Author's note: Hey y'all. I'm pretty sure this theme has already been written a few too many times, but the idea came to me and I couldn't resist... so here's my little contribution to this special day. Happy birthday, Naruto!
And of course, nothing but the plot (...is there even one here?) belongs to me.
"Sai, what is this?" Naruto asked when he looked into the gift bag. What he saw inside shocked him too much to be able to form any sort of emotional reaction, so he just enquired quietly, not even looking up at the artist.
"Uh… your birthday present?" The pale boy asked back, not really understanding the question. He was informed that Naruto would surely know what the object is. "Is it… not to your liking?"
Naruto sighed, trying to contain his emotions that suddenly threatened to break free like a river when a dam collapses.
"Would you mind telling me," he started slowly, but as he reached in the bag to retrieve the item, his voice grew to a shout, his face all red with his brows furrowed in angry scowl when he finally held the box up in the air. "WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH A FUCKING DILDO?!"
"I'm… I'm sorry, is that not appropriate for such an occasion?" Sai asked perplexed, hearing the others around them snicker.
"You can say that too!" Naruto answered, using the box to point towards him. "Who the fuck buys something like this for a birthday?!"
"Well, Kiba-kun said it'd be a per-…"
"KIBA?!" Naruto yelled, turning towards the brunette, ready to chuck the object at his head, or at the very least demand an explanation. When he found Kiba literally rolling on the floor, his hands on his stomach and tears rolling down his cheeks from the hysterical laughter, he could not honestly act surprised.
"Dude! Heheh… that was… oh, gods… that was priceless… mwhahaha…" He managed to comment.
"I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!" The blonde threatened and tried to jump at his friend, but Shikamaru grabbed his arms in time.
"Not worth it, Naruto…"
"I'LL TELL YA WHAT'S NOT WORTH IT… LEMME GO, DAMMIT!"
"Kiba, why did you set me up like this?" Sai asked, blinking, pondering the other boy's possible reasons.
"Gahhahahaha… it's not a set-up, Sai, lighten up, really… hehehe… you've kept calling him dickless, I figured you could… ahahaha… Figured you could help him not to be one…"
Kiba's laughter was uncontrollable by now, although the others seemed less than amused. The girls shared a look and shook their heads disapprovingly; Gaara allowed a momentary, barely-there smile to grace his features; Shikamaru still struggled to hold the seething blonde back; Sai had his head tilted as he tried to put the puzzle pieces together in his mind; Chouji was eating a piece of cake as if nothing had happened, while Neji actually picked his own up, kneeled down next to his teammate who was still on the floor and smeared it all over the Inuzuka's face.
"Grow up already, you imbécile," he growled.
"TH-THAT'S RIGHT!" Naruto agreed. "AND I'M GONNA SHOW YA WHO'S DICKLESS, I'M GONNA SHOVE IT SO DEEP UP YOUR ASS, IT'S-…"
"Naruto," Sasuke spoke suddenly in a low voice, stepping in front of the blonde and placing a hand on his mouth. Since the whole room fell silent at his intervention, everyone heard him clearly. "Let's go. I'm pretty sure we can find a use for that, and Kiba and Sai can both join, if you insist…"
Several pairs of wide open eyes stared at the Uchiha, including Naruto's own, but Sasuke only shrugged.
"What? It's your birthday. Don't say I never get you anything… dobe."