Disclaimer: I do not own Watchmen. Nor do I own 'Amish Paradise' by Weird al Yankovic.
A/N: This is the first chapter for what will be my main fic for all humor-based Watchmen drabbles I make from now on. The lengths of the chapters will vary. OOCness is basically a must in most situations, but I'll try my best with keeping them somewhat in-character.
There'll be some parodies, too...
This one is another song parody (of "Amish Paradise" no less) , but the others will range from actual stories and such...don't worry...
As I walk through the city where I harvest the baddies
I take a look at Silver Spectre and realize she's very slutty
But that's just perfect for a masked man like me
You know I shun fancy things like super-abilities!
At 4:30 in the morning, I'm milkin' for info
Zeidt feeds the aliens and Dr. Manhattan flies...fool!
And I've been milkin' and flying so long, that
Even Daniel thinks that my mind is gone!
I'm a man of the states, I'm into discipline
Got a knife in my hand and a mask on my face!
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine,
Then tonight were gonna party like its 1985!!
We been spending most our lives
Living in a Watchmen paradise
I've churned blood once or twice
Living in a Watchmen paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice
Living in a Watchmen paradise
We sell action figures at a discount price
Living in a Watchmen paradise
My own mother kicked me in the butt last week,
I just frowned at her and I turned the other cheek!
I really don't care, in fact I wish her well
cause I'll be laughing my head off when she's burning in hell!
But I ain't never punched an ally even if he deserved it,
A masked man with a' tude?
You know that's quite heard of!
I always carry a smiley-face button, and I got a cool hat!
And all my superhero homies agree
I really look good in brown...fool!
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears,
We haven't even kicked any ass in the past 8 years!
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare,
We're just technologically superior!!
There's a wireless phone, some headlights, and an owl-shaped motorcar;
Not a single normal luxury!
Like Alan Moore,
It's as weird as can be!!
We been spending most our lives
Living in a Watchmen paradise
We're just plain and simple guys
Living in a Watchmen paradise
There's no time for sin and vice
Living in a Watchmen paradise
We always fight, we never play nice
Living in a Watchmen paradise
Hitchin' up the Owlship, churnin' lots of beans
Raised some hell on Monday, soon I'll raise some more!!
Think you're really righteous?
Think you're pure in heart?
Well, I know I'm a million time as less humble as thou art!!!
I'm the 'pious guy the little heroes wanna be like,
On my feet day and night, sendin' people to the afterlife!
So don't be vain...and don't be whiny!
Or else, Moloch, I might have to go all Rorschach on your cancer-ridden heinie!!
We been spending most of our 12-issue lives
Living in a Watchmen paradise
We're all crazy megalomaniacs
Living in a Watchmen paradise
There's no useful cops or trans-fluorescent lighting
Living in a Watchmen paradise
So you'd probably think it bites
Living in a Watchmen paradise
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh
Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-hurm...