It was a bright afternoon in Karakura outside a ramshackle club house with a sign saying "Keep out"
"Here ye! Here ye! I call to order the first official meeting of the we hate broads club!" Ichigo said banging a gavel on a stack of wooden boxes.
All the other guys all cheered in agreement sitting on boxes and benches.
"Cause all you need in life is your best pal!" Renji said.
"Sure as long as those pals' ain't dames!" Hichigo said crossing his arms.
"Okay" Chad agreed making the symbol with his fingers.
A loud creaking filled the club house making the room fall silent.
"What was that?' Ichigo said looking at the ceiling.
The roof creaked again as it collapsed in with Yourichi and Kisuke. They both fell in a pile groaning.
"Hey I thought we told you guys to quit snoopin around here!" Hichigo yelled from his bench.
"But we need to find a story if I'm ever gonna become a big time reporter man" Urahara said with a grin.
"Alright, Alright" Ichigo said pushing them both out. "Make like siamese twins and split! And one of you die" he said closing the door.
"When do we have the grape juice?" Uryu asked standing up. "I came for the juice"
(Later that day outside the Soul Society Elementary school)
"Hey Hichigo watch this" Ichigo said putting a yellow "kick me" sticky on Orihime's back.
"Hey! Kick me!" Isshin yelled kicking her. She gave a small shriek as she fell.
The bell rang and everyone took there seats Hichigo and Ichigo in the front.
"Boys and girls we have a new student joining us this morning." Isshin said. "Her name is Rukia Kuchiki."
"Uh! Just what we need another girl" Ichigo said frowning and folding his arms.
"You said it" Hichigo agrees.
The door creaked open as Rukia walked in wearing a yellow sundress. Ichigo and Hichigo's jaw's drop.
"Wow!" Ichigo exclaimed as she walked by. "I'd like to play doctor with her. And remove her inflamed appendix before it burst causing septets"
"Giggty, Giggty, Giggty!" Hichigo said his hair sticking straight up.
(On the play ground)
Rukia sits under a tree as Ichigo and Hichigo approach her.
"Hey Rukia what cha reading?" Ichigo asks.
"The red badge of courage" she says happily. "Gosh. I sure wish I could meet a brave fella like the guy in this book"
"Y'know uh" Ichigo stammered. "I'm a brave guy, Rukia"
"Oh yeah I bet you're not brave enough to laugh at death!" Hichigo exclaims putting his hands on his hips.
"Watch me!" Ichigo shouts back. "Hahahaha!" he laughs pointing at Toshiro.
"Oh thanks like I don't have enough trouble fitting in" he says waving his arms.
"I bet you're not brave enough to take all your clothes off!" Ichigo says to Hichgo
"Way ahead of ya" Hichigo says completely naked. "Oh!"
"Well I bet your to chicken to spend the night at the old selberg place" Ichigo points into the distance.
(Ominous music plays as you look at Chad's head.)
"Uh, Chad ya mind step out of the way?" Ichigo says.
"Oh sorry" he says walking off."
(Music plays, wolf howls, lighting crackles around a creepy looking house.)
"Well I ain't too chicken to spend the night there" Hichigo says putting his cloths back on.
"Well I ain't either!" Ichigo says facing Hichigo. "And to prove it I'm going up there tonight!"
"See ya there pal!" Hichigo challenges.
"You can't stay up there in that house!" Hanataro says running up to them. "Old man Selber's ghost still haunts it! Not to mention amberoid of bacteria and halogens from years substandard house keeping. It does not arguer well for you"
"Ah zip it egghead" Ichigo says. "You with you're big words and your small difficult words."
"Wow. Any boy who would spend the night in that creepy place sure would be the bravest fella I ever met." Rukia said before walking away.
"Boy that Rukia is some kinda woman" Ichigo says dreamily.
"Yeah just thinking about her makes tentacles wanna drop" Hichigo says. "Oop speak of the devil" Hichigo says suddenly. "Oop make that devils"
(Later as the gang goes up the walk way to the old selberg place)
Ichigo pushes the doors open as he and the gang look around. The place is covered in dusk and sheets. The walls are cracked and dirty, It's a god awful mess.
"Alright Hichigo's team will take the left side of the house." Ganju says pointing at them. "Ichigo's team will take the Right. And whoever's alive in the morning can bury his dead pals."
"Do I have a cobweb in my hair?" Chad asks. "It feels like I have a cobweb in my hair."
******
Chad, Uryu, and Hichigo walk up the stairs to the second floor. A wolf howls and they all look around.
"What was that?!" Chad ask in mild panic.
