I have been told many times I must have been fair in life. Perhaps it's because my body has not reached the state of decay the other's have. I still have all my limbs, my knees and elbows intact. My hair is still as vibrant and bright as it was the day I died. And I've managed to keep my clothes in a clean state, my dress containing no holes and no obvious wear and tear. I tried my best to pretend I was still alive. That I could still feel my heart beating. I tried very hard to pretend I felt warm. In reality, a cold, icy grip had forced it's way into my chest, settling there forever, or so I assumed.
None of us ever remembered how we died. Or when. Or even where. Perhaps I was a bad person. Perhaps I left nothing but pain and suffering in this world as I passed. Did I have children? If so did they miss me? Where were they now? After time one starts to realize there isn't an answer to these questions, and things are best left alone. You stop asking questions to others, as it's more painful to remind them of what they might have left behind. Still, every now and then, I allow myself to fancy the idea that I once loved very dearly. I may have had a husband. Someone who cares for me so much, he took time to court me. To show me his affection. Perhaps the dress I was buried in was my wedding dress, and we never got to celebrate our love.
The chill grips my chest tighter when I think of these things.
Some days are not so bad, really. We're not mindless, and we're capable of thought. However, we tend to look for one person to lead us. Someone who has more logical thought than we do. That's why, if you're looking for a group of us, we're normally grouped together. Like cattle. I hate it, personally, but I try to conform to what others do. I would hate to be banished from this underground city. It's the only place I've ever known, or, the only place I can remember. Our leader is, by far, the most beautiful of us all. Her body shows no decay, and though her eyes are startling and bright, she is captivating. I envy her, to some degree, as her body will likely remain beautiful for all eternity where mine will eventually begin to decay and rot. Somehow, it doesn't seem fair, but again, I don't question it.
We are allowed to come and go as we please, and eventually my need to leave the city for a while get's the best of me. I leave, knowing I can return when I please, and adventure out into the wide world, one I didn't know existed. I quickly learn I love traveling. Discovering new places makes the chill leave me for even just a moment. At times, I feel alive, almost. The cold feeling never leaves me completely, and when I look at my hands, I still note they're a ghastly blue color. However at these times, I realize it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it used to. I hardly think of the fact I am dead these days.
Perhaps it's fate. I find myself laying under the sun, the heat from it's rays penetrating my cold skin, making me slightly warmer, and I enjoy the fresh air in these parts. It is quite different from the thick, dank air in my home city, and though we have no need for air, I enjoy the...feeling of freshness as it washes over me. It relaxes me, and makes me feel normal.
I had been laying there quite some time before I noticed him. He was...Big. Big was the only word I could use to describe him. Furry and big and...Warm. I could tell, even from a distance, he was warm. And though I had never seen one such as him before, I could tell there was a kindness, a certain wisdom in his eyes. IIt made me feel relaxed, though I could only wonder how long it would take for him to note I was dead. My cold, lifeless eyes and gaunt, blue skin ought to be a dead giveaway.
I would learn, later, he was from a race of people called Pandarens, though it mattered not to me then and it matters not to me now.
He didn't run. Quite the opposite, actually. I sat up, staring at him, and he chuckled, making me smile a little sheepishly. He asked many questions. What I was doing in this part of the country, where I had come from, what my name was. It was a trick sort, as I didn't remember my name. I told him such, expecting one of the odd looks I'd gotten from others. He laughed, and simply said I'd need a new one then. And we thought on it for quite some time, tossing suggestions around for one that was suited, until he came up with one we both agreed on. Krissu. I looked like a Krissu, apparently.
I felt a weird heat in my chest for a moment; For a moment, all that cold ice that had built up was gone.
For some reason, we stuck together after that. He was well traveled, and knew many areas I would like. I enjoyed the beauty of nature more than anything. It was something lush and beautiful. Even the simplest thing, such as a tree sprouting upwards, towards the sun, made me feel...something more. And having someone there with me, well, that made it all the more special to me. I found myself remembering details. The vivid color of the grass. The smell of pine trees. It was magic to me, and astonished me. I felt alive.
