'You and Stephen, it bothers me. I know it's not fair, but it does'
It was hard for him to admit that, but he didn't like thinking about Donna with other man. He knew there had been others. God, she was beautiful and he wasn't stupid. But knowing the guy just made it real. Until then any of her dates had been just names, ghosts without a figure that didn't mean anything. But Stephen... he had heard some associate in the bullpen call him the British Harvey. He was nothing like him, but everything he had asked himself since that moment was why was Donna with a fake Harvey when she could be with the real one.
You never told her that. His inner voice answered him two days ago. And it scared him like hell.
'Good' Donna answered.
Harvey looked up, shocked. How could she be so calmed down when he was a wreck of nerves?
'What do you mean good?'
'I mean, we both knew it. It's good that you finally were able to say it.'
She gave him that smile, the one that she always used when she did her Donna thing with him. And he wanted to tell her. Tell her everything. That he couldn't stop thinking about that other time. That he wanted to try to start something with her. That he knew he could fall in love with her. He grabbed her hand and hold a laugh when he saw her face.
They didn't touch. Not much at least. He tried to avoid it as much as possible. He hoped he could just be his friend.
'Why did you break the rule?'
That was something that bothered him. It wasn't just that Donna was seeing someone, it was that she was seeing someone from the office. That damn rule had kept him from hugging her, kissing her, starting something with her. And she broke it for some english asshole who didn't deserve her.
Okay, he knew he didn't deserve her either, but he was willing to improve for her (not that he would ever admit it). They were good together. They were friends and they both knew that sex between them was just amazing. That rule had been the wall between them - among other things - that had kept him away. And now, that wall was down.
'I have to live my life, Harvey.' she answered with a tired smile.
He hoped he wasn't the cause of that sadness in her voice, but he knew he was. He was the one keeping her long hours in the office, not letting her go out and meet new people. She had to live her life, but he wanted to live it with her. Not just as a great team, but as a great couple.
How could he tell her all that? How could he make her understand that he was ready? That, even he was scared to screw it up, he wanted to give it a chance? He caressed her hand with his thumb, rubbing soft circles there.
'This Stephen thing... is it serious?'
He knew she wasn't expecting him to care about them, about her relationship with other men. The truth is, Donna knew everything about his live, but he knew very little about hers. He wanted that to change.
'I don't know, Harvey. I guess I like him.' she stated, more than uncomfortable.
'Guess?'
'I like him' she tried to sound sure of her words. 'But I'm not thinking about the future now.'
'Do you ever think about that?' he asked.
Because he did. And whenever he thought about himself five or ten or fifty years from then, Donna was the only constant. He would fantasize about their future together, one that would happen if he ever manned up and tell her how he felt about her. He wished he saw him like that too.
'I do. Sometimes.'
It was so not her to be so serious. No funny banter, no jokes. Just an honest and soft answer.
'And what do you see?'
He knew he was pressing her. He knew she was uncomfortable, and that at some point he would have to tell her something. But he needed reassurance. He wanted to know.
'I don't know. I guess I would like to have someone by my side. Not just work, you know? Do you think about it too?'
She was trying to change his attention out of her. She wanted to know too. He had to contain a smile before answering. She was actually cute.
'I see myself still living in Manhattan, maybe in my condo. No house in the suburbs, no white fence.'
'I wouldn't have it any other way.' she cut him.
'I would be managing partner, only if Jessica retired. Named partner would be fine if she's not. And I would like to have someone waiting for me at home. Someone strong and intelligent and sassy. Sometimes.' This time he did smile. 'Maybe a kid or too.'
'I didn't take you for a kids lover.' she commented.
'They say it's different when they're yours. Although I don't do diapers' he joked.
'Sure you don't.' she murmured with a smile.
'Donna...' he had to pause.
What could he say? I love you? He didn't know if it was the truth and he didn't want to lie. I want to start a relationship with you? Not sure either.
'It bothers me' he finally said.
'You already said that.' she replied.
She took her cup of coffee and took a sip. He noticed that she used her left hand, maybe because her right one was still under his touch.
'Aren't you going to ask why?' She seemed to think about it.
'I don't want to ask if you don't want to tell me?'
She really got him right every single time. She knew he was afraid. She knew he was into her. But she also knew he didn't want to ruin everything they had.
'I want to tell you. I just don't know how.'
'Use words, Harvey. That's what people usually do.'
He sighed and looked her into her eyes. They were so near he could feel her breath on his skin, her heat all over him. And he couldn't help himself. He kissed her. Soft and sweet. Lips to lips in a light touch. He could feel everything inside him burning. He felt her shiver.
The noise around the cafe just faded. There was nothing apart from her lips on his; her hand under his. He was afraid to move, to break what he had created. He didn't want her to be mad at him, to scold him or something even worse. He wanted her to want that.
When he finally moved away she looked dazed. For the first time ever, he saw she didn't saw that coming. He half smiled at her and she touched her lips.
'Seriously?' she whispered.
'I could say I am sorry, but I am not.'
'Harvey... I don't... I mean...'
'Think about it? Stephen and me and the future. Think about all of that.' he took his jacket and released her hand. 'I can't stop thinking about that.'
And he left her confused and (he hoped) happy.
'You don't get to do that.'
Harvey looked up when Donna rushed into his office. It had been just a few hours after their meeting in the cafe and he hadn't concentrated a second since.
'Do what?'
'Kiss me and then disappear.' she closed the door behind her and he stood up. 'What does that even mean?'
'If I have to explain you what a kiss means then...'
'Don't be a dick' she cut him. 'Why you kissed me?'
She was angry. Actually he could see that she was furious. Gloriously furious. He just wanted to kiss her again.
'I want to have with you what you have with Stephen.'
She opened her mouth and close it again. If this was any other moment, he would've joked about her lack of response. But he was nervous. About her answer, about her reaction... About everything. He felt like a goddamn teenager asking a girl to go to prom with him.
'That's temporary.'
'I want it longer' he murmured.
He walked around his desk and stood in front of her.
'I want you to break that rule for me. Try for me. What you have with Stephen bothers me because I want the same. I want it all. With you.' he removed a auburn hairlock from her face and caressed her cheek.
'Harvey, the other time you said...' she started.
'I know what I said. And you told me that you could...'
'I know what I told you.' she mimicked him. 'Are you serious?'
'Donna... I am. Do you want it too?' he ran his hand through her arm all the way down to her hand and interlocked their fingers. She looked down to their hands and when her eyes met with his again they whey sparkling. In a good way. She was smiling, all of her beaming.
'If you have to ask, you don't know me at all.'