Hichigo sighs. "It's just Captain Komura from squad 8!"
Komura sits on his but like a wolf howling. Then he starts making monkey screeches followed by a helicopter, elephants, goats and a submarine. They all scream and run back down the stairs.
Ichigo, Renji, and Ganju walk towards the dining room Ichigo holding a flashlight.
"This house gives me the creeps" Ganju says scared. Uryu eyes are darting back ion forth in fear.
"Yeah let's get out of here" Renji says staring to turn around.
"W-wait" Ichigo says grabbing his collar "We can't let those guys win" he says then grins. "What we outta do is pretend we're ghost see-"
"-An then we'll scare the other guys out of the house-" Hichigo says.
"-Then we can say we spent-"
"-the-"
"-night and everyone will think that we're-"
"-the-"
"-bravest kids in the world! Especially Rukia-"
They both laugh for about three minutes before moving on. Ichigo and co. walk around a hallway looking for something suitable.
"Hey I got a great a idea!" he says spotting suit of armor. They all get in stading on each other shoulders in descending order.
"This'll really scare em" Ichigo says closing the head. "Everybody set?"
"Check" Ganju says from the chest.
"Check" Renji says from the waist.
"haha. Sock it to me!" Rangiku says from the legs.
*****
Chad, Uryu, and Hichigo stand on each other's shoulders draping a sheet over themselves.
"If only we had a tea cup this would be like find the tea cup with in the bed sheet like I do with aunt Sophia" Uryu says as they make there way out.
The 'Ghost' and the 'knight' wander around the house until they face each other scaring themselves and running headlong in to each other in a tangled heap.
"My god!" Ichigo says. "not only are ghost real but there innards are made of children!"
"Ichigo it's us!" Hichigo exclaims.
"Woowooooo!" All six of them turn as a ghost flies towards them.
"Say that's a nice affect" Ichigo says.
"Yeah that's really scary!" Hichigo agrees.
"Wait a second." Ichigo says. "If your there, and I'm here and Hueco Mundo is in this general direction. Then who the hell is that!"
The ghost floats closer and they all run screaming. The run out the front door and into the street screaming.
"Ha get used to this site Yourichi" Urahara says writing on a notepad. "Guys running away from you"
"Kisuke you're so deep in the closet your finding Christmas presents!" Yourichi retorts.
*****
They keep running until they're back in the club house.
"Alright remember our story" Ichigo pants. "We tell Rukia that we both stayed all night and I caught the ghost with my lasso"
"Yeah yeah, and I punched him so hard he went crying all the way back to hell" Hichigo says.
"She'll have to believe that" Ichigo says nodding. "It hangs together so perfectly"
"Our top story today"
Yourichi and Kisuke are behind a wooden book in news reporter style.
"Cowardly kids lay down some rubber at the old selberg place" Yourichi says.
"W-wait turn that up" Ichigo says.
"Ichigo Kurosaki and Hichigo Shirosaki were seen bolting out of the supposedly haunted house after just one half hour!" Kisuke reported. "Leaving only their pride and twin trails of urine behind them!"
"Ah cheese and crackers! Now Rukia will know everything!" Hichigo exclaims throwing his arms into the air.
"Not if I can help it" Ichigo say s picking up a fake phone. "Brrrrnnngg! Brrrrrnnnngggg!"
Kisuke picks it up. "News room?"
"This is Ichigo Kurosaki! You better stop saying that stuff or we're gonna watch something else"
"Today on the Soul Society Women's Group" Nanao say from the TV "Cooties the silent killer"
(The next day at the malt shop)
Rukia sips on a ice cream float as Ichigo and Hichigo walk up.
"Uh Rukia, there's something we gotta tell ya" Ichigo says.
"Yeah we didn't stay in the haunted house" Hichigo confess. "We're not brave" he say lowering his head.
"Oh I decided that I don't care about bravery" Rukia says.
"You don't!" Ichigo and Hichigo say together.
"No what I realized what I really like is smarts" she says smiling.
"Sorry I'm late darling Hanataro say walking out the bathroom. "I was checking my stool for blood"
"Hanataro Yamada!" They exclaim together.
"He's so cleva" Rukia says. "Show em Hana"
He pulls off his backpack and takes out a movie projector. He clicks play and the ghost shows up again.
Ichigo and Hichigo scream running away. They stop outside.
"He got us again" Ichigo says kicking the ground.
"Ah this whole thing show that women are nothing but trouble!" Hichigo yells.
"You said it. Let's you and me swear off em for good!" Ichigo says.
"And how!" Hichigo say shaking his hand.