, is too busy studying 'the origins of her magic'"
They're having lunch out in one of the guild's outdoor tables, and the sun seems to be shinning down on them far too much.
Lisanna wants to scream (he's! touching! Her! Again!), but instead pretends she's too focused on her food at that very moment. ''Natsu, can't you see I'm busy?''
"Please, take him'' Lucy calls out, across the table from them, her head buried into the book in front of her. ''Fire-Breath, here, has been bothering me since this morning''
"Aw, c'mon, this job'll be fun'' He wraps an arm around her shoulder, leaning his head against hers and Lisanna instantly freezes. ''What do you say? We haven't spent time alone together in a while''
Her heart is racing too fast, she thinks she's actually dying. "Why don't you go by yourself?'' she growls. ''That's no fun'' he tugs at her again, begging dramatically. ''Come on, Lis! I'll buy you those candies you like afterwards if you want!''
Alright, fine'' she sighs, pushing him off (if his hands continue to be against her skin, she feels she might go insane). Lucy only smirks shaking her head. ''Natsu Dragneel, you are one obnoxious guy''
''Is that so?'' he wiggles his eyebrows at her, the way he knows causes her to fall into a fit of giggles. ''You just happen to love this obnoxious guy''
"Oh, please. I'm still with you purely out of obligation'' He pretends to be hurt, and this time he locks arms with Lisanna before she's even fully able to comprehend what's happening. ''That's fine, I'll just date Lis instead''
Lisanna could feel herself sinking down into the ground.
"You do that'' Lucy chuckles, eyes scanning through the second page again. ''You'll come crawling back in a week'' They go on with their playful argument, and Lisanna finds herself distancing herself on the inside.
The most Lisanna ever did with Natsu playfully ask him to be her wife when they were kids.
It had been years ago, back when it was only Natsu and Lisanna. Before he met Lucy. Before she lost him. It was purely out of happiness, out of adrenaline that they'd managed to take care of an egg by themselves. Natsu had only blushed alot, and they'd gone on their way. Lisanna hadn't forgotten it, though, and still thought about it now. But she couldn't pull anything like that now, especially since they were older and he had Lucy. He wasn't hers and she couldn't do anything that ever again. She didn't.
She's meant to cut it off with Bixlow for a while now. They're not serious (Natsu merely thinks they're hanging out as friends), but they were too intimate to not be. Bixlow has known she's in love with Natsu for years now, and doesn't shun her for it. He only wants her to forget her love for her closest friend, he always reminds her, so that she can find her own happiness with him. Still, Lisanna knows it's wrong to be with him, and yet push away his feelings as if they don't mean anything (because she knew that Bixlow loved her the way she loved Natsu).
"I can't do this anymore'' she says, covering her nude body deeper into his bed sheets. ''I can't keep doing this to either of us'' He grabs her by the waist, his body pressed against her back as he places a kiss on her shoulder. ''Please, don't leave'' She doesn't say anything for the rest of the night. She stays.
''You'll always be my best friend, Lis'' Natsu says to her one day, when they're sitting at the bar and talking about recent missions and such. She conjures up a smile, refusing to let her eyes tear up. ''And you'll always be my best friend, Natsu''
Maybe one day, maybe in a few months, or maybe in a few years; she doesn't really know when the feelings will go away. All she can do is hope that it'll be soon. Lisanna doesn't know how much more she can take it all, being a prisoner due to her own heart. She wants to wake up one morning and feel nothing when Natsu walks into the guild hall with bed hair, or when he laughs, or when he's doing his brawls with Gray (she wants that, but she wants Natsu more, for now).
Maybe one day.