As much as I wish I could, I don't entirely remember the first moment it happened. At some point, I had remarked to him I didn't quite feel so cold any more. I felt more alive than I had when I left that city I had come from. It felt like forever since I had first left those stone walls, and I could no longer imagine returning there. He had smiled, listened, as he was so good at doing as I found myself talking. I told him of our beautiful Queen. How her body had magically remained as though she had freshly died. How she was, by far, the most fair of all of us. How I was envious of her, as she would remain for all eternity where I would eventually fade.
His voice had jarred me from my thoughts. He told me He thought I was beautiful as I was. My hair had remained vibrant and red. My eyes were clear and blue to him. Beautiful. Somehow, it made me feel happy. I thought, perhaps, he had been saying such things to make me feel better. Lift my spirits, perhaps. But I could tell from the look in his eyes, he was serious, as usual. Rarely did he say something he did not mean, and when he did, he was quick to correct himself.
From that day forward he was open with his feelings towards me. Each time he would compliment me, I felt a tingle course through my body. It made me feel...Special. I was sure no one, even our beautiful Queen, had received such affections as these. Such pure, lovely affections. The thought alone, of a lowly Forsaken garnering true affection, which our Queen had not. I felt slightly petty afterward, however it mattered not to me. This...Wonderful, warm Pandaren was granting me something I thought I would never find.
As time went on I became less shy about returning his affections. I was sure to tell him how he made me feel happy, warm, safe. How I adored when he protected me as it made me feel like I was worth protecting. I told him I valued his warmth, how he made me feel alive. He seemed to enjoy my compliments, and I made sure to tell him often how I felt.
It was he who said it first. We were sitting on a dock near the water, my toes making trails on the surface. We had since returned to his homeland, and he had told me of some sort of event that took place once a year where there were great, colorful explosions in the air. I found it hard to believe him, though he had yet to give me reason not to trust him completely.
As usual, we were enjoying idle chatter, and I couldn't contain my excitement about the exploding, colorful lights. He found it amusing how excited I was, though adorable nonetheless. In a moment of comfortable silence between us, before the explosions had started, I heard him utter the words I, as a Forsaken, never believed I'd hear.
I love you.
He, someone warm and alive and good, had managed to fall in love with someone cold and rotting and dead. Somehow he had found something in me that was worth caring about. It made my chest well with some kind of happiness, and I found my eyes watering. I couldn't speak, I had been rendered unable to do so by his declaration, and I could tell my silence was making him uncomfortable; Or, perhaps, nervous. I did the only thing I could do in that moment.
I kissed him.
I never got to see the explosions in the sky. I wasn't paying attention to them. I spent too much time enjoying the feeling of his arms clamping my body close to his, too much time loving the feeling of him near me. I felt alive, in that moment, more alive than I could ever remember feeling. I adore sitting in his lap, adored how close to his body he hugged me. I found myself laughing freely that night, as we let ourselves bask in each others company. I fell asleep with him, curled on top of him, and found myself drifting off easily.
It was a few days later before I could say it back. We had hardly spent a moment apart since that night, and it made me feel wonderful. Even if, before death, I didn't know love, I knew it now. It was more powerful than any witchcraft, and more bewitching than any enchantress. It gave my skin a new, ethereal glow, and some how, I usually forgot I was dead when I was near him. He never brought it up, and only showered me in complements. I felt like a princess near him. He made me feel like I was the only other being around him.
We were cuddling under a tree when I said it first. We were just laying together, I curled in his arms, snugly against him, when it slipped out. Quietly, at first, then more sure of myself. I love you. It was easy, once it was out, to say it again. So I did. I made sure he knew, repeated the phrase like a mantra. I love you, I said, over and over again until my voice trailed off. He looked so happy, elated and overjoyed, and that made me happy as well.
After that, our days were simple and carefree, spent enjoying each other. I can no longer imagine a day without him in my life. Perhaps, back when I was newly dead, the thought of depending so heavily on someone would terrify me. I would have been scared. He has been there through everything, however, and I believed him when he said he would stay with me until the end of time. Relying on him makes me feel safe and warm. Wanted and loved. Knowing he would protect me at any cost made me love him even more. He gives me love, and that is something I know I will never find again, no matter how long I live. I found what I had been waiting for. What I had been searching for. And I know only he can give it to me. Which is why he will remain close to me, my dear Panda.
He gave me back my heart. Gave me a reason to be, to want to exist. This wonderful, sweet being has given me something even our Queen does not have.
He gave me my warmth.