No Good Deed
"Go, Elphaba!"
"No, not without you!"
"I said, go!"
I ran. A couple of years with continuous running have given me the upper hand in sprinting, but I kept looking over my shoulder. Hurry up, Fiyero. Where are you? I brushed my hand impatiently across my eyes; this is not the time for useless tears. I must get to a safe place, and Fiyero will come as soon as he fought of the guard, I know he will …
"No!"
A distant scream reached me and I skidded to a stop, nearly tripping over a root in the ground. Glinda! What had they done to her? Turning around, I strained my eyes to look at the now distant cornfield. Glinda … Fiyero …
Fiyero.
No. No! A sharp sensation suddenly tore through my nails, and I looked down to see them digging into the wood of my broomstick so hard that splinters had come under them. Ignoring the pain, I swung my legs over the broomstick and urged it faster, faster than I had ever flown before. I need to get back to my hiding place, to my Grimmerie, because no matter what I'm not letting that idiotic fool become another disaster I can't save.
An idiotic fool who was one of the only people in this dratted world to show me love.
I pushed back the memories of last night to the back of my mind. Focus, Elphaba. FOCUS. Now is not the time to think of that, I said to myself as I dismounted and ran to the Grimmerie, praying that there would be a spell to protect Fiyero from any harm. Shaking from the onslaught of adrenaline, I flipped through the yellow pages. Don't you dare fail me now, I thought as I scanned through the content of a spell that I had yet to master.
"Eleka nahen nahmen ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen …"
Let his flesh not be torn, let his blood leave no stain.
Though they beat him, let him feel no pain …
Let his bones never break and however they try to destroy him …
The temperature around me began to chill, sending shivers down my spine. It has to work. It HAS to. This is the only protection spell in the entire book that might work; reading it is like reading one of Doctor Dillamond's old and dusty dictionaries without using a reading glass, but I'll manage.
"Eleka nahmen nahmen ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen.
Eleka … Eleka …"
Let him never die.
Let him – Let his –
The words blurred together, refusing to be deciphered any longer. I stared at the page, willing them to clear, fighting the urge to tear the page apart.
"What good is this chanting?" I burst out, the first words I've said since I ran away from the cornfield. "I don't even know what I'm breeding! I can't read this stupid spell any further, and there're no more tricks in the book that I can try." I looked at the mist that had begun to curl around my feet since I started chanting, and said in the most commanding voice I could. "Go and do your duty. Save him." I added softly, "Please." The little of what magic I could summon sped away, but some began to cling to my skirts. I looked at the ceiling, where a peaceful evening sky was visible in a tiny window. Where is Fiyero? Is he dead, is he bleeding, is he tortured so badly that he can't even move? My gaze fell on the Grimmerie, sitting peacefully there and felt a burning fury rise in me.
I'd once read in a book by a Mister Gustestun that all good deeds would have a reward. It was in a story chock full of Wizard propaganda, but at that time I was too excited with the Wizard's interest to notice. I laughed, a slight hysteric edge to my usual cackling. Well, Mister Gutestun? I have news for you! It seems to me that no good deed goes unpunished.
No good deed goes unpunished. The phrase rose up in my mind, a fitting description of my life ever since the visit to Oz. Oz knows how many times I wished for my old life, where I can hide behind books and spectacles, where people called me "The Green Artichoke" instead of "Wicked Witch of the West".
Where Nessa was still excited about her first ball …
"Nessa."
Where Doctor Dillamond still "harped on past", still taught those brief History lessons …
"Doctor Dillamond."
Where Fiyero realizes he loved me all along …
"Fiyero!" I finally let my anguish tear out of my throat and sank down to the floor, tasting blood. I can still feel his hands, the calloused thumbs, brushing my face and kissing away the tears I had over causing my best friend such pain. Why, oh why, did you follow me? You were supposed to be at your castle in Kiamo Ko, safe and waiting for me to return. Were the Fates so cruel as to take away the only love I've ever had, my only chance at redemption?
It would seem so.
"Well, I hope you're happy now." I spat at the darkening sky. "I hope you're happy now!" I screamed at it as Chistery came out from where he was cowering to chitter comfortingly at me.
"Chistery, I'm useless." I said, trying to hide the tremble in my voice. "I can't do anything … I can't save you, and I can't save him," I whispered, feeling the weariness of the past day sinking into me like a dull knife. "Was saving you and the rest of the Animals merely being good, or just seeking attention? Is that all good deeds are when looked at with an ice cold eye?"
I stood up slowly. If that's all good deeds are, maybe that's the reason why …
"No good deed goes unpunished." I stared out at the darkening sky, waiting for someone – anyone – to challenge my statement. Is that how the world works? If it is, then … I threw back my head and laughed madly. I've been duped all along, it seems! All my good intentions were hopeless and only could have led to such an ending. Sure, I meant well, but look at what "well-meant" did!
Alright, so be it. Since the universe decrees it, so be it, then.
"Let all of Oz be agreed: I'm wicked through and through." I spoke clearly in the silence, deceptively calm. "Since I cannot succeed, Fiyero," my voice broke, "in saving you, I promise no good deed will I attempt to do again. Ever again."
"No good deed will I do again."
I'm sorry, Fiyero.
A/N: This was inspired by Willemijn Verkaik's "Gutes Tun", which roughly means "No Good Deed" in German. You can spot most of the lyrics interwoven in what Elphaba says. And in case you didn't notice, the author of the book Elphaba was talking about is Mr. Gutestun! Haha.
Weillemijn Verkaik speaks English, Dutch and German, and has been the Elphaba in Dutch and German productions, spanning around four years. Absoutely phenomenal; Elphaba comes alive in her. Please R&R!